The Jedi Knight writes:

I was wondering what kind of car you drive? Being a self-employed porn producer, do you find it difficult to obtain financing? How do you provide proof of income, for instance?

America – the only country where everyone drives a car but no one can afford to buy one!
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Wanna hear something funny?

Every once in a while I leave my body while I’m shooting a scene. I know this sounds kooky, or metaphysical, or hippyesque…or just plain crazy — but it happens. Example: I’ll be in the middle of shooting and suddenly I can see myself from outside the set. I get kinda tingly and I have a hard time concentrating. It comes on kinda quick and passes almost as fast. Then, while it’s happening, I’ll also think how weird and whacky my life is, and the absurd way in which I earn a living; furthermore, I think how life is absurd, and money’s even more absurd than life, and even more absurd is the fact we can never really quit wanting things we certainly don’t need…things that really don’t add to the quality of life. Of course this is nothing more than human nature; hence, this whole thing is even more absurd than money or filming something like an interracial gang bang or a girl sucking off someone she doesn’t know through a hole in the wall or even what I call a “love making scene”. Suddenly, I’m back in my body. It’s a process that takes about 10 seconds — from start to finish.

When I explained this to my banker as I was applying for the loan to purchase my Toyota truck, she leaned back into her chair, pulled out whatever girls hide in their hair to let it fall on to her shoulders, slowly removed her glasses, and softly told me to go shut the door to her office.

I did as I was told.

As I turned to go sit down again, both her feet were up on the desk. She was wearing sexy black hose and a garter belt, and she was spread eagle, her panties pulled to one side as she furiously rubbed her clit. Her hips were slowly gyrating — her head pulled to one side. Her eyes were closed and she was breathing heavily.

Quite suddenly — and without an sort of warning — she squirted all over my 1040’s. She had three years’ worth, cause I’m self-employed and that always raises The Banker’s Brow, and trust me when I tell you all three years were covered in her sweet love juices. My credit report was drenched, too…so much so you could barely read the big “660” on it, as well as the list of notorious slow-pays I have from the Thorns-In-My-Side I refer to as student loans. Which, of course, was right next to the deposit check, which I had to have reissued cause it was so covered in her gush.

She moaned quite loudly as the gusher of cum erupted from her cunt — so much so I was surprised no one from the adjacent offices didn’t come rushing in to see what was going on. She then told me to pull my cock our so she could taste me.

I did as I was told.

Of course this was almost four years ago, when almost any chump could secure a loan from a bank.

While I’m quite sure if I returned to my banker today to apply for a loan she’d play with herself and suck me off, I’m not too sure I”d secure the it; money’s tough to come by these days.

Finally, why call America the only place where everyone drives a car they don’t own? You think the Frogs drive around in their shitty paid-off Le Cars? Or the Germans pay off theirs? Certainly America has way too many people driving around and not using public transportation (I’m guilty, your honor) but to think the rest of the world is driving a car with a title paid-in-full is as silly and stupid as this post.