Take a look at those giant tits.
And that fat pussy.
You’re looking at the world’s oldest stroke fodder, which was whittled from a Mammoth tusk around 33,000 BC.
And you thought Nina Hartley was old school.
Caveman beat his meat, too. Poor, lonely Caveman, who couldn’t manage to club Cavegirl over the head and drag her back home.
The obsession with nekkid girls has been with man since Day One, and this just proves that point. They found this bit of Caveman Porn in a German cave. I’m surprised it wasn’t more elaborate…as in a Caveman pooping on Cavegirl, cause we all know how much those Whacky Germans love their Scheiße Movies.
Thank goodness for the internet when it comes to translating German to English. This is how I discovered “Scheiße”, cause — being a dumbass American — I was about to call them Schizer movies. As in German Schizer Movies. As in the kind Cartman’s mom starred in.
I also have no problem ending the last sentence in a preposition.
Anyways, they’re calling this the earliest example of figurative art, and I’m gonna call is the earliest example of porn, and I bet this was passed around during Caveman meetings, and after a furious session of Paper Rock Scissors, one lucky Caveman got to bring it home and whack off like never before. And I’m sure one winner hoarded it, and never brought it back, and he ended up hiding it from his future Cavegirl…and there it sat for 35,000 years.
What a good hiding place!
I think I’ll go off on a quick tangent and talk more about Germans, especially how clean those motherfuckers are. I couldn’t get over it. No one fucks up anything. Even on the public transport. The restrooms are so fucking spotless I had no problem dropping a deuce in them, which, for me, is unheard of…I am a total Home Field player, and the second I’m forced to poop anywhere but home, I won’t — unless I’m on the verge of dropping the aforementioned deuce in my drawers.
Not in Germany!
I had no problem sitting my big, white butt all over their public toilet seats.
(Sitting or setting?)
There will be no disorder! Not even in the sex shops, which were spotless. And when I walked into one, there wasn’t a single creepy Cruisy Boi; instead, all I saw were hot chicks buying sex toys.
Is this indicative off all German sex shops? Or only the ones in Munich? I mean are the sex shops in Berlin filthy?
What gives?
And now that I’m in Prague, what should I expect?
Hi Bill,
Been reading your blog. Sounds like you are having the German experience. I did not know our sex shops here were so clean. Berlin probably is a bit grungier than Munich as a rule. Here there are less uptight people and more art students who, as we know, love to fuck shit up. And there are absolutely no women in traditional dresses here or men in leather shorts. We do have beer, though, and the prostitutes in Berlin are the cheapest and most accommodating in all of Western Europe.
Give us a ring if you make it this far north.
The women in Prague are the most beautiful anywhere.
I always wanted to go there without a gf or wife and never managed it.
Best,
D
Clubbing a Cavegirl over the head and dragging her back home…ahhhh, the Good Ole Days!
I always noticed the German “shit shelf” toilets. Your poop doesn’t drop right into the water where it could splash your Heinie hiney, it lands on a little shelf and is later washed away when you flush. There is also the Dutch slider…these toilets will have you smearing the back of the bowl no matter how you sit on it. And of course, the Scandanavian turbo-flush. Vooosh….alles gone.
hmmm Im from germany, so if you go to a sexshopt like “beate uhse”, wich is a huge company, than you gonne see alot girls or mothers with doughters or girlfirends or just coupels , because fucking is kool, fucking with nasty toys is great, too. But if you go to a dirty sexshop eith just two rooms in some fucked up places, than you will so no girls, or ugly guys with makeup that look like ulgy girls with dick.
PS: I was friday in an sexshop with my girlfriend and bought some kinky platform boots… awsome!
PSS: Germany roocks, we have grea bear, all kind of hot girls and hitler is over 50 years dead.
Prague is a great city. Beautiful chicks and they all wear thongs or at least they did back in 1999. As far as sites go, I remember the Jewish Quarter was really interesting. Prague was one of the few cities that was not bombed during WWII and Hitler had the designated it as a museum to the extinct race….Just what I remembered from the tour and my Lets Go book.