K. writes:

I’ve always wanted to be a model and now I’m getting ready to go out on my own; and I kind of need some money. So I’ve looked at your blog it seems like everyone has fun on the shoots so anyways I am 19 years old, and I would like to come in and do a shoot for your company.

Then Z writes:

i want 2 be a porn starhey my name is z. im straight about 6 foot birth date may 4th 1987 i live in chicago, il thanks please email me back thank you

Then T writes:

My name is T and I am a 29 year old Greek Australian from Hurstville in Sydney- New South Wales, and I am interested in doing a little bit of porn in order to make some money. Would you be able to help me.

Then JB writes:

Hi Billy Im JB 19years old 2-1-1987 Just moved to St. Petersberg Flordia Not more then 20 mins from Tampa.. well right now im broke and im living with my famly wich i hate i have no car and i hate working min wadge. to hard of work for to little money. well I want to be in porn manly becuse the money is great im great in bed and i love to have sex. so if u can hook me up with a job that would be great. im S T D free and i know this becuse while i was in sandiego i was thinking of being in the army so i wnt to meps and they ran alot of test on me.. wich all came out negitive..well hopefuly youll wright back hope to hear from u

Guess what? I can go on and on. I get at least 3 of these a day. Every day. Sundays included.

If I were to entertain all these e-mails, I’d like to point out one thing missing…and when I say missing, I mean missing from each and every one of them I get; in fact, I don’t think any dude who wants to be a porn star and fuck porn girls has ever told me the single most important detail in their introductory e-mail.

The size of their weiner.

Come on dudes! You’re asking for a job in which your dick size is just about everything…and you don’t mention it? That’s like asking for a job as a carpenter without having any of your own tools.

Speaking of tools, if you can’t bang a totally hot, brand new pussy hard for 20 or 30 minutes forget it. You can’t be male talent.

But guess what. There’s a place where you can all try out! You read right…it’s time to put up or shut up, all you silly MoFo’s who think you got what it takes to be a porno star and fuck and suck endless streams of porno starlets:

818 – 709 – 4452

No experience necessary! Go blast a load on your favorite porno girl! And don’t worry…call 24/7.

In addition, a lot of producers figure if you can beat your meat solo – and get off – in front of a cameraman and whoever else is around, you’ll be able to perform on a set with a girl; hence, some of your first jobs might be solo jackoff stuff, and of course it’ll be intended for a gay audience: just like my pal Solomon did here for No Way Am I Gay.

Best of luck…and now, please stop e-mailing me about it.

Thanks.

Your pal, Billy