AG writes:

my name is a. g.,im 22,mexican and salvadoreno.im 5’5 ,weight 135.black hair,brown eyes,brown skin.I live in the area of san fernando valley in california,usa.my birthday is july 5 of 1983.my yahoo e-mail is agonzalez91331(at) yahoo (dot) com. i do want to make adult videos .please respond back . thanks you for reading my mail. here is my pic

Dear AG.

Hmmmm. I’m not too sure here, bro. But before I get into the whole porn star thang, let’s talk about your writing skills. See, Once Upon A Time, and a long time ago it was, I used to teach English. I’ve taught at every grade level from 7 to community college…and dude, I gotta tell ya, I think you slept through my classes.

But that’s cool, cause who needs writing skills these days, anyway? Porn stars certainly don’t! In fact, there’s not too many who could write themselves out of a paper bag…and that’s OK. Cause to be a male pornstar, all ya gotta have is length, girth, and a big pop shot…and keep it hard from start to end. Hell, these days, I’ll even take a money shot for one of my scenes over length and girth.

Rant time. I think I’ll also digress here, too.

Lately all my male talent has been sucking ass when it comes to the money shot. Don’t get me wrong – they’re OK. But nothing even remotely close to huge. Or even big. And let’s not even think of comparing any of the dudes I’ve shot lately to Peter North.

Here’s the problem as I see it: all the male talent are draining their balls way too much. That is to say, they’re over booking themselves, and then, to make matters worse, they’re actually having sex in their private lives.

How dare them.

See…men are a wholly simplistic creation. We walk around, act like assholes, and spread our seed as far and wide as possible. That’s pretty much it, as far as I can tell. So when male talent walks on to my set, fucks a girl for me, and then dribbles his seed hardly anywhere…and then tries to make some silly excuse as to why he didn’t pop, I simply giggle inside.

Who are they trying to fool?

I mean, I’m a dude. I know how testicles work. Don’t cum for a few days, let ’em fill up, and BAM! You’re Peter North. (Actually, here’s a little secret: don’t cum for a day or two, then beat your meat till you’re about to cum…and right before you’re ready to upload, STOP. Repeat two more times, and then BA-BOOM!!! When you blow your wad, you’re Peter North).

Anyway, let’s get back to you, AG. I assume when you tell me you want to “make adult videos” that means you want to be male talent. Honestly, I think you look kinda funny, and odds are, since you’re from South of the Border, you’re hung like a cocktail weiner. But I might be wrong. So, if you’re 7 inches from base to tip (not balls to tip) and you think you can keep it hard when a bunch of strangers are watching you fuck a porn girl, and if you can fuck the porn girl really hard for like 25 minutes before you cum, and hot, bright lights don’t bother you too much, I’ll give ya a shot. Just hit me up on my e-mail, Hermano.

One last thing AG – and to all the other male porn star wannabes out there: when you describe yourself to a porn producer, forget about your eyes, and your hair, and your body weight. Just tell ’em how big your dick is.

Cause no matter what your girl tells you, size matters.