Well, I’ve had myspace up for a few weeks now, and I’ve got 55 friends. Some of them I had before myspace, but most are new. I can’t tell you how nice it is to have 55 friends. I don’t think I’ve had 55 friends since high school – and now, just days after turning 33 years old, I’ve got more friends than I know what to do with.

I’ve had a few comments: DN The Hater – the man who loves to hate me – called my space “boring”; my brother, who loves to hate on myspace, called my space “gay”; and not once have I even gotten close to getting laid.

However, I got a message just now from a new friend of mine. She said, and I quote, “You’re absolutely adorable. And I have a fetish for highly literate smut peddlers.”

So now I’m gonna ask you to pardon the pun as I pull out my big gun to really turn her on (as well as any freaky freaks who have a fetish for intellectual porno directors): I’m attempting, at this very moment, to read two Thomas Pynchon novels simultaneously – Gravity’s Rainbow, as well as his latest effort, Against The Day. I’m working on GR in Los Angeles, after a long day of committing filth to digital tape; Against The Day is my Phoenix read – the city in which I live.

The only reason I bring this up is to increase my chances of turning on any fetish freaks who get off on literate smut peddlers; if you’re reading this, you need to e-mail me right away so I can fly to wherever it is you call home. I’ll meet you at the local Art Museum and we’ll chat about something like Post-Modern thought in 21st Century America over a nice cup of coffee after strolling through the place; I’ll demand a tour of any and all worthwhile used bookstores in the immediate area; we’ll follow that up with any and all used record stores, too – but please, all I ask is we scout the vinyl section of whatever store we end up at (hence the name “record” store and not “CD” or (gasp) “MP3” store) and then we’ll eat a nice dinner (I’m easy to please here) before heading back to your place for some red hot luvin’.

Red Hot.

Luvin’.

Cause damnit, I need my V2 Rocket to unload all over the place – you can even choose where.

All I ask is that you’re not a dude – cause No Way Am I Gay.