My pal Noah is really into Jap Porn. But before I go any further, let me make one thing clear: I love the Japs, and I am not a racist. And I love them so much I often refer to them as “Japs” and sometimes “Nips”, but never as “Slants” nor “Yellows”.

I never really figured out why White Boys go berserk over Asians, but some of my friends definitely suffer from Yellow Fever. One of which — the dude I have refered to as “The Actor” — loved them so much that, after a while, I had to quit hanging out with him. For example, we’d be in the middle of a conversation and a cute one would walk by us and, in mid-sentence, he’d leap up and run to her and use all his might to make that Little Nip his.

I think it’s all about size and submission…in that order.

Back to Noah: he sends me whacky Jap Porn titles all the time, and I laugh my ass off at them. Of course the big part of the hi-jinks is simply translating the titles, and my favorites have been “Big Breasts Convenience Store”, “Street Corner Amateurs Are Embarrassed Trying To Identifying Boyfriend’s Penis”, “Like A Cold Wind Rubbing Continuously Rubbing The Penis Head After Ejaculation, Penis Persecution Hand Job Part 5”, and “Mega Chin, Satisfaction From Seeing Her Slapped By A Penis”, and “Just As I Thought! You Can Borrow Cute Girls At The Rental Shop, Part 2”.

If that isn’t kooky enough for ya, according to Time / CNN, there’s a 74 year old male pornstar — Shigeo Tokuda — who starting banging chicks in front of a camera when he was 60, and it appears he’s at the apex of his porndom.

Do you think all that fucking keeps Shigeo chipper and spry?

Oh, and guess what? Shigeo Tokuda’s wife and kids has no idea what he does. 14 years. 300+ movies. And he’s living The Lie…like so many of us in this crazy business do.

Porn’s huge in Japan. Is it that surprising that the popularity of smut in a country that, according to the article from Time / CNN is, “in surveys conducted by organizations ranging from the World Health Organization (WHO) to the condom-maker Durex….repeatedly found to be one of the most sexless societies in the industrialized world. A WHO report released in March found that 1 in 4 married couples in Japan had not made love in the previous year, while 38% of couples in their 50s no longer have sex at all. Those figures were attributed to the stresses of Japanese working life. Yet at the same time, the country has seen a surge in demand for pornography that has turned adult videos into a billion-dollar industry, with “elder porn” one of its fastest-growing genres.”

I wish I had a clever comment about that — or something witty — but I don’t.

I just find it all very funny.

Now if I could just find the rental shop that lends out cute girls.