Fucked Up. The Casbah. 27 July 2011.
Porn Star Screen Test #23: Taylor
A Super Fan’s Q & A with Chastity Lynn
The Polyamorous Porno Couple
Woody Guthrie’s New Year Resolutions (Found in one of his journals dated January 31st, 1942)
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New Years Rulin’s
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1. Work more and better.
2. Work by a schedule.
3. Wash teeth if any.
4. Shave.
5. Take bath.
6. Eat good. Fruits – vegetables – milk.
7. Drink very scant if any.
8. Write a song a day.
9. Wear clean clothes. Look good.
10. Shine Shoes.
11. Change socks.
12. Change bed clothes often.
13. Read lots good books [sic].
14. Listen to radio a lot.
15. Learn people better.
16. Keep Rancho clean.
17. Don’t get lonesome.
18. Stay glad.
19. Keep hoping machine running.
20. Dream good.
21. Bank all extra money.
22. Save dough.
23. Have company but don’t waste time.
24. Send Mary and kids money.
25. Play and sing good.
26. Dance better.
27. Help win war – beat fascism.
28. Love mama.
29. Love papa.
30. Love Pete.
31. Love everybody.
32. Make up your mind.
33. Wake up and fight.
Super Fun e-Mails: Proxy Paige’s (Delightfully Refreshing) Piss.
i dont know how to find email addresses, but your blog lead me to believe you might be able to pass on this message. i was going through severe depression for many years and one of the ways it manifested was being really upset about the things i didn’t have, which made looking at porn particularly soul crushing. one day i stumbled across a shoot proxy did with mandy mitchell and her energy was so fantastically amazing that joy jumped from her brain into mine. it made me so happy to see such happy people. now im stoked for everyone having a great time. now im pumped when i can help people to have a blast and sexuality is a source of wonderment and hope. please let her know how rad she is and that her radiant energy has helped to transform my life. im sure you’re awesome too. i bet her pee was delightfully refreshing. thanks so much!!
—–
Dear Morgan:
I took this Proxy Paige picture a year or so ago at a movie night my friend Eric Kroll was hosting. My friend Eric Kroll is a magician. Kroll turns pornography into art.
And just like me, Kroll likes old, useless things. So when a box full of film reels discovered on a recent dumpster dive turned into Porno Gold, movie night was on! We put Proxie in charge.
Projectionist Proxy Paige.
Our Adult Entertainment that evening featured a door-to-door salesmen who peddled sex toys; a knocked-up milk maiden who sipped drinks poolside whilst pleasuring her man; and a sex scene with the door-to-door salesman and the lady of the house in a kitchen that had the best thing in the film — a calendar hanging on the wall. If the calendar was telling the truth, the kitchen scene was shot in January of 1972. This would make the actors in their mid-to-late 60’s (maybe even 70!), and I wonder how they would felt that night, sitting in Kroll’s room with us, about the dirty movie they made so long ago?
Your e-mail is super fun, Morgan, cause watching dirty movies can be a great thing, and I grow tired of all the right-wing Christian nut jobs who slam my biz whenever they can, and slam the girls whenever they can, and cite inaccurate statistics whenever they can…and beat off to what they condemn — whenever they can.
And you’re right: Proxy’s piss was delightfully refreshing; as I lay on the filthy bathroom floor — pants hastily pulled down around my ankles — beating off like a monkey in the zoo, Proxy hovering a few feet above my mouth as she relieved herself, I felt as though I was feasting on a fancy Easter brunch, served up at an expensive country club.
Something like that, anyways.
2011: A Few of My Favorite Things
Bass Drum of Death: In February of ’93 I was stuck in a shitty job at a brokerage firm in Dallas, Texas. I was The Human Resource Dude, which meant I recruited new brokers into the firm and taught them how to pass the Series 7 exam (the SEC’s test to see if you’re fit to peddle stocks and bonds) as well as getting on the phone to peddle penny stocks myself. Honesty made me a terrible penny stockbroker, and our firm was in a whole bunch of trouble, so instead of jumping to the new, equally-shitty firm, I opted out of that world. Which is a fancy way to say I quit. I had no idea where I’d end up, or what job I’d have (a few months later I was selling Nissans and enduring the darkest days of my working days). Anyway, a lot of times when you’re in that kind of phase in your life, it’s always a great time to hit the road. So, without telling a soul, I jumped into my jeep and drove to Memphis to tour Graceland. Then I headed south, to Oxford, Mississippi, to walk through William Faulkner’s home and witness his writing room…the one in which The Fable is outlined on the wall. I also discovered Square Books. I stayed at a great Bed-and-Breakfast I can no longer name, but I can tell you the lady who ran the joint knew I was a “Yankee” the second I asked for cheese grits with my scrambled eggs and sausage. “How could you tell?” I asked. She just smiled. How would I know almost 20 years later my very favorite band of 2011 would hail from that great, little town?
The Hedgehog: Did I ever tell you why I can’t watch any James Bond movie? Cause there’s nothing to fear. You know he’ll NEVER die…no matter what nifty shit the enemy pulls. Which is why ya gotta love French cinema, mostly cause they have no problem killing off their main characters. So when I went into The Hedgehog, I was quite certain Paloma was going to fulfill her chosen path — to kill herself on her 12th birthday. Paloma lives in an upper-middle class apartment in Paris, with her Pill Poppin’ mom, Pain-in-the-Ass older sis, and Big Business Dad. But it’s the Hedgehog who steals this show, and all I’m gonna tell ya is Paloma doesn’t wind up ending it all.
Gravity’s Rainbow: From its Wiki — “Gravity’s Rainbow is a postmodern novel written by Thomas Pynchon and first published on February 28, 1973.” That’s one way to put it. Another is it’s a totally unreadable, 750 page mess that (kinda) centers on the V2 rocket, the first weapon that travelled faster than the speed of sound. Which Pynchon obsessed about. Cause more than once he talks about the rocket hitting you first…and then the typical noise an incoming rocket sounding. Cause it was that typical noise that cause the poor souls of WWII London to scramble for the underground to save their lives…before the V1 hit. Try to imagine it: you’re just trying to survive through the nastiest war the world has ever known, and far off in the distance you hear the incoming, and you haul ass to safety. With the V2 there was no more of that. Oh, and one of the main characters of the book pops a boner whenever the Germans launch a V2. How ’bout that? I’m about 100 pages in — and determined to finish it this time — and so far there’s been a zillion characters tossed my way, but I finally figured out the main character of the book is WWII itself.
Marché aux Puces de la Porte de Vanves: Books, music, and movies. The three things that make my life worth living. Oh, and the fourth thing — flea markets. Sure, the Pasadena one is gigantic (overwhelming) and very great, and the Portobello Road Market in London is where I scored one of my very favorite things (the “Careless Moments” tobacco card set featuring the pin-up girls of 1922), but the Marché aux Puces de la Porte de Vanves is my very favorite flea market…maybe cause it’s in my very favorite city in the world.
Riley Reid: I’m over The Whores. Really, I am. Don’t get me wrong — I don’t hate whores; in fact, I love them! I just don’t want to engage them in anything more than a working relationship. Which is to say I’ll say “hello” to them when they walk in my studio, and I’ll treat them with respect while we’re working, and I’ll say buh-bye to them when they leave. And that’s that. Except maybe Miss Reid, who likes old, useless things more than I do.
Allie James: I swore when I was about to blast out this blog I’d mention only one (potential) future “porn star” (always an interesting term), but here I am mentioning two. Allie James is a barely-legal blonde from a tiny town in Upstate New York who jumped into the Porno Game a few months ago. And she gets it…which usually only happens to a girl after she’s been in this whacky biz for a year or more. (And never, ever to a barely legal). Unless she’s a Speigler Girl, of course.
Fucked Up’s “David Comes to Life“: I walked into Amoeba last spring as they were playing what would become the best record of 2011, “David Comes to Life“. I walked out with the LP tucked under my arm, and when I saw they were slated to play the El Rey, I was all over it. Not just cause of the band, either. I’ll go to any historic theater in LA just to check out the venue itself. (One of the reasons I’m psyched for Wilco’s show at the Los Angeles). By the time Fucked Up came to LA, David Comes to Life had been on my turntable almost non-stop for weeks. The band runs their Swag Table, so in addition to spending $50 on 7” records, I chatted it up with their lead singer, Damian Abraham. He mentioned they were on their way to The Casbah next, and I knew about The Casbah cause it’s a legendary San Diego punk club, so I asked, “Hey, do you mind if I photograph you guys tomorrow night?” He agreed. He’s the nicest dude, as is the band, and I left San Diego the next night with a couple hundred photos. I’d call some of them great, but no one likes a braggart.
The Minion: We’ve had our up & downs, and we drive each other crazy almost all the time, but I couldn’t do what I do without him. Do what? Add to the decay of the moral fiber of our society, one scene at a time.
Betty Page & The Second Initiation of the Sorority Girl (soundtrack by Charlie Feathers).
Super Fun e-Mails: Are the Blacks on Blondes Members also Members of the KKK?
We corresponded a bit sometime ago and I informed you of my deep appreciation for your racial sensitivity when it came to communicating online with individuals with less than favourable attitudes toward African American male performers. Furthermore sir, as a college professor of critical race studies I discussed you with my interest in doing some analysis of interracial porn an idea you seemed to pooh pooh which I understand as a worker in the industry maybe your perception of IR porn varies from those in academia who may see it evidence of some of the more intense racialized taboos and constructions existing anywhere onscreen. What I am interested in is in doing reception studies work of the audience for interracial porn by reviewing the the website fan commentary on varying sites you have worked with. I appreciate how eclectic your site is, how you use biting and acerbic satirical humor, and how you seek to inform your audience as a practitioner on life in the industry. There is no hint for me of a narcissistic look at me and what I get to do everyday in your writing. One thing I am curious about is the profile of the interracial porn consumer as white male older perhaps conservative with racist views, any proof to that presumption?
I am not just a researcher I am also a fan still just a kid from Detroit who uses big words.
Peace,
Dr. F
Assistant Professor of English, [name of institution removed by Billy] University
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Dr. F —
Oh, I miss my days as an educator. What a rewarding career! Funny thing is, right when I walked away from that job and started making dirty movies, often I’d lay in my bed at night and wonder look at me now…I went from enriching a young person’s life to aiding and abetting their ruin. Then, other nights I’d lay there and think ain’t autonomy grand?! Whether or not we’re making the biggest mistakes of our lives, we’re the ones making them, and that in of itself makes life worth living. And of course there’s times when I’d think fuckin’ porn rules and this is the greatest job ever.
Anyway, being an ex-English professor myself, let me mark up your e-mail with my virtual red pen and toss it back at you…not as an insult, either; I want to do this more as a simple exercise. An exercise for myself. I used to teach ENG 101 and 102 at the community college level, and, as I’ve already said, I miss it so.
So here goes: We corresponded a bit sometime ago, and I informed you of my deep appreciation of the way you communicated with racists, specifically those targeting African American male performers. Furthermore, as a college professor of critical race studies, I discussed my interest in analyzing interracial porn — an idea you pooh pooh’d. As a worker in the sex industry, maybe your perception of IR porn varies from others, who may see it as exploiting racial stereotypes. I want to study your audience by reviewing fan commentary on varying Dogfart sites. I appreciate how eclectic your site is, how you use biting and acerbic satirical humor, and how you seek to inform your audience as a practitioner of life in the industry. I am most curious about the IR porn fan: can you prove the typical member of Blacks on Blondes is a white, middle-aged bigot?
I was always a fan of the “less is more”, Charles Bukowski School of Writing…as opposed to the big words you like to use. Speaking of that, did I tell you guys I took the “Bukowski Tour” last month? I enjoyed it, too. I knew Buk’s haunts were close by, but I had no idea some where right around the corner! The rooming house he lived in with Jane (see Barfly with Mickey Rourke and Faye Dunaway), the fire station that served as the impetus to his big poem of the same name, his favorite liquor store, the post office he worked at, as well as the famous DeLongpre bungalow where a lot of the great work was written.
I digress.
Let me share some of the various member correspondances and let you draw your own conclusions. I may have shared some of these before, but after 1,000 (or so) blog posts, I really can’t recall. I didn’t edit anything; these are all presented verbatim. And remember — these come from the members area. These aren’t random e-mails that came from surfers hitting the Blacks on Blondes tour and bouncing after they hit the “send” button; these come from people who saw the site, pulled out their credit cards, joined, and filled out a form from within the members’ area…which makes for a highly qualitative sample.
But not necessarily quantitative, as there are lots and lots of e-mails filled with praise and other niceties, too.
So let’s have some fun! (And no, I’m not gonna correct these).
email2: MillionsOf@DeadNiggers.com
username: NiggerKiller
explain: Stupid monkeys. This repugnant zoophilic site and those contemptible whores with AIDS really make me puke. I have bashed one of those bitches yesterday, it was very funny and I have the project to create a site called nigger-loving-whores-bashed.com, and in a few years it will be dead-nigger-loving-whores.com I hope you will all die in horrible suffering,this is your destiny.
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realname: [deleted by Billy]
email: [deleted by Billy]
site: [deleted by Billy]
username: [deleted by Billy]
pass: [deleted by Billy]
explain: Why are there only niggers on your site, if you added more you may sell more, monkey dicks are no fun.
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email2: [deleted by Billy]
username: black is slave
pass: [deleted by Billy]
explain: you site is fuck,sin and you all will sick etc AIDS etc. You like animal?? your cock that you make proud will destroyuntil you have no power to
play sex. How will happen with you if you don’t finish it?? What God will done for You???? God Bless Us
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email2: [deleted by Billy]
username: [deleted by Billy]
explain: i go kill all black people on this site becouse you are destruin the white race this fuching unigres must death: sun of hitler
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email2: eatmyshit@yourarse.com
username: take your pick
pass: [deleted by Billy]
member: [deleted by Billy]
explain: there must be a real shortage of women for your monkeys because there are always more men than women in your shots. Get a job losers.
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realname: JOE MAMA
email: [deleted by Billy]
site: GloryHole.com
email2: [deleted by Billy]
username: [deleted by Billy]
pass: [deleted by Billy]
explain: WHY THE FUCK ONLY NIGGER DICKS ON YOUR SITE..WHO WANTS TO SEE A MONKEY GET HIS CRANK LICKED I KNOW MY WHITE ASS DOESNT, I GUESS WHOEVER RUNS THIS SITE IS A BIG PLANET OF THE APE, WHO WALKS AND SCRAPES HIS KNUCKLES ON THE GROUND..EITHER THAT OR A FAGGOT!!!
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email2: big white nigger fucker@msn.com
username: hell if i no who you are
pass: [deleted by Billy]
explain: you no good niggers, i had to fight for every piece of ass i ever wanted from a women.i resent watching you fucking a white petite female.because i never got a young petite white female and im white .why don,t you go home to afro if you don,t like it here.but what is there not to like,your getting good tight females pussee and all the love from a female you want.and money too and laughing at them meatheads who are buying this shit.them white whores your fucking are not real women,the the devils females .black devils.
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email2: [deleted by Billy]
username: N/A
pass: N/A
member: N/A
explain: LOOK YOU SORRY SACK OF ASSHOLES WHITE GIRLS WANT TO FUCK WHITE MEN AND WHITE MEN ONLY YOU LL BETTER STOP BRIBING WHITE GIRLS INTO FUCKING NIGGERS OOR I WILL HAVE UR WEB SITES VIDEOS THROWN OFF THE INTERNET PERMANENTLY AND YALL THROWN IN JAIL FOR A VERY VERY LONG TIME TRUST ME TOOO I CAN DO IT TOO
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email2: KILLNIGGERS@KN.com
username: The ONlygoodnigger is a dead nigger
explain: Congrats Dogshit, you are now a Target of the NOOP It’s a shame to see such poentially good farm machinery go to waste. It’s not the fact that you’re fucking white chicks that has made you a target. It’s that you try to disrespect white men while you’re doing it. Last night after we saw your website we picked up some sorry nigger at a club,(one of our girfriends gladly lured him to us) and torturd him for hours before we killed him. We cut his “little” cock off and let him slowly bleed to death in a trashbarrel full of ice cubes. That nigger died because of you…..Fuck your little white whores, leave the shots at white men off the website or we’ll kill another one. One of you. Look before you leap, nigger We know where to find you all.. You’re dummer than we thought if you think we can’t find you. We are police, lawers, docters, IRS, FBI, and even CIA We’re not a bunch of redneck hicks if that’s what you think. Make no mistake You will all die. Piss a black man off and he’ll steal your hubcaps. Piss a whiteman off and he’ll kill your whole family.
Signed
The New Order Of Purity
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There’s just a few gems off the top o’ the heap, Dr. F. It’s funny, cause some people out there actually believe it’s the staff at Blacks on Blondes who whip these babies up. I’d show you some nice ones, but they’re no fun, and they really don’t support (or contradict) your thesis.
I’ll leave it at this — I think a lot of consumers feel guilty after using porn as their masturbatory aid, and sometimes they’re drunk, or stoned (or both), after a jerk session, and a lot of these e-mails are the result. And yes, I think a lot of the men who dig IR porn are middle-aged bigots.
But what do I really know — except Wilco is playing a whole bunch of shows next month, and they’re gonna be in my neighborhood, and I shall be there, front and center.