The Wannabe Slut writes:

Dear Mr.Billy Watson

love,
the wannabe slut.

——————–

Dear Wannabe Slut:

I love Sluts. Which means I am in love with you! Imagine the world without a good, old-fashioned sluts. BORING! Sluts (real or imagined) are the fodder of school-boy gossip; they’re the backbone of my industry; sluts make any night at the pub far more interesting; sluts are one of the greatest gifts to all mankind!

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: if I get married, I’m marrying a slut.

In fact, I can barely come up with a list of 5 things that are better than a slut. Let’s see:

1) The Internet.

2) Bob Dylan.

3) A rack of yummy ribs from Charleston’s.

4) My dog, Maggie.

5) Paris, France.

OK. That list took me, like, 3 hours to figure out. And now, upon further inspection, I’d have to say I’d take a slut over Dylan (except maybe Blonde on Blonde or a minty vinyl pressing of The Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan), and I’d take a slut over the ribs, unless I’m very, very hungry, and my dog is a total slut, and let’s face it — Paris can be really overrated.

As far as securing employment within the adult entertainment industry, you’re up against heaps and heaps of brutal competition, especially behind-the-camera. Take a look at my own PA, Doron “The Minion” Pepperscone: he’s 6’5″, 350 pounds of pure intensity, and when he’s not stinking up my studio with his foul feet and horrific ass gas, he’s dropping cameras as efficiently as Nick Manning drops loads. He edits. He knows 2257 paperwork inside and out. He cooks and cleans. He dresses sets and creates imaginative porno scenarios that only a true pervert could conjure up. He puts up with my rants and raves and my overly-stressed personae.

What more could I ask for?

A PA who’s a slut, I suppose. But don’t get me wrong: Pepperscone’s as big a slut as anyone I know. He just doesn’t suit my tastes.

I should probably answer your original question, though: you get into any job in the porno game through referrals. It really doesn’t matter if you’re in front of the camera or behind it: it’s really all about who you know, not what you know…but that adage is age-old and truly worn, and I apologize for using it.

Let’s do this — get to know one another. Start by sending me some explicit photos. I don’t want to see a stitch of clothes anywhere in the picture. If you’re really an over-achiever, why not make a few clips of yourself masturbating with an over-sized dildo. Really open up that vagina! Bonus points for anything that goes up your butt. Consider this all part of the application process; after all, it’s adult work, and I’ll need to gauge your overall proficiencies. Not only will I grade you, but I’ll be looking at the lighting, your set, and anything else imaginative you toss my way. And if you pass the initial screening, you’ll need to get yourself to Los Angeles, where I’ll be putting you to the test in a far more personal way. I’m sure you know what I mean.

After all, you’re a self-admitted wannabe. Time to make it all very real!

Pardon this metaphor, but consider the ball to be in your court.

PS: I didn’t really know what kind of picture to post with this blog entry, so I grabbed a test shot from True Slut Victoria Sin before her scene for TheDickSuckers.com — cause, let’s face it…everyone likes to look at pictures more than they like to read.

K writes:

My names K I’m 20 years old, my birthday is August, 1986 and i’m from [the East Coast]. Im Italian Brown hair with blonde highlights , brown eyes, in extremly good shape, i’m a 34B, Im a size 0. Im interested in becomming a porn star because its something ive always wanted to do and of course to make some extra money! I’m very outgoing, friendly, sexual and energenic. I really look forward to hearing back from you, Happy New Year!

Heya K!

You know…it’s funny. While tons of dudes e-mail me about this all the time, not a whole lot of chicks do. The few that have actually stepped up to the plate and sent pictures never really followed through with what I told them, and what I’m about to tell you.

Get on a plane and get your sweet ass to Los Angeles ASAP. I will have my PA, Cherry Poppens, pick you up at the airport, and I’ll get you right into my studio, where, over the span of, say, 48 hours, you can make $3,000 or $4,000 dollars…depending on how much sucking and fucking you can do over those two days. If you don’t have the plane ticket, I just might front it.

I can book you right away for a handjob movie, and a blowjob movie, then we’ll do another blowjob movie, then you can eat some ass, then do another suck and fuck movie; and then, if you’ll do black guys, you can do another blowjob movie, and then you can do an interracial sex movie, and then, we’ll work some more on top secret sites no one knows about yet!!

Sounds great, right? I mean it takes some people a month to make that kinda scratch…and you can do it in two days! And during those two days it won’t even be an 8 hour work day! If you can call sucking and fucking “work”. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to be moving large, heavy rocks from one side of the road to the other. Can you believe it?!

Then, I’ll send you to a big talent agency, where you’ll make $20,000 to $30,000.

A month.

It’s legal, too! And you’ll be working for names like Hustler, and Red Light, and Vivid, and all sorts of companies you’ve never ever heard of.

Not a lot of people in our society make that kind of income, and you’re literally a 5 hour plane ride from doing so.

What I tell you is true…as is the following:

You’ll need an AIM test, which is less than 30 days old, and says you don’t have chlamydia, gonorrhea, or HIV. And even though you might have a clean bill of health, and the talent will have their AIM test, I can’t guarantee you won’t contract any of those diseases. HIV is really tough to get — I really wouldn’t worry about that — unless you’re doing anal creampies, or double anal.

The other two are really easy to catch. Herpes should be a concern, too.

Chlamydia and gonorrhea and herpes, oh my! Chlamydia and gonorrhea and herpes, oh my! Chlamydia and gonorrhea and herpes, oh my! Sing that three more times next time you walk into a singles’ club.

You’ll have to suck and fuck guys you don’t find attractive. You’ll also have to fuck and suck guys you don’t like. In fact, you’ll end up sucking and fucking dudes (and chicks) that will downright gross you out.

You’ll suck and fuck so much your pussy will get sore. Really sore. And if you do anal, expect a sore butthole.

You’ll fuck dudes with dicks that are so big, they might hurt you (for real).

You’ll never be able to erase your porno past, although it will die and shrivel up fairly quickly. (But know that at any time someone can sprinkle some water over it and bring it back to life).

People will find out, even if you don’t tell anyone. Which you’ll probably do. You’ll tell your best friend in the whole wide world…you’ll make her swear to you she won’t tell anyone, and then, after you hang up the phone with her, she’ll call her best friend…and within a matter of hours your whole neighborhood will know.

Average porn girl career is probably 2 months. Maybe less. Some do it for years, though. And, like every job you’ll ever do in your life, you’ll have good days, bad days, and great days, and horrible days.

Let’s face it, K. We’re sexual creatures trapped in a sexually repressed society. People will think you’re crazy for being a porn star, and then they’ll get mad at you, and ostracize you, and then they’ll run home and find every movie you’ve ever done, and they’ll pay money for those movies, and then they’ll beat their meat like a monkey in the zoo. In fact, they’ll cum harder than they ever have in their silly life — to your movies.

They’ll shoot the kind of loads that fly over their head and stick to the ceiling. Or mess up the keyboard on their computers. They’ll sit on the internet transfixed to the screen and masturbate furiously and moan and groan like they’re making sweet music to their girlfriend…or their wife.

But he won’t moan and groan loud enough to wake her up.

If you ask me, you’ll have a great time and make a lot of money that will take you places or allow you to do things you’d never have been able to do — college, travel the world, start your own business (using your own cash!)…shit, you might even be the next Jenna Jameson!

If you’re still interested, lemme know. You got my phone number.

Your pal — Billy

Brandon Iron – who started at the bottom and has clawed his way up to the top…

Ramon – who took about a million rides on The Bang Bus with his 12 inch stick…

Billy Watson – who is about as goofy and stoopid as it gets (and certainly not a pornstar)…

Since I touched upon this (pardon the pun) a bit in my blog entry dated 11/26, I thought I would go ahead and spell things out. I can’t tell you how many dumb e-mails I get asking the same dumb question: How can I fuck hot girls, too? How can I be a porn star? How can I be in one of your movies?

Some will even go as far as to offer their “help” around my studio – like holding lights, or sweeping the floor, or doing whatever they can to get their “foot in the door”.

I’ve blogged about this before, and now I’m going to give you some real advice. If you’re serious, and you want to be a porn star, there’s really two ways to do it:

1) Live in the Los Angeles area and start at the very bottom. If you’re wondering what the bottom is, I’d have to say any sort of gang bang / bukakke thing. I’ve actually listed the phone number here before for the American Bukakke folks. It’s a recorded line, and it has all the info you need to be one of 75 or 100 lucky guys to dump a load of jizz on (if you’re really lucky) your favorite porn star.

Don’t ask for the phone number again, please. Just do a search on this blog and you’ll find it, sooner or later.

Now, if you do get the gig for a gang bang or a bukakke thing, here’s some helpful hints that will get hired for more work; hence, your shot to climb your way to the top.

While at the gang bang, make sure you’ve got a big pop, and a big dick. 5 – 7 inches is norm for the male penis. It would help a whole lot if yours is bigger than 7. Also, don’t act like a creep. And whatever you do, don’t act like a fag, even if you are one. Finally, keep your eyes peeled for the guy in charge. He’s usually the one cutting the checks at the end (don’t expect more than $100 for your load…if you’re lucky). Act like a professional around him.

If you find out who’s the boss before the scene, shake his hand. Make sure your hand is clean. If it’s after the scene, give him the knuckle tap, or the elbow tap…just don’t shake his hand, whatever you do.

Always be polite. Smile. Again, don’t act like a pervy creep. And have a business card with a contact number on it. If he gives you his card, call him ONCE or TWICE, about 3 to 5 days after the shoot. Do NOT blow up his phone if he doesn’t return your calls. Follow this advice, and trust me, you’ll eventually get your shot at Porno Stardom.

2) If you live outside LA, then you might have to scrimp and save. Buy yourself a 3 chip camera. Buy yourself some lights and find a lawyer to write up some model releases. Shit, you don’t even have to get a lawyer for that! Just Google it, like everything else in your life. Know 2257 laws. Then find a place to shoot your scenes, and either shoot POV porn (point of view), or find a dude who will bang the girls for you. Then, place an ad in your local weekly rag, interview the girls, find a cute one, or an ugly one, then make your own porno. It’s that simple. I’ve even listed current pay rates on my blog before! Just search it again!

After you make a handful of scenes, create a website, and BAM! you’re in the biz!

How hard can it be? DUH!

Now don’t say I didn’t ever give you somethin’ for nothin’.

K. writes:

I’ve always wanted to be a model and now I’m getting ready to go out on my own; and I kind of need some money. So I’ve looked at your blog it seems like everyone has fun on the shoots so anyways I am 19 years old, and I would like to come in and do a shoot for your company.

Then Z writes:

i want 2 be a porn starhey my name is z. im straight about 6 foot birth date may 4th 1987 i live in chicago, il thanks please email me back thank you

Then T writes:

My name is T and I am a 29 year old Greek Australian from Hurstville in Sydney- New South Wales, and I am interested in doing a little bit of porn in order to make some money. Would you be able to help me.

Then JB writes:

Hi Billy Im JB 19years old 2-1-1987 Just moved to St. Petersberg Flordia Not more then 20 mins from Tampa.. well right now im broke and im living with my famly wich i hate i have no car and i hate working min wadge. to hard of work for to little money. well I want to be in porn manly becuse the money is great im great in bed and i love to have sex. so if u can hook me up with a job that would be great. im S T D free and i know this becuse while i was in sandiego i was thinking of being in the army so i wnt to meps and they ran alot of test on me.. wich all came out negitive..well hopefuly youll wright back hope to hear from u

Guess what? I can go on and on. I get at least 3 of these a day. Every day. Sundays included.

If I were to entertain all these e-mails, I’d like to point out one thing missing…and when I say missing, I mean missing from each and every one of them I get; in fact, I don’t think any dude who wants to be a porn star and fuck porn girls has ever told me the single most important detail in their introductory e-mail.

The size of their weiner.

Come on dudes! You’re asking for a job in which your dick size is just about everything…and you don’t mention it? That’s like asking for a job as a carpenter without having any of your own tools.

Speaking of tools, if you can’t bang a totally hot, brand new pussy hard for 20 or 30 minutes forget it. You can’t be male talent.

But guess what. There’s a place where you can all try out! You read right…it’s time to put up or shut up, all you silly MoFo’s who think you got what it takes to be a porno star and fuck and suck endless streams of porno starlets:

818 – 709 – 4452

No experience necessary! Go blast a load on your favorite porno girl! And don’t worry…call 24/7.

In addition, a lot of producers figure if you can beat your meat solo – and get off – in front of a cameraman and whoever else is around, you’ll be able to perform on a set with a girl; hence, some of your first jobs might be solo jackoff stuff, and of course it’ll be intended for a gay audience: just like my pal Solomon did here for No Way Am I Gay.

Best of luck…and now, please stop e-mailing me about it.

Thanks.

Your pal, Billy

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today, I thought I’d talk about what pornstars are most grateful for…namely, the money they earn. Afterall, money is why they do what they do (or don’t do)…does that make sense?

However, I must be getting old. Have I posted something like this before? I feel like I have, somewhere. But I searched my own blog and didn’t find anything. Oh well. If I did, just look at the nudie pics I gave you guys today: I shot newbie Bailey Bliss right before her very first B/G/G scene (which she earned $900) and gave these to her, for her personal use. I think some of them showed up on her agent’s site – the very infamous Jim South of World Modeling.

With that, let’s start!

Current Female Rates for the Los Angeles area:

Solo partial nudity: $50 – $75 an hour
Solo full nude/masturbation: $100 an hour.
Handjobs: $150-$200
Blowjobs: $200-$300
G/G (girl-girl lesbo fun): $400-$800 a girl.
B/G (boy-girl sex): $700-$900.
B/B/G sex: add $100 per dick over her B/G rate.
Anal: $900-$1200
D/P (double penetration – one dick in your pussy and one in your ass at the same time): $1200-$1400
Gang Bangs (4 guys or more): $1400-$1600…again, add around $100 per dick to your limit, up to about 5, and then it’s just a flat rate.
Bukkake: Negotiable. Not many girls do bukkake, but they’re out there.

Current Male Rates for the Los Angeles area:

Solo full nude/masturbation to cumshot: $100-$200, depending on build/dick size.
Boy/Girl sex: $300-$1000, depending on dick size and performance reputation.

Anything gay, from BJ’s to fucking: $300-$3500, depending on factors I know nothing about…bascially, I’m going by part-rumor, part what I’ve seen other producers pay their talent. There’s also other factors like multiple partner gay sex, barebacking, and IR (interracial), and all sorts of shit that effect rates gay/gay-for-pay talent earn.

I really don’t know much about the fetish stuff – like B/D, watersports and whatnot – straight or gay.

Add $100 per girl if you’re getting them through an agency; add $50 per dude for the same thing.

Prices outside the Los Angeles area can drop anywhere from 10 – 40% below these rates. For example, I think the going rate for B/G sex in Phoenix, AZ, is around $500-600 for the girl, and $100-150 for the dude.

In the end, it really boils down to whatever the talent is willing to take for whatever it is you want them do to.

Oh…and if you mention the word “private” all bets are off. “Private” is a fancy way of saying you wanna fuck them off camera, treating your female (or male) talent like a common hooker. Some talent won’t even consider a private. I’ve heard of some talent being highly offended when they were offered private work; after all, they’re not hookers – they’re porn stars! And the ones who do privates get pretty big bucks. I’ve heard rumors (that are pretty substantial…that is, they came from great sources) of female talent earning $5000-$10,000 for a night of work in Vegas. Who knows…probably urban legend.

Or is it?