The third best scene on what’s shaping up to be a phenomenal BJ site features Miss Kacey Jordan.

And yea, that last sentence is a shameless plug, because:

1) I own TheDickSuckers.

and

2) I refer to TheDickSuckers as a site that’s “shaping up to be phenomenal”.

But it’s OK to have a little self-confidence, right?

I’m just trying to shoot the cutest girls possible while they blow a whole bunch of dick. If they’re brand new to the biz, then that’s even better. So let’s talk about Kacey Jordan and her very first time performing a naughty, dirty, slutty act on film. That’s right, I caught her fresh off the bus from the Pacific Northwest, where she used to work at a tanning salon.

Did I mention she likes to bang married dudes cause “it’s not right”?

I think those were the words she used, but I can’t remember now.

OK, I’ll admit a simple BJ scene might get a little boring, so I decided to spice it up a bit. Personally, I love to watch women have real orgasms, and if I think, for one second, that they’re faking it, well…like Johnny Rotten said at the last great Sex Pistols show, “Do you ever felt like you’ve been cheated?”

But what could I buy that would virtually guarantee the female talent’s orgasm?

Enter The Hitachi Magic Wand Massager

Fellahs — if you wanna watch your lady cum and cum and cum, and you possess the kind of self-confidence that allows you to witness this miracle without anything coming from your end, buy one of these right now.

Ladies — if you wanna cum and cum and cum and don’t give a shit whether or not a dude is responsible for the multiple orgasms this fun toy will provide, buy one of these right now.

And Amazon even sells them!

Do I need to tell you how hot it was watching Kacey Jordan cum a whole bunch on set, first before she started dick sucking, and then afterward?

She came and came and came and came.

Four times.

Then, with a load dripping from her chin, she came again.

After it was all said and done, and I handed Kacey her check, I asked her if she liked her new job.

She looked at her check, and she looked at me, and she said something like, “it would have taken me a week at the tanning salon to make this much, and all I did was suck some dick and have a bunch of orgasms. How do you think I like my job?”

There’s nothing quite as special as a porno newbie, and that’s exactly what Anna Von Trap is…a total Porn Newb.

How about I one-up that statement?

There’s nothing quite as special as a porno newbie who has no intentions whatsoever of ever becoming The Next Jenna; and, in fact, Porn Newb is simply a college girl who doesn’t want to take out an emergency student loan but needs a little fast cash.

Enter Dick Sucker #70: Anna Von Trap.

I don’t recall how she got my number, or if I got hers, and I really don’t remember the conversation when we met, and then continued as we headed over to the secret Dick Suckers Studios, but it went something like this:

“Hi, I’m (real name deleted here in Anna’s best interest) and I’d like to work for you.”

I tell her how it all goes down.

“That’s cool! Well, if you’re OK with what I’m wearing now, wanna just go do this?”

I tell her absolutely.

“Who am I blowing?”

I ask her if that really matters.

“Just as long as my boyfriend doesn’t find out, then no.”

I tell her that once she does this, there is a chance that her boyfriend will discover her horrible, dirty secret, but I also remind her there’s hundreds of thousands of dirty websites, and the chances of her boyfriend discovering anything will be pretty remote, especially since he doesn’t know her stage name. I also tell her the best way to get caught is to go out this weekend with her very best friend, the one she can confide in most…the one she totally and completely trusts…the one she’d know with absolute certainty would never sell her out. Then, you’ll get a little tipsy with her, and it’s then you’ll tell her your dirty little secret, and it will be within 24 hours from that very moment that everyone — certainly all your other friends, as well as (quite possibly) your family — will also know your dirty little secret.

“Um…OK. What’s my porno name gonna be? I hear it’s always your pet’s name and the street you lived on.”

I tell her that’s totally gay, but she looks Swedish, or Scandavian, or something along those lines. “Wasn’t that family that sang a whole bunch during World War Two living up in them parts of the world?”

She asked, “You’re talking about The Sound of Music? You mean the Von Traps?”

“Congratulations. You’re now Anna.”

“I don’t think there was a sister named Anna.”

“Good! I won’t be sued then.”

So we went to the studio, and Anna Von Trapp got nude and sucked a whole bunch of dick, and the scene turned out great.

But there’s 3 more I like better, which isn’t anything against Anna Von Trapp.

Not one bit.

[Afterward: Anna and her boyfriend are still together, and now she won’t shoot anything beyond nudes and solo scenes…but that didn’t stop me from talking to her about Manojob.]

So is his wife, Hailey Page.

And there’s nothing I can do to explain away any of it, so I won’t; in fact, I wasn’t going to even mention it here, but here I am…doing what I thought I’d never do.

Kinda like making dirty movies.

I didn’t know Hailey at all…never met her once. Chico shot Hailey for my site Spunkmouth, but he also shot other scenes, too, which means the only thing really special about Hailey’s scene is it features a (now) dead girl shot by her (then) boyfriend-director who, most certainly, had some sort of responsibility for her demise.

Chico Wang’s body was found — half in his bed and half on the floor — in a cheap motel near San Jose, California, on September 29th. I spoke with the reporter from Morgan Hill, CA, who covered the story, and from what her sources say, it appears Chico OD’d on something, but they’re not sure, and toxicology reports “take forever” in that county to come back.

Hailey died in a hotel in King City, California, a month or so before.

And a month or so before that, Hailey and Chico were married in Las Vegas.

It was a love / hate relationship, the relationships Chico established with people in this industry; there was no in-between with him. He was my friend, but I’m not sure I would have befriended him if I had fully known who he was when we first met.

Chico Wang was a Three Ring Circus — a real porno cliché: he drank too much almost all the time and he farted on set and thought up outlandish scenarios for the movies he made; he asked his talent to do ridiculous things and his shoot houses were always filthy: cum-stained sofas with garbage everywhere and broken toilets and showers that never completely drained and back yards littered with dog shit and empty beer cans.

With The Minion and Hung Lo taking the brunt of it all.

And somehow, someway, hanging out at a Chico Wang Shoot House was really fun and really stupid — all at the same time.

It’s mentally exhausting to deal with anyone who’s physically and verbally abusive, who likes to drink to oblivion, or get so fucking high that you know The End is near.

But do I really need to mention that?

The last time I spoke to Chico, it was about a week before his problems kicked into high gear. He wanted me to swing by and check out his new HD camera, and he was excited because he had left the DVD company he shot for and was about to start shooting internet content for some big-shot investor friend. Chico also told me he and Hailey were “monogamous”, which I found kinda strange: I don’t believe in monogamy, and I find monogamous people in my business to be an oxymoron so striking and stupid that it’s certainly a lie.

“I’m helping her get her clean, too.”

“Oh, man…I’m sorry to hear she’s fucked up. But you know Hailey will only clean herself up when Hailey decides to do it.”

Chico got short with me as said, “Don’t you know all these anal girls are on something?”

I wanted to tell him no, none of the “anal girls” I knew had any kind of drug problem; they didn’t have to use pain killers to have butt sex, and, in fact, almost all the anal girls I know prefer anal sex to vaginal sex, but he sounded agitated, and I didn’t want to engage him in a pointless debate.

Depending on which gossip blog you’re reading, Hailey was using Oxycontin and / or heroin, and Chico was hiding a cocaine addiction.

But this is all something I never intended I Shoot Porn to become: gossip may be fun to read, but it ain’t no fun to write, and it certainly ain’t no fun to deal with the people you’re gossiping about on any sort of level.

I work in an industry with fuck-ups and degenerates, con men and frauds, sex addicts and drug addicts and misogynists; their lives are train wrecks and everyone knows it.

I also work in an industry with kind, fun, professional people who are great to be around; they’re people who love sex and don’t think there’s anything dirty or wrong with it, and their lives are filled with ups and downs and days they hate their job and days they love it and in-between days, too.

But hey, that’s our life.

Maybe it’s yours, too.

I’m a few posts away from my 400th entry, and I’ve never really talked a whole lot about my experiences as a stunt cock. I mean really…if I did, I’d come off as a braggart, and no ones likes that; in addition, I don’t have a whole lot to brag about.

Shit man, I’m an overweight, middle-aged dude with a 6 inch dick…what’s to brag about?

Anyway, I’ve had some pretty big names either blow me or give me a handie as I rolled tape, but I just don’t like to talk about it. In fact, I’ve started a rolling some full-blown POV scenes in which I’ve actually banged a pornstar on tape: Bree Olson and Barbie Cummings were my first two, but I haven’t shot anymore since last fall.

I just don’t know if I’m up to banging a porn whore a week for the next…I dunno. 2 years?

If I do start this site, I’m gonna bring a “friend” along to bang each and every porn whore, cause I think the one thing terribly wrong with POV sites is there’s only one dick, and nothing gets more boring than watching the same dude banging chicks over and over.

Sound gay? No Way!

Anyways, I guess the whole point of today’s blog is to brag to you guys that Gianna came over to my studio, and while she was in the shower, she blew me, and I rolled tape, and you can download the Gianna / Billy Watson scene at The Dick Suckers.

In fact, if you click on her pics, you can get some freebies. So don’t say I never gave ya nothin’.

Fair warning: the scene is totally unimpressive. I ain’t no Peter North, that’s for sure. And I was kinda psyched out that I had Gianna blowing me, and my wiener looked even smaller (than it already is) wrapped around her massive, all-natural DD juggs, and let’s all laugh at my belly while you’re at it, but hey…it’s all good, cause I got the BJ from her — and you didn’t.

So hate this braggart all you like.

And as you carry on with your day, think about those 2 fun bags wrapped around your 6 incher.

From time to time I check out my stats. When I refer to them as “my stats” I mean traffic stats, as in who is coming to my blog, how they’re getting to my blog, what other websites they’re coming from, and what they’re typing into search engines in order to wind up at — you guessed it — my blog.

I’ve done this before, I’m doing it now, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. I don’t do it as much as I used to, but damn…I laugh my ass off when I read what people actually type into Google. I’d like to reiterate I don’t make this shit up. These are all real, unedited search engine phrases that were typed into Google and resulted in a hit for I Shoot Porn.

I’ll take the time and respond to them as well. But you know that already, don’t you? And with that said, let the Google fun commence:

“how much does it cost to fuck a porn star” — Good question! Some porn stars do what’s called a “private”. I think I’ve mentioned privates here before. They’re kinda funny, too…not the privates themselves, but the porn stars who do — and don’t — do them. Some Porn Whores love the side cash, and they realize they’re a whore (as defined), which means they’ll have sex for money. Where they (the Porn Whores) get confused is this whole idea of whether a camera is actually capturing the sex on tape. See, some Porn Whores don’t do privates cause they “are not” a whore. To these Silly Rabbits, they’re “actresses” who have sex on tape as part of their job. They reject the idea that they’re a whore, which means they’ll never do a private, to which I say, More Power To Ya, Whore!

“how much cash do porn models make” — Currently it’s $100 an hour (or so) for “solo” work (masturbation / toys); $250 – $400 to suck cock; $700 – $900 to lez out; and $900 – $2500 to fuck a boy. This is the girlie rate; I won’t get into what dudes make, and I could get more detailed, but I won’t. Search my blog for more complete information on Pay Days in Porno Land.

“easter porn stories” — Sometimes I wonder how much people have to drink when they sit down at night to Google various shit.

“ebay porn penis sucking cumshots” — Sometimes I wonder how many drugs people have ingested when they sit down at night to Google various shit.

“girl started crying in the middle of a porno scene” — I’ve been on set when this has happened. In, like, 500+ scenes, it’s happened maybe 3 times. It’s always a little weird and really uncomfortable, cause of the business we’re in, and how everyone automatically thinks females are victims in my line of work, and honestly, every single time a girl’s cried on set in front of me it’s always been about being a crybaby and not being a victim at all. But you’re never going to believe that one, are you?

“big titted slutty porno whores” Gianna. Kylie G Worthy. Natasha Nice. Adrianna Nicole. Eve Lawrence. Barbie Cummings. I could go on and on…

“naked porn birthday comments for myspace” — What do you think for this one…too much booze? Drugs? Both??

“phone numbers to horny girls creagslist” — When I was 18, me pal and I drove up Sunset Strip, from about Fairfax east to the 101, and it was Whore Alley. Apparently, they’re all on Craigslist now. I dunno how many of them are horny, but if you’ve cashed your payday check, you might wanna check out all the whores there. Just go to your local Craigslist and click on “erotic” under “services”.

“shane diesel porn star history” Once upon a time there was a man named Agustus. It was a silly name, and he knew that, so he changed his name to Mr. Thick. He stuck with Mr. Thick for a while, cause it made sense, and it was a pretty cool name. I’ve always told Shane it’s my favorite of all his names. It’s kinda tough without being corny, you know? When I shot Shane for the first time, it was with Spring Thomas, and he had just changed his name to Shane, and my friend Silvio made the introduction. That’s it. Shane. He kept that for a while, and I shot him a bunch of times with Spring, like when he brought his friend Dre over, and one time Shane even flew to where Spring and I were living and fucked the living daylights out of her, and one other time when Shane and Spring Thomas fucked on a mink bed. Not too much after that he turned his name into Shane Diesel, and the rest is history.

“knoxville nude moms” — This is a good one for Barbie Cummings to reply to. Hey Barbie! Where are you? In San Francisco, doing a private?!

“free porn without having a membership” — Cheap bastards! Hey…remember the old days? When you paid $7.95 for Hustler, and you got 3 pictorials with about 6 pages a piece of stroke material…and a WHOLE bunch of ads? And let’s face it…nothing EVER was worth reading in that shit mag, except maybe Chester The Molester, and that wasn’t even reading. It was a fucking cartoon. Today, if you join, say, Blacks on Blondes, or Manojob, you get literally thousands of pics and movies! If you adjust accordingly for inflation, joining a porn site today is a bargain.