Remember Jack Handy? He was the SNL character you never saw, but he’d give you some of his “deep thoughts”, and most of them were really funny? He’s a real person, by the way; he’s not Steve Martin, or Al Franken, or a person made-up by the SNL writing crew.

I have no idea why I just cut and paste that code into my blog, except it’s kinda cool. And I don’t have to prep a pic to post, either.

My deep thoughts aren’t funny. Well, I might try to be funny on some of them. But they won’t be anything like Jack’s. Promise. I just wanted to do this cause I wanted to blog, but I didn’t have any ideas to really flesh out more than, say, a paragraph. So here goes:

What’s up with Rush Limbaugh hoping our new President fails? When Bush was elected, I kinda hated him…but post 9-11, I really hated him. I hated that silly MoFo more than almost anything I can think of right now, but never once did I ever hope Bush failed. I think we need to try that fat fuck Limbaugh for treason. Serious. He’s spreading shit like this on our airwaves, which is totally treasonous, so let’s just get it over with and off him. Hang the hill-billy heroin eatin’ fat boy ASAP. And do it in a town square. Have a fish fry afterward. Catfish, preferably. Or cod.

I now weigh 225. Six months ago, I tipped the scales at 255. I had a hard time bending over to reach the strawberry-banana cream pie on the bottom shelf of the fridge to shove down my pie-hole whilst getting stoned with the beautiful Audrey Elson whilst watching the tele. Now I’m jogging, going to the guy, walking up the Hollywood Hills to the observatory, and doing yoga. That’s right, yoga. I can hold downward facing dog without a problem. Soon, I will be able to suck myself off.

I have not started my French lessons. The CD’s are sitting on my shelf, and I can see them from here, and I have no idea what’s keeping me from cracking that box open.

I have not started my screenplay. The Whores v. The Zombies will happen, though…at least in my head. Yours, too.

My friend Steve Steele makes super hero porn. I love it. By far the cheesiest, whackiest shit ever; hence, me gusto mucho. You should check it out…or at least look at a few trailers. I think I will write a full blog about it, soon.

I love our new President. I love that he got on Arab TV and gave an interview. I love what he’s about to do. I think he’ll do more in his first 100 days than Dip Shit accomplished in 8 years.