your 33 black angels

Serena Taylor

I’m a geek boy when it comes to shit issued in a limited edition. Always have been. Anything, almost, with the exception of Hummel plates, coins and stamps, and anything sports related…all of which I loathe in unfathomable ways.

Books and records? When I see a book or record printed in a limited edition, I’m like a monkey at the zoo, beating my bright red wiener for all to see.

I picked up a Rolling Stone last month and read David Fricke’s take on Your 33 Black Angels. I’m not a huge David Frick fan, but I’m a huge VU fan, and yes, even a bigger fan of all things Limited Edition, so when I read the record was printed in a numbered vinyl-only edition of 250, I immediately got myself over to y33ba’s myspace to see if I could scoop up a few.

David Fricke said he got copy #19.

I got copies #244, #180, and another copy, the number I know not, cause I gave it to my little bro for his collection.

I squealed like a little girl, too, when I saw one of my 3 copies had a completely different color scheme on it than the other two. It’s #244, which means they were probably getting a little nutty with the silk screen inks at the end of their print run.

And now you can’t get any copies of the vinyl, cause it’s sold out, but if you go to their myspace, you can pick up a CD, which is a good thing, cause you don’t listen to records anymore, anyways.

But none of that really matters if the music doesn’t matter, right?

Fricke mentions The Strokes and Pavement. Others say Lou Reed and The Velvets. Sometimes I think I hear Dinosaur Jr.

But I’m still on side one, but going into listen #3, and while I ain’t no music critic, I know what I like, and I’m really into Lonely Street a whole bunch.

Which means you’ll probably hate them; which means I’m coming off like a snob; which means you’ll just have to go to their site and pick up a copy and see for yourself.

Then, after you’re as convinced as I am about y33ba, you’ll tell everyone you know about them, and you’ll brag about discovering them first, and someday you’ll brag about seeing them in some small club before they got huge, which is, of course, all the right things to do whenever it comes to being a complete and utter snob about music.

Interview with a Porn Star (#33) — Lena Hawkins

Lena Hawkins

I Shoot Porn: A porno newbie! I love it! Tell everyone something about Lena Hawkins.

Lena Hawkins: Um, I’m from Corsicana, Texas, but I just moved to Dallas. That’s where I started escorting. Actually, I moved to Dallas to become an escort.

ISP: Wait a sec! You’re an escort?

LH: That’s right. I even have my own website.

ISP: So you’re OK talking about being an escort?

LH: Uh huh!

ISP: So what’s an hour of your time worth?

LH: $300.

ISP: And for that, I get?

LH: You get to have fun with me. Whatever you want. If you want sex, you only get to cum once. If you want multiple pops, it’ll cost 200 more.

ISP: What’s your average call like?

LH: An hour. They all want sex.

ISP: Do you ever get lonely hearts that just wanna talk?

LH: That’s boring, but…if they’re paying for it, I’ll talk to them.

ISP: What’s your limits?

LH: I don’t do anal, and I don’t bareback, and a lot of guys don’t like it, but oh well.

ISP: Are you GFE?

LH: No. I don’t consider myself GFE.

ISP: So there’s no kissing you?

LH: No, I’m clean.

ISP: Wait a sec. So kissing is dirty?

LH: If they’re out there kissing everyone else, then yea, to me it’s dirty.

ISP: What’s the most you ever made on a call?

LH: I’d say $1700 on one call.

ISP: What’s involved with a $1700 call?

LH: Just sex. For like, 5 hours. We talked, too, so mostly talking and fucking. Oh, and we ate.

ISP: Where did Mr. Big take you to dinner?

LH: Chick Filet. Kinda like McDonald’s. Do they have those around here?

ISP: Nope, but I guess after dropping $1700 on you that’s all he could afford.

LH: (Laughs)

ISP: How do you like porno so far?

LH: I love it. I think it’s fun.

ISP: Besides the camera rolling, what’s the difference between porn and escorting?

LH: Just that people get to watch the porn.

ISP: Dumb question, huh? How many scenes have you done so far?

LH: Seven so far. Three B/G’s, a G/G, and a solo. Oh, and I just gave a manojob!

ISP: You certainly did. And you’re about to become a DickSucker!

LH: I love giving blowjobs. It’s my favorite thing to do!

ISP: If I want to hire you for a BJ off camera, what’s that gonna set me back?

LH: (Laughs) Like…$300.

ISP: Can I cum in your mouth?

LH: Yes, of course!

ISP: So you let customers cum in your mouth?

LH: Oh no! But I’d let you. I’ve seen your test.

ISP: Indeed you have. I’m clean clean clean! Would you take $175 for the BJ?

LH: (Laughs) Hell ya! I love giving head…let’s go!

Lena Hawkins

Today’s Guest Blogger: The Minion (and His Final Chico Chronicle)

The Minion

From time to time I have guests blog whatever it is they feel like blogging. I will not tell them what to blog; I won’t edit it; I won’t influence the Guest Blogger in any way.

The Minion’s final chapter dealing with Chico Wang, as well as a whole cast of Porno Characters.

Ricky was brought on board. He’s a few years younger than I am but he has tons of experience as far as web work was concerned. Ricky eventually showed me how to update the Anabolic and Diabolic paysites. No longer did I need Chico to do it, I was now doing it with no restrictions.

Ricky, Chico, Tony, and I made Boogie Nights 3.0 our command post. It was a nice house with a guest house located in Northridge. Chico decided to go full steam ahead with “Minion” Scenes. He would shoot a girl for a Diabolic Video and that same day she would be stuffing food in my face as well as slap me around. Sometimes the girls would say,”Honey, I can’t be mean to you!”. I would inevitably (in character) belittle them to the point where they’d want to kill me.

The Summer of 2004 came and went. The Northridge house was a mess simply from my scenes alone. The infamous “yellow couch” was a shell of its former self. During this time Ricky would come by and pick up camera. He’d shoot some of my scenes which was
a relief since performing while Chico was shooting intimidated the hell out of me. We eventually moved location to a house off of Ventura Blvd but the insanity never stopped.

Chico and the crew went to the Avn show in 2005. I stayed behind but Chico eventually asked me to come along. Chico also had a dog named CAINE but nobody to watch Caine. He wanted me to put the dog in the garage with several cans of dog food for the few days we’d be away. I thought this was an unusual demand but I followed through with it. Johnny Fender and I loaded up his van and made our way to Vegas.

Once there I met up with Chico, who was drunk off his ass, as well as the owenr of blacksonblondes.com and several of his web guys. They were all really cool even when Wanker in his drunken state said, “Hey, look at this fat fuck!”. The next day Chico, still drunk, wanted me to find him a hooker for himself and a friend for $200. He was his usual asshole self when drunk and made it seem like failure was not an option. I made my venture eventually to find an escort who ended up fucking me in her hotel room for $300.

I went back to the San Fernando Valley to find that Caine was missing. Apparently a neighbor called animal control and Caine was taken away. Our dog had been arrested and was doing time in jail just like his owner. Wanker found out about it, blamed me, and belittled me for it. I had enough, once again I was out of there. Luckily Tony T was shooting for Anabolic and needed a PA and hired me, for that I’ll always be thankful. He got extra money in my pocket and it was a big relief. However, his shoots were at Chico’s house and I could not avoid Wang and vice versa. Gone were the days of getting my balls drained. If I wanted pussy I would have to go out and acquire it like every schmuck out there.

A few weeks later Chico brought me back in and things were ok until the big falling out. Tony and Chico were really close. Chico would book Tony for shoots and Tony gave nothing less than a phenomenal showing. Of course like a friendship there was ribbing. Chico would be heard yelling (in his Tony impersonation) “Yeah, Ma!” or “You lookin’ heavy, ma!”

Tony would smile and think not much of it. One night Chico sat down in our office and had a chat with me about Tony. “Tony went through my emails and he’s a dead man.” I was not looking forward to the drama that was going to hit. I thought it wouldn’t get worse than a lot of shit talking but I was proven wrong when a few months later I was fired again after having 2 guns pointed at my head. Chico and Tony were now at war.

Everyone took sides: Tony was sided with Ron and his sister, Anabolic Director SU. Ricky D and John-O sided with Chico as I obviously did. Words were thrown at both sides. Chico was supposed to be doing a site for Tony.Chico was so annoyed that he deleted Tony’s site right in front of me. He had backups of the content which he had me deliver to Tony. Since Tony was Chico’s enemy it only made sense that he was mine. After all, he pissed off the guy who signed my checks.

One day Chico was shooting and Ron and his sister came by. Chico made a remark to Ron that didn’t go over well. Ron shoved or punched a drunk Chico against the door. At that moment I realized Chico wasn’t as invincible as he claimed to be. He was mortal after all.

Around that time we decided to do a website mocking Tony. I was to wear a wig, act Arabic, and mock him to no end. I was going to get head from chicks while snorting. (In actuality it was sugar and a bad idea).

One scenario had me, as “Phony T.” pray to Allah right before getting my cock blown. I also wore an army jacket, had a canteen, a knife, and made absolutely no sense. In one instance (as Phony T) I yelled at a girl for having a huge blowjob rate. It went like this A couch in Chico’s house.

The constant bickering spilled into April of that same year. We were now in a house that was a mile or so from the Anabolic/Diabolic offices. Girls kept coming by to blow and/or fuck me and Chico would shoot camera as usual. He would shoot nonstop for either Diabolic or my site which I believed was going to launch. Girls like Holly Welling, Tory Lane, and Delilah Strong all
were shot for my site.

One day Chico wanted me at that house at 10am and we’d drive together to the Anabolic Office. He was in his room/office doing web work and I was in the den watching a movie on his flat screen tv.All of a sudden 2 guys came in with their guns already drawn.They told me to get on my stomach on the floor.They tied me up and placed a blanket over me.They then called on a third guy to come in. One of the cocksuckers then kicked me in the ribs but it didn’t hurt. The bitch kicked like…….well, like a bitch. At that point I made my peace with G-d because I believed that at any minute I was going to be dead.

They brought Chico in the room where they had him open up a safe. They robbed the place of all electrical equipment: computers, cameras, tv, etc. After they left Chico untied me and the cops were called. We speculated on who could have been behind the robbery. So many people had been burned by Chico that it made a list of suspects a mile long. To this day the crime hasn’t been solved and nor do I care. I made it out alive and karma will get those pieces of shit.

Chico and I had been spooked. About a week or so later he took off for Hawaii with Chanel Chavez. They were gone for a few days and he returned with her. At that point Manuel Laybor and I had tickets to go to the East Coast for a few wrestling shows. Around mid to late May Chico decided to disappear. I didn’t know where he was and people constantly asked about his whereabouts. I had no money to go with on my trip. I was fucking livid! How could he skip town and not pay me? I was doing his job at the office except for shooting video.

He ended up calling me because he needed furniture moved out of his apartment. I got to see him in person and I got paid. Yes!

Things changes when I got back. Tony and him still had beef. Chico would post online that Tony was a “terrorist” amongst other things. I felt as if they would kill each other if they were in the same room. It was now July and Ricky and Tony squashed the beef
which infuriated Chico to no end. If you weren’t with Chico then you were against him, at least that was his mentality. I also ended up squashing the beef with Tony when Chico decided to disappear yet again.

Tony was cool with me and Chico eventually came back to shoot full time. One night in early August Chico was shooting a scene in a hotel room. He got drunk, yelled at me, and fired me for patching things up with Tony. I left the hotel cursing him as I drove home, again unemployed.

During that time Ricky hired me a few times to be his PA. He was shooting for Diabolic and he paid me a very generous amount considering the time I was putting in. Again, Chico and I patched things up and I came back. His drinking got worse and one night he went ape shit on me. He had several drinks in his system and I seriously considered going back to school. It was not worth the aggravation but the paycheck made me put principles on the back burner.

Months went by and he was drinking like it was going out of style. Morning after morning I’d come in and he’d say,”Doron, I’m never drinking again.”

I would laugh and brush it off. Hours later I would be on the way to the store to get yet another 18 pack of Bud Light. I have to mention that there were points in which Chico showed genuine concern for me. If I needed to crash at a hotel he would offer to pay for it. I never took him up on those offers but he did pay for lunch 9 times out of 10. He would also pay for my AIM tests as well as my prescription for Levitra.

In January there was an incident in where the dog we were watching, Anabolic’s Princess and Chris Alexander’s dog Princess, went nuts on a neighbors dog nearly killing it. I required several stiches on my hand and Chico sent me a text message ordering me to put the dog down. A few hours later Princess was no more. I was fired for it and rightfully so. I was out of a job…….again

I got a part-time job doing plumbing work. A few months went by when Chico called me. He had heard that I was going through a depression via Manuel Laybor. Our phone call was pleasant. A few days later he had me come by the house and I volunteered to pop in Sasha Knox’s mouth. It was also at that time that I found out he had another guy, Hung Lo.

At first I felt intimidated knowing I’d be working with someone with a clean slate as far as working for Chico went. Hung Lo also got his share of heat from Chico at various times although it didn’t happen often. Chico had super editor, Curt, editing from Chico’s house. I was able to sit in with Curt and watch him do his magic. I even got assistant editor credit on a few Diabolic movies.

At this time Chico was dating Hailey Paige. My first impression of her was that she was sweet, caring, and in love with Chico.They were gaga over each other. He spoke highly of her even calling her his “bebe.” I felt as if he would have a bright future with her unlike the craziness he went through with Kara Bare and other forgettable porn chicks.

Hailey kept to herself and didn’t really socialize. She would do her job, go home, and pretty much that was the way it was. He would brag to me, in a kidding manner, about their sexual adventures. “Hey Doron, after I fuck Hailey she makes me spaghetti,” was something Chico would blurt out. It was all in jest and I didn’t think much of it. At this time I was chalking up major camera experience via shooting behind the scenes.

I truly miss Hailey and I truly believe she was born in the wrong century. What I mean by that is she was too good for this world. She had demons and it appears she couldn’t shake them loose. In the entire time I was around her she never bad-mouther a single person and she was an angel. Hailey, I love you and we’ll meet up again one day.

I went to work for Tony T and Original Entertainment in August of 2006 as their Production Manager. Chico was supposed to be brought on board as a Director but as usual, he backed out leaving Ron E. and Tony upset. We launched an internet division.Things didn’t work out and in January of this year I was the content manager for a web company in 2007.

As usual, I left that place due to “we’re holding off on production”. Thankfully I was bouncing at a club and that kept my head above water. One day in March of this year I got a call from Chico and he sounded irate at different people in the business. “Sasha did this……fuck this guy, fuck them, I’m leaving Diabolic, I’m doing the net now, etc.”

He inquired if I’d come back so we could launch the minion site as well as edit his other content. I said yes and things looked bright. We spoke on the phone a few times until we met one morning at Twain’s Diner in Studio City. He looked emotionally drained and we spoke of what the future held. The time period was set: I was to come back in early June.

My first day back was at Chico’s favorite Korean restaurant on Topanga Canyon. Hung Lo was being made fun of because his dog allegedly shit all over Chico’s house. We went to Home Depot to get a carpet cleaner. We cleaned the house, Chico had me shoot a chick in a solo scene, and my Minion site looked to be a reality.

He was going to shoot them in High Definition and I was to edit them. He said I’d get $500 a week plus 25% of the site. After all this time I was going to start making great money. About 2 weeks later Chico would be back in jail and his ugly past would surface.

Chico claimed that he found out that Hailey was back on drugs. His tone and manner were erratic and it was a side of him I had never seen. He wanted to book her in a scene and have her humiliated. He snapped at me when I told him to reconsider. A week or so passed and I was shooting the solos for him. He was entertaining offers from internet companies……from what he told me.

He also complained about Hung Lo to me. He went off on him to me saying shit that didn’t make sense. Hung Lo has always been a good guy and always had Chico’s back. For Chico to shit talk him and kick him out of the house was uncalled for but after, this was
Chico Wang.

Then the fateful morning came. It was a Friday morning and my cell phone rang. Hung Lo said Chico was arrested and I thought it was a D.U.I like it had been years earlier. The report was that Chico pistol-whipped Hailey and kidnapped her. Hung Lo and I got a bail bondsman and went to the jail that same morning. I wasn’t allowed to speak to him since you only get a certain amount of visitors a day.

He told Hung Lo to tell me to go to the apartment of the alleged pistol whipping and make sure Hailey and her mother weren’t moving out any of Chico’s stuff. I did as I was told and Hailey’s mother called the investigating officer to inform him that I was there. I was told to remain outside and not interfere with their moving. No problem. I noticed that Hailey was wearing short shorts and there weren’t any marks or bruises that I could make out. After 4 hours they were gone, I left the apartment to go to my night job, and the shit was about to hit the fan.

It was a matter of days before Chico’s incident with Hailey made the porn gossip pages. A few days after that his sentencing transcript made it online. Honestly, it was a difficult read in that it showed that the guy I was working on and off for was a
woman abuser. The transcript painted a picture of a guy who would one day be my boss.

I would never see Chico again. There was to be no internet site.There was to be nothing like that. The moments his past came up and the news of Hailey surfaced I knew his time in porn was done. I would get the constant, “Where’s Chico?” Weeks turned into months and rumors of Hailey’s death poured in. Not long after that Chico was found dead in a hotel room. I’m still in shock.

I have written all this as a sort of therapy. Chico, for better or worse, was a major part of my life for the last few years. I thank him for bringing me into this crazy business. I thank him for making me much more computer savy. I thank him for introducing me to
some of the best people I know: Curt aka Cal444, Brian Surewood, Steve Holmes, John Strong,Tony T, Ricky D, Hung Lo aka Tian D, Gia Paloma, Taryn Thomas (hi gorgeous), Will Powers, Johnny Fender, Faceblaster, and Billy Watson, for whom I now work.

The yells of “Let’s get hammered” and “Giddyup, kid!” I will forever be branded into my head. The girls he brought in to party with me will be on my “fuck list” forever..wow, that sounded fucking lame!

Chico, I’m sorry you felt the need to beat that woman up 10 years ago. However, I guess she forgave you so that means I can as well for the torment. We’ll meet up one day soon……………nekka!

The Top Five Scenes (as of today) Featured at The Dick Suckers — Number 5, Miss Serena Taylor

Serena Taylor

Wanna start a dirty website?

Seems these days everyone wants one.

The business model is easy: solicit the potential member with free samples, get them to join with an outstanding sales pitch, and keep them happy so every month they don’t want to leave your website. It’s the same business model your health club used to get you to join. Or, that book club you joined. You get the picture.

Then, ask for help! Hire people to sell your site and give them a percentage of the sale…or, just a flat referral fee if the person they send to your business actually buys something. Kinda like Amway does…or used to do. Cause I dunno if Amway’s still around.

That’s it! Really. Simple, right?

In my business, I want to sell the very best masturbatory aids available. That’s what I sell. Material to help dudes beat off. That’s it. Cause let’s face it, your girlfriend, bless her heart, had a great pussy when you first met her, but it’s been a few years now, and that special something has kinda worn off. And your wife, bless her heart, quit caring about satisfying your libido about a day (or so) after you two said your vows.

I sell material to help dudes whack their wiener.

Cause that’s porn’s sole function: it ain’t art, and it ain’t a feature movie; forget about plot, and characterization, and all that silly stuff. Gimme a hot chick doing something really wrong, make sure I’m all alone and no one’s expected home for a while, and a ball sac full of jizz, and I’m good to go.

The Dick Suckers is a mighty fine example of the wares I’m offering. Who doesn’t like to see a girl stick a dick in her mouth and bob her head back and forth a whole bunch until the dude can’t hold it anymore, hence, losing his load. At The Dick Suckers, I direct the dudes to shoot in right in her face, cause it’s so wrong and degrading and hot all at the same time.

I kept it simple, too. No fancy names, no silly scenearios. They’re dick suckers, so we called the site TheDickSuckers, and all we do is slap a number on a scene and keep ’em flowing to the members as fast as we can.

We’re closing in on 100 dick suckers featured in the members’ area of the site, and in my opinion the 5th best of all of them is Serena Taylor — here’s some free Serena Taylor blowjob movies to prove, once again, that I’m right.

Serena Taylor

Serena Taylor was a stripper who took out a Sexy Jobs ad a couple of years ago. I contacted Miss Taylor as soon as I read her ad, and we had a nice conversation. My only problem with Serena was her price. She was an expensive scene, and Serena didn’t care whether or not anyone paid her rate.

I admire her for that.

She stuck to her guns through our negotiations, so I decided to cough up the extra dough to hire her. I’m glad I did. She sucked cock like it was an Olympic event and she was going for The Gold. The result? A monster load right to the side of her head, all the time talking like a dirty tramp.

When I shoot my scenes I direct the male talent to keep their mouths shut. Who wants to hear silly jokes and worthless banter? Let the girl talk right to the camera, which means she’s talking right to my members, and they love every second of it.

Makes them lose their load.

Makes them a happy camper.

All I want to be is a successful businessman while spreading joy and stress relief all over our fine land — and, come to think about it more, all over the world…cause now I’ve got members from other, far-away lands.

Which makes me an internationally known film director!

A spreader of joy and stress relief!!

I’ve received e-mails testifying that my movies have helped salvage failed relationships!!!

I should win a Nobel Peace Prize.

And you thought I was nothing more than a dirty pervert scumbag pornographer.

Today’s Guest Blogger: The Minion (and His Chico Chronicles, Part 4)

The Minion

From time to time I have guests blog whatever it is they feel like blogging. I will not tell them what to blog; I won’t edit it; I won’t influence the Guest Blogger in any way.

Yes, this is all true: as “The Minion”, Doron fucked — or got blown by — the following list of porn whores. Something tells me the list in incomplete. And someday, somehow, this content will see the Light of Day.

Why did I continue to work for Chico?

His generous bank account afforded me the chance to drain my jizz onto the following porn chicks. If It was just a blowjob then I made note of it. If I banged them more than once I made note of it:

Alexis Sunshine
Aliana Love
Alicia Aghatti
Allie Ray
Amber Rayne (BJ)
Asia
Avy Lee Roth (a few times)
Bailey
Brody
Cassidy Blue
Chanel Chavez
Christina Agave (a few times)
Courtney Cummz
Crystal Ray(pop only)
Deja Daire
Delilah Strong (several times)
Dillan Lauren
Emma Redd
Estelle
Gia Paloma (bj and the infamous “yellow jizz” nickname)
Genesis Skye
Hailey Paige (a few times, RIP)
Hilary Scott (bj)
Holly Wellin (a few times)
Jasmine Tame (a few times)
Jessica Jammer
Joanna Angel (pop only)
Kacey
Kaci Starr (bj)
Kara Bare
Kat – (a bunch of times)
Katie Ray
Katin
Katrina Isis
Keeani Lei
Kelly Wells
Leah Luv
Lexi Belle(a few times)
Lindsay Kay (bj)
Lucious Lopez (bj)
Lucy Thai
Lyla Lei (bj)
Mason Storm-BJ
Milf who I don’t remember the name of
Missy Monroe
Myah Monroe
Naudia Nyce
Paige Turner aka Katie Thomas
Pamela Princess
Riley Mason
Roxy Jezel (bj)
Sativa Rose
Sophia
Staci Thorn (bj)
Tia Tanaka (a few times)
Tina Fine
Tory Lane-a few times
Tyla Wynn (bj)
Vanilla Sky
Veronica Jett (a few times)

Today’s Guest Blogger: The Minion (and His Chico Chronicles, Part 3)

Super Minion

From time to time I have guests blog whatever it is they feel like blogging. I will not tell them what to blog; I won’t edit it; I won’t influence the Guest Blogger in any way.

Doron’s “Chico Chronicles” is planned in 5 parts, but somehow I think he could write a book here. Lots of broad strokes that I’d like to see with more detail, but hey, like I said — I don’t edit or influence my guest bloggers in any way.

I clocked in a few months with Chico Wang. I was getting web content ready for him and he’d upload it. I continued setting up lights and other tasks that go along with being a production assistant. Quite often he would mock me in front of complete strangers and those in the industry.

Did I make my share of mistakes? Of course. Ask John Strong, Steve Holmes, and Tony T. I fucked up my share of what I was supposed to do. Sometimes computer equiment would malfunction and I was the reason why. In a “normal” world I would have been fired. Then again, Chico had other plans for me and that would include a website like none other.

Did I make careless mistakes as well? Absolutely. You see, I’m not completely innocent but I made sure to treat those around me with some respect………if that means anything these days. In fact, looking back I can admit that I should have stuck up for myself when people who weren’t Wanker would talk down to me because they felt since Chico did it then it was all fair game. Some of those people are no longer in porn and they can go suck a fat dick.

I eventually decided to not participate in the Britney Madison scene since another humiliating scenario didn’t appeal to me at all. Chico and I went to the Cheesecake Factory one night where Britney and her female roommate spent a great deal of time trying to convince me to do it. The late Britney obviously wanted a payday from Chico and Chico would be happy to oblige if it meant 30 minutes or so of footage where I made a fool of myself. Allow me to make the point that I could have said “fuck it” and left the business. I didn’t and I won’t bore you with whatever reasons I still have for not bailing out 3 years ago.

The scene was set: I was at Britney’s pool sun bathing and she came in and oiled me up. Remember, Chico laughed like a hyena and his camera would shake from his laughing. She oiled me up, took me to her apartment, and proceeded to feed me. She sucked my cock and I stuck it in her ass. Before you knew it I blew my load and I beat myself up over more than Chico did. Chico said that it actually worked out better since that footage was to be for a porn jackass themed site.

We had one scene in the can and much, much more were to come. I felt like the future was going to see a minion site that college frats would play on Saturday nights….at least that’s what super editor Kurt once said.

Remember, this was February 2004. It eventually got to the point where I would come into the office and Chico would be showing random people the various video segments he shot of me. He constantly told me that I would get a percentage of the site when it was to come out. He never said exactly how much and you can chalk that up to me being naive at the time. I wanted to believe that one day someone would log onto my site, see the tour, and whip out their credit card to join.

Scene after scene was shot. I had various food like spaghetti, fruit juices, and other messy items tossed onto me while the girl called me an assortment of names such as “small dick” and the ever so popular, “fat fuck”. Chico’s shooting house on White Oak became like the Combat Zone. The infamous yellow couch, which Faceblaster can attest to, was soaked with every performer’s DNA. Chico used to joke that, “You could perform sexual crimes in this house and they’d never nail me on DNA evidence. It seems odd now knowing what I know.”

Cleaning the house after each shoot was a chore but in my mind it was worth it since moments earlier I was draining my ballsack into some chick’s mouth for a site I believed was in the works. Times were not fun.

Around April of 2004 my work was slipping and I became a miserable person. I would come in at 1 and leave by 6. I did the bare minimum and looking back that wasn’t the best way to go about things. Chico was like a sponge……..once soaked with Bud Light. He might have been drunk a lot but he would remember things especially if he could use it against you. For example: Let’s say you fuck up anything. You go months doing a flawless job and manage to fuck up again. He would remind you time and time again of the initial screw up. That’s how he was.

He got fed up and in late March 2004 he suspended me. Little did I know that I’d be back in a few weeks. He could have had another P.A in a heartbeat but he took me back after a lengthy telephone call in which he spoke in a sober manner. I didn’t know at the time but he was given the green light to shoot scenes with me getting beat up by porn chicks (which didn’t bother me. I actually enjoyed it). He would need me back in order to secure that deal and unemployment was a bitch. I would come back to work in April but the landscape was changing. He brought in Ricky D to do web work and eventualy edit for him. Little did I know that Chico would fuck up that relationship as well as many others.

Little did I know that 6 1/2 years earlier Chico was in an LA courtroom on charges of pistol whipping a woman and sexual assault.

Interview with a Porn Star (#32) — Scarlett Pain

Scarlett Pain

I Shoot Porn: What’s up with all those tats? And your name! Are you trying to be cool or something?

Scarlett Pain: I’ve always wanted tats since I was a little girl. When I finally turned 18 I went crazy, and I dunno if it’s about looking hard, but I like the way it looks. It’s art, and it’s nice to have art on your body! And no, I’m not trying to be cool. But hey, let’s face it, I rock!

ISP: Anyways, I think you’re kinda cool, and I really don’t even know you. I’m basing this all on meeting you in the parking lot and walking you up to the studio and shooting your scene. But…would you describe yourself as kinda cool and kinda angry, all at the same time?

SP: Everyone thinks I’m a bitch by the way I look, but when they meet me, some get disappointed, cause I’m laid back and easy going.

ISP: Describe your childhood.

SP: I was a spoiled brat. My parents gave me pretty much whatever I wanted, so once I became an adult it was hard to accept responsibilities and become independant.

ISP: But wait, you weren’t abused as a kid, like all porn girls?

SP: Nope. Not abused nor molested sexually in any way. I lost my virginity when I was 18, which is old for people these days, I think.

ISP: High school — love it or hate it.

SP: Loved high school. I was a cheerleader and I was in choir, and my junior year I was kicked out and went to continuation.

ISP: Why were you kicked out?

SP: For a whole lot of little reasons that became a big reason. But I graduated, and I graduated from the high school I started at.

ISP: You just had sexual intercourse with an African American for the very first time for the world’s greatest interracial adult website, Blacks on Blondes. This is very real. A movie of you does not exist fuckin’ & suckin’ a black male until this very monent. How do you feel after it’s all said and one?

SP: It was awesome. It was a great scene and I had a really good time!

ISP: If you were having a dinner party and could invite three famous people, who would they be?

SP: Steve Buscemi, Rizza from Wu Tang Clan….god, there’s so many. Um. Vince Vaughn.

ISP: Did you have a “crazy” sex life before she got into the business, like you ever do a 3some or a gangbang without getting paid and having it filmed?

SP: Yes, I did a 3some, but never a gang bang. I’d like to think my sex life was pretty much normal. Nothing super crazy weird.

ISP: Do you like your bacon thin and crispy or thick and chewy?

SP: Thin and crispy.

ISP: OK, I have to take a picture of you for the blog interview. Please show me your beautiful knockers once more.

SP: Wait! NO! My make-up looks terrible! I just got done with my scene!

ISP: That’s cool. Fucked up make-up is hot.

(We take the pics.)

ISP: Gimme one guilty pleasure of yours. Like, lately mine has been The Electric Light Orchestra. What’s yours?

SP: Bowling. I just bowled a 170.

ISP: I hate to admit this, but my other guilty pleasure is myspace. Wanna be my friend?

SP: Of course.

ISP: Do you feel exploited?

SP: No, never. No one ever makes me do anything I don’t wanna do. Why would I feel expolited?

ISP: So do you want to go have sex with me in the bathroom right now?

SP: How much are you paying me?

Scarlett Pain

Today’s Guest Blogger: The Minion (and His Chico Chronicles, Part 2)

The Minion

From time to time I have guests blog whatever it is they feel like blogging. I will not tell them what to blog; I won’t edit it; I won’t influence the Guest Blogger in any way.

My name is Doron and this is a retrospective at my time and dealings with Chico Wang.

Anyways, it was early 2002 and Extreme Associates had a whacky webmaster known as “Wanker Wang”. Extreme also had a wrestling promotion called XPW which I passed out flyers for on one occasion. I met Wanker when he was in his office rendering video for their site. He was drunk and didn’t make much sense.

Fast forward to the Summer of 2003 and I had just left my job at a coffee shop. I was unemployed and had always been a fan of porn. Shit, when I was 14 I bought my first hardcore vhs tape from a comic book convention. I had known of a site called Lukeford.com and it’s writer, Wanker Wang, had left Extreme and gone to Anabolic/Diabolic. He posted that he needed a minion and I applied.

We met with Cal444 for some Thai food. The drive to the restaurant was memorable for the fact that Wanker had a bottle of piss in his car which he claims he didn’t know it got there. We ate and shot the shit. I was skeptical as to whether or not I would get the gig. Fuck, who wouldn’t want to be around massive amounts of snatch on a daily basis? He said he would get back to me.

One week passed and then another one. I made several calls to his phone which he didn’t answer.

I emailed him and he got back to me with, “Bro, I like you but I need someone with web experience. If you want the job you got to digitize 4 scenes a week, run errands, and other random stuff. I expect work done!”

With that, I was in!

I was totally nervous my first few weeks. I had just been given this chance to be in porn that any other guy would have died for. Off the bat Chico had me go to AIM and get tested. He said it was for an Oral Consumption scene that belonged to Anabolic Video. I thought it would be fun and getting my dick sucked by a porn chick always seemed appealing.

So we go up to his house in the hills off of Topanga Canyon. Mason Storm was there and Wanker had me wear Depends underwear as well. He has Mrs. Storm humiliate me, make me do jumping jacks, and she urinated on me. I eventually got to pop on her feet and I felt as if I had been a team player. I also believed that this hazing of me would show Wanker as well as all around him that I was serious about doing the porn thing.

I cleaned up and we all went to the cheesecake factory. I felt as if I was now part of something special. I went home to my mom and she had no idea that her good jewish son was humiliated by a lesbian Latina whose girlfriend was watching.

The weeks turned into months. I got to meet male talent that I had been watching fuck porn girls as I grew up. Brian Surewood, John Strong, and others. I was setting up Chico’s lights, organizing paperwork, snapping pics of new girls coming to the offices, and the beer……….always having beer and Marlboro lights for the Wang.

Voltron never missed a chance to poke fun of my weight to industry people AND individuals we’d meet in the outside world.

“Hey, look at this fat fuck!” was something he’d blurt out to a waitress when we’d go out to eat. At first I didn’t seem to care. I was also digitizing and rendering video for Wanker to put on the member’s sites. I was doing 60+ hour weeks with the constant paranoia that Wanker would belittle me during his drunken nights.

My time there was also beneficial in that I met Tony T. He came up in the business right before me and Wanker also put him through porno hell. To his credit, Tony overcame the trials and tribulations of being male talent. Tony was and still is a good guy to me and he’s matured a ton since I first met him 4 years ago. Tony would come into the office and we would clown him on how he would talk during his scenes. Shouts of “Oh my God son, yeahhhhh!” and “You lookin heavy, ma!” would come from the mouths of Sal Genoa and Chico. Tony has a phenomenal work ethic and he’s like train with no breaks on it.

Chico would find his VX2000 and shoot me in zany situations. Wearing Katja Kassin’s underwear and being laughed at by Taylor Rain were some of the torment I went through for no reason other to amuse Chico. Most likely he wanted the acts to amuse his friends who must have felt sorry for me and weirded out by him. At this point I was starting to hate his guts.

Little did I know that he was about to supply me with so much pussy.

Also, little did I know that I had just taken a job from a convicted rapist and woman abuser.