This cat named Joe called and asked me to direct a scene for him. It was a boy/girl scene for one of his DVD lines, and he had a hockey game that night, so I told him sure, I’ll shoot the scene.
“It’s Evilyn Lin,” he said. “She’s super fucking hot.”
I knew who she was, and instead of having Joe pay me to shoot his scene, I told him I wanted to shoot her for Manojob, and he could just pay her, and I’d be happy to shoot both scenes. He agreed. He should have; it was a good deal for him.
When I got to set, there was Evilyn, and she was super sweet right from the get go, and next to her was this nerdy kind of guy that looked like a college kid majoring in something like engineering. He certainly didn’t look like a suticase pimp. Those types are usually middle-aged cops who retired early and have a thing for watching their girlfriends getting fucked on film by the kind of guys they used to beat up with a billy club.
Maybe Evilyn’s dude looked like an engineering major cause he is a college kid majoring in engineering.
And Evilyn’s a college girl, paying for her over-priced tuition by shooting on the weekends.
God Bless Porn.
I went over both scenes with Evilyn while she was in make-up, and I waited for the male talent to show up for the handjob shoot. Long story short, he flaked. So I spent the next half hour trying to find someone to get their dick jerked by Evilyn. I mean, really…you think something like that would be a cinch, right?
Wrong.
A big portion of the talent pool in LA — the male talent, I mean — are completely jaded and can’t get off from a simple handjob. Plus, why take a handjob scene when there’s fuck scenes out there? In addition to being able to fuck the girl, you get paid a whole lot more.
In other words, why get jerked and make $100 when you can do The Big Naughty and bank $400 or $500? And hit that pussy?
I was just about to give up, which was gonna kill me, cause…well. Just look at her! An Asian barely-legal in pigtails? In a pink bedroom full of stuffed animals? Licking on one of those over-sized lollipops you get at a corporate theme park?! I know my members would love that sort of shit. Hell, come to think about it…who doesn’t?
That’s when it dawned on me…ask the boyfriend to be male talent! And I did, and he said sure, and, in fact, he was excited cause he’d always wanted to be male talent, and no one was willing to give him a shot.
“Well, here’s your shot,” I said.
He took his shot, and he missed. Really, he stepped up to the plate and his gun wasn’t even really loaded.
Don’t blame him. It’s not like he’s impotent. Well, at least I’m pretty sure he’s not. You guys don’t believe me when I tell you this gig ain’t easy. Especially for guys. Shit, girls can fake it…and they do, in almost every single scene. As a dude, it’s very difficult to do anything sexy in front of strangers, especially when the spot light’s on you. And there’s no way to fake a boner — or a money shot. In addition, I had just sprung it on the poor guy; he had no time to mentally prep himself for the scene.
Evilyn looked at me, and I looked at Evilyn, and she said, “well, what are we gonna do?”
I looked at her boyfriend, and her boyfriend looked at me, and The Boyfriend said, “I know how to take pictures. I shoot stills for her site. We’re building it right now. I mean, if you can show me how to run your video camera, I can shoot you two.”
I looked at Evilyn, and Evilyn was looking for her panites, and I know she didn’t give a shit who she jerked…she just wanted the paycheck. And then I looked at her dude, and he looked at me, and I thought to myself this is got to be the weirdest shit I’ve ever done in my life and then I looked at Evilyn again, and she was pulling her panties back on, and that’s when I thought fuck it. I’m down.
I’m not male talent. Really, I’m not. I mean shit — look at my steamin’ 6 incher and you tell me…is that a porno dick?
¡No way José!
But it goes well with my super-tight six-pack of abs, and that beautiful set o’ pectorals I carry around my upper-body.
So here’s Evilyn Lin, standing right in front of me, and she’s a barely-legal Asian hottie (honestly, I’m not into Asians…I just felt the need to toss that adjective in), and I kinda laughed to myself thinking about it: her dude’s gonna film his chick jerking my dick. A total stranger.
Well, not a total stranger. I mean we’d known each other for 15 minutes. That counts as something, right? Plus, this is a job, and we’re gonna get the job done, damnit!
And get it done we did. The job, that is. Cause it’s not sex, no matter what you think. Besides, a handjob isn’t sex, right? And even if we fucked on camera, it’s work. That’s what’s so hard for people to realize. This is the sex business; it’s a business, and there’s sex involved, and since it’s “work”, it really isn’t sex, right?
Right.
And it’s certainly never love.
