I’m having an outbreak.

Isn’t that sexy?

No, I don’t have genital herpes, but I do get outbreaks alright, and they happen in my mouth, and they’ve been happening for a long time. Way before I got into this whacky business, so don’t blame porn.

Isn’t it easy to blame porn though…on just about everything?

Anyways, my mouth feels some someone’s holding a blowtorch to the tip of my tongue, and it started feeling that way yesterday, the day after I felt like total shit and just wanted to lay in bed all day. This makes sense, too, cause one of the things that’s always made my mouth break out in sores was stress and feeling shitty, and I shoulda just canceled all my scenes and just laid in bed.

Instead, I shot porn.

Blame it on porn.

There was a time I wanted to write a short story called “Blame It On Yoko”, but the only good thing I could come up with was the title.

I caught a The Butthole Surfers show a long time ago. Boy, were they fun! They used to project all sorts of disturbing imagery on a screen behind them while they played their oh!-so-happy music, and they loved to raid the library at the University of Texas’s medical school, where they’d “borrow” images of things like eye surgery and sexually transmitted diseases to display while they rocked out. Sores like mine were one of the images they’d have on the screen behind them, enlarged something like 100 times, so even the people in the back of the club wouldn’t miss out on the fun.

Wikipedia says I have an “aphthous ulcer” and they’re more common in women than men, and 10% of the population has a mouth kinda like mine…at least some of the time. My now-favorite encyclopedia also says they start popping up around the same time puberty does, which makes sense, cause that’s exactly what happened to me.

I thought I suffered from herpes simplex 1 for a long time, but those are cold sores, not canker sores.

But watch out! Cause herpes simplex 1 can cause number 2, and no one likes a number 2.