The Minion quit last week. He walked out of my studio after I told him if his phone rang one more time, and it wasn’t in his pocket (where I told him — over and over — to keep it while he was on the clock) I was going to smash it.

Smash it to bits.

Of course I wasn’t serious, but I was pissed.

I do not like being The Boss. I get no thrills or trips over being in charge; in fact, I hate it. But sometimes you gotta do what ya gotta do.

When The Minion walked back into the office, I said something like, “dude, you know I gotta tell you that so you’ll remember to keep your phone in your pocket. It’s obvious that asking nicely hasn’t worked.”

“You can’t talk to me like that,” he said. “I quit.”

And with that, The Minion walked.

A few minutes later the bell rang. I answered the door. It was The Minion. He handed me his keys and turned away.

I don’t blame him, really. In fact, I was proud of The Minion. He stood up for himself, and that’s something he rarely does.

After The Minion handed me his keys, and I shut the door, then I looked over at Gia Paloma, Make-up Artist, and asked, “what do I do?”

“Let it marinate,” she said. “Just don’t do anything right away.”

“I should call and apologize for threatening to smash his phone,” I said.

“Shit Billy, Chico Wang screamed FAT FUCK at him for 3 years anytime he wanted something. I can’t believe he just quit over what went down.”

Maybe Gia’s right. Maybe The Minion has wanted out of porn for a while, and this was his way to leave.

Maybe not.

I called him the next day and apologized. “I’m sorry I said I was going to smash your phone, bro. It’s just that I got really frustrated cause I’ve asked you, over and over, to keep it in your pocket.” I also told him I can write a great letter of rec when he starts to interview for other positions. I’m not sure what kind of work he’s going to look for…but either way, we spent two solid years together, and through blunders and fuck-ups, good days and bad, he was part of my team, and I couldn’t do what I did without him by my side.

We talked a few more minutes, and The Minion said he’d come in Monday to help me with some editing and get his stuff and when we hung up, we were cool.

Or so I thought.

Cause that’s the last time we spoke. Since then, he turned off his voice mail, won’t answer texts, and won’t reply to my e-mails. His phone no longer even takes incoming calls.

I won’t get into the mess that’s left, or how long it’s taken just to figure out where files and folders are, but it sure woulda made things easier if he just would have taken a 10 minute phone call. Cleaning the mess has pretty much consumed my life since he left; the only cool thing I made time for was the Jay Reatard in-store at Amoeba last Tuesday.

But that’s pretty typical when people leave the porn biz. When they leave, they Leave, and they don’t look back…whether it’s your favorite Porno Princess or The Minion: when they’re out, they’re Out…and they don’t look back.

Can you blame them?

I don’t.

But it doesn’t mean I don’t miss them.

I miss pretty much all of them, too — even when they drove me crazy: Spring and Ruth: Katie and Candy; I think I miss Barbie most of all…as well as The King of the Misfits — The Minion.