The Minion is dead.

Doron Pepperscone is alive and well and is kicking all sorts of ass as my PA. He does it all, and does it well. I’m a lucky guy, and I don’t know what I’d do without him.

OK.

I got that out of the way.

Last night Gia Paloma — my make-up artist — stopped by to get her stuff. I was in the middle of my new obsession — Criterion Collection movies — this one being Sawdust and Tinsel, written and directed by Ingmar Bergman in 1953. It’s bad to the motherfucking bone. I totally identified with Ake, the owner of the traveling circus; he also is the guy in the movie who has a whore for a girlfriend.

My life closely resembles a traveling circus, filled with gypsies and whores and whores and gypsies.

With performers off all sorts hanging out in the periphery.

I’ve had whores for girlfriends, too…and trust me, having a whore as your chick isn’t as bad as it sounds, for the most part.

Anyways, Gia came to get her make-up stuff. “What stinks?” she asked.

I walked over to her and smelt it, too; the terrible odor coming from the travel room, where Katie Thomas and Spring Thomas and Barbie Cummings and Ruth Blackwell stay when they come to Los Angeles to fuck black dudes.

“One of those silly whores musta left some food in here,” I said. “It was probably Barbie, cause that’s the way she rolls.”

Which is to say she’s a total slob.

We searched Barbie’s food: under the bed, on the top bunk, on the bottom bunk, in the armoire…everywhere.

Nothing.

Then, down next to the bed.

The Shoes.

His shoes.

Doron Pepperscone’s size 16 Jordan’s.

I picked one up and sniffed it. I gently sniffed it, cause I was pretty sure the shoes were the culprit, and I was right. Even with the gentle sniff, I gagged.

Gia gagged.

We gagged together.

We took turns gagging…me, then her.

Her, then me.

My gags were kinda violent, and, more than once, I thought I was gonna barf…which is a pretty big thing for me, cause I haven’t barfed since 1982, after leaving a frat party my freshman year in college with a girl named Sharon who ended up being my girlfriend for about a week and a half.

After we took turns gagging, Gia got her stuff and left, and I watched the rest of the movie.