When I started writing these entries, I never thought — not for one second — that what’s transpired over the last few days would ever have happened. When I refer to “these entries”, I’m talking about the “There’s Something About Barbie” entries, and when I talk about “what’s transpired”, I’m talking about Barbie blowing a cop on the side of the road.

I kinda feel for the cop now, cause I’m a dude, and we all know most dudes have had to suppress strong sexual urges in order to stay out of trouble, whether it was trouble with significant others, jobs, or friends. Name the situation, and I bet you can almost name something that “might have happened” sexually — but didn’t — cause we used our Big Heads and not our Little Heads in order to save the day.

That Tennessee cop, who’s name is in the public domain now, is guilty of nothing more than Failure To Use The Big Head. And it’s probably gonna cost him a lot…probably more than just his job.

Before you judge him, put yourself in his shoes. You pull a car over for speeding, and in it sits a blonde porn star with DD fun bags and a pussy that’s never dry. She’s polite — even engaging and witty — but you still end up writing the speeding ticket. Cause it’s part of your job.

But it doesn’t end there. You kinda feel sorry for her, cause she’s worried for her job, so you talk a bit longer, cause you’ve discovered not only a handful of pills in her Pink Sled, but that she’s also a Porn Whore, which makes your tummy flutter around like it did when you were 16 and sexually aroused, and you take her to the squad car’s computer, that has internet access, and you watch her pornos.

With her.

Ever done that before? I mean I don’t care if you’re a cop or a dentist or a school teacher…ever watch a porno flick with the star of the flick sitting next to you?

Uh huh…bet you’d have a hard time keeping your dick in your pants, too.

I wonder if they watched a Barbie Cummings Manojob movie…the one where she gives a happy ending on the massage table. Or the Barbie Cummings Blacks On Blondes movie, when she gets railed by two well-endowed Negroes. How about the Barbie Cummings Gloryhole flick? That’s a classic…blowing a stranger, kinda like blowing that cop. Gosh, there’s so many Barbie Cummings free movies available out there it probably wasn’t too hard to dial a few in.

And so what if there’s a handful of prescription drugs in the car? I mean really…I always love getting pain pills prescribed to me, and I always hope the doc gives me more than I need, cause, like…who doesn’t?

Barbie calls them fun pills; I couldn’t agree more.

So you take the handful fun pills and toss them on the ground, and in the middle of nowhere, with a porno running on the computer screen and the star of it standing right next to you; a lapse of good judgment rises as fast as your dick did, and you take the BJ and run.

Who wouldn’t?

Well, me, for one.

I know, I know…laugh it up. But I’ve been exactly in those sorts of situations, with a state job and a horny blonde with big tits staring me in the eyes, and I’ve walked away. Does that make me a better dude that The Copper?

Nope. Just smarter. Or, maybe just better able to control my sexual urges.

I have no idea where I’m going with this anymore. Barbie Cummings is a close friend. She’s one of the most intelligent, fun people I’ve ever been around. Now, with one cop’s bad decision, she’s literally international news, and it really isn’t hard to figure out why: porn star gets out of trouble with the law doing naughty things isn’t newsworthy at all…but damn, do we, as a society, eat it up. We live for that shit. Sad, huh? And the media knows this, and they’ll exploit Barbie and that poor silly cop for the next 15 minutes or so, and then they’ll move on to The Next.

And the day after Barbie will wake up and be Barbie, and Boozer will fall down running up to say HI to her, and Fifi will have shit the rug, and Barbie will be hung over, probably with some dude’s jizz running down her leg. The cop will wake up too, and by that time he’ll know if he has a job or not, and if he does, hopefully he’ll think with his Big Head next time he pulls Barbie over, and if he doesn’t have his job he’ll probably be a security guard at Walmart or something, and again, hopefully he’ll think with his Big Head if he catches someone shoplifting.

Even if it’s a blonde with big tits.

[Looking for Barbie Cummings and her blog? Well, for the time being, it’s HERE directly above the picture of her acting like a retard.]

My name is Barbie Cummings.

I am The Thinker.

Which is to say I think. I think all the time. About all sorts of stuff:

Sometimes I think about how much I’ve had to drink the night before, especially when I’m hungover the following morning.

Sometimes I think I’m not normal. I struggle with this from time to time, cause society skull fucks me. Society skull fucks you, too…maybe you know it, maybe you don’t. But it’s one of the reasons you say hateful things about me even though you don’t know shit about who I really am.

Sometimes I think my pussy juice should be called “retard juice” cause once the boys get it on them, they act that way.

Sometimes I think about the pregnant girl I saw recently…the one wearing the Bud Light t-shirt that didn’t cover her tummy and I thought only in Tennessee.

I think about why I worry so much about…everything…like my future, and if I’ll ever amount to anything.

Sometimes I think I want to be a nurse. Or an accountant. Or a soccer mom. Or a whore. Or all of the above — and all at the same time!

Oh, I think about my future all the fucking time!

Sometimes I wonder why I’m so insecure about my looks when people tell me I’m beautiful.

I think a lot about Boozer and Fifi and how lucky I am to have them.

Sometimes I think about my perverted friend Billy Watson and how much I hate his singing while he’s driving me around LA.

I always think where did all my money go?

Sometimes I think about how much I like my burger centered perfectly on the bun.

I always think about how much I hate making decisions.

I think a lot about having a good time with my friends and meeting fun new people cause that’s how I roll.

Sometimes I think about all the narrow-minded, judgmental people who leave their stupid comments on my blog, and I think don’t you have anything better to do with your life?

Sometimes I think about my goofy family, and how much they drive me crazy.

And I always think about sex, cause I love every fucking minute of it.

My name is Barbie Cummings.

I am The Thinker.