Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Introducing Janie Jones

36 Comments

Victoria Lawson blow job videos
When I first met Janie Jones, she wasn’t Janie Jones. She was Jane Doe, and she’s from the mid-west, and she was fresh off the bus and doing go-sees that day.

(A “go-see” is Porno Speak, and it’s all about taking the girls around town and showing them off to producers and directors. It’s really nothing more than a cattle call, something akin to the Howard Stern show — when Howard and his Gang “evaluate” girls for Playboy. It goes something like this: a suitcase pimp (or an agent, if the girl is lucky enough to have an agent) stops by, parades the girls in, has them strip, and then I shoot a pic or two or three and send them to the folks at Blacks on Blondes, and if they’re approved, they get a job. And no, before you ask, I don’t Casting Couch them.)

(Casting Couch is Porno Speak for having a girl suck or fuck you to get the job. Wait a sec — this isn’t really “porno speak” at all, cause it happens every day in Hollywood. You don’t really think your favorite starlet got her first job based on acting ability…do you?)

I booked Janie Jones immediately, and the next day she was in The Manojob make-up chair, ready to do her very first scene. But she still wasn’t Janie Jones.

We usually shoot BTS, and it’s usually shot in the make-up chair. “We” being myself or The Minion, and I usually let The Minion roll on BTS, cause he’s way better at it than I. This time The Minion was off at his girlfriend’s house — which he never wants to admit. He’ll tell me things like “I’ve got a lot to do today and I can’t stop by” or “Hey Billy I gotta go get my brakes looked at so I won’t be in today”.

The Minion’s had his brakes “looked at” about 17 times since Yom Kippur ended.

And I have no idea why he won’t man-up to having a chick. Kinda weird if you ask me.

Anyway, I’m shooting BTS, and the first question I ask is, “tell everyone at home your real name.”

“Jane Doe,” she said.

Any time a porno chick gives up her real name during BTS (or shooting the scene), you know you’ve got a first-timer on your hands.

I stop camera. “Um, Jane, you don’t want to use your real name. I mean there’s nothing wrong with using your real name as your porno name if you want. Dana DeArmond and Julia Bond are perfect examples. Remember, use your stage name. I’ll start over.”

“But I don’t have a stage name.”

I love giving girls stage names. Off the top of my head, I’ve named BJ Swallows, Anna Von Trapp, Kimmy (I know…boring), Keesha Knight — and now I get a shot at Jane Doe.

This is a serious thinking process. One I don’t take lightly. And fuck the Name-Your-First-Pet-and-Street-You-Lived-On-When-You-Were-A-Kid process…although that can work out rather nicely (the process used for Keesha Knight).

My porno name would be Dino Birch. If I could add about 3 more inches to my ween, I’d be Dino Birch, and I’d be painting the town white.

But I’m not.

I looked at Jane Doe and thought hard: “You’re so mid-west…and I hate to say this…so girl-next-door, I’d really, really say you need to have a name that matches your look. For example, when I blog this story, I’m gonna call you “Jane Doe”, cause I won’t use your real name. But that’s your look. Total Jane Doe. Which isn’t a bad thing at all. It’s really good if you ask me. I like to watch girls you’d never think do porn, doing porn. You know? The whole bleach-blonde fake titty tatted up girl that’s gone though lipo and had her teeth veneered and her hair isn’t really her hair but it’s a weave is so dumb…if you ask me, of course.”

“Well, I was thinking of naming myself Zaylen Skye.”

“Ugh. With a name like that, you’d be just another one of about 30 thousand. Besides, it doesn’t fit.”

She frowned.

I thought. I couldn’t shake “Jane”, and there’s no way “Jane Doe” would work — although Jon Doe did pretty well with that name — until he offed himself.

And then there’s John Doe, the bassist for X, a favorite of mine. Well, up til ’83 I really liked X, then they kinda faltered, and then Billy Zoom quit…and then I quit paying attention.

By the way, this was going through my head. What I just wrote. About Jane Doe and Jon Dough and then John Doe and then punk rock and how much I loved to catch X play back in the day and how much I like punk rock and how much I miss how new and raw punk used to be and how it is no longer…and then…suddenly…it hit.

“Janie Jones!”

Janie Jones looked at me. I looked at her.

Closely. “Yes. That’s a perfect name! Your new name is Janie Jones!”

“Janie Jones?”

“Janie Jones! Do you know about The Clash?”

“Kinda.”

“Kinda?”

“Kinda.”

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Janie Jones, woah
He don’t like his boring job no…

An’ he know what he’d got to do
He know he’s gonna have fun with you
Lucky lady!
But when the evening comes when his job is done
He’ll be over in his car for you

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Janie Jones, woah
But he don’t like his boring job no…

In the in-tray lots of work
But boss at the firm always thinks he shirks
Be he’s just like everyone he’s got a Ford Cortina
That just won’t run without fuel
Fill her up Jacko!

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Jaine Jones, woah
But he don’t like his boring job no…

An’ the invoice if don’t quite fit
There’s no payola in his alphabetical file
‘Cept for the government man
This time he’s really gonna show the boss
Gonna really let him let him know exactly how he feels
It’s pretty bad!

He’s in love with rock ‘n’ roll, woah
He’s in love with getting stoned, woah
He’s in love with Janie Jones, woah
But he don’t like his boring job no…
No
No
No
Let them know
Let them know

Janie Jones said, “I like it!”

And so we rolled BTS.

Guest Bloggers

Today’s Guest Blogger: Vicki Chase on Strap-on Sex.

3 Comments

Vicki Chase blow job videos
From time to time I have guests blog whatever it is they feel like blogging. I will not tell them what to blog; I won’t edit it; I won’t influence the Guest Blogger in any way.

I met Vicki Chase right before she jumped into the porno game; she was stunt-cock Eric John’s personal assistant. I ended up getting her first scene, too — over at The Dick Suckers. A few months later, Eric proposed to Vicki on my set.

“Um…no disrespect, Eric, but how about you take Vicki out to a cliff overlooking in Pacific in, say, Malibu…ask her to marry you there, and then drive down the hill and splurge on a super expensive meal or something?”

He didn’t budge, and he ended up proposing to her, on camera, on one of my cheezy porno sets…which, I suppose, holds some sort of romantic appeal.

Anyway, last night I had to stop by their joint last night to borrow a few things, and I asked Vicki to help me out with my blog, too. I haven’t had anything to say in a while, so why not let someone else talk? She thought about it a while, and then asked me, “but what can I blog?”

“Anything exciting happen to you lately on a porno set? My readers — the few who are left — love to hear stories about whacky shit that happens on porno sets.”

“I just banged a girl with a strap-on! It was my first time ever!”

“Perfect fodder for a porno blog, my dear!”

And so it came to be.

Hello there everyone!

It’s me, Vicki Chase 🙂 wanting to talk about my first time experience with a strap on! It happen just yesterday at Immortal Productions live cam “Big Titty Tuesdays”, where my hubby Eric John got to fuck Ms. Kerry Louise’s HH boobs. I got to join in on the fun because Ms. Louise rocks!!

So the show began as Eric started fucking those huge British tits, while I licked and sucked what she likes to call her cunt!………OMG! did she have a great looking cunt! It’s nice and big! with gorgeous color! She also had two piercings on it, and it was tasty too 😉 Eric popped his first two loads on those huge titts, and I licked my way from her tasty cunt to her huge tits, licking them nice and clean.

As he get takes a break from fucking her tits and starts fucking that big juicy cunt what do I see?? a strap on just sitting on top of the table. I pick it up and right away had a gleam in my eye. I’ve never try’d one on so i strap it on, and it took me couple tries before I was able to strap it on correctly to my naked body.

Once I had it on every one was all about it, except Karry she was a little sore from all the work she has been doing but then quickly agreed as long as I fuck her only for a bit. She was about to be my first, so I lubed up and said “bend over” and that she did! Looking at her from that point of view with my strap on cock in hand was a very empowering feeling, I mean it felt good!!

I start getting very into it with my little penetration rhythm I had going on, smacking that hot ass and everything, when the director rudely interrupted me with the whole “arm out of the way!” and “camera angles”, making me realize it’s not easy being male talent, but damn does it feel good to be inside a great juicy pussy!! On that note I leave you guys with the story of my fist time strap on, and happy that I carry one with me everyday!………….. my nice juicy pussy that is 😉

random rants

Blame it on Yoko.

17 Comments

Odd-Bjoern Hjelmeset blaming porn
Whenever somebody points the finger and starts up The Blame Game, I like to call it “The Blame It on Yoko Effect”.

Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop me if you think that you’ve
Heard this one before
Stop me, oh, stop me
Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before

Hey — here’s an idea: next time you fuck up, and it’s 100% your fault, why don’t you just blame it on Yoko? Serious. Let’s say you’re at work, you go way past deadline cause you’ve been fucking up, and Boss calls you into the office and demands an explanation, instead of blaming coworkers, or your health, or some other fucked up bullshit, just say to Boss, “Boss, I know you’re not gonna believe this, but I blame Yoko.”

Say it with a straight face, too.

Yoko, of course, being Yoko Ono, a woman everyone loves to hate, and who had absolutely nothing to do with “breaking up The Beatles”. We could go back and forth about why and how The Beatles broke up, and I’ll maintain — throughout our friendly discussion — Yoko is innocent. (Any four human beings who are forced to spend every waking moment of every day working their ass off couldn’t make it a year together, let alone almost a decade…especially if they aren’t banging each other (ie Fleetwood Mac (not that Fleetwood Mac achieved anything remotely close to The Beatles (they were just a quick, handy comparison)))).

How come no one blames themselves anymore for bad behavior? Especially when it comes to sexy shit?

See the silver medal around Odd’s neck? Well, it ain’t gold…cause he watched a whole lotta porn in Vancouver.

Uh huh.

(By the way, what kind of name is Odd? Oh! Those silly Norwegians. Norwegia must be a kooky place.)

I’m not defending smut cause I make it; I’m defending smut cause it ain’t the cause.

My very favorite vice of late is The Dr. Drew Franchise: the utterly brilliant Celebrity Rehab…which just followed his utterly brilliant show featuring a bunch o’ whacky “sex addicts”.

Sex addiction is a sham. Avoidance behavior is very real.

Who wants to work a 10 hour day when beating off is way more fun? Especially when you hate your job.

Who wants to bang the same person they’ve been banging since 1986? Especially when that person is 100 pounds overweight and snores like a freight train.

Let me clarify: you can’t be addicted the sex the same way as you’re addicted to chemicals. Sex is an out, which can work out really well, mainly cause it feels good; or, it can work out really bad, cause when it feels good, you can often lose control.

Who wants to deal with the real issue at hand? What would you rather do? Spend hours (and thousands of dollars) at The Shrink’s office dealing with your shitty marriage? Your shitty childhood?

How ’bout a stint in rehab?

Or, just bust a nut or two or three or four or five and carry on with your day?

Then, when confronted on the matter — blame porn.

Blame your addiction to sex.

Just don’t blame yourself for goodness sakes. That’s a sign for the weak and weary.

Why deal with the origins of the enormous pressures athletes put on themselves to win at any cost when you can just blame porn!

To me, Bill Maher is as close to The Voice of Reason we have for this day and age. He went on a Tiger Woods rant during his last show…as well as a rant that’s similar to mine. I won’t rehash, but he thinks sex addiction is bullshit, too; “You want to know the surest way that you can spot a ‘sex addict?’ He’s got a penis.”

If only I had said it first.

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#74) — Tweety Valentine

34 Comments

I Shoot Porn: So where did your name come from?

Tweety Valentine: My boyfriend gave it to me. I was really blonde at the time, and I’m petite, and our first date was on Valentine’s Day. He gave me this necklace! (It’s Tweety Bird).

Melissa The Make-up Artist: So your boyfriend named you in order to go get banged out in porn?

TV: We have a very open relationship. It’s very unique.

Melissa The Make-up Artist: Did you guys talk about making porn while you’re banging?

TV: It was all about him doing porn at first. Then, I got a message off mySpace from my future agent. I thought it was just nude modeling at first, and she wanted to meet me. I went to her office, we talked about it, and I went to work! My first scene was a B/B/G for Don’t Tell Daddy #9.

ISP: How petite are you?

TV: I’m 4’11”. I weigh 100.

ISP: Do you Tweet, Tweety?

TV: I’m new to Twitter. Really new.

ISP: What can’t I book you for?

TV: I don’t do anal, and I don’t swallow.

Melissa The Make-up Artist: What if you really liked your make-up that day? Would you swallow to save it?

TV: No. I don’t swallow cause I gag so easily. I’m anti-cum! So don’t ask how I’m in porn.

ISP: I gotta tell ya, Tweety…the Money Shots rules all in this biz. A porn girl who doesn’t like cum is kinda like a race car driver who doesn’t like to drive fast.

TV: I’m still new. I’m getting used to it.

ISP: So I can’t book you for a 50 man bukakke?

TV: No! But I have a big ass! You can book me for something with my ass.

ISP: But you don’t do anal.

TV: Just take a picture of my ass. Some people have an ass fetish…and not just putting something in it.

Melissa The Make-up Artist: Do you let your boyfriend put it in your ass?

TV: No!

Melissa The Make-up Artist: You don’t want to make him happy?

TV: The pussy should be enough.

ISP: Did you have a crazy sex life before you got into the business…like did you ever do a threesome or a gangbang?

TV: I’ve done threesomes.

ISP: B/B/G threesomes, or B/G/G threesomes?

TV: The first was with two girls and a boy. I was drunk. I was 17, and I was with my best friend. We were just hanging out a guy friend’s house. He was a black guy, and she was black. We kinda started making out, and then he started making out with the girl, and the next thing you know clothes are off. I started blowing him, then we started banging. He took turns fucking me and her. But there was drama. He kept banging me, and she got jealous. Pretty soon him and me were going at it, and she just just kinda there. Next thing you know she’s crying and pulling him off me. I just ended up trying to talk to her, and he ended up passing out.

ISP: What’s in your fridge right now?

TV: Beer, oranges, weed, yogurt, water…I think that’s it.

ISP: If a penis could ejaculate anything other than semen, what do you want for your money shot?

TV: Chocolate. I’m a chocolate freak.

ISP: You like your men black, don’t you?

TV: Yes.

Melissa The Make-up Artist: What is it about black men you like?

TV: For one thing they have big dicks.

Melissa The Make-up Artist: So you’re a size queen!

TV: Yea. And I like the way they carry themselves. The swag they have.

ISP: Do you parents know about your new occupation?

TV: Yea — my mom does.

ISP: What was mom’s reaction?

TV: Well, I kinda slowly told her. Like, I told her I was doing a nude shoot, but she didn’t know it was straight up porn. And she wanted to see pictures of that shoot, so I just told her. When I did, she just said she wants me to be professional about it. She just doesn’t want me to be on drugs or booze.

ISP: Does she have any sort of game plan mapped out for the year?

TV: I want to make a name for myself.

Melissa The Make-up Artist: Do you think you’re going to have to start liking cum in order for that to happen?

TV: Yes. As I do more scenes, I’ll get used to it. I’m just starting to get into the flow of things.

ISP: How about I drop a load down your throat to get that flow started?

TV: Call me in three months.

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, Shameless Porno Plugs

The Week in Porno.

7 Comments

Big Black Dicks interracial sex videos
I get asked a lot to post who star in the newest updates are for all the sites I shoot. I haven’t much, cause it’ll make this more of a spam site than a real blog…but lately I’ve got nothing to say, so I guess spammy is better than nothing, right?

Carla Cox is this week’s update at the world famous Blacks on Blondes. She’s about as hot as they come.

Newbie Faith Star took a trip to the Gloryhole.

I don’t even have any real good dirt to dish on either girl: Carla’s huge in Europe, and she’s doing a trip around the US Porno Circuit. She’s great to work with on set, and she loves what she does, and she puts on a great scene.

Faith is brand new. I think I shot her 4th or 5th scene. I do have a funny story about Faith. Well, I dunno if it’s “funny” like hee-haw funny, or more of just a tale from Porno Land: I shot Faith for both Gloryhole and Blacks on Blondes. Her BOB scene included some A. “A” is porno for anal. Faith wasn’t sure if she wanted to do A, but she was new, and wanted lots of work, so she took the BOB booking — and the A. After shooting her Faith Star interracial anal scene, she declared it off her dance card — at least for the time being. As she walked off set she told me, “No more A for me!”.

“Why?” I asked.

She just looked at me like I was a dope for even asking.

Dogfart writes on the Carla Cox Blacks on Blondes scene: Superhot Euro-babe Carla Cox is visiting LA from the Czech Republic. Unfortunately Carla is experiencing an extreme rarity in LA, rain, and lots of it! To get over her misery, she decides to sample some of the local dick offerings, especially some of the dark meat that is so rare in her own country! Carla isn’t shy about giving it all up for a good time, so the two lucky dudes that get to shake and bake with her get all her hot options…her pretty mouth, her sweet pussy, and even her luscious ass, individually, and in a blistering DP! Carla manages to turn an unfortunate vacation into ecstasy as she gets hammered everywhere by these 2 huge dicks before letting them take target practice with their jizz cannons and her open mouth!

I don’t think I coulda said it any better.

Big Black Dicks interracial sex videos

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#73) — Raylene

21 Comments

I Shoot Porn: Why did you get you back in the porno game?

Raylene: It was time. Plus, the real estate business slowed way down, and I wanted to supplement my income…and spice up my sex life all at the same time!

ISP: Did any of your real estate clients know about your porn star status?

R: Some of them…not all. I mixed my former porn life in real estate by taking the people I worked with on set and helping them buy a home.

ISP: What did you want to be when you were 10 years old?

R: I wanted to be an actress.

ISP: I’m sure you’ve been asked this before, but how did you get into the business?

R: I met some adult stars when I was young. I was at Lake Havasu City partying and I met Shane…the original Shane from Shane’s World. We stayed friends, and when I decided to do my very first video it was for them. It was Shane’s World #4. This was my very first B/G scene, and it was in 1997. I think it was with Marc Davis.

ISP: How has the porn business changed since ’97?

R: It’s all digital. It’s all computer-oriented. Almost exclusively online. The production end of it has kinda stayed the same, but, to me, the order things are shot in has changed. The work order has changed. I mean the way stills are shot, and hardcore sex, and the soft core sex.

ISP: Do you like anal?

R: I like it, but I don’t do it a lot on camera.

ISP: If you could have sex with any historical figure, dead or alive, who would it be?

R: Jack Nicholson. Is he an historical figure? No…wait! President Clinton! He’s the hottest President of all. I mean Obama’s good looking, but I don’t do interracial.

ISP: Ever taken any heat for not doing IR?

R: I have done it, and I have nothing against it. As a matter of fact, I’ve dated plenty pf black men in my private life. I’m just approaching the business this time on a slow roll.

ISP: Is it true what they say about black men?

R: Um…it might be. I guess so. I’ve seen well-hung white guys, too. Everyone’s built different. It really doesn’t matter what color you are.

ISP: How do you think you managed to still be well known 14 years after making your first movie?

R: I have no idea…but damn, am I thankful!

ISP: What was the atmosphere like at Vivid when you were there?

R: It was pretty laid-back. I enjoyed myself.

IRP: What did you want to be when you were 20 years old?

R: A porn star.

IRP: Whats the craziest thing ever to happen on your set? Feel free to name names.

R: I can’t really think of anything crazy that’s happened to me on set.

ISP: Oh, come on…

R: No, really. A set is just a set is just a set.

ISP: Do you like chocolate chips in your pancakes?

R: Sometimes!

ISP: Have you ever had any weird encounters with a fan?

R: Not on a regular basis. But I did have a guy that came to see me in a club. He got kinda crazy. He just wanted to be very physical with me. He was trying to grab me everywhere. This was in Texas. You know…I’ve never had a good experience in Texas. Ever. Anyway, my ex-husband told the guy to leave, so the guy went out to get his gun. They carry guns in Texas! The cops ended up arresting the guy. I guess that’s a crazy story — that didn’t happen on a set.

ISP: What do you think about Twitter?

R: I love it! I like to spy on people…and I follow the funniest people! I follow this dude called The Sulk. He’s the funniest motherfucker there is. He’s very entertaining and I love it!

ISP: What is the biggest misconception about girls who do porn?

R: All we do is eat, sleep, and fuck.

ISP: Have you been felt like you’ve been relegated to dating fellow sex workers?

R: I’m married to a regular guy with a regular job. I roped him into doing a few scenes, though.

ISP: He doesn’t freak out at all when you’re on set?

R: We’re all human. We have our ups and downs. But for the most part it’s a job. I work, go get the kid from school, clean house and make dinner. On my days off I cook all day.

ISP: What do you cook?

R: Yesterday started with Vegetable Tortilla Soup. It’s one of my favorite soups to make.

ISP: What do you want to be doing when you’re 40?

R: I don’t want to be having sex for a living. I’d like to own a company of some sort…whether it’s adult or not is fine by me.

ISP: OK — lemme just grab a pic or two and we’re done.

R: But my eye is red from the Manojob I just gave! They’re swimming in my eye!!

Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts, by Billy Watson.

6 Comments

Addison Caine P O V hand job videos
I’m thinking about getting a vasectomy. The only thing that worries me is someday I’ll find “The Right One” and I’ll actually want to procreate; I’m also worried about losing my pop shot, which, over the past three years, has already diminished to a depressing level. But I don’t really believe in The Right One and I’m not male talent…so who cares.

How bad does it hurt?

My pal Eric Swiss — who I often exploit as a Stunt Cock for my dirty movies — has a blog. It’s pretty good, too. Eric’s much more than just a stunt cock, too: he’s AVN actor of the year! He’s also world-traveled, and, for the most part, a good dude. Just don’t let him hang out with your 17 year old niece.

My McIntosh tube amps blew up the other day. If that isn’t bad enough, they decided to blow when I was showing them off to Proxy Paige. This was the night of our slumber party. I was switching out tubes, and I guess that’s a bad thing to do. Something about bias settings and shit like that. Anyways, I switch out tubes, fire them up, and BAM! The End. So now I gotta get them fixed. Funny thing is I don’t really even fancy myself an audiophile; in fact, I think it’s total snobbery, and that’s something I try to avoid. My ear isn’t even that good. For example, I can hear a difference between my Super-Duper Stereo and my iPod on the Bose deck…but not that much of a difference. And certainly not enough to warrant having my Super-Duper Stereo. I might sell it. The only problem would be I wouldn’t have a way to listen to my records.

I have lots of personal porno pics on my hard drive. I refer to them as such cause they’re pics of me hanging out with porno princesses after I get to know them a bit. They’re kinda personal, but not so much I can’t share them, right? I never really have before, but I think I’ll sell myself out and post them here from time to time in an effort to get some more traffic. I’m such a whore. Especially for internet traffic. Who knows…maybe no one will care anyway. So here’s Addison Caine at Farmer’s Market in LA going over their “To-Do List” while shopping there. Addison found her favorite thing, and she’s pointing it out for all to see.

I’m not a fan of Conan at all, but since he got fucked like a bitch by NBC and Jay Leno, I decided to watch his final show, and I’m glad I did. The only thing that topped Will Ferrell doing “Free Bird” with Billy Gibbons and Beck backing him up was Neil Young’s performance. Neil was so great It almost made me wanna cry — by No Way Am I Gay. Moving forward, we should all boycott Jay Leno, which I’ve been doing since he took over Johnny Carson’s spot years ago. Letterman’s way better, anyway.

And none of them even come close to Elvis Costello’s new show, Spectacle.