Super Fun E-mails

Super fun e-mails.

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Big One

(Not-the-real) Ron Jeremy writes:

Hi Billy, I can see why you were smitten with nicole, she is a hottie her own unique way. Ok, the cuckhold stuff is all fine and well but how about showing whitey in a position of power in one of your shoots? Here is the scene:

1-big muscular white dude is playing tarzan and is walking in the jungle
2-he comes upon a chick hiking who is lost
3-he bangs the crap out of her
4-she then wants to cuddle or whatever after they are done, she is looking at him all lovey dovey
5-he wants none of that, he stands up and lets out a big tarzan call
6-byron long, wesley pipes and a load of others come swinging in on vines
7-we all know what goes down from here, just make sure they dont actually speak, they should strictly make primate noises

Dear Ron Jeremy:

This is the funnest, most best-est e-mail I think I have ever had the pleasure to read. Thank you for sending it. You made me laugh very, very hard. By the way, a guy I know used to own “Savages on Blondes“, but it was really just a front for the world famous – the very fuckin’ best – interracial sex site ever invented: Blacks On Blondes.

Your pal,

Billy

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#11) — Alicia Alighatti

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Alicia in the Hole

IShootPorn: Hey! I remember you. I met you at Chico Wang’s porn house before XMas. You were hobblin’ then with a bad leg. What happened?

Alicia Alighatti: My horse jumped on top of me.

ISP: What kind of horse?

AA: American Warmblood. She’s 4 years old. Her name is Georgia.

ISP: Wow! A porn girl with a hobby!!

AA: Yea, I’ve been working with horses since I was 4 years old.

ISP: Kelly Kline is into horses, too.

AA: Yea, I know. We talked about that.

ISP: Don’t you have to jack a horse off to clean his dick?

AA: You don’t jack him off!

ISP: But don’t you kinda do that to clean it?

AA: Well, either you tranquilize him so he drops, then wipe it off, or you reach up into the sheath and pull out the smega.

ISP: Does smega smell like rotten bologna?

AA: No.

ISP: OK – enough of that. Last time I saw you, you weren’t a brace face. Now you are. What’s up?

AA: I got my braces on right before AVN’s. They’ll be on for nine months.

ISP: Those silly fuckers are gonna get you some work!

AA: Yep.

ISP: How long you been in the biz?

AA: Since last Thanksgiving.

ISP: First scene you did?

AA: Teens for Cash.

ISP: With Will Hanson! He’s a nice guy.

AA: Yea, I’ve shot all their sites – the lesbo stuff, the black guy one, there’s the teen one I mentioned, and a couple others I don’t remember.

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?

AA: There’s so many! Um…oh. Chico asked me to cluck like a chicken for the Spring Chickens series. I had to walk around and cluck like a chicken, then I got fucked.

ISP: Funny, that sounds like the Chico I know. Almost every time I ask a porn girl this question, his name pops up.

AA: Um, yea. He was wasted.

ISP: As usual. I think right now Chico’s the only real genius in porn. He’s way smater than that arty-farty guy, Eon McKai.

AA: Yep.

ISP: You have anything you want to promote?

AA: My space!

ISP: Sweet! Um, you sure do suck a mean dick. I kinda know, cause you sucked mine for like 7 seconds at Chico’s house!

AA: Yea, I just won AVN’s “Best Oral On Film” and “Best Group Scene On Film” for Darkside.

ISP: Can I finish my BJ now? Puh-leaze?

AA: (laughs) Um, no. We have to go shoot!

We then get into the White Van and scurry off the The Gloryhole

Super Fun E-mails

Super fun e-mails.

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Leili Yang

L. writes:

Hi there Billy. Love your blog, read it every update since about December or so. There is something very interesting about the intelligent minds behind porn, I can’t say what it is, but it is the only type of blog I read religiously. Anyway, I have a problem, ever since I dumped my first and only steady girlfriend about 4 years ago, the only chicks I have been with since have been porn and stripper chicks. It’s like they are the only ones attracted to me. To tell the truth, at first I was excited, like any guy. Great sex, they look great for the most part. Blah Blah Blah. Well here I am 4 years later, with no girlfriend, just a bunch of one night stands, and crappy breakups. I am tired of these porn chicks, do you have any advice for getting a normal chick?

Hey L.

Are you fucking kidding me bro? Let’s see if I have this straight: you dumped your old, tired chick…the one you had been banging for the same time it takes to have the Olympics, and now you’re banging strippers and porn whores? What the fuck can possibly be wrong with that?

And isn’t a “one night stand” strung together with “crappy breakups” some sort of bad oxymoron?

I wish I had some advice for you on getting a “normal” chick, but honestly, I can’t. I haven’t dated a normal chick since 1997. And besides, what’s normal, anyway? The only normal chicks I know have been married for 15 or 20 years, their pussies are stretched out to the max from spitting out too many kids, and their hubbies have been cheating on them since 1992. Trust me, I know this, cause I’ve managed to duck the ugly suckerpunch that is marriage (up to now), so when all my married pals cheat, or are looking to cheat, somehow, I get involved.

Oh, ain’t life grand? It is for you anyway…remember this, my friend: the grass is always greener on the other side…or, as Byron Long said, when I asked him what’s the best pussy he ever had, “it’s the one I’m about to fuck for the first time.”

I never really had any intentions of making this blog an advice column, but you know what? I like doling out advice. So much so I think, from now on, when someone sends me a question, and I want to blog it, I’m just gonna post a random nudie pic of a chick I shot from whenver…for whatever site I shoot. And maybe link it to a gallery. Then, somehow tie it all together.

So here’s Mackenzie in her cute, oversized underpants. Which links to the gallery in which she blew a whole lotta guys. Oh, by the way, Mackenzie is smart, she’s in grad school, holds a job, and is quite an athlete. So she’s “normal”, right?

But she’s done porno. Still does, I think, from time to time. Click on her pic, and you’re looking at her 7 man blow bang. So she’s a “porn chick”?

Do you date her or not?

Suddenly, I’ve started confusing myself.

If anyone needs any help with anything, just remember your pal Billy is here to counsel. In fact, if anyone would like to send me an e-mail asking for advice, please put “Help Me Counselor Billy” in the subject line.

Now you may carry on.

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#10) — Delilah Strong

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Delilah Strong

IShootPorn: I shot you in a Gloryhole scene like 2 years ago, and you’re back for more! I bet you can’t wait to worship black dick today.

DS: I’m such a size queen. I hope he’s really large.

ISP: So size matters?

DS: Oh yea!

ISP: So, like, if you really love a guy…I mean you’re in love with him, and he’s got a small dick…what then?

DS: Well, he better compensate by letting me fuck his friends.

ISP: We lived in the same state for a while. Do you miss it?

DS: No. I wasn’t popular in high school, so there’s nothing to miss.

ISP: You mentioned that while getting your make-up done…and you said that’s what turned you into a whore. And I’m using your words.

DS: Yea, I wasn’t popular. I wanted attention very badly. So, if anyone wanted to give me attetion, I just took it. And that usually meant that I was fucking them or sucking them.

ISP: Do you like this biz?

DS: I love it. I get to fuck somebody new almost daily. It’s like living out a fantasy every day.

ISP: You genuinely love sex.

DS: I love sex. I can’t get enough. I’m a total nympho.

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing a director’s ever asked you to do?

DS: That’s a hard one. I’ve been asked to do some really dumb stuff. There’s this fat guy, The Minion, who I’ve done like four times. And, every time I do a scene with him, well, he’s got a really small dick, and we always use a condom, and it’s always a Trojan Magnum, and it’s just hanging off his dick, and we always do soemthing with food, so I’m always feeding him shit, shoving it in his face.

ISP: That’s pretty dumb.

DS: But he’s a really good sport about it. He lets me beat him. Hard.

ISP: Tell me about your site.

DS: I’ve got a site in which I sell my used, soiled panties. I take a pair of panties I’ve worn in a scene, and then I take some pictures with them on after the scene. I shove them in my pussy, I sign them, and send them off to the lucky guy.

ISP: What’s a pair of those cost?

DS: $150.

ISP: A total bargain, cause they’re real, right? I mean, this isn’t bullshit.

DS: Absolutely not. These are real panties I’ve worn in my scene. I’ll even include what scene they were shot in, so the guy who buys them can verify it.

ISP: They must smell wonderful.

DS: I’ve been told my pussy tastes like bubblegum. And it feels like velvet.

ISP: So let’s go into my little bedroom and let me verify all this, ok?

DS: Let’s go.

Delilah Strong

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#9) — Kaci Starr

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Kaci Starr

I Shoot Porn: You’re really cute and girl-next-doorish…how the fuck did you get into porno?

Kaci Starr: My friend talked me into going to a nude modeling shoot. I went. I posed, but only down to my underwear. I only showed my tits. My friend got totally naked. We also simulated some lesbo stuff. Real light stuff.

ISP: Why didn’t you take off your panties?

KS: I’m really shy. But I now know I have a good body. Especially good tits.

ISP: Good body? It’s tight and there’s not a single stretch mark anywhere. It’s better than good! Wanna talk about where you’re from?

KS: I’m from a small town in Colorado. Carbondale. On the way up to Aspen. Here’s the deal about being from a small town and doing porn: I told three friends what I did. ONLY three. The next day I had 3 people who I hardly even knew MySpace me and ask me what’s up…and about Shane Diesel’s big fat cock in my pussy…and how did I take that huge thing. From this point on I just get to hear it from everyone. My brother even knows. He walked into my best-friend’s work and actually talked to her about my life in porn. He was all like “do you know what my sister’s doing?!” Um…it kinda hurt cause he’s lost respect for me for what I’ve done, and not for who I am. My mom was surprised, but she didn’t pass judgment on me like my brother did.

ISP: Um…wow. That’s crazy. Let’s lighten things up a bit – do you ski?

KS: I snowboard. Like for the last 10 years. If there’s one thing I would have loved to have do is be a pro snowboarder in the X Games.

ISP: Have you really eaten it snowboarding?

KS: Yea. I hit a jump, and something happened, and I ended up landing on my head. The whole rest of the day I wasn’t there. Here’s the weird part. I dreamt about it the night before. I mean that I took a jump and ate it really bad. So that whole day I felt like I was in my dream from the previous night. Most of the time I don’t do tricks. I like to just go down the mountain fast.

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing a director has asked you to do?

KS: Um, I’m trying to think. Well, something that pissed me off was my first ATM. And my first anal scene, which was a DP. Which I don’t like. I don’t even do them anymore. It’s not right to me.

Kaci is looking for something in her purse.

KS: Hey, do you know where a lighter is? I hate them. I always lose them.

ISP: I don’t smoke. Do you have a website?

KS: No, but I have a myspace account.

ISP: I just shot you for Blacks On Blondes. Three super well-endowed black men just dropped about a gallon of nut in your face. How do you feel?

KS: (laughs) Better now with it off.

random raves

Tiffany Taylor Mano Job

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Here's Tiffany!

Tiffany Taylor is hot. Way fucking hot. Too hot for her own good. That kind of hot.

The first time I shot her was for Spunkmouth; I booked her with Richard Raymond, AKA Richard Kline. If you know anything about Richard, you know he’s a pretty average guy.

I love to book Average Joes for male talent. Fuck bodybuilder male porno guys…cats like Lee Stone, for instance. Give me a beer gut and/or ugly dude everytime. Juan Cuba! It makes for better porn, you know? Plus, the viewer at home can relate to the Average Joe, cause most of the times he is the Average Joe.

And I’m not saying Richard is any of those things…I’m just sayin’.

The whole time I shot her for Spunk I was grilling her about what kind of dudes actually have a shot at her. In real life. I did this on camera and off. I mean, on top of being a porn star, she’s a super hot porn star, so I’m guessing that really only buffed muscle dudes with 8-packs and shit like that have a shot at her. The exact same kind of dudes I quit booking a while back.

But she kept saying, over and over, on camera and off, that looks really didn’t matter.

Do I need to tell you our nerdy guy gave Tiffany Taylor a Spunkmouth?

So fast forward to my new site – ManoJob. I haven’t really blogged ManoJob a whole lot, but I think it’s time. I wanted to start a site with original content, and I didn’t have a whole lot of funds, and I was really aiming for some sort of target niche, and it seems likes there’s not a whole lot of handjob sites around, and the ones that are around seem to have all purchased their content from this unnamed dude from Vegas who really didn’t know dick about holding a camera or lighting a scene, so I decided it was time for a decent handjob site.

My brother came up with the name.

So I started booking handjob scenes, and I shot them with a twist. Dude doesn’t say a word. Nothing. Not once during the entire scene do you ever hear a guy talk. Instead, the girl looks right into the camera and talks like a filthy whore. Kinda like phone sex, only you get to watch her get naked and jack a cock off, and since it’s POV, you can almost imagine it’s your dick she’s jacking.

Nice angle, huh?

So I liked her so much after the Spunkmouth scene, we had Tiffany Taylor jack a dude off.

Not bad, huh?

And here’s the cool thing – since I book girls to shoot for Spunkmouth, or Blacks On Blondes, or whatever it is we’re shooting, it’s easy to get them to stick around and jack someone off in the studio…hence, Mano Job manages to feature talent that just wouldn’t show up for simply one handjob scene.

Ok – I’m done patting myself on the back.

Back to Tiffany: I didn’t see her for a few months, and then one day I show up at Chico Wang’s porn house, and there’s Tiffany Taylor. She’s about to shoot a scene for one of Chico’s lines called Mouth To Mouth, and to be perfectly honest here, she was being grumpy. Well, that’s kinda nice. She was a bitch. It didn’t help that she really didn’t remember me, but hey, that’s norm with any of these silly girls.

I wonder if Chico’s incessant farting on set had anything to do with it? Or that he was pounding beers, and making her say “Mouse to Mouse” and asking all the talent to pull on his finger so when he did fart, it made his gas kinda fun? Maybe Tiffany was having a bad day, cause she doesn’t do b/b/g, and she had to not only fuck Talon for Mouth to Mouth, but she had to fuck Tony T as well, and she wasn’t down for that…but she did it.

OK. OK. I take it back. Not bitchy. Grumpy.

And guess what? She was all excited to fuck Talon. Ugh…Talon. I really don’t know Talon, and as a person he might be OK, but you guessed it…a muscle dude, six pack, square jaw, and bladda-bladda-bladda-blah.

She didn’t say anything about Tony T.

Anyway, there goes my Tiffany Taylor fantasy. Well, I wouldn’t really call it a fantasy. But still, I shoulda known better.

Here's Tiffany!

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#8) — Nikki Hilton

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Nikki Hilton

I Shoot Porn: Nikki Hilton! Wow! You’re really petite! And super hot. Tell me a little about yourself.

Nikki Hilton: I’m a Kentucky girl. I’m 23. I’m 5’3″ and weigh 95. I’ve been in the biz a year, and somedays I like being in porn, and somedays I hate being in porn…just like any other job.

ISP: I weighed 95 pounds in 3rd grade. Actually, me and my best friend at that time – a kid named Mark Connelly – had a race to see who could hit 100 first. I won.

NH: (laughs)

The phone rings. I dunno who it is, but, after some conversation, it sounds like Nikki orders a doughnut. And some sort of Starbucksesque iced coffee drink

ISP: Did you just order a doughnut?

NH: Yes.

ISP: What kind?

NH: A chocolate glazed and 2 sugars.

ISP: Oh my god! Three fucking doughnuts?! I know some porn girls that eat a grand total of 3 doughnuts all year long. And that’s it. I mean nothing else. 3 doughnuts. One every 4 months. So you’re not afraid to eat?

NH: Oh, hell no.

ISP: Is your metabolism high? Do you exercise at all?

NH: No, I really don’t exercise too much. I just have a high metabolism.

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing a director’s asked you to do?

NH: Say it tastes like a cheeseburger when I was doing ATM from another girl’s ass.

ISP: Hold on a sec. Some director asked you to say “It tastes like a cheeseburger” when some dude was buttfucking another girl, and then he pulled out and put it in your mouth?

NH: Uh huh.

Nikki excuses herself. Her doughnuts and coffee drink have just arrived.

ISP: Did it taste like a cheeseburger?

NH: No! If it would have, I would have spit it out.

ISP: What did it taste like, exactly?

NH: Um, nothing. Thank god. It was clean ass.

ISP: Tell me all about your website, NikkiHiltonExposed.

NH: It’s in the works right now. I, um, plan on putting content on there. And basically “normal people stuff” of my everyday life. Pictures of me and my boyfriend, pictures of me naked. Maybe content of me fucking my boyfriend. All the DVD’s I’ve been in. That kind of stuff.

ISP: Your porn name is kinda cool. You combined Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.

NH: You’re the only one that caught that!

ISP: Are you into those two?

NH: Totally. They’re hot.

As she answers Nikki is inhaling one of the doughnuts. The sugar one

ISP: Anything else you want to say before I let you finish your healthy breakfast?

NH: I’ve done five guys in a barn before.

She says this in a very nonchalant way.

ISP: In Kentucky?!

NH: Yep!

ISP: On film?!?!

NH: Nope.

ISP: Oh my god! Now you’re getting my dick hard!

Sugar doughnut is down. She now starts in on the chocolate one while telling her story

NH: I was like 17, and, um, it was kinda like 3 dudes at first, then they switch upped, then one popped, and then others showed up, and I just did them all. I was at my work one night and this guy that I had done before was there and wanted to go smoke out, so I was like OK and I went with him. He invited some friends, and I was like Hey, why not? And it just sorta went down. After a while, a couple more dudes showed up. I took them all on. They popped all over me, too. My tummy, my back, my ass. I was a total mess.

ISP: Fuckin’ hell that’s so hot! So is it safe to say you’re a freak in real life?

NH: Yea, I’m a freak.

ISP: OK. That’s it. I can’t take this anymore. I’m gonna run into the bathroom and beat off to your barn story real quick. Do you mind?

NH: Not at all.

Nikki Hilton

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The Thinker

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The Thinker

I am The Thinker.

Sometimes, I think about how to make a scene for Blacks On Blondes in a new and different way, a way no one’s ever really seen interracial porn being portrayed…a way that’s fresh and new…a way that will make people think differently about any and all IR porn they view in the future…a benchmark, so to speak. Or maybe the same some sort of thing for Spunkmouth, and again, it would be something different and fresh and amazing that would just blow people away.

Sometimes, I think everything that’s been done in porn has been done, and we’re all rehashing the same old shit.

Sometimes, I think why in the world do people like handjob movies so much?

Sometimes, I think about The Velvet Underground’s first record, and how truly amazing it is, and how it stands up better now than it did even four decades ago, and what people must have thought about that record when they first heard it, and Warhol’s cover art, and Lou Reed singing heroin – it’s my life and it’s my wife and how that record changed the way people think about how music can be played. A benchmark for sure.

Sometimes, I think about the best lighting angles for a DP or a double vag scene, and how much of a pain in the ass they are to shoot.

Sometimes, I think about Cy Twombley’s early paintings, and how they speak to me.

Sometimes, I think the whole way of marketing porn through these super duper multi-site deals cheapens our business and is generally a bad idea.

Sometimes, I think about booking Spring Thomas for a 10 man blow-bang, wherein she just drops to her knees, opens her mouth, and 10 brothers – all waiting in line – unload directly into it. No sucking. No fucking. No bullshit sceanrios. They just unload in her pretty little pie-hole.

Sometimes, I think about what I’m going to do when I no longer have to think about Spring Thomas and DP’s and double vag scenes and 10 man blow-bangs and Spunkmouths.

Sometimes, I think about how fucking extraodinary Kind of Blue is, and how nothing I will ever do in my entire creative life will ever come remotely close to comparing to it.

Sometimes, I think I’d like to start a new website in which a girl straps on a dildo, fucks a dude really hard with it, and then ATM’s the dude…and I’d call it something like HisFirstATM.com

Sometimes, I think about Jack Kerouac, and about the week they hired him at the Blue Note in 1957 to read from his new novel, On The Road, and how drunk he was that entire week, and how one of the greatest readers in literary history struggled through every word because he was so drunk, and how hardly anyone showed up on the first day, and by day three literally no one showed up, so they cancelled his last few days there, or maybe he just didn’t show up anymore, and how much I would have liked to have been alive in 1957 and there to witness every single day of it.

Sometimes, I think there’s way more gay guys in the world than anyone imagines – and there’s absloutely nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes, I think porn plays a large role in the moral decline of our society, but most of the time I don’t.

I am The Thinker.