I’m in a bit of a hurry this morning, as it’s time for me to leave to “The Phoenix Forum”, which is an annual conference for all the smut peddlers on the internet to meet, greet, and try to do business with one another.

Yes, we have our very own conventions, and if you’re wondering what it’s like at a Smut Peddler Convention, here ya go:

1) Everyone arrives Thursday morning, and there’s all sorts of seminars throughout the day like, “How To Maximize Your Gay Traffic” and “Solo Girl Roundtable” — and in between seminars everyone drinks free booze and at the end of the day we watch girls play naked dodgeball.

2) Friday people walk around nursing hangovers and sit through seminars like “Emerging Technologies” and “Legal Symposium” — and in between seminars everyone drinks free booze and at the end of the day we watch girls play naked dodgeball.

3) Saturday people walk around nursing hangovers and sit through seminars like “Barebacking Forum” and “Championing International Markets” — and in between seminars everyone drinks free booze and at the end of the day we watch girls play naked dodgeball.

I’d love to tell you more, but it’s hard for me to write, cause I’m hungover, and I’m not a good drunk, and I’m certainly way worse when it comes to recovery of any sort. And I just noticed when I post this entry it’s not long enough to make my pictures look right, but that’s OK, cause I’m hungover and in a hurry to watch girls throw balls at each other without any clothes on.

AN AMENDMENT TO THIS BLOG ENTRY, DATED 31 MARCH, 2008:

Something I’ve never done before! And it made the pictures look right!

Anyways, Naked Dodgeball was called off after one day. It seems The Media are to blame:

Girls Gone Wild came this year, and with them, their PR machine. Once the press caught wind of this, they wanted in, and the folks who run The Phoenix Forum chose to decline them any sort of entry. I can’t blame the people who made this decision, cause all the media ever care about when they report on the adult industry is to cast us in a dim, dim light. If any light at all. Most of them time the press loves to tell each and every horror story our industry has accumulated. When the press got denied, they simply sent out paparazzi onto the mountain, next to the resort (and the Naked Dodgeball courts) with their high-powered lenses; in addition, news choppers hovered over our air.

I’m serious. You’d think we were water boarding brown people with all the attention.

Did I mention public nudity is a no-no within the City of Tempe? That’s in Arizona, where our convention was held, so the organizers called it all off.

With the cessation of Naked Dodgeball, sadness fell upon us all…but we found other ways to have fun.

Until the undercover cops showed up…