Since I’m in Germany, and I just shook my jet lag, and I’m paying 22E a motherfuckin’ day to access the internet at this goddamn place (can you tell I’m pissed?) I thought I’d scribble a little bit about Annette Schwartz, cause I love her so.

Annette Schwartz might be the finest adult performer ever. She’s certainly the best I’ve ever shot. She was so good on my set that when my mom called to see how I was doing that day, I put Annette on the phone. I mean why not?

Mom knows what I do for a living, and I’m such a momma’s boy I usually call her once a day, just cause my mom fucking rules. She’s not excited I’m Porno, but then again she wasn’t excited when I was Stock Market. She was very excited when I was Education.

I told my mom I wanted to marry Annette, and then I just handed Annette the phone.

“Hello Mrs. Watson,” Annette said.

I dunno what my mom said, cause she was talking to Annette — and not me.

“I’m sorry, but if I marry your son, I will take him away from you and we will go to Germany.”

So that’s why I’m writing about Annette now, cause I’m in Germany, and I just went to a Beer Garden, where I dined on a couple brat, a pretzel, and washed it all down with a mighty fine mug o’ beer.

Here’s some free Annette Schwartz interracial sex movies.

Here’s some free Annette Schwartz handjob movies.

It wasn’t too long after Annette gave this handie that the conversation I just told you about all went down.

Annette’s hands were clean when I handed her my phone.

Her agent gave me Annette’s e-mail before I left on my trip, but he told me it would take “forever” for Annette to answer if I wrote, so I decided against it. Besides, even though I love Annette, this trip is all about Everything non-porno.

Which is to say I need a break.

Badly.