Category Archives: The First Time I Met Her

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, The First Time I Met Her, Whatever Happened to Her?, Worst of Billy Watson

Spunkmouth Kaya

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kaya
When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.

Lately people have been asking about being male talent in this industry. I thought I’d reflect upon my experience.

This blog’s original air date: September 19th, 2005

A lot of people ask me “whatever happened to (fill in the name of the porn girl here)?” so I think I’m gonna start a new category devoted solely to this.

Today I look back – fondly, I might add – at Kaya. I was lucky enough to shoot this Asian hottie two times, both in the same abadonded warehouse in a funky part of town. The first scene was a boy/girl scene with this cat named Sean; the second time Big Dick Nikle jumped into the action with Sean.

The first time I met her was at the warehouse – just minutes before we started shooing. In those days I always met the girls before I shot them, just to make sure I really wanted to work with them. For some reason Kaya couldn’t meet me, and Dick Nikle was going nuts over her, so I said sure, let’s do it.

When she walked in that warehouse, my jaw just about dropped.

She’s only 5 feet tall, which makes her D tits look even bigger than they already are. Her body was flawless, and her skin looked really smooth, and you could tell it was before you even touched it. I knew when I saw her this was the first true hottie I would shoot in my porno career. Not only was she hot, but she was really cool, too. And unlike most amateurs, she had this very keen sense of business. She knew the LA rates for scenes, cause I said, while we were shaking hands, “I want to shoot you as many times as I can” and she giggled and said “I’ll do two guys next, but I need $1000!”

I can’t believe these shoots went down almost 3 years ago. I can’t believe my stills were so awful. When I look at that picture I posted, I just shake my head. Oh well…there’s a learning curve for everything.

And I can’t believe Kaya was cool letting a few of my pals stand around and watch her get fucked while my camera was rolling. I’ll call it “The Peanut Gallery”.

And finally, I can’t believe she just vanished, but she did. I never saw her after that last scene. Word came to me from Dick Nikel that “her family discovered she was doing porn” and part of me believes that…and part doesn’t. Maybe she realized fucking on film wasn’t for her.

Not too long ago my pal Ryan, who works at one of my favorite record stores, had some exciting news. He went out to eat the previous night, and guess who waited on him? Yea…it was Kaya. I asked Ryan, “Did you tell her you’re a fan of her work on my site?

He didn’t. And that makes him a smart man.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not), The First Time I Met Her, Thumb Galleries You Might Dig

Katrina Rosebud and her trip to the Glory hole

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Katrina Rosebud

When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.

This blog’s original air date: October 23rd, 2005.

I’m laying around Dogfart’s secret mansion one night, watching TV and just cold-stone chillin’, when out of the blue Katrina Rosebud plops herself right next to me on the couch. She says hello, introduces herself, begins rubbing the inside of my thigh almost immediately, and asks if I’d like a back rub.

I know, I know. I can’t believe it, either. But I make a quick decision to ride this wave as far as she’ll take me.

Next thing I know we’re really getting friendly. I’m getting my back rubbed, she’s telling me her life story, and I’m still laying there thinking this can’t be true. But it was. I mean the back rub was real, and the conversation was real…her hands all over my ass was real.

And when she asked me to jacuzzi, it was very fucking real.

Next thing I know I’m naked, and she’s naked, and we’ve cracked a couple beers, and we’re making out in the jacuzzi. It’s a clear night, the coastline from Malibu to LAX is lit up like a Christmas tree, and I’m thinking there’s really nothing better right now than my life. I mean this is what Porno Land is all about – one second I’m watching TV, and the next minute Katrina Rosebud and I are naked in the jacuzzi, and now I’m on the edge and she’s about ready to start sucking my dick.

That’s when her friend came up and whispered something in her ear.

Katrina tells me to wait a sec…that she’ll be right back. And I say sure thing honey bunny and close my eyes to take it all in. I haven’t even been in Porno Land a month and already I’m hanging out with Porn Stars, and I’m in a multi-million dollar estate with Dogfart and the Crew, and we’re making porn by day and partying by night, and well…like I said: it don’t get any better than this. Fuck..who knows? Maybe both of them are on their way out here to fuck me silly.

A little later and no Katrina Rosebud. No friend. No one. I jump out of the jacuzzi to find my new girlfriend, and I’m thinking she’s inside, getting me a beer or something, and I’m gonna run into her on her way out to me.

Um, nope.

There’s Katrina Rosebud, fully-clothed, talking to Byron Long. Or Wesley Pipes. Or one of the crew. I don’t remember who.

“Hey Katrina, what’s up? Coming back?”

She looks at me like I’m the Elephant Man. And she didn’t answer me, either. I have no idea what’s up, until I find out the next day this all had to do with that secret whisper from her pal…it went something like this: Katrina. That is not the Producer. It’s not the guy renting the mansion. He’s just a lowly second cameraman. He can’t get you any work. I tried motioning that to you while you were rubbing his back in front of the TV. Get the fuck out of the jacuzzi now, and I’ll introduce to the right guy.

So there you have it. Katrina did end up getting a scene, but nothing else. Here’s her free glory hole movie.

And my ride with Katrina Rosebud had ended. Until a few years later, when I was in my LA studio, figuring out my shooting schedule, when I looked up to see Katrina. She had gained weight, looked tired, and she was hurting for work.

I smiled and asked if she remembered me.

Of course she hadn’t.

I smiled again and said I’d call her if I had anything.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not), The First Time I Met Her, Worst of Billy Watson

Lisa Marie and STD’s.

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Lisa Marie


When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.

This blog’s original air date: September 27, 2005…so I don’t know if her e-mail is still any good. I don’t even think she’s in the biz anymore. I suppose you could try the e-mail if you’re a fan. But don’t e-mail her just to shit talk, ok? By the way, I still like this entry enough to run it again whilst on the road to the Czech Republic.

By the way, anyone know what the girls are like there?

Oh…and Lisa Marie did come back, more than once…so how about I toss some free movies your way?

Here’s a Lisa Marie and Ruth Blackwell interracial movie for ya.

Here’s Lisa Marie in the glory hole. I remember very cleary she pulled a pen from her purse and scribbled “Skeezah Skeezah The Dick Pleezah” on the bathroom wall. I don’t remember if she told me her high school nickname was “Skeezah” but I think she did.

Yesterday Lisa Marie showed up for her shoot – early – and realizes, while she’s shooting pool in my green room, that her HIV test just expired 24 hours ago.

It’s a long story, but last month she tested positive for gonorrhea…and her retest was delayed…and the next thing you know she’s forgetting the original date of her HIV test…see, I told you it’s a long story.

And now you’re thinking one of two things – you’re either grossed out that she’s got a STD, or you’re thinking she “deserves” it, or she “got what was coming to her”.

Or, you can’t believe I just posted it here — on my blog — for all to read.

Well, I asked Lisa if I could write about it, cause this is a porn blog, and it’s about the sex business, and these sorts of things happen all the time in Porno Land. And I want people that don’t live and work in Porno Land to know a little about what it’s like to do so. And she OK’d it.

Sure, porn stars are tested every 30 days for HIV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. But in a world where friends and strangers fuck for a living, STD’s are commonplace. And it’s also commonplace on every college campus in the nation, but that’s a different story. Or is it? I mean I got chlamydia when I was in school, and almost all my pals came down with drippy dick once or twice.

So don’t blame porn, brother.

I could ramble on about Herpes and Staph — both which aren’t part of the Porno STD test — but then I’m afraid I might ruin porn for ya.

Anyway, I was bummed, cause Lisa Marie is a heet, and she’s nice, and she loves to fuck on camera, and I know I’m gonna miss a great scene. I tell her this. And she comes back with a date next month to reschedule, and an unpublished pic for my blog. How fucking cool is that? The pic was shot by Floyd Hardwick; it’s one of his test shots, and it’s gonna end up somewhere on a Jim Lane product…don’t know which one, yet.

Then she gave me her e-mail to post here, so more of her fans can write! She loves getting e-mails as much as I dig reading your comments on this, so here ya go: LM4202004 at Yahoo (dot) com. So write and tell her how much you love her.

I know I do.

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, The First Time I Met Her

Barney, the Telle-Tubbies, Huffalumps…and Julia Bond.

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Julia Bond free movies

When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.

This blog’s original air date: September 16, 2005

I had lunch today with Julia Bond and her manager, bodyguard, and Supa Dupa Luva DJ Fingaz. I use the adjective “supa dupa luva” totally out of respect for Fingaz, cause, well…in order to be Julia Bond’s boyfriend, you gotta be supa dupa in the sac.

Right?

Well, maybe not. I mean I dunno. I do know Fingaz is an internationally known DJ who’s worked with just about every Hip-Hop name you can come up with.

Julia Bond is the hottest new porn starlet since maybe Jenna.

I’m being serious now: Julia reminds me of Bella Donna in the sense that a camera does either no justice. Sure, they look great in pictures — Julia even more so than Bella — but in person, they’re both mind blowing. And for being a barely-legal, Julia Bond’s scenes hold their own against almost anyone working the circuit today. I can’t imagine what they’re gonna be like a couple years from now if she stays in the game.

So what’s a porn starlet order for lunch? Steak (well done) with potatoes and veggies and a vanilla shake, of course. (When a chocolate shake arrived instead, she was told there are no vanilla shakes…which was weird. Why chocolate and no vanilla?)

Conversation ranged from Fingaz international travels spinning to Julia’s childhood obsession with Barney, the Telle-Tubbies, and Huffalumps.

“I used to beat off to the Tubbies and Barney when I was a kid,” she giggled. “And my sister caught me humping my Huffalump. After that, I quit.” She especially liked the satin side of Huffalump, cause it was sooooo soft.

Enough. I was lucky enough to shoot Julia seven times. Her scene on Spunkmouth turned out great. She was a total sport, even going as far as eating spunk off a plate.

Over at Jizz On My Glasses, she blew a gigantic black dick in her super hot bikini…which eventually came completely off, so I guess she didn’t really suck the dude off in her bikini.

I just prepped her scene on Spring Thomas, and I think she’s live on BlacksonBlondes and Gloryhole.

Whew.

Oh! I almost forgot…I’m getting ready to launch a handjob site, and she’s on that, too.

After all this I wanna be a Huffalump for Halloween.

And ring Julia’s doorbell.

How To Make A Dirty Movie, The First Time I Met Her

The Top Five Scenes (as of today) Featured at The Dick Suckers — Number 5, Miss Serena Taylor

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Serena Taylor

Wanna start a dirty website?

Seems these days everyone wants one.

The business model is easy: solicit the potential member with free samples, get them to join with an outstanding sales pitch, and keep them happy so every month they don’t want to leave your website. It’s the same business model your health club used to get you to join. Or, that book club you joined. You get the picture.

Then, ask for help! Hire people to sell your site and give them a percentage of the sale…or, just a flat referral fee if the person they send to your business actually buys something. Kinda like Amway does…or used to do. Cause I dunno if Amway’s still around.

That’s it! Really. Simple, right?

In my business, I want to sell the very best masturbatory aids available. That’s what I sell. Material to help dudes beat off. That’s it. Cause let’s face it, your girlfriend, bless her heart, had a great pussy when you first met her, but it’s been a few years now, and that special something has kinda worn off. And your wife, bless her heart, quit caring about satisfying your libido about a day (or so) after you two said your vows.

I sell material to help dudes whack their wiener.

Cause that’s porn’s sole function: it ain’t art, and it ain’t a feature movie; forget about plot, and characterization, and all that silly stuff. Gimme a hot chick doing something really wrong, make sure I’m all alone and no one’s expected home for a while, and a ball sac full of jizz, and I’m good to go.

The Dick Suckers is a mighty fine example of the wares I’m offering. Who doesn’t like to see a girl stick a dick in her mouth and bob her head back and forth a whole bunch until the dude can’t hold it anymore, hence, losing his load. At The Dick Suckers, I direct the dudes to shoot in right in her face, cause it’s so wrong and degrading and hot all at the same time.

I kept it simple, too. No fancy names, no silly scenearios. They’re dick suckers, so we called the site TheDickSuckers, and all we do is slap a number on a scene and keep ’em flowing to the members as fast as we can.

We’re closing in on 100 dick suckers featured in the members’ area of the site, and in my opinion the 5th best of all of them is Serena Taylor — here’s some free Serena Taylor blowjob movies to prove, once again, that I’m right.

Serena Taylor

Serena Taylor was a stripper who took out a Sexy Jobs ad a couple of years ago. I contacted Miss Taylor as soon as I read her ad, and we had a nice conversation. My only problem with Serena was her price. She was an expensive scene, and Serena didn’t care whether or not anyone paid her rate.

I admire her for that.

She stuck to her guns through our negotiations, so I decided to cough up the extra dough to hire her. I’m glad I did. She sucked cock like it was an Olympic event and she was going for The Gold. The result? A monster load right to the side of her head, all the time talking like a dirty tramp.

When I shoot my scenes I direct the male talent to keep their mouths shut. Who wants to hear silly jokes and worthless banter? Let the girl talk right to the camera, which means she’s talking right to my members, and they love every second of it.

Makes them lose their load.

Makes them a happy camper.

All I want to be is a successful businessman while spreading joy and stress relief all over our fine land — and, come to think about it more, all over the world…cause now I’ve got members from other, far-away lands.

Which makes me an internationally known film director!

A spreader of joy and stress relief!!

I’ve received e-mails testifying that my movies have helped salvage failed relationships!!!

I should win a Nobel Peace Prize.

And you thought I was nothing more than a dirty pervert scumbag pornographer.

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, The First Time I Met Her, Whatever Happened to Her?

Ruth Blackwell Is Alive and Well — So Is Erin Moore

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Ruth Blackwell

Call it the Jekyll and Hyde thing.

Call it bullshit.

Call it whatever you want.

Once upon a time there was a girl named Erin Moore. She got into the Porno Game about 3 years ago, and she made the rounds. She did great scenes and built up a big fan base. Then she disappeared.

Well, she’s back, but this time as Ruth Blackwell.

Ruth Blackwell is Mr. Hyde to Erin Moore’s Dr. Jekyll, and if you knew Erin at all, then Ruth will scare the shit out of you.

Let’s face it: porno is all about the fantasy. There’s gonna be Ruth haters right away, and they’ll argue something along the lines of “that ain’t Ruth…it’s Erin! This sucks!”

They just don’t get it. Or, they take porno way too seriously. Either way, they’re missing the point.

From Erin came Ruth, and Ruth’s here to stay — at least for the time being. And Ruthie rules. She’s way better than Erin ever was. She takes white girls and converts them to black cock sluts. Then, there’s time the girls who stop by the studio are black cock sluts, and when that’s the case, they take turns.

Either way, the scenes are fucking hot, and I’m not just saying that cause I shot ’em all.

You guys have no idea how much work goes into these sites. This has been a project that got green lighted 18 months ago, and it’s just making its way to the net now. All the scenes are girl-girl boys, and we managed to book everyone from, say, now-you-see-her-now-you-don’t Bailey Bliss, to Vixen, who made the rounds for about 6 months, to superstars like Cherry Poppens and Kelly Wells.

If you like black cock worshippin’ sluts, and if you like to watch Ruth verbally abuse the girls who come over to play, and if you like big black cocks impale white ba-ginas, then you’re gonna love Ruth Blackwell.

It’ll be fun for me, cause these are scenes I haven’t seen since I shot them, which means as I revisit them, I’ll have more fun stories to tell ya.

Who knew that Ruthie would wind up getting knocked up by one of the brothas? But now I’m getting ahead of myself, and that’s never a good thing.

Ruth Blackwell

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, The First Time I Met Her

Barbie’s New Boobies

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howl

I’m starting to crush on Barbie Cummings.

The first time I shot her was for Spunkmouth, and I think it was 3 or 4 months ago. I even interviewed her that day.

Then, of course, I blogged about her the other day…when we had our little slumber party.

Now she’s sending me cell phone pics of her new boobies. That’s right: 34D’s were not enough for Miss Cummings…she wanted more.

Much more.

So she doubled them up. 400-and-something-CC’s to 800+ CC’s…of pure mammary love.

Big Fat Mammary Love.

I used to be kinda down on cosmetic surgery, and I still am…but not as much as I used to be. It’s important for people to feel good about themselves, especially in a society that does its absolute best to put people down at every opprotunity. So if Barbie doubles her tits and the end result is she loves herself twice as much as she did before, then that’s a good thing, and that’s all that matters to me.

When does it backfire? Well, if Barbie’s doing it to please someone else. And from what I know about her, she isn’t.

Now that I have all the polite talk out of the way, just take a look at those babies. Holy Christ. I wanna squirt them down, right now, with whatever baby-batter I have left in my ball sac after rubbing one out just a little while ago. I wanna grope those big ol’ fun bags, and then, after some melon munching, I want to just get lost in them completely, for at least the next day or so.

I wanna fuck those titties silly.

I wanna walk around KMart with Barbie, rushing to a Blue Light Special, her barefoot and giggling and in daisy duke shorts, with nothing but a wife-beater covering up those over-stuffed pleasure pillows. A white trash hoe-down, not cause Barbie’s white trash – not by any means – just cause I think it would be funny to see such a sight…as well as everyone else’s reaction.

Um, what else? A haiku?

Oh Barbie Cummings!
I bet your new tits are so
soft Fifi will bark!

How’s that for a little bit o’ poetry on your otherwise boring Friday?

howl

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not), The First Time I Met Her

Gianna…again.

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Gianna

The first time I met Gianna was on a Spring Thomas set, and it was at least two years ago.

Tonight she was shooting at my pal Nicky’s studio, and I wanted to show her my new place, so after she wrapped with Nicky, she came over to my place for a soda pop…and to talk shop.

First thing I told her was, “you know, it’s funny Gianna, cause I just got some fan mail about you the other day, and I blogged it.”

This made Gianna happy. All porn stars love their fans. I showed her the fan mail, and we chatted a little more.

Turns out Gianna wants her own website, and she wants to own it. The whole thing. And this is great, cause I see so many of these girls practically give their money away…but not Gianna. She’s an owner, and she’s gonna have a great site – very soon. Maybe even by AVN’s.

Gianna liked my new pad – especially the shower. “You know,” she said, “I’d love to have you shoot me in there. Like, right now. Are you up for it?”

What a silly question, Gianna.

Silly, silly girl.

It’s days like these – shooting pictures of Gianna taking a shower at my place – that make me wonder how I got so lucky in this life.

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not), The First Time I Met Her, Whatever Happened to Her?

My Pal Phyllisha Anne

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Gloryhole

The very first porno gal I ever met was Phyllisha Anne. It was August of 1999 in New Orleans at an early Internext show. The Internext show is a national convention for scurvy porno bastards like myself who push their dirty movies over the internet.

I knew Phyllisha Anne from a scene she shot with Jake Steed. This was back in the day when I whacked to porn. She took Jake’s massive load directly to the kisser, and after watching it, I took a load all over myself…from myself. Fun, huh? I often wish I could get off watching porn again…but now it’s just weird. Don’t ask me to explain why.

Anyway, I walked on to that Internext floor in New Orleans, and there she was. I recognized her almost immediately, and I walked up to her and told her I was a fan. It was almost a surreal experience – talking to a porno star – and it’s a feeling I lost long ago. Sometimes, I kinda get that feeling again…the last time I think I got kinda “fanish” was when I met Aurora Snow at her agent’s house. I think I’d act kind of fanish for Kacey, too, if we ever get to meet.

Maybe not.

Phyllisha Anne was super nice on that convention floor in New Orleans, and she was super nice when she walked into Dogfart’s Secret Mansion high on that hill in Malibu, three years later. I was really surprised when I saw her, and I said hello, and brought up New Orleans, and she remembered, and then we went to work. First, I drove her to that secret gloryhole near Oxnard I’ve told you guys about (she got a big kick out of the gloryhole action), and then we headed back to the mansion for Blacks On Blondes.

Take a look at these free Dogfart pictures. Note the guitar in the back, leaning up against the sofa? Well, my friend S.S. worked a song into the cheezy porn scenario that day, actually singing a song to Phyllisha right before three brothers pounded the shit out of her. When S.S. walked into the room with that guitar, I thought he was going to sing a nice song to her – a stupid thought on my part. I don’t remember the lyrics to S.S.’s song, but the opening lines went something like “You’re a filthy whore / and a dirty, dirty slut” and he sang them sweetly, and of course Phyllisha Anne was a sport, and we all laughed afterward, and then I lent her my flannel PJ’s cause it was cold outside when she left and right then and there I developed this kind of schoolboy crush on her.

I never saw those flannel PJ’s again.

I won’t tell you about the time Alec Metro called me to shoot a girl he knew…a girl who was in dire need for money – such a dire need that she was willing to commit the most intimate act we do as humans to film. I won’t tell you about that cause the shoot didn’t go down, cause, to be honest with you, she wasn’t shootable…not physically or mentally. But I went to the house Alec and his girl were at, and guess who’s house it was?

Phyllisha Anne’s.

And we talked about New Orleans, and Malibu, and gloryholes and S.S.’s song, and it must have been 2 years ago since Alec Metro made that call to me.

How does time work? Why is it that the older we get, the faster it goes away? How did Charles Bukowski put it?

The Days Run Away Like Wild Horses Over The Hills.

Just a few days ago, my pal Nicky Milo was shooting a MILF scene, and I was running around, stressed to the max, trying to make my new studio work, and there she was – Phyllisha Anne.

And we talked about New Orleans, and Malibu, and gloryholes and S.S.’s song, and Alec Metro’s girl I wouldn’t shoot, and the shape our lives have taken since then.

Because our days do indeed run away like wild horses over the hills.

random rants, The First Time I Met Her

Makenzie’s Mad At Me

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Makenzie Wilson

And I don’t blame her, honestly.

I’ve told her, over and over, I’d be a guest blogger over at her blog. I think I first promised her 3 or 4 months ago, and nothing’s ever gotten accomplished, so I made myself sit down and bang something out on my lapper, cause, well…she’s pissed.

She even called and told me so.

I think one of the big problems I was having is some sort of subject to write about. At first it was going to be something along the lines of how we met. I found her on Sexy Jobs, which is exactly what it sounds like – a place where producers and talent can meet. I remember e-mailing Mak, and showing her Spunkmouth, and she fired back with “I DON’T DO B/G!”

“Um, OK…what will you do?” I asked her this cause I really liked her girl-next-door looks, and just cause she wouldn’t let a dude put his pee-pee in her bagina didn’t mean I couldn’t hire her for Spunkmouth.

“I’ll suck dick,” she replied.

My perverted mind started wandering. “How many is your limit?” Cause I’m thinking the site is Spunkmouth, but that’s all we have to worry about, right? I mean there’s no rules, per se. As long as she’s got a spunk mouth, my members are happy.

She wrote back and said she’d be willing to suck off quite a few if I came up with a fair price.

I did, and she OK’d it, and the next thing I know I’m shooting a scene called “Makenzie’s Blow Bang” which, as it turned out, was one of the most popular shoots on my site…a site that’s going on 4 years old.

Since then she’s told me, on more than one occasion, that she regrets that scene, which always kind of confuses me. We’re all in the sex business, and we do what we do to make our money, and there are no regrets – only lessons to be learned. As far as I’m concerned, the only real reason we regret the things we do in the sex business centers on society’s rule that what we do is “bad” and “dirty” and “shameful” – among other things.

Of course they’ll point the finger at us right after wiping it clean from pleasuring themselves from whatever it is they’re condemning.