E. writes:

To start my names E., i’m getting ready to graduate here in 10 days. I’ve always for some reason wanted to be in a porno, and had no idea how to pursue that goal. Then I stumbled across your site. Winter is coming up and I don’t think I could ask for anything better, i’m soon to be 19 by the end of this year. I’m around 6’3, and about 170 lbs. I’ve never measured myself, but all the girls i’ve been with say i’m huge. So if you could help make this dream of mine, becoming a porn star come true. I don’t think there would be any way of repaying you!!!

Thank you so much!

-E

You lying dog E…you lying dog.

“I’ve never measured myself…” HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

BWHAHAHAHAH BWAHAHAHAHAH.

GUFFAW GUFFAW.

And “for some reason” you’ve always wanted to be in porn?

HAHAHAHAHAHHA.

BWHAHAHAHAH BWAHAHAHAHAH.

GUFFAW GUFFAW.

Why, no matter how many times I post this, won’t you dudes listen: I’m not hiring you.

Furthermore, you can’t do porn!

Trust me.

Really, you can’t.

You can’t fuck a super hot girl really hard like Riley Mason for more than, say, a minute, or even get your dick sucked by Jenni Lee long enough to make a BJ update, or get your ass eaten by Madison Scott or even last too long getting a handie from Tristan Kingsley.

It just ain’t happening.

I’m not trying to goad you, or dis you, or do anything but state a fact.

Ever wonder why there’s been like a million porn girls that have come and go since you’ve been watching porn…but the same 5 dudes are still around?

Look, I’ve been over this a million times. If you still want to give it a shot, do an “818” search on my blog for the phone number to the good folks over at American Bukakke. They’ll hire you. RIGHT NOW. Don’t believe me? Call!

In the meantime, click on Chelci Fox and check out her super hot titties.

And Peace Out With Your Bad Self.