I Will Never Complain About My Job Again. Ever.
I am not a stud. Promise.
Lately people have been asking about being male talent in this industry. I thought I’d reflect upon my experience.
This blog’s original air date: December 23rd, 2005
So I’m walking into my office when the girl who works in my building calls me over. She’s on her smoke break, and she cuts hair for a living. My editing/business offices are directly below – as well as next to – a pretty big salon; the salon is part of a three-story building. I’m on the ground level.
She’s smiling at me and says, “Hey Stud.”
This catches me off guard. I mean I’m not an ugly dude…but I’m no stud, either. Plus, I think this girl has a bit of a crush on me, so I just kind of laugh and say “Hi.”
“So who you bangin’ in your office all day long?”
This really throws me for a loop. I’ve never had sex in my office. Never once. And why would she be asking me something like that? I mean she’s cut my hair – once – and we say hi if I run into her on break. That about sums up our relationship.
“Um, no one.”
She calls me a liar. “Fuckin’ liar!” She’s smiling. “I mean don’t be embarrassed. I’m all about fucking. I love to fuck! The last salon I worked at…I was fucking one of the straight guys. We fucked all over that salon!”
Then she gives me a long stare. With a smile.
Again, I tell her no one, “but I wish.”
“Well, according to K., she came down and was gonna knock on your door and tell you to quit for a while. That’s how bad it got the other day.”
K. is the LMT – licensed massage therapist. K says the massage room is for quiet time…not to listen to people fucking for hours at a time.
“But she chickened out. Instead, she walked up to the salon and told everyone you’re down here fucking all day long. She says it’s nonstop some days.”
She says this through her grin. And she’s making direct eye contact with me…one she won’t break. I finally have to look away. “All the girls up there are amazed at your staying power.”
I know I’m blushing now. And that’s when I realize K.’s massage room is directly next to my editing bay. The only thing that separates us is a wall. And lately, I’ve been editing my ass off.
Now what do I tell her? That I’m a pornographer? My office is tucked away on a trendy street that the tourists hit to shop for their trendy clothes while sipping on a trendy Starbucks drink. I know if I tell her that I’m a porno dude, shit’s gonna spread like wildfire. Might even end up making it back to the landlord, who’s on the 3rd floor. He thinks I’m a computer consultant.
“Well, yea. OK. I admit it. I’m banging my new assistant.”
“I knew it!” She takes a long drag off her cigarette and smiles.
I smile back. “Don’t tell, ok? I mean I don’t want her embarrassed when she comes back Tuesday. And I know how you hairdressers are.”
“Oh, I’m not like that!” She puts her finger to her lips and says, “Not a soul.”
Uh huh.
Yea.
Not a soul.
Super fun E-mails: Beastie Porn
Freddy writes:
Okay, I admit it, I sometimes (rarely, maybe once every month or two) get off to beastie porn. Why? I’m not sure, probably because I’ve jerked it to almost everything else and become jaded. I wouldn’t describe myself as a sex addict, but if I’ve got nothing else to do I could jerk it 8-10 times a day.
I’m a 24 white male, virgin. I wouldn’t attempt to describe myself as anything close to normal, but I fake it on the outside. I’ve got a pretty good job, make decent money and am pretty well liked and respected by co-workers.
I’ve always thought of porn as taboo, and it was dirty, which made it exciting. I read my first playboy at age 6, it was actually for the articles, I’m a voracious reader…
To estimate, my average pron distribution goes:
30% Submityourwife.com / submityourex.com / submityourflick / free online porn
20% Kristen Archive (porn stories)
20% Videos I downloaded from COHF/Fisting Lessons when I had a subscription (since lapsed)
10% Girls Gone Wild movies I downloaded illegally (which I haven’t done in the past 3 years, I downloaded in college when I couldn’t afford porn, now if I want it I can afford it so I pay for it.
10% Various Hardcore Videos (Seymore Butts [old Alisha Klass] videos, for some reason she really gets me going, a bunch of Aurora Snow / Jenna Haze
7% Lisa Sparxx/bdsm247/shotathome.com/Creampie Cathy/what ever weird kink site I have a current subscription to
3% Fucked Up Shit, Beastie, Piss, enema, strap on MF
Mainly it happens when I’ve been having a spankfest, maybe 10-12 times a day for a few days in a row, still horny, but regular porn is boring by now, I need something really kinky and taboo. For example there’s this very fucked up Fisting Lesson video where a girl shoves various produce up another girls ass and the girl shits it out in the other one’s mouth. Now on the surface I know this is wrong, even if the girls ass is clean and sparkly. It’s bizzare, dirty and you know they’re only doing it for the money, so late at night when no one is around and you’re jonesing for another jerk but you’re bored with everything else, you open up the video and get a little thrill in your stomach because it’s so dirty.
Again, I don’t claim to be normal or even a good person, but here’s some insight. A response would be appreciated.
———————————————–
Jaded Freddy:
Let’s get one thing straight — you’re not a normal person. Anyone 24 and still a virgin isn’t normal. Anyone jerking off 10-12 times a day isn’t normal, either. But that’s OK — I’m not normal; in fact, normalcy is way overrated.
The first time I banged a chick doggystyle I blew my load in about 4 seconds. Really, I did. And I didn’t cum so quick cause I was getting laid; it was premature ejaculation due to the fact my girlfriend was doing something really naughty. Afterall, it had taken a month or so of sweet talking to get her to do it like a dog.
I have no idea on your merit as a human being. If you’re wondering if you’re “bad” cause you beat you meat to beastie porn…well, no. You’re not. Contrary to everything our churches have taught, you’re not a bad person if you masturbate. You’re jaded, and if you think you’re jaded from watching too much porn, try shooting it for seven years. I’m so fucking jaded it’s beyond jaded. The last Porno Princess I hung with called me the biggest perv she’s ever known. She said it with a smile on her face…and then she pissed all over me.
But I don’t think Golden Showers rank that high on the Perv Meter — but then again, I’m Jaded Billy. I’d certainly rank Beastie Porn right near the top…but, to me, ATM’s are fairly fucking vile. There’s a whole lot of bacteria in that butthole, and even if Porno Princess is putting her own Butt Bacteria into her mouth, it’s still Top 5.
I think a lot of times dudes who get turned on by really raunchy shit were The Wallflowers at the 8th grade dance. They’re so pissed girls didn’t pay much attention to them when they were 13 they take it out in their adulthood by consuming misogynistic porn: bukakkes, beastie, gag-her-out-til-she-pukes BJ’s, Meat Holes, Piss Mops…anything that’s produced by The Japanese or The Germans…that sort of filth.
But what do I know? I do realize shooting porn has turned me into perv — there’s no doubt about it. But I’ve never been “normal”…and, really, I don’t even have the desire. Not that there’s anything wrong with it…it just doesn’t suit me.
Sounds like it doesn’t suit you, either.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Porn’s Final Days?
Another Porno Princess texts me: If you pay me $750 I will do any kind of scene you want. ANY kind.
Stunt Cock called me a week ago. He’s pissed. He’s got one of the biggest wieners in Porn Valley, but that doesn’t mean a thing anymore. After telling me, “this business has bankrupted me. Fuck porn!” he said he’s about to embark on a new career: he’s leaving for Alaska to be a fur trapper. (Yes, a fur trapper. I won’t comment beyond that).
What’s going on?
Free Internet Porn.
In addition to no more money for Porno Princess and Stunt Cock, there’s no more future work either. Which is just a dumb way of saying in the past you could live day-to-day, cause you were getting booked 5 times a week. Now some of these performers are lucky to get booked 3 times a month. And the only girls who are getting consistent work are the newbs.
Like most business, porn’s struggling. Unlike most, porn’s business model is competing against something fierce and mighty. To really complicate things, it’s a business model has changed radically in the last five years…and no one likes change.
DVD’s have pretty much vanished; online adult flourished…and now it’s all all free.
But you know that.
Imagine opening a taco stand, and a few weeks later another opens across the street. The tacos aren’t as good as yours, but they’re free. Gratis. Take ’em and leave — as many as you want.
You just left a Tube Site. Admit it. You just jacked it for free, and you probably watched a half dozen full length scenes before blowing you load, too, and you didn’t shell out a penny. You didn’t have to worry about downloading some weird codec. You didn’t have to worry about downloading a file that might be a virus. You didn’t have to give up your e-mail. No joining some creepy forum. You didn’t even have to wait for the file to fucking download. You just pulled down your pants, made sure Wifey wasn’t on her way home, pressed a play button and cranked one out. Then, you cleaned up, checked out what I have to say today, and now you’re on your way out to start your day. Or finish it. Or continue it. Whatever.
You’ve probably been doing been doing this since about 2007, too, when The Tubes starting catching on fire. Now a few of them are even ranked in the top 100 over at Alexa, and that’s huge — which you may or may not know.
Huge as in huge numbers. Huge amounts of traffic. Spread over all of them, I bet it’s a billion impressions a week. Or a weekend.
And you know they’re using their stolen, full-length clips, and you love it. You know they’re using stolen porn to sell something other than porn, which is a first. Instead of selling you more porn (why? They just fucking gave you more than you could watch), they’re selling (mostly) memberships that promise to get you laid.
This way, you won’t have to jack to porn anymore.
It’s taken about 2 years for all this to really hit home. Like I said, Tubes started catching on around the start of ’07; the DVD market started crumbling soon thereafter; now it’s hit the internet guys. Porn Valley is drying up, and fast. People are freaking out. Agencies are closing. More than 90% of the jobs are being booked by less than 10% of the companies. Rates are dropping. No one’s sure when it’ll come back — if it ever does.
Most are betting it won’t.
I always thought once the masses figure out Adult Friend Finder and The Facebook of Sex are nothing but big ol’ Sausage Fests, the Tubes would implode under their own bandwidth bills, and things would get back to normal. But after listening the The Thief ramble in that Amsterdam Coffee Shop last week. I’m not so sure.
I know what you’re thinking, too: Boo-Hoo Billy. Too bad. Join the club. I lost my job, too. Why the fuck should I pay for porn? Most of it sucks anyways, so fuck you. You’re nothing but a sleazy porno dude, so who cares? I don’t pay for music or mainstream movies either. Why should I? It’s not like I’m walking into a store and shoving DVD’s and CD’s under my shirt and walking out. They’re intangibles, and that makes them fair game. If I can’t touch it, I shouldn’t have to pay for it.
I’m not boo-hooing…just blogging.
Things are changing fast. And no one knows where it’s all heading.
There’s still people paying for music and movies. And, believe it or not, some are still paying for adult entertainment, too: the ones who want to see the girl they want to see doing the naughty things they like to watch instead of just whacking to whatever’s given to them are paying for it. Of course it’s no where near like it was before, and with the money drying up in this game, and the companies closing, and talent starting to leave what next?
Maybe everyone will just be stuck jacking to ripped DVD’s that were shot years ago.
Maybe the Tubes will implode.
Maybe Apple and Windows will develop operating systems that’ll know what you do — and don’t — pay for.
Maybe Brazzers (they’re behind the big tubes I mentioned earlier) and the rest of the Porno Thieves will Rule The World.
Maybe.
Jack Kerouac said, “…nobody, nobody knows what’s going to happen to anybody besides the forlorn rags of growing old…”
Amen.
Amai Liu is Tiny Tabby is J’s latest POV gal.
But let’s talk about J. He scours neighborhoods for hours looking for Snow Bunnies. Snow Flakes. White girls.
Then, he approaches them with his rap: see, J collects porn. That’s not the first thing he says, but once he engages The Target, he lays it all out. It goes something like this. “I collect porno. I know it’s crazy. Do you watch porn?”
This is a typical, open-ended sales pitch. J was trained well. It doesn’t matter how the girl answers. If she says “no”, the J says something like, “Great! I know it’s weird, but I collect a very specific type of porn.”
If the girl says “yes”, then all the better. They talk about porn, and what kind of porn The Target likes. You’d be really surprised. Most like gang-bang or “orgy”porno. Some like girl-girl stuff. Some girls like interracial porn. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. If The Target says she’s into porn, it’s time for The Close.
“Well, the porn I like is the porn I’m in. I want to film you. Are you down?”
Almost always The Target says “No! What if my (fill in the blank) discovers it?”
The blank usually equals “boyfriend” or “family”.
J has an answer: “This won’t wind up on the internet. I keep it in my closet for a rainy day.”
There you have it. Of course it does wind up on the internet, although The Girl (no longer The Target now that the scene’s in the can).
I know what you’re thinking. J’s a piece of shit for misleading these girls. Well, no…of course not. But always remember this — after the deed is done, you’d be surprised what money can buy.
Here’s some Amai Liu interracial sex pictures. She’s so tiny J’s dick is as big as her arm, from elbow to hand. I shit you not. I can’t believe how much black dick this little chick took. She had no problem with it, either. J impaled her. It’s one of the hottest scenes I’ve seen in a long, long time. If you’re into little white chicks and big black dicks, welcome to Interracial Pickups!
Lindy Lane posting on Billy Wa…
Lindy Lane posting on Billy Watson’s Manojob forum!!! http://yfrog.com/08rlvlj
Ginger Lee in the house!! http…
Ginger Lee in the house!! http://yfrog.com/0j5cfvj
Spunkmouth Kaya
Lately people have been asking about being male talent in this industry. I thought I’d reflect upon my experience.
This blog’s original air date: September 19th, 2005
A lot of people ask me “whatever happened to (fill in the name of the porn girl here)?” so I think I’m gonna start a new category devoted solely to this.
Today I look back – fondly, I might add – at Kaya. I was lucky enough to shoot this Asian hottie two times, both in the same abadonded warehouse in a funky part of town. The first scene was a boy/girl scene with this cat named Sean; the second time Big Dick Nikle jumped into the action with Sean.
The first time I met her was at the warehouse – just minutes before we started shooing. In those days I always met the girls before I shot them, just to make sure I really wanted to work with them. For some reason Kaya couldn’t meet me, and Dick Nikle was going nuts over her, so I said sure, let’s do it.
When she walked in that warehouse, my jaw just about dropped.
She’s only 5 feet tall, which makes her D tits look even bigger than they already are. Her body was flawless, and her skin looked really smooth, and you could tell it was before you even touched it. I knew when I saw her this was the first true hottie I would shoot in my porno career. Not only was she hot, but she was really cool, too. And unlike most amateurs, she had this very keen sense of business. She knew the LA rates for scenes, cause I said, while we were shaking hands, “I want to shoot you as many times as I can” and she giggled and said “I’ll do two guys next, but I need $1000!”
I can’t believe these shoots went down almost 3 years ago. I can’t believe my stills were so awful. When I look at that picture I posted, I just shake my head. Oh well…there’s a learning curve for everything.
And I can’t believe Kaya was cool letting a few of my pals stand around and watch her get fucked while my camera was rolling. I’ll call it “The Peanut Gallery”.
And finally, I can’t believe she just vanished, but she did. I never saw her after that last scene. Word came to me from Dick Nikel that “her family discovered she was doing porn” and part of me believes that…and part doesn’t. Maybe she realized fucking on film wasn’t for her.
Not too long ago my pal Ryan, who works at one of my favorite record stores, had some exciting news. He went out to eat the previous night, and guess who waited on him? Yea…it was Kaya. I asked Ryan, “Did you tell her you’re a fan of her work on my site?
He didn’t. And that makes him a smart man.
Ginger Lee in the house today!…
Ginger Lee in the house today! Hoot hoot!! I am such a dork!
Super fun eMails: The newest Dick Sucker line up.
Just sitting here and wondering why the fuck I have 200 channels of NOTHING to watch on television. Seinfeld reruns and Sportscenter are still the bulk of my viewing, it seems. And for this I shell out $65 a month? Yeesh.
Figured I’d drop you a note and give the newest TheDickSuckers.com lineup my well-seasoned eye in review.
What else is there, right?
Miley Ann: What a clean looking lil cupcake you have there. Miley blends that “good gal” look with an eagerness to trouser-dive, with just a dash of mischievous eyes to really grab a guy. I’m reminded of a young Mary Tyler Moore, eager to make her way in the big, bad city. Trust me, she will.
London Keyes: A better name might have been Tokyo Snooze. Have to confess I’m not a big Asian lover, but I can certainly see the appeal overall. But this girl is flat performance-wise. It’s okay to be focused when you’re working the eggroll, but this little geisha forgets there’s more to a menu than bringing out the food. Check, please!
Suzanne Kelly: I once cheated on a girl named Kelly, with a girl named Suzanne. That has nothing to do with this of course, but mentioning it pads my word count. This gal is serviceable. And….um….she has really long hair.
Sammie Spades: Something about Sammie I like. The Pippi Longstocking look doesn’t work here, but there’s a face on her that holds a future MILF hottie. Sammie might be one of those gals (Kylie Worthy) that doesn’t come into her own until later in the game than most. Patience, peckers. It’ll come.
Charlotte Vale: I have to recuse myself from this review in the interest of fairness. This girl took my order for new tires at Sears and I’m not really comfortable commenting until I get my car back. Sorry.
Vanessa Leon: “I like to be in America. Okay by me in America”. Seriously, Vanessa picks up the Hispanic banner icons like Vanessa Del Rio carried years ago, and she does it proud. A bit too quiet maybe, Vanessa has “the look” to go far. Now, about that green card…..
Reena Sky: Saucy, hot, and eerily reminds me of an aunt of mine whose panties I once swiped. Who cares? I still approve.
Taylor Thomas: Taylor looks like a nice-looking chick. She’s quiet, and from the looks of things not very long for the porn world. That’s okay. Plenty of room for those types whose stay in the biz is measured in days, not years. She’ll leave the biz, marry, buy a minivan and get fat. It happens. Thanks for the memories, sweetie.
SunSet Diamond: Has anyone ever seen Sunset Diamond and Tonya Harding in the same room? Just wondering. Similiar performances though. Neither were good.
Jasmine Jolie: This is what porn is about. Great work from this sleaze-warrior. Judging from the nips I’d say there’s a little mileage on the treads, but man, this filly can still haul lumber. Nice!
Jessica Woods: Nothing to see here. Move along. Trust me.
Natalia Rossi: Ever work out at the gym or shop at a grocery and see a really hot chick but you’re afraid to approach? This is Natalia Rossi. Very hot!
Amy Starz: Cute. Eager. Annoying.
Lexi Diamond: This Latina has one of the prettiest fucking faces on the site. Truly. Besides the absolute flat tits, she has everything she needs to go very far in the business. She looks at you and…..oh shit, gotta beat off again.
Allie Foster: This chick has an interesting, complimentary face. She’ll never headline, but she might qualify as an occasional tail gunner or wingman. The problem is her body. It looks like it’s been squished-down somehow, almost like a dwarf. She needs another 3 inches in height to offset the appearance.
Faye Reagan: Well sir, it looked good in the window, but when I got it home…..
Jordan Blue & Brittany Angel: I gotta make special mention here. I ever hit the lottery, I’m booking a limo and these two ladies for a weekend. Jordan personifies the bleach-blonde plastic Goddess I hope to someday marry, while Brittany has always shown some great range in her looks and scenes. Man, to be the filling in this sandwich.