Zach Galifianakis is Between Two Ferns
I have no idea who Kassem G is, but apparently he enjoys Zach Galifianakis’s work.
At no time are any of my movies mentioned here.
¡Muchas gracias a “Six”! The comment on Violet Monroe’s video as to Mr. Galifianakis’s influence on Kassem G made me aware of “Between Two Ferns”, which I find highly entertaining.
Now go enjoy your Monday, cause, as The Boomtown Rats once sang, “I don’t like Mondays” — so make yours special.
Oh! Here’s some free Gracie Glam blowjob movies — just in case you need a little sumpin’-sumpin’ to make that special Monday happen.
Going Deep with Violet Monroe
I have no idea who Kassem G is, but apparently he enjoys my work.
At about 1.50, they mention Violet’s scene at Blacks on Blondes. Here’s some free Violet Monroe Blacks on Blondes movies and pictures.
At 3.50, he asks anyone in the room to raise their hands if they’ve sucked at anonymous cock through a hole in the wall. Here’s the Violet Monroe gloryhole scene he was referring to.
Here’s Violet Monroe’s Twitter.
Now go enjoy your April…cause, as TS Eliot once said, it’s the cruelest month.
Austin O’Reilly
The very first pay site I ever owned was Spunkmouth. I loved Spunkmouth. Very much. There were three of us driving The Spunkmouth Boat; one of us was very enthusiastic about driving the boat, and the other two hardly ever really got behind the wheel.
As my grandfather once told me, “a partnership is a sinking ship” — no truer words ever spoken.
I bailed a few years ago, but Spunkmouth is still a float.
I hold fond memories of this particular scene, cause I was so new to the whole porno game, and I shot this on my very first solo trip to Porn Valley. I say “solo trip” cause — as the blog mentions — I had just returned from my stint as Second Cameraman for Blacks on Blondes. Anyway, upon my triumphant return, I rented a cheap room for 2 days, in which I shot 4 scenes. The very first time I directed “real” porno stars in Porn Valley.
Ah — those wanton days of yesteryear!
This blog’s original air date: September 26, 2005.
The day after I shot Kitty, I booked Austin O’Reilly for a b/g scene at that same shitty hotel room.
I met Austin a year or so earlier at Dogfart’s secret mansion, and I liked her from that moment on. She was always down for almost anything, had a great attitude, and always looked great. In fact, one of the craziest scenes I ever shot was with Austin and Bella Donna; Dogfart asked me to work the camera while he took stills. It was a g/g featuring — among other things — Bella and Austin eatins each others’ asses.
I’m not a huge fan of lesbo porn, but the things these two did blew me away.
Fast forward to now. Austin walks in the room. My partner is blown away. I’m blown away. And while we wait for the male talent to show, both of us just kinda stand there and watch Austin get ready for her scene. We try for small talk, and it’s a pretty lame attempt. I think I shot this pic…although my partner might have. I really don’t remember.
Here’s what a porn girl looks like as she preps for her job. My only regret is we didn’t know enough then to hire a make-up artist…not cause Austin couldn’t do her own make-up. She just deserves her own make-up artist.
Robbie James ended up pounding Austin that day. In fact, he pounded her so hard, he ended up bonking her head against the hanging lamp above one of the tables in the room — and that’s right before he unloaded right in her face.
Pure filth.
As smutty as it gets.
Another Spunkmouth classic.
I never heard from Austin after we wrapped that day. In fact, not too long after that, Austin did what most porn girls do…and that’s vanish into thin air. No more Austin on any agent’s site, and no more Austin working the porno circuit. I guess it was just time for her to move on, and I think that’s a great thing.
Spend too much time in this biz and you’re doomed for sure.
After shaking the Haitian man’s black hand, Bush uses Clinton as a wipey.
Would You Marry A Porn Star?
Funny…I’m not laughing.
Some of the responses (if you don’t feel like wading through multiple pages of posts):
I’d love it. Just as long as she didn’t lie about things and everything was out in the open. And as long as she still has some fucking left in her for me when she gets home.
Um — hate to break the news to ya, but most are pathological liars, and when they get home to you, they’re fucked out.
Me married to a hot lesbian pornstar? Definately 🙂
Um — the last one I hung out with for a few months turned to me one night and said, “I’m a lesbian. I think you should know that.” Needless to say, we ain’t hanging out no mo’. I love lesbians, too! The problem was — The Lesbian didn’t like me.
I guess I’d just as soon marry a porn star as anyone but she’s signing a prenuptial that says she can’t divorce me if she gives me an STD.
Huh?
Not really thinking about marriage at the moment, but with my mum’s desperate and constant nagging for me to get married I am sure that my mum wouldn’t mind! I reckon it would be cool – your wife would have lots of great funny stories to tell that would keep you amused (and probably turned on) well into your twilight years and long after your pecker ceases functioning.
Yes, your mum would mind. She might not pretend to mind, but she would. At least at first. And funny stories? Like the time she tore her vag from too much rough sex on set? Or the “Stunt Cock with The Stinky Balls” story? Or how ’bout the “Producer Who Would Only Give Me Work as Long as I Fucked Him” story? There’s a whole barrel o’ laughs just there.
Definitely. She’d all of a sudden become a little more exclusive to her projects, she’d make a few well placed promotional appearances, take some dance lessons, and hit the feature dance circuit. I’d be right there with the camera taking the $15.00 Polaroids. I’d then set up the website and then we’d venture into selling personalized scenes where’d she play directly to the person paying for the scene. Then I’d self produce a best of disk something like; E is for Eva, or G is for Gianna, and sell them along with the polaroid. The way I figure it, an autographed Polaroid and a disk for $40 or so, would probably net an extra $5,000 a w/e. We’d retire to a beach in Costa Rica after 5 years or so.
See Urban Diction for the definition of “Suitcase Pimp”. And no, you wouldn’t be able to retire anywhere after 5 years…not even Costa Rica.
I’d marry Amy Reid, Audrey Bitoni, Cassandra Calogera, Claire Dames, Holly West, Mindy Main, Priya Rai, Sativa Rose, Taryn Thomas or Taylor St. Claire but only if they were still shooting porn and they would marry me too. It’s hard to marry somebody if they won’t marry you back. Unfortunately, most of these ladies are taken and far from thinking about marrying me, but I’m pretty sure I’d marry each and every one if they proposed.
“If” being the operative word.
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t marry a pornstar. I’ve never known, dated, fucked or lived with a pornstar. If I met a pornstar that I knew was a pornstar I would take whatever I could get, let alone her and I being married. Hello, my name is D_____ E___, and this is my wife, Sadie West. Sounds good to me. At the very least you would get to hear about some interesting things. I think pornstars are interesting. I read the interviews. Some of the girls are fucking smart. Ashli Orion. So is Ashlynn Brooke. Dana Dearmond. Why would you not want to marry a young, cool, sexy girl? It doesn’t make any sense. I mean, in the long run, yes, the relationship is going to end, but all of them end, and almost none of them involve a woman who knows how to fuck. Companionship can be overrated sometimes.
I dunno even where to begin with this one. Some of these girls are fucking smart. Some. And just ’cause they’re fucking on camera doesn’t mean they know how to fuck.
I dont think I could ever marry a pornstar, like so many have said the fantasy of the situation would be crushed under the weight of the reality. As an everyday guy I know that no matter how accepting of a woman career I would be there would still be that part of me that would be totally jealous. Imagine that you were married to your favorite pornstar and you had your ordinary job. At first you think it is so cool and hot that you are married to a woman that so many guys want. After a while the comments start and at first they dont bother you because the guys that make them can only imagine what you get. Then after a little while they start to bother you. Then comes the day where she isnt in the mood to be with you and most guys would be frustrated and understanding, but in the back of your mind it like not in the mood to be with me, but she is going to go and bang a guy in a scene tomorrow. I personally wouldnt want to guilt my wife into sex by saying oh you’ll do it for your job but I am married to you and I cant get any. You could say it is all a job all you want but at the end of the day she is still getting physical needs met from that job and mental and emotional needs met from you. While for most guys you maybe getting your physical needs met, your getting mental and emotional anguish in return.
This is my favorite post. And with that, I’ll go ahead and make this more fun: If I was gonna marry a porn star right now, it would be Ashton Pierce, who beat out (by an ever so slight margin) Katie St. Ives. The bronze would go to Hannah West. (As if marrying me would merit a medal of any sort).
Who’s Ashton Pierce?
Well, she used to be Christie West — for a heartbeat. Then she quit for a while, and now she’s back as Kristie West. And I dunno why, but damn, this girl pushes my buttons.
Whatever those buttons may be. I say that cause they seem to be changing all the time. The only constant with me is the following — it seems after I’ve secured a relationship, I want out. Is there some sort of psychoanalytical nonsense that might enlighten me to my condition?
Anyone?
But yea, I’d hook up with Ashton for sure, and we’d run off to Vegas and get hitched, and for a few months we’d be as happy as clams (pardon the cliché) and then, after an issue or two or three, it would be over.
Cause, in the end, aren’t all relationships a cliché?
B.J. Robot
Some of my Very Favorite Scenes, Lately.
Tweety is 4’11” and tips the scale right around 95 pounds.
Flash is 6’6″, 230.
Tweety could be the cheerleader to Flash’s power forward. As a matter of fact, I’m an idiot. That shoulda been the pick-up! UGH. For this scene, I had Tweedy’s motorcycle broken down (she really rides around in one) and Flash rescues her from The Hood. Shit! What was I thinking of?? Putting Tweety into a cheerleader outfit and handing Flash a basketball and shooting the pick-up over at a public court somewhere woulda made me the Steven Spielberg of interracial porn. Oh well.
Tweety did a great job taking all that size, and in the end she takes a rather large cream pie. “But I’m not on birth control!” is her last line for this scene…which might launch more loads than looking at the actual cream pie as it’s going down.
You sick fuckin’ pervs.
Speaking of sick fuckin’ pervs, Mr POV’s been on a roll lately: Katie St. Ives just showed up over at Mr. POV’s. He’s the biggest fuckin’ pervert I know on any sort of personal basis, and she’s the cutest thing in Porno Land.
She ends up swallowing.
I want her to be my girlfriend.
Right before Katie St. Ives showed up, Tessa Taylor spent the afternoon over at his place. Mr. POV doesn’t bogart all the pussy, either. I told that pervy motherfucker if I was gonna build a site around him, he’d have to share the pussy with some of his buddies. The way I see it, the biggest problem with POV sites is The Stunt Cock, and it’s always the same dude — over and over — and after a while that gets boring. (No Way Am I Gay.)
Tessa gets her face splattered in goo.
And the week before Tessa Taylor visited, Stephanie Cane swung by his pad.
Steph gets The Hot Combo: it’s a facial…and anything that winds up in her mouth goes right down her pie-hole.
Katie St. Ives and Tessa Taylor and Stephanie Cane! It’s been a Who’s-Who Of Hotties over there lately.
Jessie Jordan has made her way back into the porno game. Sometimes your favorite Porno Princess finds a man and quits The Game, which is exactly what happened with Jessie. She spent about a year with him, and I think the only good that came of it was Jessie didn’t support him that whole time. In this scene, she coaxes a double facial from our Stunt Cock.
Gracie Glam might be the hottest piece of ass in Porn Valley. If you ask me. Which you weren’t. But I thought I’d just toss that out there.
If you like your Amateurs super-amateur, then you’ll love Cindee. True story: I can’t even remember how she got my number, but she’s a one-timer in need of some fast cash (really) and with her boyfriend’s permission (I know…I know — it would be hotter if she didn’t tell him…right?) she spent a few days over at my studio and got Bro-Banged, got tagged up, took a trip to the gloryhole, and had a fine time in an interracial gang bang. By the end of our time together, she was caught up on all her bills, and Cindee’s love for her man is now stronger than ever.
I guess that’s the power of black cock.
No Way Am I Gay.
RIP — Alex Chilton
Introducing The Bro Bang.
He had some ideas. The Producer wanted lotsa of black guys and a white girl. He wanted interracial bukakke. He wanted to create something controversial. Then, he asked me for some input.
I concurred with The Producer — not cause I was kissing ass, but because he’s right: the more dicks, the better it sells; the more controversy, the better it sells.
But first, let’s discuss bukakke. From The Urban Dictionary:
1) Noun: (lang. Japanese) A fetish ritual whereby a large group of men, usually at least 8, ejaculate on a woman’s face. Bukkake is a Japanese word pronounced ‘boo-car-key’. It had its origins in Japan some 500 years ago where it was a traditional punishment administered by male members of a village against unfaithful women. On the island of Honshu, the guilty woman was buried in the sand up to her neck before being ‘Bukkake on’. In most other parts of Japan, the woman was merely made to kneel with her hands tied behind her back before being splattered with multiple loads of man-gravy. The practice lost popularity when it was discovered that most women did not consider Bukkake a punishment. Today, the practice has wide acceptance in Germany, the US and also in Australia where Bukkake Parties are common place. Example: Hi Jill, would you like to be the star attraction at the Bukkake party I have organized this Friday night – with 28 of my buddies?”
2) Bukakke is when several men ejaculate in the face of a woman. The above mentioned description of its origin is false, mainly because since the punishment for adultery in feudal Japan was death. Bukakke is a dish in Japan with fine white noodles with a splash of topping in liquid not at all unlike loads of semen. It comes from the verb bukakkeru which means to splash some liquid (usually water). The Japanese are very good at making poetic or funny descriptions like that. All this mystic bullshit about Japan and Japanese customs must please stop. Example: I will bukakke you until you give up trying to sound schoolary at the expense of Japanese culture you sick pervert.
3) A fetish in pornography, the hallmarks of which is multiple men orgasming onto the face and body of a single girl. The genre was pretty much created by Japanese adult film director Kazuhiko Matsumoto. The word itself is a conjugation of two Japanese words, and roughly means “splash”. Example: bukakke makes me laugh.
4) The act of a group of men (usually more than eight) completely covering a female’s face with their special man syrup. 2. A practical joke played on some naive Asian. Examples: 1. “Hey Jen, Mike’s having a Bukakke party tonight, you in?” 2. “Anh, why don’t you order your food with Bukakke sauce…”
I first caught wind of bukkakes around ’98 or so. And I always thought “bukkake” was the Japanese word for “sweet cream”, which was something creamy and white and tasty they poured over a dessert — and the only reason I thought that is cause someone told me…and I believed him. Why not? Makes perfect sense…right?
I’m not even sure of the correct spelling: bukkake? bukkakke? bukake??
Porno Bukkakes kinda gross me out. I have no interest in whacking to some porn Japanese tart getting splattered by a bunch of pixilated dicks.
Why pixilated?
The silly Japs censor private parts in their porn.
Like I said — silly Japs.
Anyway, I was familiar with The Producer’s request for an interracial bukkake, and I was very familiar with controversy, especially when it comes to race relations our great country.
I thought.
I thought some more.
Then, the image of Malcolm X holding the rifle came to mind…but that was too severe. By law, we can only shoot porno princesses with jizz — not bullets.
Then, the image of Tommy Smith and Juan Carlos came to mind.
How ’bout blending the two? Malcolm X meets Tommy and Juan Carols?
Oh — wait. Have you been reading some of the comments left on my blog lately? They’re entertainment all by themselves, and I want to thank each and every one of you for leaving them. The reason I bring this up is cause of the dude in Australia who got on me for talking about bands from the 70’s. He thinks I’m dating myself, and those kind of references are almost forgotten simply cause of their age. So when I drop Malcolm X and Tommy Smith and Juan Carols, I’m sure that dope’s gonna blab some more. But that’s OK, cause I love my blog’s comment section!!
Anyway, I gave The Producer my input, and the next thing you know I’m calling the potential “Bro Bangers” and telling them to buy black suits and white button-up shirts and a bow tie and make sure to bring a black leather glove.
“Just one glove Billy? What up with dat, yo? I gotsta buy two gloves and only wear one?!”
Tell the truth — you love my black vernacular.
“Well, how about only some of you buy a set of gloves, and then split the cost of the gloves with someone else? Each guy gets a glove. I don’t care if the glove is on your right hand or your left hand. And Pork Pie hats are optional. Just show up at the Bro Bang in your appropriate work uniform. And act like you’re an angry negro. Sound like a plan?”
No one came with a Pork Pie hat, which disappointed me greatly.
But still, it came to be: The Bro Bang.
Oh — by the way, if anyone’s interested, there’s a bukakke party at my studio tonight.
You in?
