TC writes:

Hi, My name is TC i live south of boston i have recently came across your web site and would like to introduce my proposal to be a talent scout for your company. Even tho i am 18 i have girls naked on a weekly basic and feel as tho i will later be able to start my own company as well, but for now i would like to support the cause and see if you would be interested in further talk towards this subject. I personaly feel as tho i would be able to bring your company to new heights with the acces that i have towards girls who like to get naked for me, free of charge who only knows what they’ll do for some bill’s. get back in touch with me soon if your interested in hearing my intirety.

-TC-

Heya TC!

Before I made dirty movies, I taught people how to write – essays and research papers, primarily. It was an honorable living, and, at the end of the day, I felt great. It’s really something to work – and get paid – to help improve a person’s life, even though it’s a modest living.

Very modest.

Now I make more money, but I no longer help people better their lives, unless you include helping horny dudes launch their loads all over their computer keyboards as a betterment to a life; in that case, if you judge my deeds solely on that criteria, then I’m destined for Sainthood.

With that being said, I’d like to give you a piece of advice…if for no other reason than to simply help better your chances for employment in the future: please don’t write another thing to anyone, ever again…no matter what it is. Don’t write to all the girls you manage to get naked on a weekly basis; for goodness sakes don’t write to a potential employer; I’d even stay away from writing mom or dad, even if it’s their birthday. Just stop writing, right now, and never do it again.

Somehow, I don’t think you do it too much, anyhow – writing, that is.

On a completely different note, how is it, exactly, that you manage to bed numerous chicks on a weekly basis? You really don’t address that in your e-mail, and I’ll be the first to admit there is absolutely no correlation between getting laid and a person’s ability to write a letter, or a paragraph…or even a novel or short story.

Just look at me.

The same thing can’t be said for poetry; even bad poets seem to find an equally bad audience, and this is why most poets get laid.

Maybe I should start to write poems?

To digress even further, it’s late, and my very good friend just left to go back home to Tennessee, and I’m sitting here with my dogs, and my satellite radio is singing to me, and, to tell you the truth, it’s lonely here in my Ghetto Porno Studio.

So here’s a picture of Bree Olson, just cause you were nice enough to drop me a line. No one’s ever seen it before, except my Friend from Tennessee. I just shot Bree Sunday for a new site I’m about to develop. And she’s the latest update at Spunkmouth. Did I mention how her scene turned out over at Spunkmouth? My God! When you join Spunkmouth, you’ll see…it doesn’t get much better when it comes to filthy, dirty movies. I think she’s the very best thing to hit Porno Valley since, well, hmmmm – maybe Barbie Cummings.

Or Sasha Gray.

Finally, I’ll have to decline your kind offer to be my Northeast Talent Scout, but I appreciate your interest in doing so. You might want to hit the dude from Exploited Teens up on your offer – he’s in your neck of the woods.

Just have someone else write the e-mail for you.

As always – your pal Billy

V writes:

Hey Billy, I have a few questions. How many male porn actors also do gay porn? I hear that men working in gay porn get paid more than in straight porn? And I hear that, supposedly, half the guys in gay porn have HIV and if this is true, how are they still able to work? And do porn girls care if the guy they are working with does gay porn in addition to performing with women or is it a non factor?

Heya V!

Let’s see if I can help you out, here. I know that there’s some “straight” male talent out here that have done gay porn, but I can’t be sure on a number. In addition, there’s lots of rumors that seem to circulate, and usually rumors are nothing more than lies, all dressed up with no where to go.

The male talent in gay scenes do get more, in some cases, and in other cases I know for a fact they get the same rate. How do I know this is fact? Well, our sister site, Blacks on Boys …I don’t shoot the scenes for Blacks on Boys, but my good friend (and old studio parter) does, and he tells me how much they get. He also shoots for other gay sites, and the pay’s about the same – maybe a bit more.

Top talent in the gay talent pool do make good money though – more than top talent in the straight talent pool. I watched Jeff Stryker, King of the Gay For Pay dudes (and totally gay if you ask me) claim on an HBO show about porn that he got $50,000 for a single scene. I simply don’t believe that. I’ve also heard of gay for pay rates as high as $3500 for per guy per scene, and, while I believe that way more than Stryker’s claim, I can’t confirm any of this.

I once asked a guy who shoots gay porn about HIV testing, and he laughed at me and said “if they had to pass an HIV test for gay porn there would be no gay porn.” I found this shocking, and I have no idea how accurate his statement is.

Finally, I refuse to hire any talent for straight scenes if I know, for a fact, they’ve done gay porn. And I never, never hire anyone without a current test. The girls are fairly keen on what guys have done gay porn, and they usually won’t take work that involves sex scenes with “gay for pay” talent.

One last thing – and totally unrelated here – how exactly is someone “gay for pay”? Oh sure, I know what it means …but, particularly, gay porn means the same thing straight porn does …specifically both guys getting hard and popping …and sorry, my dick ain’t working around another dude – and for sure it ain’t popping. Unless, of course, we’re both banging a chick.

Which means they’re not really “gay for pay”, but bi-sexual at best. Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, or bi.

And did I mention No Way Am I Gay? And if anyone out there would like to stoke it on camera, hit me up! You’re not gay; you’re doing it for the money; and a LOT of straight guys in the porno biz have done solo stroke scenes.

Think of it as a try out…cause if you can stroke it in front of a camera crew without a girl helping you out, you’ll probably do well for straight sex scenes, and hey, no way it’s gay!

Thanks for the e-mails, and keep ’em coming!

Your pal, Billy

I got some very interested feedback on Gianna.

V writes:

Hey Billy. I have to agree with what that other guy said about Gianna. When I first saw her on Bangbros I fell in love with her (not literally of course). Like you said, I don’t know why Gianna isn’t more famous or a bigger pornstar than she is. I think Gianna has a very unique look. She has something that makes her stand out compared to other girls in porn, but I don’t know what. But you’re a lucky bastard, man, I wish I can meet her. I envy all the male talent that got to poke her.

V.

My biggest fan DN (who I think I’ll now refer to as “DN The Hater”) also commented on the recent string of Gianna posts:

She has a great body, but the face! She looks like she is enjoying that shower about as much as she would enjoy a letter from the IRS concerning the last seven years’ un-paid taxes. The problem with so-called porn stars is that their faces are almost always dead. Poor immitations of how a person would look who was enjoying herself, found something really funny, was outraged, etc., Although their bodies may fool us into believing in them, it only works if one doesn’t look at the eyes. There one can see the evidence of a life wasted in the pursuit of money, acceptance, and all the rest of the things which are wonderful when they augment an already existant sense of purpose and usefulness, but in the absence of which, only leave a bitter taste in the mouth and usually end up leading to a loss of whatever money or acceptance one fleetingly gained from its pursuit.

DN

I usually have things to say about the Super Fun E-Mails I receive, but I don’t have anything to say today at all. About anything. And it has nothing to do with DN The Hater and his silly, silly comments.

Dane writes:

Billy,

Your faithful reader,
Dane

Heya Dane!

Take a look at the very first pic I took of the lovely Miss Mason. It was in the make-up chair, maybe just an hour before James Deen pummled her silly for one of her very first scenes ever – a Riley Mason spunkmouth. And after that, it was a Riley Mason Jizz On My Glasses …one of the worst facial obliterations I’ve had the pleasure to partake in.

But you really didn’t ask about that, did you Dane?

Whenever you need to know what a word means, your default place to go is the trusty dictionary…a place, I’m sure, you hated to go while you were in school. Shit, all kids hate to consult the dictionary. Why do that when your teacher – who’s standing right in front of you – can do the same thing, and much more quickly, too?

According to dictionary.com, a whore is “a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money”. Now, I really wanted to see how dictionary.com measures up to the mother-of-all-single-volume dictionaries – Webster’s Second Edition. (Note: I can’t afford the 32 volume “OED” – Oxford English Dictionary).

Webster’s says a whore is “a woman who practices unlawful sexual commerce, esp. one who prostitutes her body for hire; a harlot”.

This, of course, is completely different than how the judge in California v. Freeman decided. See, there was this dude named Freeman, and he did pretty much the same thing I do, and the state nailed him on a pandering charge. This was just another attempt by the Right Wingers to shut down my business. Pandering is, for the most part, finding someone to have sex with someone else, which is how a pimp functions with his whore. In the state where I live, pandering is a class 6 felony. In California pandering is a felony, too…I think. Might be a misdemeanor, but a naughty, naughty one. I’m not sure. I’m not a lawyer.

Are you following me here Dane? Or am I rambling?

Cause here’s one of your answers: Riley Mason is not a whore. She’s an adult motion picture actress, and she’s protected by law to appear in movies in which she’s compensated to engage in non-obscene sexual acts with other people as long as said motion pictures are produced soley in the state of California.

Whew.

You can always count on me for fancy jargon…just don’t ask me to define obscene.

But I still really haven’t answered you, have I Dane? You asked what I think. And what I think is the Judge in the Freeman ruling was a very, very smart person, and it doesn’t really matter what I think; it matters more how the courts ruled…cause not-too-long ago shooting an adult movie was a very risky thing that could have cost you a lot, and now it doesn’t. As long as you do it in California.

And Riley Mason is one of my very favorite whores ever. Which doesn’t make her a slut, cause a slut just fucks a whole bunch of people for free.

Whores are smart business people.

Sluts are dummies.

And as long as the camera is rolling, we’re all just fine, thank you very much.

Your pal – Billy

PS: I’ve been trying to hire Lexi Belle, but with no luck. I’ll ask around about Gwen Diamond…just for you.

DN writes:

you may think you’re a “gentleman” because you didn’t fuck Barbie Cummings but she is at this very moment telling her friends that you are too “gentle” and not “man” enough otherwise she wouldn’t have needed to masturbate while in your bed, let alone blogged on myspace. Fifi was right : piss on this!

DN

You guys don’t know this, but DN loves to hate on me and my blog. I get all sorts of hate mail from him. Just got two more today…one calling me a “coward” cause I don’t allow comments on the blog anymore. (I got tired of weeding spam out of them). DN has also taken time out of his day to slam me in past about gloryholes, and the fact they “don’t exist”.

It’s kinda fun, actually, getting hate mail. I wish more of you scurvy bastards would send some.

I try to answer all my hate mail, too. In this particular instance I told DN the truth, which is DN wished he was, in fact, me. DN wants very, very badly to be Billy Watson. I said something like Dude, you wish you were me, and you love my blog, and my life, and you wish it were yours, and blah blah blah. I wanted to goad something out of him, and boy, did it work!

man, I like your blog for the same reason people like to drive by car wrecks. A shameful, if understandable fascination for scenes of human failure. You serve a purpose. You remind us that when we became ungrateful for what we have, we can always look at guys like you and say to ourselves, “at least I don’t have to watch high school drop-outs give each other infectious diseases all day and never get laid myself.” Then we go back to our careers and families and future with a more balanced outlook.

DN

What does this poor sap fail to realize? DN is describing himself. Exactly. To a T.

DN – you do watch high school drop-outs (and graduates…and college drop outs and graduates) give each other infectious diseases all day and you never get laid…huh, DN?

See, like most porn haters, DN can’t stand porn cause he can’t stand himself, and porn controls his life.

I bet DN has a list of porn girls he’d love to bang – all of which, according to him, never even got their high school diploma. Thank God you don’t need to graduate high school in order to have sex!

DN sneaks off to the computer room after Wifey is fast asleep, and he pleasures himself endlessly…and hates himself for it as he wipes his own cum off his fat stomach and sneaks back into bed, fearful he might awaken The Beast.

If DN actually got laid, he wouldn’t be surfing porn. He wouldn’t know about this blog, or Gloryholes, or any such nonsense. His lucky wife would have drained those tiny balls for him, and DN would be snoring next to her, instead of scouring the internet for as much free porn as his hard drive could hold.

And taking time to engage me in debates about gloryholes? I bet DN is – or was – a member of Gloryhole.com. And he loves my work. Your computer is crammed with some of your very favorite scenes, isn’t it DN?

DN loves his hard drive more than that balanced outlook and career and family he claims to have.

Newsflash – pornography doesn’t create an addiction to porn anymore than a pint of Guiness creates an alcoholic. We all know it goes way beyond whatever substance the addict is abusing.

I’m not here to offend anyone – DN included. That’s never been the purpose of I Shoot Porn. I do, from time to time, take a second or two to defend porn. Cause it deserves to be defended. Imagine life without our 4 beloved legal vices: booze, gambling, tobacco, and porn. Imagine how bored we’d all get.

Imagine having to watch a football game without throwing back a few cold ones.

Imagine having to watch a football game without betting on it.

Imagine having to watch a football game without sucking down that nicotine and letting it nestle in your lungs.

Then, imagine coming home to your boring old slice of pie you call a wife and having to either fuck her, or go hide in the closet from her and jack it like a monkey in the zoo…cause she quit fucking you after kid number 3.

Or coming home to no one at all and being alone, again, for another night. And you end up jacking…but not to porn, cause the Conservative Right has ended it all. So, you end up wanking to the same images you’ve been wanking to, over and over…the same ones stored up in your brain for years and years – maybe it was the first girl you lost it to, or maybe spying in on your neighbor’s mom whilst she showered after a long day at work.

The only thing worse than not being able to jack to porn might be actually having to bang your wife.

Or DN’s wife.

How about watching that same game, getting buzzed, covering the spread and winning a few bucks while giving all your pals second hand smoke? Then going home and hitting the computer to watch a brand new scene featuring those well-known high school drop outs like Bella Donna or Spring Thomas or Barbie Cummings, or…well, you get the picture.

DN, do not pity me. My future, my career, or whatever else you may dream up next time you sit down to bang out another hate mail. My future and career are all as balanced as yours. Even more, I bet. And don’t hate me either, dude…just cause you want my life. Oh, and wait till you see what I’ve been having the girls do at the gloryhole – they’re swallowing now!

Swallowing a stranger’s jizz.

Every last drop.

FOR REAL.

So renew your membership, DN, cause you’re gonna love every second of it.

Your pal – Billy

JG writes:

I was kinda surprised to read that you saw the Pogues at the Wiltern. I flew to NYC to see them in March. Shane was pouring gin down his throat all night but never fucked up, even through the tricky verses of “Bottle of Smoke” that I can’t recite stone-sober. Like you, I’m glad I got to see him while he’s still around.

Oh, I do have one question for you. What do you think of Gianna? I know you shot her for a Spring Thomas scene, but I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned her on your blog.

Hey JG!

Damn…I got a lot of e-mails on The Pogues show, but never one about Gianna, which never made any sense to me, cause I think Gianna’s as close to flawless as you can find in my biz. She’s a woman, too…I mean look at her. She’s not waifish, but when someone describes a girl that way, the first thing you think is she’s fat.

Not Gianna.

She’s a woman…the kind Rubens would have loved to paint, if he could have found a woman in the 17th century built like Gianna. See, as fas as I’m concerned, Gianna’s a rare gem. Shit brotha, you should see her in real life! I mean she’s curvy without being fat, she’s beautiful, and she’ll do naughty, naughty things on camera. I dunno why she isn’t more popular.

And here’s a weird thing – I’ve only shot her twice: once for Blacks On Blondes, and once for Spring Thomas. Here’s a couple of pics from the Blacks On Blondes shoot.

Gianna’s a great person to work with, too. She’s genuine, a real treat, and I think I’m gonna call her up and book her tomorrow for whatever it is I can book her in.

That’s how much I like Gianna.

As for Shane MacGowan and The Pogues, well, they were great, too.

Sometimes I think I’m the luckiest guy in the world, and life is nothing short of spectacular…and it’s things like Gianna and seeing the Pogues play “Fairytale of New York” live that make me feel this way.

Your pal – Billy

(Not the real) Ron Jeremy writes:

I want to bring up something that has been on my mind.

Not the real Ron

Ron, my old friend!

It’s always good to hear from you; in fact, I giggle like a little girl in front of her brand new Easy-Bake oven on Christmas Morn’ whenever I see one of your e-mails in my box. I don’t know if it’s your politically incorrect, racist language that does it for me, or simply just the fact that you often ask excellent questions…or, as evident in this witty piece of correspondance, make excellent, true-to-life observations.

Either way, it’s almost always a win-win whenever I open one of your e-mails; today’s no exception.

Your pal,

Billy.

PS: Jayma would never, ever lie to me…just like Spring hasn’t. Or won’t.

Never ever.

Dutch writes:

Mr. Watson,

Dutch

Dutch!

Thanks for your kind words – and your argument – even though parts of it were so fancy, I’m not so sure exactly what it is you’re saying. Let me reiterate porn isn’t art and can never be art; porn is nothing more that a mastubartory device, and it’s a wonderful one at that. Motive doesn’t determine art; and you can be one serious motherfucker, but if you don’t have any talent, you’ll never create art.

Before I can proceed, we need some definitions here, brother…problem is, coming up with a way not only to define words like “genius”, but define them in a way we can all agree makes sense. Well, wait. We probably can all agree on a definition for “genius”; it’s coming up with examples of genius that will only add fuel to the fire.

For example, ask my dad if Bob Dylan is a genius; then, ask my grandma is Frank Sinatra is one.

So let’s define art…or, let someone else define it: according to Dictionary.com, art has many different definitions, but number one on their list is the “quality, production, expression, or realm, according to aesthetic principles, of what is beautiful, appealing, or of more than ordinary significance.”

In other words, Dictionary.com is saying Porn can be Art. It just depends on what we find “beautiful”? Is this silkscreen of an electric chair Warhol executed “beautiful”? How much “significance” does it carry? How about that pretty still-life my grandma painted in her studio? (My granny was a painter, by the way, and sure, I’ll call her an artist – but certainly not a genius.) And nothing she ever produced as an artist is “significant”.

How about Mr. McKai’s film Neu Wave Hooker? He sure did give it an arty spelling. And I’m sure it’s beautiful when you have your pants down around your ankles and you’ve just blown your wad all over your stomach and it’s time to grab the blast rag and clean up. And that’s all the significance it has.

It ain’t art, my man. Sorry. It’s a mastubatory aid, and that’s that.

With that, I shall now define pornography, cause, honestly, I have no idea what art is, but I know it when I see it…just like you have your art, and Eon McKai has his…anyway:

Pornography – anything visual or auditory that helps a fellah blow his load when he can’t have the real thing.

In fact, the second a piece of art helps you blow a load, it becomes porn, and it loses any and all artistic integrity it may have posessed.

Finally, I don’t “disdain” Eon McKai at all; I really have no idea about him as a person, although some of the talent I’ve shot that has worked with McKai have nothing but nice things to say about him. I dunno if he’s a genius, and, in fact, I’m not sure of anyone’s “genius”…but I think I know it when I see it. Or hear it. Or taste it. Or feel it.

Hope this clarifies things…and, I think, it’s time to bury this topic – at least on my blog.

Your pal – Billy