Jayma Reed writes:

Hey Billy! Hope you’re well! Did you see this story from the Utah Daily News? I just wanted to let you know where you’re true fan base is!

MWAH!
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Dear Jayma:

Why is this not surprising?

The same thing that makes people wanna buy porn is, ironically, the same thing that turns girls into porn stars, for the most part: just keep telling young people, over and over, how bad human sexuality is, and then refuse to talk about it after that…and wah lah!

Porn flourishes!

Oh wait — don’t forget to add a strong chaser of Christianity into that cocktail, too.

It’s really so simple.

Let’s take a look at the top 10 states, as ranked by the Smarty-Pants School Everyone Knows, as well as their criterion: “The Harvard study used credit card subscription data from a top Internet porn company. It ranked states on a per-capita basis, comparing paid subscriptions with the number of high-speed Internet connections.”

Wonder what site they utilized?

And here’s the Top 10 Porn States:

1. Utah
2. Alaska
3. Mississippi
4. Hawaii
5. Oklahoma
6. Arkansas
7. North Dakota
8. Louisiana
9. Florida
10. West Virginia

Out of those ten states, either there’s absolutely nothing else to do but watch porn — or they’re in the Bible Belt.

‘Nuff said.

Oh…If you’re thinking there’s LOTS to do in Hawaii, try living there longer than 7 days.

Pamela Atkinson chairs the Utah Coalition Against Pornography. “I think this study actually confirms what many of us has known for a number of years, that the addiction use of pornography is growing more and more each year,” she said.

Um, no it doesn’t. There’s absolutely no data presented in this study on porn consumption prior to the year they conducted their study. What a dumb thing to say. I mean if this study presented a graph to go along with data showing a rise in porn consumption over a range of time, well then yea…I could maybe see her point.

Well…no.

I can’t see her point.

Cause porn isn’t addicting.

Porn is nothing more than

1) a great time

or

2) avoidance behavior

But I’ve blogged that to death already.

Atkinson believes Utah’s more repressive culture pushes some people to the Internet. “It’s because we don’t have the adult movie stores as much as they do in other states. And people have come to realize that you can access this material quite easily,” she said.

Um, I doubt it. Tell me, Ms. Atkinson, just how many adult book stores are there in Utah…and how do they stack up against, say, the Bible Belt states? You won’t be able to answer that, cause you really don’t know. I’d like to add the internet has been putting the brick-and-mortar porn businesses out of business since it got popular. And ain’t that a grand thing? Cause — let’s face it — porno stores are nothing more than seedy shit holes where creeps cruise for porn, or fags cruise for sex, or both.

Not that there’s anything wrong with creeps cruising for sex…but let’s leave that mess for the privacy of their own homes.

And not that there’s anything wrong with fags cruising for sex…but let’s leave that mess for the public parks.

And airport bathrooms.

And Interstate Rest Stops.

No Way Am I Gay!

But the very best thing about this article isn’t dopey Pamela Atkinson, or Jill Manning’s desperate attempts to explain away Utah’s top ranking; it’s the comments left by the fine people of the great state of Utah.

Trust me, there’s LOTS of them…but here’s some of the better ones:

we have a younger demographic which tend to be more addicted to porn.

Avoidance behavior, damnit. Quit blaming porn, you stupid motherfuckers! OK, I’m gonna make this distinction — if you’re jerking to dirty movies for, say, under 30 minutes a day, it’s fun. Anything more than that and you’re avoiding something: work, your wife, your boyfriend, Life in General…or all the above.

I believe one of those ZIP codes [from the sample] was for the U of U, not for BYU.

Those U o fU sleaze balls! The students at BYU would NEVER do such a filthy thing as to jerk to online porn.

The story states: “Idaho and Montana had the lowest subscription rates.” That’s because Idaho and Montana residents are sexually assaulting sheep and mountain goats instead of surfing the net for porn!!!

AWESOME-O.

The non-LDS can’t get any in this state so they have to turn to porn.

For those of you who don’t know, LDS = Latter Day Saints = Mormons. And — DUH! — non-LDS are the only ones jacking to porn…cause the LDS get laid all the time. Between all the wives and nieces and cousins, everyone in the Church is banging!

Boys can’t have sex so they turn to porn to ‘know how to do it’ after they get married. Also they are curious.

Oh yea…it’s so hard to figure out sex. Once they can have sex, that is.

Here’s how tough it is:

1) get boner.

2) stick it in a hole.

Wonder what kind of “curious” are this post was referring to? Perhaps someone’s sitting on the Bi Fence?

It kind of reverts back to the church because the girls won’t do “it” and the boys want to know how to do “it”!

“Kind of reverts back to the Church”. Uh huh. Mormon girls do it, by the way…just not in their V-Jay. I learned this when I dated a Mormon girl in high school. Her hand, as well as two out of three of her holes, were open 24/7.

like Brigham Young said, “We have the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

Huh?

Porn has been around for hundreds of years and it doesn’t hurt a sole.

Maybe Brigham Young was referring to the spellers of Utah.

A man who had 30+ wifes probably isn’t the best person to quote a this time.

Yes, indeed. Brigham was referring to spelling.

late husband loved Playboy, as long as he was looking at porn he didn’t get the real thing.

Didn’t I mention avoidance behavior somewhere in this blog?

the fact that Utah has fat women. Come on, ladies, quit stuffing your faces and start fix yourself up a bit!

I couldn’t end this blog on a better note.

Even if I tried.