From Wikipedia: “In literature, an epigraph is a phrase, quotation, or poem that is set at the beginning of a document or component. The epigraph may serve as a preface, as a summary, as a counter-example, or to link the work to a wider literary canon, either to invite comparison or to enlist a conventional context.”

Part of the reason I got into the Porno Biz was to write a book. I got out of grad school in ’98, and even though I had written a screenplay (which was sold), and a novel (that didn’t get published), and some short stories (a few of which ended up in some really little lit mags you’ve never heard of), I never considered myself a “writer”.

After grad school I taught, and I did consider myself a teacher. For close to four years I worked hard for tenure. When that didn’t happen, I got into the adult business. And when I broke that news to my mom, it went something like this: “hey, um…mom, so, um, since I didn’t get that tenured-track position at the community college which would have made you really proud, I’m gonna go ahead and start shooting smut for a site called Blacks on Blondes…but don’t worry, I’ll be out of the biz in a year, and then I’ll write a book all about it, and then you’ll be proud!”

Fourteen years later, I’m still shooting smut…and not ready to quit. But maybe it’s time to attempt a book? That means work, and work means time, and the older I get the more I truly realize the Value of Time. Whether it’s my time or your time, there ain’t a lot left. We all value our free time. I like to take pictures and read and look at art and listen to music and travel and all that would be way easier than attempting a book.

I tend to think in a linear fashion, which means if I attempt A Book, my brain thinks beginning / middle / end — in that order. And while I have vague ideas about all three of those things, it means lots of time — with no guarantees about anything other than a tiny slice of hard drive space on my laptop no longer available for pictures or music.

I’ve even got an idea for my book’s epigraph! One of my heroes once said: The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side. — Hunter S. Thompson

In my head, I’d have HST’s great quote, and then this, right below it: The music porno business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There’s also a negative side. — Hunter S. Thompson Billy Watson

Witty, huh?

One small problem: HST never said it. He did say, “The TV business is uglier than most things. It is normally perceived as some kind of cruel and shallow money trench through the heart of the journalism industry, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free and good men die like dogs, for no good reason.” but that doesn’t quite work as well, which throws me off, and then I get blocked, and then I can’t write, which means I seriously doubt I can whip up the 100,000 words (give or take) it’ll take to get A Book done.

Did I mention no guarantees if I do manage get through it?

So who wants to meet in Denver September 2nd to catch the original Misfits play Riot Fest?