The Priest writes:
It seems like you run into a few girls that are fairly new to the porno thing. Well, more than I do, which is at zero… but have you ever seen the male talent start going out with new girls? Especially after screwing them? I’m wondering if there are unspoken professional boundaries that exist in your world of sleaze. Would a guy have any interest in going out with the girl? I mean, especially if he just fucked her, I can only imagine that his conquest would be to rapture her emotionally or something. Intellectual stimulation. Would a girl like a porn dude enough to date him? What kind of pressure is on both sexes to date either inside or outside the industry?
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Ah, my old friend The Priest! Wondering about how relationships work in Porno Land. Often times I wonder how they ever work at all…in or out of porn, so I’m gonna do my very best to answer this, and since I think it’s smartest to always answer questions for yourself — and not others — I won’t speak of porn dudes, but of your special pal, Billy Watson.
Since I started directing porn, I haven’t had a a normal relationship with what I’ll call a “civilian” since I jumped into this crazy biz.
“Civilians” are what Porno People call Non-Porno People.
You are a Civilian; I am not…even though I’m not male talent. (I’m going to go ahead and lump “directors” into the talent pool when it comes to defining a civilian — and I always chuckle to myself when I call myself that…a director).
Once, at a bachelor party, our crew was walking into a bar when a girl — a Civilian Girl — made extended eye contact with me. Now, this doesn’t happen very often, so I made my move. And we made our way through the initial pleasantries, and when the inevitable happened, I had to make a choice.
Here’s the inevitable: “So, Billy, what do you do for a living?”
I handle the inevitable by lying my ass off. I’ve told you this before…I’m in “internet sales” or “web design” or “back-end software applications for internet sites” (when I’m feeling all complex and fancy) or yadda yadda yadda.
Lies are no way to start relationships. They’re no way to end them, either.
This is one thing I’ve managed to learn in life, but it took a while. Not that Civilian Girl was going to be any sort of relationship…but you never know, right?
In an instant, I decided to tell Civilian Girl The Truth. “I’m make dirty movies.”
“You whaaa…” said Civilian Girl.
I repeated myself. “I make dirty movies.”
I’d also like to add I had slammed a dozen or so bottles of Fat Tire up to that point in the evening, and I was feeling might bold.
“Really,” Civilian Girl said. “What do you do for a living?”
One of my posse — who had my back — said, “He’s serious. He makes pornos”.
That’s right. I referred to Home Slice as one of my posse, and that he had my back. And now I’m calling him Home Slice.
Civilian Girl took one long look at me, and I knew by that look where all was headed, and the beer didn’t facilitate the decision-making process much, and at that moment I felt like living a lie was a stupid thing to do…so I poured it on.
This, of course, was a silly mistake.
Maybe not.
“I cast, direct, and sometimes produce Adult Entertainment. I work in Los Angeles, but when I’m not working, I live here.”
I could see Civilian Girl grow tense almost at once, and she said something like, “you’re not serious, are you?”
“Oh, I’m very serious. I shoot for some pretty popular websites. Blacks On Blondes, Glory….”
I couldn’t even get the word “Gloryhole.com” out of my mouth when, suddenly, I turned into John Merrick — AKA The Elephant Man — and Civilian Girl fled in terror.
Absolute terror.
Night of The Living Dead terror.
I got into a relationship with a Civilian Girl who knew what I did for a living when we started dating, but she had been a friend of mine for 20 years; but, in the end, whenever I went to LA to work, crazy fights broke out…usually at 1 am, and usually after she had been surfing adult sites, trying to see if I was fucking anyone.
In other words, being male talent.
Isn’t that a good one? “Who in the world is gonna hire a 40 year old chubby guy with a 6 inch ween?” I’d say to her.
But still, it would happen. She’d call me in tears. “YOU TOLD ME YOU DON’T FUCK ON FILM! I SEE YOUR COCK!!”
“Um, where honey?”
“RIGHT HERE!” and she’d show me a some URL, and I’d say something like, “honey, look at that big porno dick. Think about my Average Joe dick. Now…do you really think that’s me?”
She’d get all quiet, and sniffle, and then apologize, and I’d console her, and we’d chat a bit, and they she’d hang up…and then call me, about 2 hours later.
“YOU TOLD ME YOU DON’T FUCK ON FILM! I SEE YOUR COCK! THIS TIME I REALLY CAUGHT YOU!”
Do I need to tell you where that relationship went?
This relegates me to dating Porn Whores.
And do I need to tell you how these have gone so far?
I’m far from being perfect. In fact, I’m a mess when it comes to dating a girl…Porn Whore or Civilian. In the five years (almost six!) I’ve been making dirty movies, I’ve had two “girlfriends” that are Porn Whores.
One was Jayma Reed. I used to blog her, and that relationship lasted through the summer of 06.
The other Porn Whore won’t let me blog her.
But I’ve got some things to say. Who knows…maybe one day I’ll break my promise. It won’t be the first time, that’s for sure.
Shit Priest, did I even answer your question?
How about this: a lot of people in my business date within the business, cause, they (somewhat) have managed to separate “sex” and “love” and “work”, and while a few of these relationships manage to survive the test of time, most that I know of haven’t, but that’s just like most relationships, right? And it never works when a Porn Girl dates a Civilian, unless the Civilian is feeding off the Porn Whore, which, sadly, is common in my business, and it’s totally dysfunctional, but sometimes the only thing worse than being dysfunctional is being alone.
Right?