Random Thoughts

Various Random Porno (and non-porno) Events

10 Comments
Gauge
Gauge

Usually I blog a particular topic, but today I feel like blabbing about all sorts of shit…so, each paragraph of today’s blog is its own “topic”, whether it’s a current event, or a rant, or a rave…or showing you some of what the fans are asking for:

Hello
Please help me to find DVD or VIDEO as per following situation. I have tried but could not find on your esteemed site.
1) Please suggest SITE or DVD or videos where in black masters tie white slaves , torture nipples and pussy, spank them with metal rods and punish them with bottle in ass…and then fuck them
2) Please suggest SITE or DVD or videos where in where in white slaves are reforming and punishing their master, by tie up master with tree and fuck master. White Slave torturing master..
3) Please suggest SITE or DVD or videos where in black master first torture white slave , force cat to lick white slave cunts and then fuck her.
4) Please suggest SITE or DVD or videos where in white teens are inserting live small animals in holes.
Thanks.

As you probably know, there’s a halt on production in Porn Valley. A performer named Cameron Bay has come forward and ID’d herself as the performer who has tested positive for HIV. I’m not sure if the follow-up test has confirmed her HIV status, but no one is shooting. Or should be. Rumor is that Cameron has a boyfriend, or a partner, or some sort of fuckbuddy “friend” that’s gay-for-pay. And rumor has it he’s been in straight flicks, too. Like I said, other than Cameron’s first test coming back positive, all the rest are rumor and speculation and should be treated as such. My deepest sympathy to Miss Bay in this terrible situation, and I am hoping for a good end to it all.

This HIV crisis comes immediately after it was learned a male performer named Alex Gonz has been running around Porn Valley for God-Knows-How-Long with Hep C.

Which came immediately after another male talent named Clover had a false positive for Syphilis.

Ready or not, dear fans, condoms are on the way.

Speaking of that, I went to a Porno Meeting at my Porn Lawyer’s office to discuss how we’re going to comply with the new law requiring condoms. It was a hoot. Lotsa fun. Since it was a closed-door meeting, don’t expect me to blab about what went down, other than I’m doing my best to follow a law that’s impossible to follow.

Speaking of that, the LA Department of Health folks dropped by my studio to check it. They liked my place, gave me a thumbs up, and afterwards we chatted a bit. It went something like this: Me: “So, how do you guys like your new responsibilities with the porno stuff?” Them: “We didn’t vote for this.” Me: “Do you think all this is warranted?” Them: “We’re more concerned about a potential health crisis at, say, Belmont High (local LA inner-city high school) than all of Porn Valley.”

I caught NOBUNNY Sunday night at Echo Park Rising, which is a local music fest. Great show. Fun night for all. Should I mention that I was particularly fond of his tight, red underpants that night? And No Way Am I Gay.

I just shot Gauge, who hasn’t really been in a skin flick since 2005. I say “really” cause she did a scene the day before she came by my studio. Gauge was super cool. No diva here. I interviewed her from my YouTube Channel, and I opened up with “What happens to Porn Stars when they leave Porn Valley for good?” cause that’s what lotsa fans ask me. “Whatever happened to SOandSO? I loved her scene with FillInTheBlank!” I’ve kept in touch with some of the models I’ve worked with in the past, and if I had to take a guess, I’d say over 50% of them remain as Sex Workers, but in a different capacity, whether it be stripping, escorting, or maintaining their Sugar Daddy’s happiness. Some do go get educated, and then head off into the “normal” workplace…only to be haunted by their past. It’s such a shitty situation. People love to out their favorite Porn Star in the workplace, but almost all the time it ends with the employer either terminating ex-Porner…or ex-Porner leaves the workplace after being harassed. I do know a few girls who have maintained a normal job, but not many.

Breaking Bad is winding up to be the greatest television show ever produced. Even better than Walking Dead, which is great in its own way.

Wanna hear another funny Stunt Cock story? So I’m shooting a scene the other day, and Stunt Cock is still new, and definitely unpredictable. Here’s some examples of Unpredictable Stunt Cock behavior on a porno set: Can Stunt Cock speak so others understand him while he’s “acting”? (Note I’m not even concerned with how bad Stunt Cock’s acting might be). Will Stunt Cock maintain wood? Can Stunt Cock hold his nut til the end of scene? Will Billy Watson even get his scene? And, up to the transition from first position to second position, Stunt Cock was doing great. Except maybe with the Mumble Mouth problem. He even kicked ass through the pictures, which is the hardest part of the whole “work” day. (I take all pictures first, before we go to video, for a number of reasons: talent gets to “know” each other better before video; we get all the pictures out of the way so they can just perform during video; etc etc). So Stunt Cock kicks ass through photos, then kicks ass through position 1…then he just stops. Rubs his head like he’s got a headache. “What’s wrong?” I ask, fearing the worst. “Come here. I need to whisper something in your ear.” Knowing the worst is about to come, I walk over to him. “My girlfriend died Sunday.” This revelation makes my head spin, for two reasons: 1) if he’s telling the truth, why the fuck is he on my set in the first place? 2) if he’s telling the truth, which I highly doubt, how can he get through the hardest part of the scene (pictures) and first position and then suddenly stop? After he tells me, I keep calm, tell him things are gonna be OK, and he says something like, “I’ll try to finish”, but by then I know it’s over. Now it’s time to reschedule the whole thing and pay out kill fees. And I call him out for being a liar. Which is risky on my part, and I know that. And I know he’s gonna flip, which he does. It’s not til a few days later The Truth is told: Stunt Cock lost his load during first position, didn’t tell anyone, then threw the dying GF drama in my face. Poor Stunt Cock! He was so distraught he could only make it through the first position before premature nutting whilst grieving (silently, of course) for his lost love. Nice, huh?

Oh, how I love my business! Almost as much as NOBUNNY.

NOBUNNY
NOBUNNY
Current Events

…and Porn Will Never be the Same.

5 Comments
Condom Warning
Condom Warning

The town will never be the same. After the Tangiers, the big corporations took it all over. Today, it looks like Disneyland. And while the kids play cardboard pirates, Mommy and Daddy drop the house payments and Junior’s college money on the poker slots. In the old days, dealers knew your name, what you drank, what you played. Today, it’s like checkin’ into an airport. And if you order room service, you’re lucky if you get it by Thursday. Today, it’s all gone. You get a whale show up with four million in a suitcase, and some twenty-five-year-old hotel school kid is gonna want his Social Security Number. After the Teamsters got knocked out of the box, the corporations tore down practically every one of the old casinos…

Remember the closing moments from Casino, the Scorsese/DeNiro/Pesci film? Those lines are DeNiro’s, and he’s lamenting about what he feels is the decline of his industry. If you didn’t see Casino, it’s basically the history of Vegas from the mid-70’s to current day, and, for the most part, the film gets it right.

By “it”, I mean the Corporatization of Vice.

The LA County Department of Health is housed in a dilapidated building right off the I-5. Inside their conference room, bright yellow signs with black, bold lettering say things like CAUTION: TURTLES MAY TRANSMIT BACTERIA CAUSING DISEASE IN HUMANS and WARNING: MUSSELS FROM THESE WATERS ARE UNFIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION. There’s a framed pamphlet hanging on the wall titled Rabies and its Control. It’s like museum of health-related warning signs from the days of yesteryear…except those signs are all currently in use. Just go to one of LA’s beaches and you’ll see one.

My favorite is the one (I assume) used for LA County bathhouses: AIDS PREVENTION NOTICE — The LA County of Health has determined that high risk sexually activity can lead to AIDS. High risk sexual activity means the placing of the penis of one male into the anus or mouth of another male, whether or not a condom is used OR the placing of the mouth of one male on the anus of another male.

The Public Health Investigative Manager (herein referred to from now on as “Phim”) apologizes to me and my lawyer for her tardiness, “but we’re in the middle of an emergency.”

I say, “I’m kinda curious…in 2013 what constitutes a public health emergency?” Cause to me, public health crises either happen in 3rd World kinda places…or happened in Olde Tyme Days.

Phim didn’t really specify, other than there was an issue at an unnamed bathhouse — which kinda surprised me, too. “A bathhouse?!”

Phim said, “A bath house is a place where people, usually of the same sex, meet to have sex.”

I said, “I know what they are…I just didn’t think they actually still exist.”

Phim said not only do they exist, there’s a dozen (or so) in LA County, and they all need permits, too.

I was fascinated. “What else is going on that Average Joe wouldn’t think was going on as far as a health crisis in 2013?”

Turns out tuberculosis is still very much alive and well — mostly in places like Skid Row. Who woulda thought TB was even an issue anymore?

I asked Phim, “someone told me syphilis was almost wiped out and made a comeback in the gay male population in big cities like San Francisco and New York. True?”

Phim said, “if you mean almost wiped out like small pox, no. It was very much on the decline in the 90’s, and yes, now we’re seeing more cases.”

Phim was very nice. After she issued my health permit, she explained I’d have to take a blood-born pathogens class within 6 months, and she still didn’t know what they were going to charge for my permit, cause “this is all still new to us.”

And with that, I walked out of the Health Department with my lawyer — and some 3rd World, Olde Tyme signs, which now hang on my studio wall.

random rants, Random Thoughts, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Consider the Stunt Cock.

11 Comments

The Stunt Cocks
The Stunt Cocks
With all the ranting and raving I do about the crazy girls in this biz, I really don’t say much about the dudes…who might be even crazier.

I don’t talk much about the Stunt Cocks — cause let’s face it — almost on one cares about them. I’m sure there’s a handful of fans who pay some attention, but no where near the amount the average Stunt Cock thinks. And with the exception of maybe 3 or 4 Stunt Cocks in the history of the biz (John Holmes, Peter North, Ron Jeremy, and now, James Deen), none of these dudes really even deserve a name.

OK. Add Manuel…and maybe Nacho. Vince Voyeur? John Leslie? PT? Lex Steele? Dingo?

Don’t get me wrong. I could never be a Stunt Cock. There’s no way I could walk on to some director’s set, meet a Porno Princess, and drill her for 30 or 40 minutes while the camera rolls (after taking pictures, too). I’d either lose my nut (in a matter of minutes), if I could even get my totally average ween up at all. So, when I say these dudes don’t deserve a name, it’s not due to to anything more than this: fans wanna see, hear, and feel the girls.

They don’t want to hear Stunt Cock, listen to Stunt Cock commentary and/or jokes, and they certainly don’t want to hear Stunt Cock blow his load. Which why I said they don’t really need a name, and why I don’t really talk about them — until now. So, as I sit here, watching a Led Zeppelin show (1970’s Royal Albert Hall from the DVD set), I thought I’d tell ya a Stunt Cock story.

Cause I have so many.

I could tell you about Paranoid Schizo Stunt Cock, who once told me I wear t-shirts to purposefully distract him to the point of failure. “Which t-shirts, exactly?” I asked. He replied, “you know which ones!” I said, “why would I want you to fail on my set when I have to turn this in to my producer? If you fail, I fail…and none of us will get paid.” He couldn’t really answer that…but it didn’t stop him from texting me the next morning at 5am to let me know he was across the street from my studio, and “didn’t know what he was about to do.”

I could tell you about Angry Stunt Cock, who showed up an hour late for a blow bang. “You’re over an hour late, bro…sorry. We started without you. Maybe next time.” He yelled, “YOU TOLD ME TO BE HERE AT 12!” I said, “no, I didn’t.” He screamed the same thing at me again…just in case I didn’t hear him the first time. “I sent out a group text to everyone. You and the other 8 guys. How did they all manage to make it on time?” He left angry, and then continued to fight with me over that one for weeks. And weeks. Via calls and text messages. Before he finally just left me alone.

I could tell you about Whispering Stunt Cock who called me one cold winter day and told me to leave LA immediately. “Why?” I asked. “Cause some serious shit is gonna go down.” I asked, “what kind of serious shit?” He replied, “mass power outages. Then riots. Then murderous rampages that will cost thousands of lives. It’ll be bloody and brutal. Please leave Billy. I’m telling you this cause I care about you.” I said, “I appreciate your care. When will this happen exactly?” He answered, “immediately after the Super Bowl.” So I said, “when this doesn’t happen, is it OK to give you shit about this phone call…and the fact you’re whispering all this information to me?” Lowering the whisper even more, I could barely hear “Yes”.

I could tell you that Whispering Stunt Cock showed up at my studio, not long after the Superbowl, begging me to put down my camera and quit porn, cause he just had a conversation with God. “You just spoke with God?” I asked. “Yes,” he said. This time without whispering. I asked, “and God told you to tell me to quit porn?” He answered, “yes. He wants Spring Thomas to quit, too.” Then he sprinted into my studio, where I was about to shoot a 10-man blowbang, and he started asking everyone to leave. Which is when I asked him to leave. Which he did. Which, to this day, I can’t believe he did…and I only had to ask him to leave once.

Which is my cheap segue into the story I really wanna tell you, cause it just happened the other day. This is the story of Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock. I’ve decided to name him that because I think he may be. How else would you explain someone showing up late — and with a civilian girl — after years and years of being told specifically not to? This isn’t an exaggeration. Since 2006, when he first did it, I said, “Why are you bringing three girls to set today?” He replied, “These are nice, sweet girls.” I said, “I didn’t ask you that. No more bringing strangers to my set. EVER.” And then, as the years raced by, there would be times when he’d only show up late. Then with girls and late. Then just late. Then late, with girls. Then just late. Over and over and over: always late, sometimes with a girl…or girls. And looking back at it all now, I’m at fault for letting it go on as long as I did…but last week I decided it was over. When he walked in late with his newest girl, I put my foot down. “Leave,” I said. Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock refused. We went back and forth another 10 minutes or so.

“Leave.” “No.” “Leave.” “No.”

It didn’t matter if I yelled LEAVE or not, he wasn’t going anywhere. It was another one of those crazy blow bangs, so I pulled the shoot. “Everyone go home,” I said. “No shoot today.”

This is when the group turned on him, which I knew would happen. I was secretly hoping someone would take a swing at him, but no such luck. But as the yelling continued, Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock finally had had enough. “I’m going out to my car and getting my gun, and when I get back here I’m shooting the place up.” Which is when Porno Princess started crying.

I didn’t take his threat seriously, but that didn’t stop me from dialing 911. What if today was The Day? What if he decided it was his turn to pull a Steve Driver? That’s something I couldn’t have on my conscience.

“I’m calling the cops, please leave.” He said, “I’m calling the cops, too!” I said, “That’s interesting. Let’s see…you’re trespassing and you just made a terroristic threat. I’ve done nothing but ask you to leave after you’ve done something I’ve asked you not to do for 6 or 7 years.”

Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock finally did leave my studio, but he didn’t go home. And when the cops showed, he did too. Which is when he shouted, “There he is, officers! There’s Billy Watson! He’s the one who’s shooting underage girls! You also might want to check for his shooting permits!”

I forgot to mention that, before the cops showed, Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock texted me: The cops are on their way! I will guide them to ur studio. U are shooting minors, u don’t have a permit and I wanna use a condom

When I got it, I didn’t think Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock would really do that…but he did. In fact, the first two squads that arrived were responding to Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock’s 911 call. How do I know that? Cause they told me. “Hello Officers. My name is Billy Watson. I was the one who called 911. That individual refused to leave my workplace and told everyone here he was going to shoot the place up.” Officer Friendly said, “We’re not responding to your call. We’re responding to his. We need to see her ID” and the officer pointed at Porno Princess. (She’s 27).

A couple more squads pulled up, and they were responding to me, and it didn’t take too long for LAPD to figure out who was lying…and who was telling the truth. Hours later, Mentally Challenged Stunt Cock was still dealing with cops as his female friend cried. “The lady has requested we take her back to the station,” Officer Friendly told me after I asked what was up, “so a friend or family member can come get her.” A few minutes later, I peered out me door, and everyone was gone.

Some good came from all this: Permits are on the way, and I’ve just added one more person to the list of people who are permanently banned from my set. It’s a list that’s three names long, which is one less that the four I’ve just told you about.

Random Thoughts

A Few Things I Love in my Life, Lately.

Leave a comment

Molly O'Dell
Molly O'Dell
1) Tim Timebomb & Friends: I was never a Rancid fan, nor did Operation Ivy do anything for me. Tim Timebomb is another story. Just go check out his site, scroll down a bit, and then look for “songs”. He’s posting one a day, and I dare ya to find a dud. Click on the “mix tapes” to stream some while you work. Or jerk. Or work ‘n jerk.

2) Fart Sniffers: “Eproctophiles are said to spend an abnormal amount of time thinking about flatulence, and have recurring intense sexual urges and fantasies involving flatulence.” This from Professor Mark Griffith’s blog. While I can’t vouch for Dr. Griffiths, recently the “world’s recorded case” of so-called ‘eproctophilia’ has been recorded in a 22-year-old man from Illinois. This from UK’s The Metro. The Metro quotes “Brad” — the Fart Sniffer — picked up his fetish after “he heard that a girl that he had a crush on in school had passed wind during a lesson.” The Metro also pointed out Brad was pursuing his degree in the Fine Arts — so sniffin’ farts makes sense. I could have saved the British psychologist who interviewed Brad a lot of time by showing him the FARTING section over at Clips4Sale. My old pal Cinnamon Love made a nice chunk of change blowing big ones for her C4S clients. Urban Legend has a VHS tape featuring none other than Chuck Berry (Roll Over Beethoven) taking direct blasts from a blonde girl’s ass. Cause, as Professor Griffith’s blog points out, “Most people probably view flatulence as a disgusting behavior yet eproctophiles do not.” I always found farting kinda funny…unless they stunk up the joint too much. Then, I’d usually punch The Farter in the arm…and the worse it smelled, the harder I’d swing. You know…just like you.

3) “Just Drinkin’ Beer and Wastin’ Bullets“: Don’t ask me how, but Saturday night I wound up at a Luke Bryan concert. Florida/Georgia Line and Thompson Square opened. Collective audience IQ hovered around 85. I’m sure most spent their entire week’s pay on a ticket, parking, a tee, and a couple tall boys. The only thing that enabled me to endure the night was hanging out with my old high school pals. Wanna get 20,000 Country and Western fans to scream in delight? The lead singer just needs to mention whatever town they’re playing, followed by how big the titties of all the towns’ female inhabitants are. (I guess that goes for a Metal show, too, except instead of a mason jar full of moonshine (to the audience, no less), a Metal band would’ve passed around some blow.) Just when I thought it couldn’t get any dumber, I spotted a cute girl wearing short-shorts, a cowboy hat, and a tee that that read “Just Drinkin’ Beer and Wastin’ Bullets”. A day later I discovered it does get dumber…as she’s quoting the lyrics from one of Luke Bryan’s biggest hits.

4) Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me: From the site: “Big Star: Nothing Can Hurt Me is a feature-length documentary film about the dismal commercial failure, subsequent massive critical acclaim, and enduring legacy of pop music’s greatest cult phenomenon, Big Star.” I love this film, because I love this band. I love this band cause they’re great, no one paid any attention to them when they were playing together, and did I mention they’re great? If I had to get somethings inked into my skin, it would be the band’s logo off the first record.

5) Molly O’Dell: Last month, my porno pal Siri introduced me to a barely-legal girl who was calling herself Molly. Siri said, “you’re gonna love Molly…and when you do one of your interviews with her, you’re gonna discover something you’re really going to like!” Well, during the interview, nothing really came to light that I would call a “discovery”, so my last question to Molly was, “Is there something I didn’t ask that you think I should know about?” Turns out there was, and Siri was right. Turns out Molly’s mom is none other than Kelly O’Dell, a Porno Princess from the early 90’s. After our interview, I highly, highly recommended that Molly make her last name “O’Dell” and follow in her mom’s footsteps. And for once, a Porno Princess took my advice.