It was August of 02 I left the Normal World of The Workplace — working 9 to 5; working a 40 hour week; break rooms and gossip; suits and ties; overtime pay; office drama; office flirtations; holidays and vacation time; coffee makers and secretaries and briefcases.

And I entered into porn whores and agents; no holidays and vacation whenever I want; working a 70 hour week; make-up rooms and gossip; flannel PJ’s with a cap on backwards; porno drama and porn whores; cameras and strobes and lube and baby wipes and pop shots and waiting forever on pop shots and wood and waiting forever on wood and no wood at all and HIV tests and chlamydia and gonorrhea and porno drama and porn whores and cameras and lube and baby wipes.

Did I mention dildoes and vibrators?

How about Gloryholes and Manojobs?

Or Spring Thomas and Chelci Fox?

I can’t say that I’ve got the best job in the world…nor the worst.

I can say I’ve got the best job I’ve ever had, which is way better than the worst job I’ve ever had, which was jackhammering a hole all summer long under an acid vat at the Union Carbide factory near Chicago…an acid vat in which they processed hot dog casings.

They would take those casing and squirt meat into them and package them and ship them to grocery stores and sell them and then you eat them: acid-washed casings filled with meat.

Here’s a secret recipe for ya: pour some chili con carne over them and YUM! Chili dogs! What a special treat!

Hold on.

Come to think of it, the worst job I ever had was selling Nissans in the desert heat.

No wait — the worst job I ever had was selling jewelry cleaner at Sam’s Club.

No wait — the worst job I ever had was selling penny stocks over the phone.

No wait — the worst job I ever had was substitute teaching in the middle school.

Yep, that’s it. Remember how you behaved when The Sub walked in?

Now, I Shoot Porn.

Barbie Cummings and Bella Donna and Sasha Gray and Gia Paloma and Hillary Scott and Haley Scott and Gwen Diamond and Lauren Phoenix and Nina Hartley and Adrianna Nicole and Fiona Cheeks and Katie Thomas and Candy Monroe and Riley Shy and Cherry Poppins and Ruth Blackwell and Erin Moore and Avy Lee Scott and Jayma Reed and Jacky Joy and Jenny Carmichael and Makenzie Wilson and Gianna and Riley Mason and Bree Olson and Trisha Rae and Chelsea Rae and Sativa Rose and Kitty and Jasmine Tame and Leah Luv.

Um, who’d I forget?

Eh, you get the point.

What a ride it’s been, and the way it looks, it’s nowhere near being done.