Once upon a time, there was a barely-legal girl who decided to leave her home on the East Coast and make her way west – to Porn Valley – and become a star. She had just finished up high school, where she was a cheerleader. You know that had to put her in all the right cliques, almost insuring her popularity…especially with all the high school boys.
She got fake boobies and made her way west. When she got to Porn Valley she met up with a typical slimeball agent, began calling herself “Envi”, and started looking for work right away. She also met a new friend named Eva Angelina, and they became roomies.
Before he fucked me over, I used to book some of the girls Mr. Slimeball repped. When he told me a new heet named Envi was looking for her first scene, I booked her. So yea…I shot Envi first.
That and $4.85 will get me a venti Iced Caramel Macchiatto with soy at Starbucks.
And honestly, it’s not the the 100% truth I shot Envi first. I think she had a BJ scene under her belt before me…but that’s about it. Or put it this way – after her Spunkmouth scene, all the boys back home knew what she was up to in sunny California.
Jean Val Jean is in need of a good industrial accident. Don’t get me wrong – I like Jean a lot – but he’s too good looking for his own good.
And Eva Angelina has become the hottest chick in porn – even if she still thinks I’m a creep for the cummy hairdo.
Do I need to tell you not long after I shot Envi she changed her name to Eve Lawrence? And I shot her again, a few years later, cause she’s still fucking smoking hot, and she’s still in the biz, and she’s still one of my favs? I mean she’s 4th on the top list for Spunkmouth, damnit…out of like 100 or so episodes to date.
(For the second Spunkmouth Eve Lawrence shoot, we dressed her up like a street hooker, took her to a dirty back alley, and had a john fuck her silly on a filthy matress. Typical porno shit.)
I kinda want to go steady with Eve. Buy her a promise ring. Make some love with the lights off. Hold hands at the mall, while I’m buying her some presents. Take her to San Francisco and get a penthouse suite at the Mark Hopkins and never even leave the room…just drink expensive champagne and feed each other strawberries and smooch all night long. Then, when we return to Porno Land, I’ll be forced to suddenly end our relationship…cause Spring Thomas just left a voice mail saying she’s finally come to her senses and decided to fall in love with me.
Uh-huh.
