Interview with a Porn Star (#77) — Lilly LaBeau
Lilly LaBeau: Yep, and the tag line was so strong. You know how you can see the first sentence of your e-mails on mySpace? This one said, “Wow! So you’re fucking niggers now?”
ISP: He’s pissed you’ve added IR to your dance card.
LL: Yea. Let me show you. (We log into her mySpace and it reads: “So you fucking NIGGERS now I wanted to hire you but not now that you are fucking NIGGERS!”) I wanted to yell back at him and cuss him out, but I chose not to because it’s a waste of time and effort. Negative energy is just…eh. I don’t wanna feel like that.
ISP: All that stems from insecurity. I agree, too…let’s not waste our time on that. You just got back from an audition?
LL: Yep. From New Sensations. I have no idea what I was auditioning for…I just read some lines and was supposed to be an emotionally distraught, horny and angry.
ISP: Like most of the porn girls actually working today. Anyways, you bought your sister to set with you?
LL: Yes I did. I just though it would be fun. I wanted to show her what goes on behind the camera. She got to see me audition, and now she gets to watch me do a scene!
ISP: How do you feel about your sister Lilly making dirty movies?
Olivia LeBeau: It was just a little shocking finding out that my little sister was having sex with multiple people, but then I thought back to when she was a little girl, running around the house naked, shaking her boobs and her butt. All the time. My mom and I said, “one day you’re gonna be a porn star!” and boom, it came true.
LL: Getting into porn was always in the back of my head, cause they were already talking about it when I was 8.
ISP: What went through your head when you signed your first model release?
LL: I was traveling to Miami, and I was really excited…but really, really scared, too. I was concerned about being sold on the black market.
ISP: Excuse me?
LL: I’m on the internet looking for modeling agencies in LA, and I found a dude and sent him my pictures. He got me the Miami gig. It was for DareDorm.com. But I had no idea it was legit, and all I could think of was Chris Hansen and Dateline and black market shit and kidnapping and human trafficking. I didn’t want to be sold into sex slavery. I was worried that might happen to me on my way to Miami. Looking back on it, traveling all that way to do my first shoot was a really bad decision. I didn’t have any money to get back home if I needed to run.
ISP: But everything worked out in the end…see? We’re not all evil people.
LL: It all worked out great! I love my job, and I hope I can do it for a while.
Gia Paloma, make-up artist: If you were stuck on an airplane that couldn’t take off…say it was stuck on the tarmac for, like, 8 hours. What three items would you have with you?
LL: A book, my iPod, and my Blackberry. That’s all I need.
ISP: What book?
LL: Right now I’m reading Nice Girls Don’t Get Rich.
ISP: What’s on your iPod?
LL: My music is, like, three years outdated…I have everything from Shinedown to Seether to The Bloody Beatroots.
Gia Paloma, make-up artist: That would be a great name for a vagina…Bloody Beatroot.
ISP: What’s your favorite app on your Blackberry?
LL: My GPS. I’m directionally challenged. I can’t find a thing without it. Hey, I gotta go pee! (Lilly leaves to use the bathroom).
ISP: Hey Olivia…tell me a story about your sister that she’d be really embarrassed about.
OL: She ate slugs when she was a little kid.
ISP: Huh?
OL: When me and my sister were kids growing up in Washington, my dad was videotaping us just being kids. My dad wasn’t watching Lilly, but she had put a slug in her mouth. Do you guys have slugs down here?
ISP: Nope. But I know what a slug is.
OL: Anyways, she puts a slug in her mouth and my dad starts videotaping her, and that’s when he noticed there was something in her mouth. He asked her, “hey Lilly, what’s in your mouth?” and Lilly spit the slug out right into his hand. (Lilly’s back from peeing).
ISP: You ate slugs when you were a kid?
LL: Hey, I ate slugs when I was a kid…what can I say?
OL: She also went through a Goth stage. She had short, pixie-cut black hair. She never went out in the sun. Her bangs were swept over her forehead like Justin Beiber.
ISP: Did you have a Goth name?
LL: No. I didn’t. Honest.
ISP: Would you eat a slug now?
LL: Ew. No.
ISP: Would you do a 50-man bukakke?
LL: Yes, as long as I don’t have to swallow all of them.
ISP: What can’t I book you for?
LL: Anal and DP’s. Cream pies.
OL: What’s a cream pie?
ISP: When the dude busts in the girl’s vagina and it oozes out.
OL: What’s so interesting about that? You can’t see anything.
ISP: Good question. Hey Lilly, do you do anal in your real life?
LL: I play around with my butt with toys and stuff. But I’ve never had a dick up my butt — on camera or off.
ISP: Would you take $10,000 cash right now if I could invade your colon?
LL: Yes! Of course! Yes yes yes!
ISP: You’re on your way to becoming a true Spiegler Girl! Soon, you’ll be doing it for rate.
How Julia Sweeny Hooked Her Daughter Up with Internet Porn.
This Ain’t Glee XXX Auditions.
A Few of The Things I Love, Lately…
I mean…really? Really. Do people really think like this anymore? Of course they do! And their dopey e-mails always make for a fun read. The best part, of course, is that the racist bigot e-mails almost always originate from the members’ area at Blacks on Blondes. I also enjoy how they think the guys behind the camera are either black…or Jewish.
2. Kuma’s Korner, 2900 W. Belmont Ave., Chicago: Imagine walking into a hamburger joint with Death Metal blasting at an almost uncomfortable volume level. The waitresses all looked like they just wrapped a Suicide Girls shoot. There’s senior citizens sitting next to Yuppies sitting next to dudes who might actually be in Mastodon. Once you open the menu, it’s a tough time choosing between “The Plague Bringer” or “Insect Warfare” or “The Goblin’s Cock” (the only hot dog on the menu, and it’s super huge). I went with The Famous Kuma Burger, just cause it looked like if I could actually finish it, I might die soon after of coronary failure. Of course I finished it, cause it might have been the best thing I ever stuck in my mouth.
3. Reckless Records: I went to the one on Milwaukee Ave, and it was there I scored the 10″ EP “All Over The Place” by my beloved Wilco. It’s so rare I didn’t even know it existed…but that’s not saying much, really. I had to pay up for it, too. Which means I’m still gay for them. Gayer than ever.
4. The Dirty Show: The Dirty Show is an “International Exhibition of Erotic Art”. I caught it last weekend while I was in Chicago. Anytime art gets labeled it kinda makes me nervous, and sure enough, most of the “Erotic Art” was kinda lame. If a painting of a penis with a butterfly landing on its head is executed right, it’s art. Not just “erotic art”. Right? Most of the time, “erotic art” should just be labeled ‘bad art” — unless it’s Eric Kroll or Steve Diet Goedde.
5. The City of Chicago: While I’m at it, let me make a big Shout Out to my old home town. When I left in 1975, driving through the city was always an interesting experience…mostly cause you had to zig zag through the bad spots. No, the brutal spots, which were a plenty. It wasn’t even about driving through with the windows rolled up and the doors locked; you seriously took your own life in your hands if you wandered around…which, in 2010, is no longer. Just lots of white girls in short, short skirts, riding their bike to a trendy coffee shop. Just 15 years ago, in that same place, they would have been slaughtered. After they were raped. And no one woulda said a word about it. Say what you will about Mayor Daley, but he set the city free. Just don’t wander around the suburbs, like where I grew up.
6. American Pickers: If I ever stop making dirty movies, I think I’ll be a picker. It’s the collector in me. I think I have a pretty good eye, too, so I might be able to pull it off. The only thing better than a good score (my last was a pile of vintage movie posters including Barbarella, The Kansas City Bombers, and Billy Jack) is selling the stuff. Anyways, “American Pickers” features two geeks who drive all over the place buying shit from kooky hoarders. The hoarders are the stars of the show, of course. But the best part is how the geeks always play the good guy role, and never underpay for stuff, and never sell it for a huge profit, and always tell the hoarders if their shit is really valuable, so an “expert” can be called in to help them put their discarded stuff in better hands. I like this show way better than the pawn shop show, only cause those two fatsos — Chumley and the other dope — bug me even more than the Old Man and his balding son.
7. Ty Segall: My Little Bro often recommends new music to me, and I immediately dismiss him, cause, after all, he’s my little bro, and he’s younger than me — and what do younger siblings really know? Actually he knows a lot — especially when it comes to new music — but I’ll never admit that to him. (I was gonna make mention of Sleigh Bells, but I’m not sure if I love them…or hate them.)
8. My Blog: Sure, I don’t update it nearly enough, and I’m feeling (as always) like a broken record. But I still like doing it…whenever there’s something to say.
9. My New Bi-Focals: Cause, after all, ain’t getting older a heap o’ fun?
10. Ivy Winters: Ivy Winters is a somewhat-newbie Porno Princess that makes my wee-wee get really hard. So hard, in fact, that when my pal Nicky Milo called me up and asked, “Hey Billy! Whacha doin’ tomorrow? I gotta shoot a gang bang!! I need to borrow your camera, and do you wanna join in? Cause I can only find 5 guys and I need 6!” Of course I said no, cause I’m not male talent. I’m certainly not a mope. Then he said, “Are you sure? It’s Ivy Winters!” I asked if I had to show my face. This is, of course, a sign of weakening, and Nicky knew that. He said yes. I asked if I was gonna get paid. (More weakness). He said yes. I’m not male talent, I repeated…and then took the job. Cause it’s Ivy Winters. Cause I’m a mope…and there’s something terribly wrong with me.
The Clash on Ton Synder Show — 1981
Zoie and Tonya – The Russian Porn Sisters
I have no idea what became of Zoie and Tonya and Solé after our day together. Like most of the girls and suitcase pimps in this biz, they disappeared not long after I shot them. If you ever wonder what happens to girls after porn, I’d say most stay in the sex biz, mostly escorting or stripping, but some manage to move on to other things. As a matter of fact, someone claiming to be Zoie left a message here a while back, and I kept it up…just so you could e-mail her and hook up a tryst at her brothel.
Let’s just hope it’s really Zoie.
This blog’s original air date: April 23, 2006.
It’s not everyday that two teen sisters get on their knees, jack my winkie until I make a mess, then nibble it off each others hands like a tasty treat, but such was the case not too long ago.
Who knows, maybe I do have a great job; I should quit complaining so much.
I booked Zoie for a full day: first, we’d get in the white van and head out to Abe’s adult book shop and one of the secret gloryholes I use from time to time, then it was back to the studio to fuck Mandingo and his 15 inch dong for the world’s greatest interracial website, Blacks On Blondes.
Zoie showed up, right on time, with her suitcase pimp Solé (pronounced soul-lay) and her big sister Tonya. I was a bit nervous about Solé, as all suitcase pimps could cause potential problems — but he turned out to be a cool cat.
I had only booked Zoie; I didn’t know Tonya was in the biz, so when I saw her, and discovered they were, in fact, sisters, and Tonya was down to get dirty, my pervy mind began to wander.
Solé and Tonya went with us to Abe’s, which isn’t really called Abe’s, so don’t go running to the yellow pages looking for Abe’s under the adult bookstore section of the yellow pages in a silly attempt to get your ding-dong blown.
The yellow pages. I can’t believe I just wrote that.
Let’s rewrite that, mainly cause I’ll try and sound more like i’m living in 2006 — and not 1976. Solé and Tonya went with us to Abe’s, which isn’t really called Abe’s, so don’t go Googling for Abe’s in a silly attempt to get your ding-dong blown. (In fact, if you’re EVER at a glory hole – ANY glory hole – I’d seriously think twice about sticking your weiner through the hole, unless you’re gay or bi-curious, cause I’m telling you it’s a dude on the other side; in other words, there is no “chick guarantee” that comes with a glory hole.)
Zoie blew a black dude while I shot the scene and Tonya and Solé watched/kept lookout. Zoie likes black guys (duh) and she too was amazed at how seedy and dirty gloryhole dick sucking can be.
Then, it was back to the studio…and Mandingo’s enormous dick. I think, for a paragraph, I’ll tell you about Mandingo. He’s got the biggest dick in porn, hands down, and maybe the biggest, consistently functional dick ever in the history of porn. That’s a big statement – I know – but it’s true. For a while there was a cat named “Mr Biggz” who had a longer dick, but it hardly ever worked, and he was in and out of the biz quick, just as “Dick Rambone”, a one-or-two-timer from the 80’s…and sure, there’s Jack Napier and Shane Diesel and The King John Holmes…but for my money Mandingo wins. Take a look at Spring Thomas and Kelly Wells and Mandingo just to see what I mean.
In porn, dick size is everything, and I’ve seen people say that Mandingo’s dick isn’t real, or it’s been surgically enhanced, or other such bullshit. None of those claims are real; Mandingo’s cock is real, and that’s the only reason I just spent three minutes writing about a dude’s dick…cause No Way Am I Gay.
Anyways, Zoie takes one look at Dingo’s 5XL-sized dong and really doesn’t know what to do. I mean she’s amazed by it; she’s cautious, and at least she didn’t throw up the white flag and walk off set. (I’ve heard of that happening, by the way). She did a great job, too, and the scene turned out great, cause as far as I’m concerned any scene with Mandingo is a great scene, and that’s why he’s the highest paid guy in the game right now.
But here’s where it got fun for me. Mandingo gets paid and hauls ass, and I ask Tonya if she feels like working. She does, of course, cause as long as it’s after 2 in the afternoon almost any porn girl feels like working, so I grab Zoie and Tonya, and I ask them how would both of them like to give me a handie for my new site, ManoJob, and I ask making sure Solé can hear my offer, cause that’s kinda how it works with Suitcase Pimps.
“But I don’t really give good hand jobs,” Tonya stuttered in her broken English, which, of course, almost had me jumping up and down like a game show winner…cause it naturally lead me to my next pervy question: “Um, how about Zoie kinda teaches you how to give a hand job while I roll the camera?”
Then, I look at Solé and say “kinda hot having little sis teach big sis how to jack a dude off.”
Solé loved my idea.
So I jumped up and down like I won the motherfucking double showcase right then, and as I jumped up and down, the Russians laughed, and Solé The Suitcase Pimp thought I was a freak, which is OK…cause I am.
Vote for Ashli Orion — Musician, Video Editor, and Porn Star.
The Android is for Porn!
Interview with a Porn Star (#76) — Vanessa Naughty
Vanessa Naughty: I did a gang bang cuckold scene, and Steve Driver was my cuckold.
ISP: You mean Steve Driver — The Murderin’ Mope?
VN: Yea.
ISP: I didn’t know Steve was taking cuckold roles. Then again, why would I know what kind of roles he’s been getting. I always thought he was just a bad mope.
VN: I thought he was strange, and a little too forward on set. Inappropriate. That’s why I requested he’d be my cuckold. I didn’t want him to bang me. Get this — he’s got stacks of pictures of him fucking girls in pornos, but they’re actually shots of a television playing pornos he’s in. They aren’t even clear shots; they’re totally random shots taken on a disposable camera and developed at, like, Walgreen’s.
ISP: That’s fucken creepy. So you couldn’t really tell who the girls are?
VN: You could, kinda, but all he talked about was himself. He basically freaked me out, so I told the producer at Ultima that I wouldn’t have sex with him. I went to Ultima a few days before the shoot and hung out with them. Steve Driver was very, very adamant about having my attention. He was also weird and quiet and thinking all the time. Then Steve asked me, “Do you want some pizza?” and I was like, “sure”, so he asked me for twenty bucks to pay for the pizza he just offered me. This is while I was going through his weird pictures. He also kept telling me about how much he loves anal, and how he wanted to do an anal scene with me. Isn’t that kinda weird? I mean there’s guys who’ll say “I really wanna work with you”, but to have some mope keep telling me “I wanna do anal with you” is really weird. If I ended up doing that scene with him, I’d be totally freaked.
ISP: So what was the vibe in the studio?
VN: All the dudes in that studio would tell Steve that he’s freaking the girls out. He got bent out of shape about that. Even after they told Steve that, he’d still try and get physical with the girls…even though he wasn’t part of the scene.
ISP: So the samurai sword was a studio prop?
VN: Yea, they had props laying around, and there were a few swords, but most of them were dull. There was a really sharp one everyone knew about.
ISP: They fired him right before he went haywire?
VN: Yea…for inappropriate behavior. They tried to explain to him that he wasn’t pulling his weight in the studio. From what I know, he got very, very angry, and a confrontation went down. Steve grabbed the sword and went after people. Tom (Dong) didn’t make it, and there’s two others who got severely injured. There was blood all over the studio. Steve hauled ass, and he hasn’t been seen since. I think he’s killed himself. I mean what else could be happening? He’s got no money, and no one I know would ever help that dude out.
ISP: Do you think the slow down in this industry is making the crazy porno people act crazier than they already are?
VN: I think it’s taking a toll on everyone — financially, emotionally and physically. I know I’ve had my nights that I wanna cry myself to sleep, but I just remind myself everything’s gonna be ok. But I’ve never been fired, and if someone tells you you’re being inappropriate on a porno set, then that’s pretty bad. Let me say this, too: Ultima DVD did everything they could for Steve Driver. They didn’t have to give him a place to live. They didn’t have to give him any favoritism, and he just abused the privileges they gave him. It’s that simple. In the end, this just gives the industry a bad name, and it shines a bad light on all of us. It’s just sad.
ISP: Tell me something good about this industry.
VN: Our industry is very professional — regardless of what people think. There are people in this industry who are professional, and who do treat it as a career and who are great to work with. You never know who you’re dealing with, whether it’s a doctor, or a baby sitter, or a postal worker…it could happen to anyone, anywhere. There’s people who aren’t in a good place, and they’re not just in the porno industry. Ultimately, what I’m trying to say is it’s not the industry to blame for this tragedy, it’s just a horrible thing that could have happened anywhere.
ISP: It would be like blaming the country of China — or the Chinese culture — for those weird, random knifings that have been going down in their schools.
VN: Everyone has an opinion of our industry, and it’s usually that it’s morally wrong, but who are those people to judge? They’ve got their own skeletons, too. Most of the people in this industry take care of themselves, they like what they’re doing, and they take it as seriously as they would any other business. We choose to be here. We’re not made to be here. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s wrong. What we do is legal, it’s safe, and that’s that.
ISP: How long have you been in the biz?
VN: A year and three months. I’m getting old. I’ll be 25 in July. Am I gonna be a MILF?
ISP: Kinda, yea…
VN: So when you become a MILF, is your career over?
ISP: No, not at all. It’s just like starting a new chapter in your porno career. You’re a singer, too?
VN: Yes, I’m a singer/song writer. I’ve been doing it my whole life. And yes, porn stars have other talents besides fucking. Can you put a link to my music?
ISP: Of course. Who are your influences?
VN: Etta James, Jefferson Airplane and Grace Slick, Joan Jett, Janis Joplin…pretty much every classic rock band.
ISP: I like Etta and Janis. I liked Joan when she was a Runaway. Are you playing live any time soon?
VN: Just going into the recording studio, but that’s all I’m gonna say right now. Except they said I can continue to be in porn.
ISP: Which, depending on who you’re talking to, is either a good thing…or a bad thing.
