Bree showed up at my studio today to shoot her scene for Blacks On Blondes. She was pissed.

I Shoot Porn: You’re pissed at me. Why?

Bree: Because you made me out to be something I’m not.

ISP: Explain in detail. Did I lie about our day and dinner?

B: Well, I’ll put it like this – just because I don’t know what a caper is doesn’t mean I couldn’t tell you everything about molecular biology or advanced geometry.

ISP: See, this is perfect. Now we can hash this out. So, the reason you’re pissed is cause you feel I made you look like a typical dumb porn whore.

B: Not only did you make me look like that, but you said I looked down at my food like any other porn chick and made a stupid comment.

ISP: But here’s what I said: “Bree looked at me for a long second, and then down at her food. Like most of the porno chicks I’ve had dinner with, she really didn’t eat a thing. “Hey, what are these little green thingys in my food?”” So, to me, that doesn’t make you sound dumb.

B: OK. I have a reply. My bad…whatever. Still, you commented on this guy that I’m so severly hurting. But I totally deserve anything I get out of him cause I’m giving him the best years of his life.

ISP: I said – at dinner and today when you arrived and we were talking about this – that you’re the most brutally honest person I’ve had dinner with in a long, long time, and I admire that. It’s even why I quoted William Vollmann’s comment about prostitution being the most honest form of love. My only hang up with you, and it’s a tiny one, is that you need to tell him you want a sugar daddy.

B: OK. Well…

(Suddenly, Bree’s phone rings. She talks to a dude, and she’s super sweet. Listening to her talk to whoever it is, I almost kinda caught myself developing a crush on Bree. She talks to him for about five minutes.)

ISP: Who’s that?

B: That’s the infamous Sugar Daddy.

ISP: Wow! It almost sounds like you really like him.

B: Well, what you failed to mention in your previous blog is that I DO like him, and there was a CHANCE I might get divorced, but there’s a chance I might stay with him…and even have a baby with him.

ISP: Will you have a baby with me?

B: (laughs) Hmmmm. No. And I’ve got one more thing to say. There are four types of fish in the sea…there’s mean guys with no money, and there’s nice guys with no money. Then there’s mean guys with money, and nice guys with money. So…what’s wrong with with being taken care of with a nice guy with money?

ISP: See. That’s the way you should have put it at dinner last month…when you were trying to figure out what those little green thingys were in your food.

B: You fuckin’ bitch. Plus, I didn’t feel the need to defend myself.

ISP: Why are you in porn?

B: Money.

ISP: How’d you get into it?

B: SexyJobs.

ISP: Do you like me better now than you did when we started today?

B: Yes.

ISP: Can I grope you?

B: For money.

ISP: Can I fuck you?

B: For more money.

ISP: Can I piss in your mouth?

B: For a LOT of money! Can I pee on you?

ISP: Bree baby…I will let you piss all over me for nothing.