It’s cold and rainy in Amsterdam, and I just paid 12€ for 90 minutes of internet time at the airport before I leave. Does that make me an Internet Junkie? That’s $17.60 at this exact moment, and that’s enough to get me a nice slab of vinyl at Amoeba. But what the fuck am I gonna do for the next hour and a half?

Well, I’m charging my iPod. I forgot to plug it in last night; I wanna finish up the movies I rented: I Love You Man, King Corn, Me and You and Everyone We Know, and the director’s cut of Watchmen.

I watched Factotum on the way over, and if you ask me Mickey Rourke does a way better Bukowski (Barfly) than Matt Dillon. And Faye Dunaway outdoes Liv Tyler’s Jane, too. (Jane was Bukowski’s #1 Partner- In-Crime for the 10 “lost years” (pretty much the 50’s) Buk claims to have done nothing but booze (he probably wrote a lot of bad shit that couldn’t be published — cause, as William S. Burroughs so brilliantly noted, the hardest part about becoming a good writer is all the bad writing you’ll do first)). I watched Super High Me, too…but it was more a documentary on a so-so comedian than a documentary on what happens to you after you smoke / don’t smoke weed for 30 days. I don’t recommend either.

I must sound like a dope fiend, huh?

I’ve already seen Watchmen one and a half times. The first time Tara Lynn Fox came by my place to have a Popsicle and watch a movie. We ended up getting stoned, too, and the movies kinda freaked me out. Especially the very well-endowed Dr. Manhattan. Then I passed out 1/2 way through, so I watched again a day or two later — sober — and I ended up liking it enough to stick it out one more time. Let’s see what the 24 minutes or so Zack Snyder found so special.

I’m gonna e-mail Mr. POV and suggest he hire Dr. Manhattan to be one of his pals. His giant blue cock impaling a hot Porno Princess should be good for a few sales.

Kudos to the wireless Dutch ISP at the airport — true to form about everything else here, I get 100% unrestricted access to the whole fucking internet. How great is that? I can watch some Sim Beastie Porn next to the nice couple on their way back to America, too.

I spent two or three hours at the Verzets Museum yesterday. That’s after the hour I spent walking through the tiny living space that Anne Frank called home for a couple years. The Verzets tells the story of the Dutch Resistance to the Germans, and I think I liked it way better than the Anne Frank House — although that was pretty intense.

Not as intense as the Power Diarrhea I’ve been suffering through the past three or four days. I didn’t get food poisoning; it’s just that weird assimilation to strange places and food your stomach goes through whenever you leave home. Power Farts, too — so loud and stinky they make me laugh. Then I gross myself out. Fun, huh? And you wonder why I don’t have a girlfriend.

I am not looking forward to 10 hours of plane time. God forbid my stomach turns. I’m pretty sure I’ll be OK — but what if? Ever blast off in an airport lavatory? I dunno whether to go try and find some Ammodium in the airport (a tough find I’m sure) or go with it and laugh all the way back to my seat after I destroy the place.

Let’s go see what I can find…