I Shoot Porn: You’re Mormon?

Daryn Darby: Mmm-hmm. Oh! You’re actually interviewing me right now!

ISP: Yes I am. The reason I bring up this Mormon thing is I know about The Mormon Thang. They shove so much kooky theology down your thoat it almost preps you to get into porn. Thank you, Joseph Smith, for all your brilliant insight!

DD: They’re so weird they make you wear garments, and your bra goes over your garments so it doesn’t touch your skin, and they tell you no sex until you serve a mission, and marry in the temple, and, really, I don’t think Mormons even have sex. But that wouldn’t be true cause they populate like gerbils.

ISP: I’m a part-time Arizona resident, and they’re everywhere.

DD: I lived in Arizona for a week. My mom sent me away to live with my aunt, cause I threw a party at her house after she sold it, and she was away, and it was a 2 day party cause I was pissed we were moving, and the house was trashed. 10 grand to fix it. So I was shipped away, first to my dad’s in California, and I was there for only a week cause he had a heart attack. I didn’t give him his pills in time and he almost died. So I got sent away again, and my mom didn’t want me, so I ended up in Arizona.

ISP: Were you a problem child?

DD: Wait a second. I wanna talk about my mom dropping me off at the airport to send me away. The bitch dropped me off 10 hours early with no money so I’d just have to wait there. Then, the flight ended up getting cancelled, so I had go back home, and she wouldn’t let me sleep in her house, so my sister (the “favorite child”…even though my mom won’t admit it) made me sleep in her toy room, on the floor.

ISP: I feel sorry for you.

DD: Yes. Me too. Anyway, I got sent to boot camp in Mexico for four months after I lost my virginity to a Satanic priest named Smokey. I was 14 and he was…um, way older than me. On my 14th birthday I got drunk and smoked weed for the first time and lost my virginity to Smokey and we would get all wasted in motel rooms and he’d read Bible scripture to me. It was totally weird.

ISP: Um…I don’t know what to say about Smokey. What was Mexican bootcamp like?

DD: It was called “High Impact” and they shut it down two years ago cause there’s no abuse laws in Mexico and a girl died from exhaustion. They beat the shit out of me. Dislocated my shoulder, and I had to go through a year and a half a heat-rash therapy cause the sun’s so hot. Pretty much all you do is walk around in circles and listen to a priest talk about how he was an alcoholic and we were quizzed on his lectures. It was brain-numbing. Eat the same food everyday: oatmeal for breakfast, beans and rice for lunch (it was fucking gross, too…no seasoning…nothing) and boiled chicked thigh for dinner. Gross! And excercises after you ate. It sucked.

ISP: Were you rehabilitated?

DD: No, I was even more fucked up after I left, but I can count to 1000 in Spanish and understand when someone yells at me in Spanish. You know the old saying “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?” Well, I’m hardcore in the gym, now. I’m a drill seargeant.

ISP: You’re hardcore in private life?

DD: Yea, pretty much. I think more like a guy now.

ISP: Like in sex, too? Do you think like a guy in sex? Or, does being in this biz make you think more like a guy?

DD: No. I just get what I want when I want it.

ISP: The dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?

DD: Um…let me think. After three years in porn I’ve done some stupid shit….oh yea. Run around a pool table with balls in my ass. You know, the balls you play pool with.

ISP: Billiard balls? Were they in your asshole?

DD: No…that’s gross! I have a big ass, so they fit in my ass crack. Just one though. My ass isn’t that big!

ISP: What’s one thing no one’s ever asked you in a porn interview?

DD: No one’s ever asked me to give them a blowjob.

ISP: Will you give me a blow job?

DD: Will you pay me? Wait! I’m gonna give you a blowjob…not you, really.

ISP: Who?

DD: I dunno. We’re going to the gloryhole, and that’s the whole point of the gloryhole, right? I have no idea who I’m blowing.

ISP: Yes we are my love. And you’re right…you won’t have a clue who’s behind the wall. And neither will I.

DD: Rock on! And tell people about my site. It’s almost ready to go…lots of lesbian action! I also had sex on a rock. It’s Daryn Darby XXX.