The AVN Awards are over, and the only award categories I gave a shit about were “Unsung Starlet of the Year”.

I hate the term “porn star”; moreover, I hate girls who walk around referring to themselves as “porn stars”.

Boy: What do you do for a living?

Girl: I’m a porn star.

No you aren’t. You might fuck in front of a camera, and you might have been doing it for a while…but that doesn’t make you a porn star.

Porn Stars transcend the business. Which is to say if you asked the average person walking down the street, Hey, who is (fill in your favorite porn whore’s name here)? they’d recognize the name.

And I’m not talking about asking a Porno Fan who whacks it in front of TV — or the computer — all day long.

I’m talking about The Average Joe. If you walked up to Average Joe and asked, “Do you know who Jenna Jameson is?” of course they’d know, cause Jenna is a motherfucking Porn Star.

It’s that simple. And the list of the rest of them isn’t that long: Nina Hartley, Ron Jeremy, Traci Lords, and John Holmes immediately come to mind.

And that’s about it.

Stormy Daniels? I dunno. Kaite Morgan? Maybe…cause HBO’s in love with her. Even Stone? No way. Tera Patrick? I dunno. Ginger Lynn? Yea…maybe.

Anyways, this means that just about all the girls working the porn circuit right now could, in a way, be classified as an “Unsung Starlet”. And it’s all these unsung starlets that are responsible for coaxing those loads out of your ball sac. It’s the unsung starlets that go from set to set, director to director, almost every day…a lot of times not knowing what they’re about to get themselves into: shitty male talent; shitty director; shitty make talent and director.

The only criteria to be an unsung starlet, as far as I’m concerned, is one of time: you gotta be in porno for at least a year to be an unsung starlet. And never, ever call yourself a “Porn Star”.

That’s about it.

And the nominees for the 2008 AVN Unsung Starlet Award were:

Roxy DeVille: She totally deserved this award. Totally hot, great to work with, and hardly ever talked about. At least not that I see.

Gianna: Gianna won. She deserved it, too. Hands down. Gianna works her ass off, takes this biz very seriously, and is great to work with. Congrats Gianna!

Veronica Jett: She deserved this award. She’s great to work with, a pleasure to have on set, and she has has her own free site!

Katarina Kat: I have no idea who this silly whore is. Why call her silly? Why call her a whore? Why not! And of course I use the term “silly whore” as one of admiration and respect. Really…I do.

Faith Leon: Again, I’ve never heard nor seen nor shot Faith Leon. But then again, I quit watching porn about five years ago, which, not-to-coincidentally, is about the time I got into this biz.

Gianna Lynn: Who? Maybe this is another good qualifier for the “Unsung Starlet” nomination — if I’ve never heard of them, call them “unsung”.

Brooke Haven: She totally deserved this award. Brooke’s been cranking out super hot scenes for at least the last 3 years, which, if I’m not mistaken, was the last (and only) time I’ve worked with her. Maybe it was two years ago.

Lindsey Meadows: Uh huh. Unsung.

Trina Michaels: Trina’s another one who deserved the trophy. Wait. It’s a statue. Wait. It’s a glass thingy that doubles as a paper weight or a murder weapon. I dunno. What I do know is that last time I shot Trina was with Ruth Blackwell, and Trina took it in the cakes. Like a Champ. An Ass Champ.

Mikayla: I’m tired of one-named porno girls, except maybe Sophia, who’s been noticeably left off this nominee list.

Adrianna Nicole: OK, I might sound a bit biased here, but Adrianna should have won this award, cause she’s an excellent friend, and she has impeccable tastes when it comes to movies, dining out, and taking pics of her own poop. She also shoots a fucking hot scene, and she’ll do just about anything you ask of her…as long as the rate is right.

Amber Rayne: Another good candidate. Amber’s one of the best. Her ass gapes beautifully, and she likes hockey a whole lot. That should mean something to someone.

Mia Rose: Who are some of these girls? Unsung, I suppose…

Sammie Rhodes: As long as I’ve seen her around — and I did shoot Sammi once, and she was great — she shouldn’t even be mentioned here cause Sammie currently only does girl-girl, and let’s face it, solo / girl-girl on your dance card should mean you can’t work in this business anymore.

Bobbi Starr: Wow! What a packed race. Bobbi Starr is good. No, she’s great. I’ve dragged her to the gloryhole a few times, and she loves it. The only thing she loves more? Length n’ Girth. A total Size Queen. On a personal note, I think she plays the cello. Or the violin, or maybe it’s the viola. The oboe? Classical guitar? Certainly the Skin Flute, but like I said, only if it’s XXL or bigger…unless you’re paying her rate.

Finally, I’d like to mention that Sophia was totally overlooked here and should have replaced Mia Rose, or Mikayla, or Lindsay Meadows, or Gina Lynn, Faith Leone, or Katarina Kat. For over three years Sophia’s played the game, and she’s done a great job. I’ve seen her do more off-the-hook shit in dirty movies than anyone else I can think of…and yet, no one really pays much attention. Too bad, cause she’s one of the best.