My pal Faceblaster was recently in Italy, and he sent me this pic of a vending machine full of smut.

Faceblaster earned his name by doing just that — blasting girls in the face; in fact, some of the largest loads I’ve ever had the pleasure of burning to tape came from The Man himself. If you don’t believe me, check out Jackie Joy after she cleaned Johnny Fender’s ass. Wasn’t it was bad enough that Jackie cleaned Mr. Fender’s bunghole with her tongue?

No sir!

After Fender unloaded a massive pop on her face, I had Faceblaster walk on set and finish off the job.

It was a mighty pop.

Her expression — priceless.

Anyways, Faceblaster was off in Italy somewhere when he stumbled upon (what I think) is a great idea: porn in a vending machine.

For 5 Euros it looks like you can buy your smut and never once encounter anyone — no nosy sales clerk…which mens no more being embarrassed about your gay porn habit, or the midget porn you love so dearly, or the cuckolding stuff you hold so close to your heart.

But not close enough to let another human being know about it.

Whatever makes your Freak Flag fly…right?

I was hanging out with Ruth Blackwell last spring and we were at a convenience store, and outside there was a Red Box. Same deal as Faceblaster’s picture he sent, but Red Box only contains mainstream flicks, but it was really very easy: drop a buck into the machine and get the flick!

That night we enjoyed No Country For Old Men.

So maybe have something called a “Porn Box” and have them somewhere only adults can be, and fill them full of smut to sell!

First place I’d stick ’em would be at strip joints. Every fuckin’ strip joint across our Mighty Fine Land. Stick ’em right in a dark corner…or near The Champagne Room.

Fuck it — plop ’em right in The Champagne Room; you can look at your new DVD while the stripper beats you off.

How about horse tracks? Casinos? Bars? Bingo parlors? Shuffle board courts?

The opportunities are endless.

Just imagine dropping, say, a 10 dollar bill into a machine, and it spits out an ass eating movie.

Or some handjob movies.

Or some dick sucking movies.

Or something really, really gay.

See! No one has to know that you like to watch men jack off!

Just do me a favor — if you take this idea and run with it, call it a “Watson Box” and make sure I get at least 20% of net sales.

In lieu of the 20% thing, I’d settle with 250K cash. Up front. Right now.

Thank you in advance.

Now carry on…