L. writes:

Hi there Billy. Love your blog, read it every update since about December or so. There is something very interesting about the intelligent minds behind porn, I can’t say what it is, but it is the only type of blog I read religiously. Anyway, I have a problem, ever since I dumped my first and only steady girlfriend about 4 years ago, the only chicks I have been with since have been porn and stripper chicks. It’s like they are the only ones attracted to me. To tell the truth, at first I was excited, like any guy. Great sex, they look great for the most part. Blah Blah Blah. Well here I am 4 years later, with no girlfriend, just a bunch of one night stands, and crappy breakups. I am tired of these porn chicks, do you have any advice for getting a normal chick?

Hey L.

Are you fucking kidding me bro? Let’s see if I have this straight: you dumped your old, tired chick…the one you had been banging for the same time it takes to have the Olympics, and now you’re banging strippers and porn whores? What the fuck can possibly be wrong with that?

And isn’t a “one night stand” strung together with “crappy breakups” some sort of bad oxymoron?

I wish I had some advice for you on getting a “normal” chick, but honestly, I can’t. I haven’t dated a normal chick since 1997. And besides, what’s normal, anyway? The only normal chicks I know have been married for 15 or 20 years, their pussies are stretched out to the max from spitting out too many kids, and their hubbies have been cheating on them since 1992. Trust me, I know this, cause I’ve managed to duck the ugly suckerpunch that is marriage (up to now), so when all my married pals cheat, or are looking to cheat, somehow, I get involved.

Oh, ain’t life grand? It is for you anyway…remember this, my friend: the grass is always greener on the other side…or, as Byron Long said, when I asked him what’s the best pussy he ever had, “it’s the one I’m about to fuck for the first time.”

I never really had any intentions of making this blog an advice column, but you know what? I like doling out advice. So much so I think, from now on, when someone sends me a question, and I want to blog it, I’m just gonna post a random nudie pic of a chick I shot from whenver…for whatever site I shoot. And maybe link it to a gallery. Then, somehow tie it all together.

So here’s Mackenzie in her cute, oversized underpants. Which links to the gallery in which she blew a whole lotta guys. Oh, by the way, Mackenzie is smart, she’s in grad school, holds a job, and is quite an athlete. So she’s “normal”, right?

But she’s done porno. Still does, I think, from time to time. Click on her pic, and you’re looking at her 7 man blow bang. So she’s a “porn chick”?

Do you date her or not?

Suddenly, I’ve started confusing myself.

If anyone needs any help with anything, just remember your pal Billy is here to counsel. In fact, if anyone would like to send me an e-mail asking for advice, please put “Help Me Counselor Billy” in the subject line.

Now you may carry on.