Ask most chicks why they got into porn, and they’ll answer “Money!”

Ask most dudes why they got into porn, and they’ll answer “To fuck!”

Ask most producers/directors/camermen why they got into porn, and you’ll probably get either/or: “Money”, “To Fuck”, “I’m a failed (actor, screenwriter, fill in the blank here)”, or any/all of the above.

I took the gig for money. Honestly, I did. Sure, I like to look at naked girls, and yep…so ’nuff, I like to watch people fuck. But it’s the green stuff that lured me to The Dark Side.

And where’s the most money in this biz? Well, from what I hear, it’s on the gay end of things. Lotsa green in gay. Gay For Pay. Gay DVD’s still bring $15 wholesale; can’t give away the straight ones…unless it’s a Jenna Jameson title. And gay sites convert like mad.

Here’s my problem – I hate watching dudes fuck. It’s pretty awful. It’s a lot like driving by a bad, bad car crash – you can’t take your eyes off the wreck, but it makes you kinda sick…and you end up with nightmares for a long time afterward. I know. I’ve been on gay sets. I’ve even PA’d on a few. I’ve seen guys blowing each other. I’ve seen a dude slip his dick in another dude’s ass. I’ve seen a guy with a big, bushy mustache catch a load in the face. (Ever see a string of cum hang off a man’s facial hair? It’s not a pretty site.) And sure, after a while, that weird feeling wears off…but you’re still stuck watching dudes fuck.

I first told my ex-girl, Sacha, I might be interested in owning gay sites. “It’s where the money is!” I quickly followed up, cause…well, I didn’t want her to think I was gay. She told me if I was truly working in the sex industry to make money, I shouldn’t have a problem shooting pansies. And I couldn’t argue with her.

But it’s watching dudes fuck.

So I came up with No Way Am I Gay. It’s kinda cheating, isn’t it? Instead of watching them fuck, I get dudes who are hard up for cash to whack it while I roll tape. That’s right. Wax The Carrot. Tug The Pee-Pee. Jack The Dong. And I make sure they’re straight doods, cause fags luv ’em.

It’s not all that bad, either. Not as bad as shooting full-blown gay scenes.

The gay guys at my studio said to hire good looking doods, and if they’re ugly, just hire guys with big wee-wees. While big dicks are easy to figure out (what a mighty dong Mr. Hunter has! Mofo is packin’. I had to widen my camera lens when Home Slice got it fully stiff) – looks are a whole different ball game.

I have an idea that, say, Brad Pitt is a good looking guy, but I’d sure as fuck have a tough time walking down the street, pointing out average doods to discuss their looks with a bunch of homos…or chicks, for that matter. I mean I can still sit around for hours and stare at girls. Even being in the biz doesn’t stop me from staring at chicks at the mall, or at a bar.

But not doods – cause no way am I gay.