I invented the name “Billy Watson” a long time ago — 1998, to be exact, as I was building a simple web page. Back then, I was simply an “affiliate”; which is to say I created a “thumbnail gallery page” to submit to a “TGP” — a “thumbnail gallery post site”. Back then, there was a decent living to be made submitting what was essentially a small sample of smut (15 pictures was the standard requirement) to sites like “The Hun“, “Sex Hungry Joe’s”, “The Adult Buffet”, and “Persian Kitty”. To my knowledge, The Hun is the only one still in existence…although it only slightly resembles what it looked like in ’98.

It sounds ridiculous, but I wanted to brand my simple little page. With a “name”. And simple the page was. In exchange for hosting (and paying for the terrific amount of traffic they sometimes generated), whoever it was who owned the hosting company who slap their banners along the top and bottom of page…and sometimes have a text link in the middle, as well. They kept that revenue; if the horny surfer clicked on one of my pics — and then to the site I was promoting — I’d make a couple bucks!

I was a part-time affiliate, and I wasn’t really any good at it. There were always rumors that the full-timers were making 5-figures a month — a rumor that was later substantiated. But I digress.

Inventing a porn name isn’t as easy as choosing your pet’s name followed by the street you grew up on, although that’s worked nicely for some. At first, I thought I’d give myself a powerful name. Like Master Blaster. Or maybe a normal first name, followed by a last name synonymous with something tough…or impenetrable…or piercing. Billy Steele? Billy Strong? Billy Nails? Maybe something of value: Billy Silver or even better Billy Gold or perhaps the very best…Billy Platinum? Billy Bitcoin? (Not really. We all know there were no bitcoins in 1998, kinda like there really are no bitcoins in 2018).

I can’t believe it was 20 years ago (maybe even today!) Billy Watson popped into my head, and I still have no idea why. Speaking of 20 years ago today, I really, really wished I’d have called myself Billy Shears. Way cooler. But no, I got hung up on Billy Watson, and here I am today, stuck with a ridiculous name that makes no rhyme or reason.

A quick Google search turns up a 94-year-old actor named Billy Watson; “Whipper” Billy Watson the Canadian professional wrestler; Billy Watson and the International Silver String Submarine Band; and, finally, a soccer player named Billy Watson who started his career in Scotland, then moved to England, and then the United States.

Another digression: I’ve often contemplated blogging a list of the greatest porn names ever invented. They’d have to include Alexis Texas, Cherry Poppens, Faye Runaway…and? I dunno. Leave a comment and help a brother out.

Anyway, after I invented my name, I had one very difficult thing to do: tell my parents exactly what I was doing to make spare money. (Yea…that’s the way I roll). I was part-time adjunct, teaching English 101 and 102…and selling two kinds of smut online: a Japanese Bukkake site and a site specializing in interracial sex: Blacks on Blondes. My pal, Jay-the-Postman, who had just quit the post office to become a pornographer, had just met a dude who owned the site. “Promote these two sites, and even if you put in a couple hours a day, you’ll make a couple grand a month.”

I though it was all bullshit, but nope. I’d submit a couple hours a day, Monday through Friday, and yea…I made a couple grand a month. “That’s where the extra money is coming from, Mom and Dad. I promote pornography on the internet.” Mom and Dad looked at me. Dad kept eating. Mom kinda shook her head in disgust. “What do you call yourself?” She asked.

“Billy Watson,” I replied.

My mom looked at me in this sort-of are-you-kidding-me-look and said, “I know I never told you this, but before your grandmother married your grandfather, she briefly dated a man fellah named Billy Watson.”

Yea…and this: here’s a couple arty-farty picture I made last month, while Porn Valley was on its HIV moratorium.