I had dinner with Alexa Lynn and my actor pal, who, for as long as I’m writing about him on a porno blog, will remain nameless.

OK, I’ll call my actor pal “Actor Pal.”

Actor Pal stopped by after my work day to hang out. Maybe get some dinner. I had wrapped a few hours earlier with Alexa Lynn for her Blacks On Blondes scene; we just walked in from a trip to the Gloryhole.

Both scenes turned out really good, by the way. Alexa Lynn was great. A real treat to work with.

Actor Pal likes Thai food, and so do I. Since the studio is in Korea Town, there’s some killer Thai food joints just a few feet away. Not just Thai food, but pretty much any Asian food joint represents pretty well in Korea Town. We tell Alexa it’s time for Thai, and she says she’s never had any.

“But I hate any Chinese food. I mean anything Chinese. Including egg rolls. Is it anything like Chinese food?”

Actor Pal shrugs his shoulders. “China’s a pretty big place,” he says.

So we try our best to explain Thai food. Alexa Lynn tells us she really likes pizza.

We end up at the Thai food joint, mainly cause Actor Pal has a crush on one of the waitresses there. Plus, we both like Thai food.

Actor Pal scouts the joint for Kuhn Kwang. It’s her night off, so we sit anywhere. We order some Thai BBQ chicken for the table to share, and some chicken skewers with peanut sauce, and lots of rice, because in addition to pizza, Alexa Lynn likes rice. She orders a Bud light, too.

“Why not try the Thai beer?” Ajax says.

Alexa doesn’t say anything. Then she says “I like Bud Light.”

Actor Pal asks the waiter if the Thai beer is light.

It is.

“Why not try the Thai beer?” Actor Pal says again. He’s smiling, and it’s forced.

“Um, I kinda like Bud Light.”

“But we’re at a Thai restaurant. I bet you’ll like the Thai beer.”

Alexa Lynn remains quiet. That’s when I interject. “I think we should let her order what she wants.”

Actor Pal says the Thai beer is good, so he orders it.

I think I need a makeover. I’ve been wearing the same clothes pretty much since 1998. I’ve got about 6 t-shirts I really like to wear, 3 or 4 pairs of shorts, and I’m all about Birkensock sandals. I don’t give a fuck if Jesus wore them, they’re comfortable.

I’m getting into this makeover thing cause it’s been about 6 months since I’ve had a girlfriend, and about 3 years since I’ve had a girlfriend that lives in the same city, and lately I’ve been feeling like maybe it’s time for a girlfriend; hence, it’s time for a makeover of sorts. That way, I’ll have some more confidence.

More confidence = girlfriend, right?

(Don’t get me wrong – I’m confident. But we all know every little bit helps.)

So I ask the table for an honest opinion. “I think I need a new look. Any ideas?”

They both look at me for a few seconds. Then Actor Pal says, “Do you want an honest opinion?”

Of course I do. Why would I open myself up to what I’m about to open myself up to if I wanted nothing but lies?

“Yes. Both of you. Please be honest.”

Actor Pal is all over it. “First get down to like 212 pounds. And lose that soul patch. Either go full beard or nothing at all. Why are you wearing shorts in January? Your sandals are ridiculous, and start exercising, bro. I mean, really.”

No one says anything for a second or two. Then Alexa Lynn says, “I like his soul patch.”

I’m taking all this in. Why 212 pounds? What kind of number is that? Why not 220? Something round. 225, maybe. And damn it…how many times do I have to say it: my sandals are really, really comfy. I’ve been thinking about losing the soul patch, and I know I need to drop 20 or so.

Drinks come, and Alexa Lynn doesn’t like the Thai beer. Hates it. I offer to drink it…along with my Diet Coke. And I order her a Bud Light.

So I agree to the sandals, the weight, and maybe the long pants.

Food comes. Alexa Lynn looks at the rice and gives it the stink eye. She immediately picks out the tomatoes, the cucumbers, the onions, and the parsely-like stuff the Thai food places use all the time (I pick that shit out, too).

I look at Actor Pal, and he looks at me. We both look at her, picking the rice apart.

The waiter sets down Alexa’s Bud Light, which cheers her up a bit. She slowly picks at a chicken skewer, and after we tell her like 10 times to try the peanut sauce, she does. She likes it, too. And after picking her rice clean, she likes it, too.

This is a girl that just took a pounding by two of the biggest black dicks on the porno biz. They made her vagina swell up like a water balloon. And she said things like “thank you sir” and “Yum!” when the black guys came all over her. After that, she sucked on an anonymous dick through a hole in a public restroom and swallowed all his jizz.

When I whacked it to porn – which I haven’t done since I started making porn – I always wondered about these crazy porno chicks, and what they were all about, and what makes them do what they do. And here’s Alexa Lynn, a nice girl from Texas, who doesn’t want to strip, and likes sex, and isn’t a 9 to 5’er, and likes porn, and here she is, picking the tomaotes out of her chicken friend rice and sipping on a Bud Light and telling us all about small town life.

And making fun of my sandals, too.