It’s that time again. I dipped into my referrer stats, which is where I find out what people type into search engines to get to I Shoot Porn, and once again, um…I’m amazed.
You know I’ve done this a few times in the past. And to reiterate, I don’t edit, change, or manipulate these search engine phrases in any shape or form…here’s the exact words and phrases people typed into Google, or Yahoo, or whatever search engine they use, and found my blog:
“send nudes or i shoot the fucking cat pics” – I think people go out to bars, or do pub crawls, or drink and dance, or just drink a lot, maybe smoke a whole bunch of dope, then come home drunk (and alone) and go right to Google to see what they can find to pleasure themselves to. And the drunker they are, the funkier they get with their searches. I think phrase defends my case perfectly.
“300 pound porn girls” – BBW’s are hugely popular…and please pardon the pun. I could never figure out BBW’s. (Remember that popular phrase from the 80’s – “No Fat Chicks”?) I just don’t see the attraction with fat girls. But, in fact, the more I’m in this business, the more I figure out I don’t know anything about anything. (By the way, if you didn’t know it, “BBW” is a “Big, Beautiful Woman”)
“gloryhole do s and don ts” – Well, I’ve shot enough of these to know. Bascially just understand that when (and mostly IF) you’re lucky enough to stumble upon a real gloryhole, and IF there’s a mouth on the other side to suck your weiner, it will be, in all likelihood, a dude’s mouth. Check out Katie Thomas sucking at the hole. She might be able to tell you more…but like I said, just don’t expect a Katie Thomas on the other end of your hole.
“does butthole really have a taste?” – I’ll admit I’ve chowed on a girl’s butt. I’ve done it more than once. In my personal experiences there was no taste…which, I think, is a good thing. You’d have to ask Veronica Rayne here…or any girl that’s been on Eat Some Ass…and see what they say, though. Taryn Thomas said she loved the taste of a man’s ass – for whatever it’s worth.
“dick size is not important” – I hate to break the news to you, but dick size is important, and if you’re girl is telling you otherwise, then you have a small dick. But hey, at least she stills loves you.
“catch aids from blowjob” – This kinda relates to the anonymous dick sucking gloryhole thing, a bit, but also to sex in general. Here’s something I found from AVERT.org, and I’ll assume they’re the experts on this topic: “The risk of HIV transmission from an infected partner through oral sex is much smaller than the risk of HIV transmission from anal or vaginal sex. Because of this, measuring the exact risk of HIV transmission as a result of oral sex is very difficult.” Which is to say, I think, no one knows…cause no one’s ever caught HIV from just a blowjob. Oh, and here’s Katie Thomas again, if you want more free gloryhole movies.
“do blacks really have bigger dicks“ No. They don’t. Really. They don’t. And no, I’m not jealous…or pissed…or anything at all.
“talk girlfriend into taking cum on face“ – I’d have a serious sit-down with her. Don’t just blurt out hey honey, I’d like to blast you in the face!! Start out your serious conversation with things that turn you on, and creep this one in. I mean “creep it in” by starting with things you’ve already done, and how much they turned you on, and how much SHE turns you on, then spring this one on her. Tell her how much you’d love to spray her face with your man goo (just don’t use those words), and offer up a compromise. Something along the lines of “if you’ll let me cum on your face, you can do ____”. Include things other than sexual acts, too…like presents, money, or babysitting the kid while she takes the week to go to an exotic locale somewhere in the South Pacific – cause that’s what it might take to let you glue her eyes shut.
“what does it look like inside womens buttholes” – the same as it looks inside a man’s butthole. And yes, I’ve seen inside both, and no, I’m not gay. No Way Am I Gay!
“how many times can you shoot your cum load” – Depends on various things, really…mostly age (the younger you are the more you can) and time in between loads. When I was 25, 4 or 5 pops wasn’t out of the question; now I’m super lucky to squeeze out two…and the second one ain’t anything like the first. Isn’t getting old fun?
“jayma jameson porn star” – Oh my, someone’s very confused! But I can see how. It’s JENNA Jameson, not Jayma Jameson. Besides, the only girl I know named Jayma is a super intelligent, super sexy, witty conversationalist – someone you’d want to get to know, not just bang; she’s also a very attractive, committed girl who happens to be a Jack Mormon Indigo Child and radiates such a positive energy flow it’ll make your head spin. And she happens to have the last name of Reed.
Or Reid.
Or Ried.
And I’ll take her over Jenna Jameson any day.
