I don’t really get too political here. I just like to tell a good story – maybe a little rant or rave. I really try hard not to use my blog as a soapbox to air my thoughts on topics like President Bush, Right Wing Politicians, or Right-Wingers in general, including self-rightous Christians, “family oriented” groups, ect ect…all of which I really don’t like.

But it’s dad’s day, and I’m going to make an exception to the rule. Appearently A group calling itself “The Defenders” has joined forces with some other group – “Shared Hope International” – and they’re calling for a “No Porn Father’s Day”…a call that, as far as I’m concerned, is warranted.

Shit man, it’s Father’s Day. If you’re a dad, get the fuck away from your computer and spend the whole day with your kid. Do things with them you don’t get a chance to do cause all the other days in the month you’re too busy bringing home the bacon, in order to give your family the things they deserve.

In other words, don’t beat off on dad’s day; instead, spend it with your family.

If you’re a single, and there’s no kids in your world, then, as far as I’m concerned, beat off like a monkey in the zoo. Don’t even put any clothes on today. Sit in front of your computer, and if you like spending some free time waxing the old carrot to some porn, do it! That’s all it’s meant for…and that’s all porn will ever be: a masturbatory aid.

Problem is, Shared Hope International and The Defenders aren’t happy with taking a day off from porn. They want it eradicated, and they’re ready to spend a whole lotta dough airing their views over American television.

Why? They feel “…in the broader sense, we see porn as a gateway that leads to child pornography.”

This is, of course, complete and utter bullshit. Let’s get this straight: the folks whose buttons are pushed desecrating children have, for the most part, been sexually turned on by that shit since they became sexual beings at age 14 or 15…cause the whole time they were abused, too. All pedophiles were abused as children, and that’s why they do what they do as adults. Their mental illness has nothing to do with whacking it to legal porn.

Dangerous thing…making broad generalizations, huh? This is the one case where a broad generalization is true.

This idea that if you watch some porno you’ll eventually wanna watch child porn is the same idiotic thinking behind marijuana being a gateway drug to harder substances; if you smoke a joint, you’ll end up shooting heroin.

I’m doomed. See, I can’t sleep a whole night. Haven’t for years. Lately, after a glass of red wine and a couple of puffs of some very sweet chillums, I sleep like a baby. All night long. Guess heroin’s right around the corner for me. Maybe I should just get myself into a meth clinic now and save myself all the hassles.

I used to watch porn. I really don’t anymore…not since I started making it. And since I wasn’t abused a child, I have absolutely no penchant to view, make, or distribute anything that features anyone under the age of 18. (In fact, I really wish my industry would push to get the age of consent in this country upped to 21; most 18 year olds have no idea what the fuck they’re signing, whether it be a model release, car loan documents, a credit card application, or even whatever papers are they signing in order to enlist in our military.)

The folks behind the groups also say, “Real men defend women and children no matter whose daughters they are.” And I’m OK with that, to a degree. And this may sound corny, but I’ve said it before – and I’ll say it again – the greatest gift we’ve got as humans is the gift of autonomy. It’s that plain and simple. Almost no one – not even dirty, perverted pornographers – agrees that anyone should be forced to do anything against their will. And truth be told, on a porno set, no one does. They all know what they’re doing before they show up to do it. In hindsight many may feel what they did on film is a mistake…but thank God they were given the autonomy to discover being in a dirty movie was a mistake.

And guess what? There’s a lot of porno girls who love their job. I know…I meet them everyday. Fuck everyone who calls them sluts and whores and whatever else; these are the same fucktards who are pissed cause they haven’t been laid since 2003.

Anyways, out of all the networks The Defenders and Shared Hope International approached to buy ad time, they have been turned down by everyone except – you guessed it – Fox.

Enough’s enough…my rant is almost done. If you’re a dad, and you’ve got custody of your kids, and they’re there now, for heaven’s sake go out and spend time with them.

If you’re alone, and you found yourself here, at my blog, join one of my sites and pleasure yourself endlessly…until you can’t anymore. Then go grab a beer, maybe a smoke and the Sunday paper, and just go chill.

Cause tomorrow’s Monday, and we all know what that means.

I think I’ve told you this, but I watched my first porno when I was 14. Maybe 15. I think it was 1979. My best friend Biff had an older brother named Todd. Todd had a Super 8 projector hidden under his bed, along with a few Swedish Erotica titles. I remember Seka was in one, and John Holmes, and maybe Aunt Peg. They were 10, maybe 15 minutes long, and they were silent. Maybe they had sound, but I don’t think Todd’s projector had sound. Maybe the sound didn’t work.

Maybe Todd was so paranoid his parents would hear it – even though they were never home when it was “movie time” – he simply turned the sound off.

It was then I saw a girl take a cum shot to the face, and my brain just melted down. What in the world just happened? Whatever it was, certainly it wasn’t “natural”…and how much did they pay that girl to do something like that? Maybe they tricked her? Held a gun to her head?!

A few years later my pal Garry got the first generation of VHS players. What a machine! His dad paid something like 3 grand for the monster, and it had its own place next to the T.V., on its own shelf, and it was covered with a thick plastic cover – almost more like vinyl than plastic – to protect it from the elements.

Of course we weren’t allowed to touch it unless Garry’s dad was present. And no movies with an R rating…PG and G only.

We broke all the rules, right away.

My first trip into the video store with Garry resulted in the Sly Stallone / David Carradine masterpiece Death Race 2000. Garry had one other VHS – and to this day I’m not sure how he got it. His dad guided us through starting up the VHS player and properly loaded the casette, then he took off and told us not to touch anything until he got home. As his car drove away, Garry ejected Death Race and popped in – you guess it – a porno. I wish I could remember the title. I do remember what the final scene was…the scene to top all of them: the girl got butt fucked. Right up her pooper. A trip down Hershey Highway.

Was that natural? How much did they pay that girl to do that? Did they hold a gun to her head?

In the years to come, I remember a Ginger Lynn scene called “Dance of the Double Dong” which was maybe the first double vag scene ever caught on film; not too much longer I saw a D.P. scene and thought what the fuck is next?!; when I first saw a bukkake scene again it was oh my lord what in the world is next?!; on my first trip to Paris almost a decade ago I hit a porn store only to see beastiality, poopy and piss movies, and movies featuring 16 and 17 year old girls (the age of consent there is 16) and my skull just about melted – in a bad way. The internet has brought us such gems as Meat Holes, and Piss Mops, and most recently my partner B. pointed out the “Donkey Punch” booth at AVN’s.

Was that natural? How much did they pay that girl to do that? Did they hold a gun to her head?

Check it out – I shot this Mandingo Erin Moore Keani Lei scene for Blacks On Blondes. I mean honestly…isn’t Mandingo’s 15 incher enough? Do you really need guys with 20 inch dicks? And are those things actually real?

I’m not going to name the site, but I know girls who’ve worked for it, and they told me the truth…but still, to see they’re really fake is…a relief?

Shit, I dunno.

What’s next?

A stick of dynamite in her pussy?

A 1,000 man gang bang?

How ’bout the entire straight male population of a small state like Rhode Island or Vermont on a barely-legal in pigtails, sucking on a tootsie-pop? Shoot it at a Costco or a Sam’s Club…I think they’d all fit in there. In fact, have her shopping for tootsie-pops in a mini-skirt, then have her bend over to pick something up, when suddenly all of them come running out of the frozen food section just to fill all her tight teen holes.

And before you know it, that scene will be an old hat, too.

ST’s in town.

ST is Spring Thomas.

The town – Los Angeles.

Two scenes today: a b/g with Sledgehammer, and then, out of nowhere, as Sledge is poundin’ her, I had 3 load dumpers step up and make a mess on her face; second up, a cuckold scene that got a little nuts.

But I think some definitions are in order. See, in this crazy biz, there’s “scene carriers” and “load dumpers”. In the first scene, for example, Sledgehammer was the scene carrier. The three guys who follow – load dumpers – simply bust a nut. That’s really all that’s required of a load dumper. Dick size isn’t really important, nor is the ability to work any dialogue. Just bust a nut.

Imagine getting paid to just show up on set, step up to the plate (today’s plate being the beautiful and lovely Miss Spring Thomas) and busting a nut.

Now, I’m not saying today’s load dumpers couldn’t carry a scene. In fact, 2 of the 3 do get work carrying scenes. Anyway, Sledge did a great job, and the load dumpers did a great job, and more than that, ST did a great job…for a couple reasons. She’s getting really good carrying her end of the deal without direction. Her sense of timing during a scene is now second nature. In other words, she’s got the 2 minute rule down pat.

2 Minute Rule? Oh, am I a big believer in the 2 Minute Rule!

(In fact, I just invented that term as it applies to dirty movies. The 2 Minute Rule. If you ever want to use the term “2 Minute Rule” in anything you say or do, please Paypal me an appropriate royalty fee; I’ll let you decide what that may be.)

Anyway, 2 minutes is about the length of time something should be carried out in a dirty flick…unless it’s super interesting or something magical is happening. So, if ST is blowing a dude on her knees, in about 2 minutes I’ll ask her to jump on the couch and blow him there; however, today with Sledge I never once had to tell her when to move, cause at about 1:58, ST was moving Sledge to the next position.

Whew. That took too long to explain.

Anyway, the other thing ST did today that was great…when the load dumpers walked up and dumped on her, she didn’t flinch. Not for a second. She didn’t try to wipe anything off her face. She didn’t call for a time out. She just kept at it with Sledge as 3 loads were tossed directly into her face. Then, Sledge unloaded right onto her tummy.

Not bad, huh? Makes for some mighty fine whacking material, if you ask me.

Second scene got kinda nutty – no pun intended. I hired a cuckold to pound his dinky with his fist while ST pleasured herself using a large-dicked African American male. That’s really what this all boils down to: ST uses these dudes for their immense penises. Once she’s done, she tells them to haul ass.

Well, after today’s black dude hauled ass, ST had a big smile on her face. Who could blame her? Then, the cuckold stepped up to the plate to unload. We figured that

1) since he was a good cuckold and allowed ST to humiliate him using various techniques including talking to him like a baby and laughing in his face

and

2) since the cuckold gave ST some oral pleasure after each sexual position with the black guy that…

the poor cuckold deserved a reward. Hence, he got to nut in her face.

Now, before the nutting took place, Cuckold warned everyone he’s quite a shooter. So I tell ST, “hey, if he shoots like crazy, it’s ok to get down low and let a few blasts streak over your head.”

Sure enough, the Cuckold was a blaster.

So when cuckold starting blasting, ST did exactly that – she hunkered down; however, I took her ducking as cumdodging. Cuckold did the same, and grabbed ST and yanked her head back up as he contiuned to blast away…while I bit my lip over what I perceived to be a cum dodging issue.

Then, after cuckold unloaded about a gallon of man goo all over ST’s face, she started to wipe. She didn’t want The Burn to set into her eyes, and really, who could blame her?

Still, it’s a big No-No.

So I barked. Loudly. Then, there was an exchange between us. It was rather heated. She refused to speak at all after that. So, I rolled my film, snapped my pics, and wrapped. There was some more heated moments afterwards, too.

In the end, I apologized.

Stupid thing, really…to stress over something as meaningless as whether or not my female talent wipes some jizz off her face before I take stills. And to raise my voice at someone who means so much to me? Ugh…

In other words, in the future I’m going to quit being an asshole and worry more about the things that really matter in this life.

The desert between Phoenix and Los Angeles is vast and lifeless, and that gives me some time to think whenever I’m making the drive out to work.

I live in Phoenix; I make my money in Los Angeles.

I’ve gone back and forth on just making the move to LA – packing all my shit in a UHaul, and my dogs and cats – but damn, there’s so much to hate about this place. And it’s not just the traffic. It really comes down to there’s just too many people crammed into one spot…even though the spot is really big. Besides, moving depresses me enough to stay put.

I just got out of my car; it’s Monday night, and I dragged my stuff up to the studio. My pal V. helped me up. V’s a B movie actor, and he’s excited, cause he’s writing a movie about a werewolf that’s trapped in a women’s prison.

“So you’re shooting for both the horror and women’s prison fanatics?”

“Um, yea,” V. says, and he looks at me like I’m kinda dumb.

“Lotsa lesbo action I hope.”

“Of course. It takes place in a women’s prison.” And he looks at me like I’m really stupid.

I ask V. if he wants any porno phone numbers, and he does; four of them, to be exact, and we talk about which four he wants.

I suggest Spring Thomas and Julia Bond, just cause they kick a whole bunch of ass – including werewolf ass. He listens, thanks me, and he’s off. Which gets me to think a bit more about what it would be like if a werewolf were trapped in a women’s prison…and even though it’s really a silly idea, there’s something about it that will probably work.

I’m hunkering down for the night. I’ve got my iTunes locked to Indie PopRocks! on SOMA FM, which is all I ever listen to – that and Howard Stern on Sirius. The space heater makes my room comfy, and while I go over my schedule for tomorrow’s scenes, I’m thinking that right now, at this very moment in time, my life is pretty good.

I spent the 6 hour drive on the phone, mostly: I confirmed a bunch of my shoots this week, and spoke to some friends. Spring Thomas told me all about her day, and the classes she ditched, and the classes she went to; Makenzie Wilson chatted me up about her blog; my mom wanted to make sure I was OK; I stopped at the Bose store and got a carrying case for my SoundDock; I ate Japanese soup and a chocolate chip muffin; I thought a lot about nothing much.

Yo La Tengo sings Double Dare and there’s a hum in the studio that never goes away.

OK: so it’s Erin Moore on Tuesday. (This, of course, will be yesterday in real time, cause Tuesday’s my cartoon day, and by the time you actually read this it’ll be Wenesday!) Erin’s got a new name, and a new site, but who knows how long it’s gonna be before the site’s up. She’s working with a new girl named Page Morgan. I met Page at the Porno Hotel on Winetka in Chatsworth; I think at any one time there’s like 20 porno chicks from out of town staying there. I knew I’d like Page from the second we met cause she smiled a lot and she has a title from a Clash song tattooed on her arm.

Know Your Rights! These are your rights…

Page is gonna do a b/b/g from Blacks On Blondes tomorrow, too. “B/B/G” is pornospeak for what I used to call a “2 on 1” before I got in the biz.

Wenesday (today) it’s Phoebe, and she’s about as cute as they come. She’s going to work with Erin Moore, then we’re driving out to the Gloryhole. Should make for a fun day.

Thursday is Spring Thomas day! She’s got a cuckold in the morning; then, I think, she’ll do a b/g and I might hire some load dumpers to come drop one or two or three on her after she’s done fucking.

Friday is a new girl, for a new site, and it’s a secret, and The Producer is all excited about it, and I suppose I am, too.

Then it’s back to Phoenix. Next week I’m actually going to take a week off and go to London and check out England. I hear the Jack The Ripper walking tour is kinda cool. I know I’ll look at art, too. The Magna Carta. The Rosetta Stone.

Anything but porn.

See, I told you I’m into the psychology of porn lately, so I wanted to show you this, from a popular fan-based chat board; it’s a thread called What do you want in today’s filthy porno vids? and here’s some of the fans’ replies, listed in no particular order:

1) “Personally, I know I want to see more slapping, beating, and just general roughness! We need to amp up the energy!”

2) “… we need to see less chicks with tatoos and fake tits.”

3) “… there should be lots of humiliation too. Piss in her mouth, make her choke on it and cry.”

4) “I’d surely love to see some more fetish get worked in,such as foot worship,smothering,and tickling,since it would be pretty fun to see the actresses attempt to hold themselves from maniacally giggling.”

5) “What do I like to see? More slapping, humiliation, general degradation. Love it! It’s a big thrill to see these women truly degraded on film, it’s all in the reality! Remember, the audience is very sensitive to just how hard guys slap the whores. These guys who hit softly should just do vanilla work, they can’t do rough porn. I remember from Slap Happy that you [Billy’s note: referring to my pal Brandon Irons’s line of DVD’s] have a talent for verbal humiliation, like to see you use that more.”

6) “I would like to see girls puke up by the throughtfucking. Why not Two girls drinking a lot of milk and then puke it al over each other? Then I would like to see girls handcopted on their back when they been throughtfucked. Finally, I want to see legs wide spread real gymnastic, holding them out by another girl ore by a gang.”

7) “I wanna see BLACK GIRLS TAKIN’ IT DEEP IN THE ASS!!! I wanna see porn’s most depraved-hardcore-merciless- asspounding studs make black chick’s assholes look like Sammy Davis Jr. with his eye out.”

8) “Several minutes of non-stop action where a group of guys take turns using there cocks to slap a starlets face as hard as she can take it. Not just a few half harded taps, but several hundred hard core wacks are administered during the scene until the starlets cheeks and forehead are a flushed rosy pink or even beet red.Spitting on her face and hair in between or during cock slaps is optional. Bukkake style facial follows.”

9) Asshole sucking: A circle jerk scene where our starlet is made to lick, tongue fuck and suck real hard on each guys asshole, one after the other until she’s told to stop.”

10) “The car wash treatment: Several guys dump hudge loads of cum all over the womens enire face. One guy or women then uses his or her hand to rub, spread and smear the cum into her face with such vigor that it resembles a simonize job.Nice and frothy. Then our starlet models the artwork for us viewers to enjoy.”

And since I’m having so much fun reading these, one more, just for your pleasure: “Face humping: Several guys take turns holding the women by her hair while humping her face with there cocks like a dog humps a persons leg.The guys use there cocks to smear the pre-cum, cum and spit all over her face.”

Man, there’s a lot of pent-up anger out there; I’m so glad I was born a dude. And, as a director/producer, I gotta tell ya, even if it means losing money, or changing my job, I ain’t shooting this…the closest I come is number nine.

All this silly stuff is just bad for business, and, even though I’m all about a person’s autonomy, um…nope. I ain’t buying it.

No sir.

I’ve been big lately on psychology and our upbringing, and the way it relates to porn, although I never really studied psych in school – besides the obligatory Psych 101. Anyway, I’m always looking for ties to why people do what they do. Cause we live in a crazy world. And it all comes back to what happened to us when we were young.

As it relates to porn? Well, I’ll get to that…but this goes not only for the talent in my business, but for what you and I look for when we look at porn as consumers.

See, I’m a big fan of facials, and lately, I think I know why. And before that, for a very short time and a very long time ago, I was a huge fan of lesbians…again, I think I know why.

I’ll start with the lesbian thing first: it’s 1977, and I’m in 7th grade, and about 3 blocks away from where I was living then, lay the desert. The wide open, rattlesnakes and scorpions, desert. Now it’s a strip mall, but then, you could find a horny toad, a scorpion, and a rattlesnake if you turned over the three closest rocks.

We also found a pile of stroke mags once, under a Palo Verde tree, and as secretly as possible, we hustled them back to our fort. What a haul! It was better than sunken treasure: tons of Oui, Playboy, Penthouse, and the very best of the lot – Hustler. What filth! And it was in that pile o’ gold I saw my first pics of girl-on-girl sex, and it made my head spin.

Our fort turned into a lending library for all the boys in the neighborhood.

I couldn’t think of anything else for the next, say, 2 years. On the way to school, it was all about girls licking each other’s boobies. I’d be in Mr. Boswell’s algebra class, thinking about girls making out. In PE class, girls licking each other’s vaginas. After school, I’d race to the fort and grab something off the circulation desk – usually a Hustler – and head home and beat my meat until I couldn’t anymore. Or, until it was time for dinner. Usually while listening to Boston’s first record, or Frampton Comes Alive.

Things all changed in 9th grade. I was 14. My pal Biff had an older brother, Todd. Todd was going to be a senior in high school. We all looked up to Todd, for various reasons, the biggest being his library of Swedish Erotica. Super 8 films. And the literature/pamphlets that went along with them. Add to that their dad’s super 8 projector, and after school Biff’s house was a stag party. Better than a Friday night at the local VFW Hall.

John Holmes was The King. Seka, The Queen. Then there was Sharon Mitchell. Ron Jeremy. Aunt Peg. And various actors and actresses you’d see once, and never see again. Kinda like now.

The super 8 shorts didn’t have much of a plot, lasted less than 10 minutes, and I think Todd had maybe four of them. Five tops. And while they were watching the movies, I’d have to “take a piss” and I’d grab one of the pamphlets, and it was there I saw, for the first time, a picture of a girl getting a facial.

My lord! What in the world? It made my head spin. Obviously more than the lesbians. And sometimes, I don’t think my head stopped spinning…until I started making dirty movies. (Feel “addicted” to porn? Just become a director, my friend. You’ll be instantly cured.)

It’s the reason why I had my hand in creating sites like Spunkmouth and Jizz On My Glasses. It’s the reason why I rented Peter North movies, when I rented porn. And even though interracial sex fiends love to see cream pie endings to their favorite films, I usually opt out for the facial when I’m in the director’s seat. It’s not about the humiliation factor, either, although I know that’s what pushes a lot buttons for most dudes; to me, it’s just about seeing something sexy that isn’t natural, I suppose. Just like lesbos.

Sometimes, I wonder what happened to poor Rob Black and Max Hardcore when they were growing up…