As of this writing there’s 4,224 songs on my iPod — and not one of them sucks.

I’m serious.

Serious as a heart attack.

I’m so fucking serious, I’m gonna prove it: right this very second, as I convert Katie Jordan’s hi-def MP4’s to WMV’s for my awesome members (the ones who are still on a slow internet connection) at the world’s greatest hand job site — Manojob — I’m listening to Delroy Wilson croon “My Baby is Gone”. And even before I could type that last sentence, Wilson faded out and Serge Gainsbourgh’s “L’Hotel Particulier” from Historie De Melody Nelson faded in.

Since I can’t speak French, I have no idea what Serge is singing, but that really doesn’t matter, cause he does it so well. I’d bet it has something to do with a relationship that went south. Delroy just sang about that, too, and if you take a look at all the art that’s ever made, I’d say 90% of it is either influenced by — or directly concerning — unrequited love.

Ugh…what a hassle the conversion from SD to HD has been. It started with buying an HD camera and not having the post-production equipment to handle HD files. Oh, I thought I did, but that wasn’t the case at all. Toss in tax season, software issues, and a totally apathetic, overweight editor, and you’ve got a recipe for disaster. Honestly, I’m still amazed I have any members at all. Speaking of The Editor, he spent a whole lotta time time figuring out how to lie to me about where he was going and what he was doing, so he could spend time with his girlfriend. In fact, I no longer refer to him by name, as he walked out on me without any advance notice after almost three years of employment…and without even offering up to stick around til I found his replacement. Citing “I’m dangerous to be around right now”, he handed me his keys and walked out.

Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. And what’s that supposed to mean, exactly? I’m dangerous to be around? I mean…really dude? Dangerous? Just when we were getting back on track with the HD updates.

“Still the One”, by Orleans, is up now, and it reminds me of the Chicago suburbs, cause when I was a kid I’d listen to WLS AM-890. WLS was the place for all the bad pop that come out of the 70’s by bands forgotten almost immediately — for, example, Orleans.

A quick Google search turned up the following play list from WLS, week ending July 19, 1975:

1. “Love Will Keep Us Together” — Captain & Tennille (their old home is now a notorious porno shoot house).

2. “Magic” — Pilot

3. “Wildfire” — Michael Murphy

4. “The Hustle” — Van McCoy

5. “Listen to What The Man Said” — Wings

6. “I’m Not in Love” — 10cc

7. “Sister Golden Hair” — America

8. “Take Me In Your Arms (Rock Me) — The Doobie Brothers

9. “Please Mr. Please” — Olivia Newton John

10. “Hey You” — Bachman Turner Overdrive

(Elton John’s “Pinball Wizard” would have cracked the Top 10, but as noted on WLS’s list, it wasn’t available as a 45, so no dice.)

I was 10 or 11 and I lived in a foul place called Calumet City and at that time in my life I loved me some WLS radio. I also stumbled across my first porno: a paperback original called “Come Swim in My Hole” found in a dumpster as I was looking for beer cans for my super bitchin’ beer can collection. Which brings me to another total digression, but at that time I had a crush on a girl whose name I can’t remember, but she asked me, “hey Billy, do you listen to AM radio or FM radio?”

“AM! WLS!!” I said.

She quit talking to me after that.

Ah — the splendors of unrequited love!

The Los Angeles band Eels are highly underrated and need to be paid some more attention. “I’m Going to Stop Pretending That I Didn’t Break Your Heart” is proof.

Ah — the splendors of unrequited love!

And how about that? Back to back LA bands on random play: X’s “Johnny Hit and Run Pauline”.

I’m even surprising myself now with the Power of My iPod.

Johnny Hit and Run Pauline — the splendors of unrequited love.

I’ve got a newbie in the studio today. Her name’s Ameila Rose, and she used to go by Emily Rose. When I asked her if she got the name from the movie “The Reincarnation of Emily Rose” she laughed and said no, “but people used to ask me that all the time.” She’s the quintessential IR girl with her red hair and pale skin. The Blacks on Blondes fans are gonna love her. They’re gonna love the scene, too, cause I booked two pale-skin redheaded girls for a scene with Flash Brown. Ameilia and I are gonna head out to the newest, greatest gloryhole that was just discovered in an adult bookshop somewhere on the way to Rancho Cucamonga…just in case you’re ever headed that way, you might wanna poke around a few places and see what turns up.

The Scorchers — “Uglyman”.

OK Go — “Return”

The Smiths — “Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others”.

Jolie Holland — “Tiny Idyll/Lil’ Missy”.

All in a row, back to back.

Don’t ya just hate music snobs?

Do you give up yet? Go on — admit it.

I just got a text — literally seconds ago: “Metal Legand [sic] Ronnie James Dio dead at 67”. I worked security for a Dio show. I think it was ’85. The only thing I really remember is roaming the parking lot and coming across a dude finger-banging a chick who was passed out in the front seat of a Toyota 4-Runner. He was standing right outside of the passenger’s side door; she was spread eagle all over the front seat. The other Security Goon I was working with that night first spotted that hot, hot action, and we did our duty and rescued the damsel in distress. Usually, I hated working the parking lot shifts — especially at shows when I actually cared about the band playing that particular night — but for some reason I had no problem roaming the lot that night looking to bust dope dealers at a Dio show. Dio definitely wasn’t part of Sabbath at that point…or was he? And if you’ve been a headbanger the majority of your life, living to 67 ain’t too bad, I suppose.

There’s absolutely no Dio on my iPod.

There is, however, all of Zeppelin III, as well as some Foghat, a wee bit o’ Sabbath (circa ’71 or so (Sweet Leaf!)), and a whole lotta Wilco, yo.

But you already know that.