We were living in Dogfart’s Secret Mansion when The Producer called us into his room. He had an idea for a brand new website, and he wanted our feedback.

It was me, S.S., and Dogfart. Justin Timberlakefeelsyourpain was rarely involved in meetings like this.

“I just bought the domain gloryhole.com,” The Producer said. “It costs me a lot of money, but I think I’ve really got something here. How do you guys feel about shooting gloryhole scenes?”

I knew a thing or two about gloryholes. I know I blogged this once…when I was studying in college, and I needed to make a poopie, and I was at the University Library, and I usually don’t drop a duece away from my house, but I thought I was gonna make boom boom in my pants, so I went ahead and went, and when I jumped into the stall, there were holes drilled into the wall, and I thought what the fuck is this? cause I had no idea what those holes were in the stall for, and I made boom boom and left and never thought about it again.

That was 1984.

It’s 2003, and The Producer wants my input on Gloryholes?

Hell no I’m not shooting gay content. I told this to the producer, straight up.

But The Producer has a new twist on things. He wants to take something very very gay and make it straight. Well, as straight as something like a gloryhole can be. “Now listen: I have some privy information on a gloryhole location. Shit, we got the girls here. Put them in the van, drive them to the hole, and let’s give them some more money to make.”

Did it matter that most of these places are in shitty neighborhoods? Or that they’re gross and filthy and dirty?

The Producer drove us up to – of all places – Oxnard California, the location of some of our earliest gloryole scenes.

Not when you’re paying the girls beyond their rate to blow an anonymous dick. And guess what? Not in the history of HIV has there been one documented case of HIV transmission via a BJ.

I’m 100% serious. Go look it up yourself.

So there you have it. Something I would have never thought of turns into a website. This is why I’m not a wealthy porno producer, and just a simpleton camera man. But things may change soon…

Anyway, here’s some fun gloryhole galleries, with commentary from the very dude who shot them! Fun!!

(Oh, by the way…I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I’ve shot every single one of the nearly 150 gloryhole scenes. Some of them Dogfart helped me with, but for the last year or so, I’ve been flying solo…with the exception of a lookout or two…cops are no fun!)

Ouch. My arm hurts from patting myself on the back here. So I’ll quit and show you some “Ghole” madness.

1) Mariah Cherry. In the biz one day, out the next. I think she hailed from the Bay Area…ah! Beautiful San Francisco, land of many, many gloryholes I’m sure. Mariah was cool. I think I was second camera for a Blacks on Blondes shoot with her in it, but now I don’t remember. I do think she had one of the all-time great porno names…and that’s saying a lot.

2) Brittney Madison. RIP. Poor girl…it made me so sad to hear her friend drove off a cliff near Vegas, her hometown. I mean, is it totally tasteless so even show her now that she’s passed? I’d like to hear some comments on this. My take is she’s cool with it, cause she’s in Heaven now, where all porno girls go when they die. I’m fucking serious, too. They all go to Heaven.

3) I forget this kooky girl’s name, but boy, she was kooky. That’s kooky with a k.

4) Dasha! Now Lucious Lopez! She’s pretty popular now among porno geek-fans everywhere. I’m a porno geek fan, too…trust me. I am.

5) Sophie D. My honey. I really like Sophie. She’s such a sport. And she’s a geniune black cock slut. Don’t believe me? Just ask her sometime.

So there you have it…some gloryhole fun, just cause…um, just cause I can?

My producer wanted a unique Spring Thomas scene, mainly because he found a new girl who might end up with her own site, and he wanted the new girl to work with Spring and see if she had what it took to do be in this line of work. His suggestion for the new girl’s porno “test”?

A 10 man cum bang.

Sure, a unique scene, but honestly, I wasn’t looking forward to shooting it. Is it OK to admit I was nervous? The biggest scene I shot, as far as talent’s concerned, was a 6-on-1 interracial gangbang, and that was a few years earlier. And we shot tons of 5 and 6-on-1’s at Dogfart’s secret mansion, but I was second camera on each and every one of those shoots.

Plus, I don’t think I need to tell you that if anyone throws 10 horny dudes in a room with a couple chicks, things are bound to get out of hand. There’s other factors, too. The one that never left the back of my mind was the one-upmanship that was bound to go down. See, these dudes know I’m booking all of them for scenes, so this whole cumbang would, in reality, turn into an “audition”, so to speak, in which each would try to out-do the other; hence, they’d be securing more work from me in the future. There were times at the Secret Mansion where, say, someone like a Tony Everready would step on some newcomer’s foot to in an attempt to throw him off his game…and that lead to shoving and pushing and near fistfights. (Note: Tony never behaved like that…I’m just using his name to make my example seem so very real).

Now, let’s throw in another factor: the new girl, Candy Rocks. She’s never done anything remotely close to this type of scene, which meant if the shit hit the fans, anything could potentially go down. I didn’t need crybabies and/or screaming on my set.

Like I said…I wasn’t looking forward to shooting it…or booking it, really, cause you know what happens when you add more people to the party, right? There’s no shows, and late shows, and one or two drag a long a friend to watch…and the next thing you know, it’s chaos.

Funny thing was, booking it was a piece of cake. A call here, a call there, then ask a few to bring a friend who’s tested talent (and not a gawker) and then next thing you know, I’ve got a 10 man cum bang booked. But would they all show? And on time?

So here’s what I planned – a one on one with Spring and a dude who I knew could pull off a scene where 9 dudes are standing around, watching this one dude fuck Spring. And Spring would “convert” Candy Rocks by letting the other 9 dudes unload directly into Candy’s face, after our man unloads in Spring’s face.

Let me make this perfectly clear: booking our main man would not be an easy task. See…this one dude who would, in a sense, “carry” the scene, had to be a showman. Someone truly horny that wouldn’t give a fuck if 100 people showed up to watch him fuck Spring Thomas. There’s lots of dudes that won’t take a job if there’s more than a dude or two in the same scene. So our main man needed to be “special”, so to speak. A real perv. Someone who might get off on sniffing a girl’s butthole, or her feet, for example. A perv’s perv.

Enter Brian Pumper.

Now, managing a room full of black dudes is no easy task. A scenario would have to be laid down – a scenario I expected each of them to follow. In addition, menial work was required as well: getting paperwork filed, making copies of ID’s, making sure all the paperwork was filled out correctly…that sort of thing. In other words, a P.A. (production assistant). But it couldn’t just be any PA…it would have to be someone familiar with a porno set, and horny dudes, and all that comes with such a thing.

Enter Cherry Poppins.

Now, what if any of our team of nine had some sort of problem performing? It takes a special dude to drop a load on a girl’s face in front of a bunch of other dudes…especially if you’re number 6 or 7, and the girl’s dripping in other peoples’ jizz. Plus, I made it perfectly clear to both Spring Thomas and Candy Rocks that while they were expected to lend a helping hand, they weren’t really required to pay special attention to any one of the 9 man team for any real length of time.

In other words, what I needed was a fluffer…a porno term for a girl who isn’t in the scene, and never will be in the scene, but who stays off camera and sucks and fucks anyone having any kind of problem performing…whether it be getting hard or blowing a nut. And let me tell you, fluffers don’t just fall out of the sky. There’s not a Fluffer Tree in Los Angeles where you’d go pick one and take her with you to set. Fluffers don’t hang out in front of the local Home Depot store either, waiting for work. For a long time I thought a fluffer was something akin to urban legend, but I finally discovered they existed. Not many…but a few. A fluffer is a girl who’s insatiable…that loves sex more than most dudes. Doesn’t really need to be in front of the camera, cause, well…they’re fluffing. In other words, a whore’s whore.

Enter Ava Devine.

She was working down the hall with a buddy of mine, and her shoot was finishing up, so as the guys were filling out their paperwork, I asked if they would like it if I tried to hire Ava Devine to fluff.

Cheers erupted.

I made one thing very clear: IF Ava would take the job, there would be no creepy behavior tolerated. I told them all, point blank, that if anyone did anything Ava didn’t allow, or found creepy, I’d be forced to make them leave set.

Lefty spoke up: “Dude! Eva loves creeps!”

We all laughed, and I left set and walked down the hall to approach Eva about the fluffer position.

“How much does it pay?”

“Um, I dunno, I’ve never hired a fluffer before. How much do you want?”

“Three hundred,” Ava said.

“I’ll pay you $350. And I promise none of them will act creepy.”

Ava smiled, accepted my counter offer, and said, “But I like it when they’re creepy.”

Well, there you go. I had my lead man, Brian Pumper, my two gals, Spring and Candy, and my nine load dumpers, and a fluffer.

Do I have to tell you there was a buzz on set before we started rolling I’ve never really felt before? Or that my make-up artist, who’s been on all sorts of porno sets in the past where all sorts of nutty things went down got scared, asked to leave, and requested that I walk her out past our horny men? Even Spring admitted to being nervous.

Then, we rolled tape. No problems, anywhere or anytime. All the dudes did exactly what I asked, and Pumper did his job superbly, and after he was done, the dudes did their job superbly. And when Ava Devine walked on set, in her bright red garters and high heels, my guys lost their minds…however, most had already lost their loads, as this turned out to be one smooth cum bang. No frantic jacking in a dark corner for anyone. I mean after Pumper pounded Spring silly, each and every one of these cats stepped up to the plate and unloaded into Candy’s pie-hole. It was amazing.

Spring did great! (She did more than I asked.)

Candy did great! (What a cummy mess, and even when Burning Eye set in, she hung tough.)

Pumper did great! (Held wood from start to end.)

The dudes? Great! (Jack Pow!)

Pure porn as porn should be – filthy and depraved and dirty and shocking. Something you’d be ashamed to admit to actually watching.

And guess what? Ava really wasn’t needed, except in one instance. A newbie had a needed a little bit of help, but not that much really…especially after Ava had her way with him.

I learned a lot that day. The biggest lesson came in my editing bay, and boy was I pissed. The camera moved faster than I would have liked, and it was a bit shakier than normal due to my stupid error of trying to capture everything that went down. I chased the action too much, instead of just taking a few steps back, taking a deep breath, and realizing there was no way I was going to get it all; however, I think I did a great job getting the cum shots on tape, as my camera kept steady and sure for each and every money shot. And that’s the most important part, right? I mean, they don’t call it the money shot for nothin’.

So I guess this means I’ve got another notch in my belt, and, more importantly, I know better exactly what to do next time. So I’m thinking Blacks On Blondes needs a few of these…and maybe do a few more on Spring’s site, too.

Too bad a cum bang wouldn’t work in a Glory Hole…or, just maybe, it would?