Go Utah! You’re Number 1!
Jayma Reed writes:
Hey Billy! Hope you’re well! Did you see this story from the Utah Daily News? I just wanted to let you know where you’re true fan base is!
MWAH!
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Dear Jayma:
Why is this not surprising?
The same thing that makes people wanna buy porn is, ironically, the same thing that turns girls into porn stars, for the most part: just keep telling young people, over and over, how bad human sexuality is, and then refuse to talk about it after that…and wah lah!
Porn flourishes!
Oh wait — don’t forget to add a strong chaser of Christianity into that cocktail, too.
It’s really so simple.
Let’s take a look at the top 10 states, as ranked by the Smarty-Pants School Everyone Knows, as well as their criterion: “The Harvard study used credit card subscription data from a top Internet porn company. It ranked states on a per-capita basis, comparing paid subscriptions with the number of high-speed Internet connections.”
Wonder what site they utilized?
And here’s the Top 10 Porn States:
1. Utah
2. Alaska
3. Mississippi
4. Hawaii
5. Oklahoma
6. Arkansas
7. North Dakota
8. Louisiana
9. Florida
10. West Virginia
Out of those ten states, either there’s absolutely nothing else to do but watch porn — or they’re in the Bible Belt.
‘Nuff said.
Oh…If you’re thinking there’s LOTS to do in Hawaii, try living there longer than 7 days.
Pamela Atkinson chairs the Utah Coalition Against Pornography. “I think this study actually confirms what many of us has known for a number of years, that the addiction use of pornography is growing more and more each year,” she said.
Um, no it doesn’t. There’s absolutely no data presented in this study on porn consumption prior to the year they conducted their study. What a dumb thing to say. I mean if this study presented a graph to go along with data showing a rise in porn consumption over a range of time, well then yea…I could maybe see her point.
Well…no.
I can’t see her point.
Cause porn isn’t addicting.
Porn is nothing more than
1) a great time
or
2) avoidance behavior
But I’ve blogged that to death already.
Atkinson believes Utah’s more repressive culture pushes some people to the Internet. “It’s because we don’t have the adult movie stores as much as they do in other states. And people have come to realize that you can access this material quite easily,” she said.
Um, I doubt it. Tell me, Ms. Atkinson, just how many adult book stores are there in Utah…and how do they stack up against, say, the Bible Belt states? You won’t be able to answer that, cause you really don’t know. I’d like to add the internet has been putting the brick-and-mortar porn businesses out of business since it got popular. And ain’t that a grand thing? Cause — let’s face it — porno stores are nothing more than seedy shit holes where creeps cruise for porn, or fags cruise for sex, or both.
Not that there’s anything wrong with creeps cruising for sex…but let’s leave that mess for the privacy of their own homes.
And not that there’s anything wrong with fags cruising for sex…but let’s leave that mess for the public parks.
And airport bathrooms.
And Interstate Rest Stops.
But the very best thing about this article isn’t dopey Pamela Atkinson, or Jill Manning’s desperate attempts to explain away Utah’s top ranking; it’s the comments left by the fine people of the great state of Utah.
Trust me, there’s LOTS of them…but here’s some of the better ones:
we have a younger demographic which tend to be more addicted to porn.
Avoidance behavior, damnit. Quit blaming porn, you stupid motherfuckers! OK, I’m gonna make this distinction — if you’re jerking to dirty movies for, say, under 30 minutes a day, it’s fun. Anything more than that and you’re avoiding something: work, your wife, your boyfriend, Life in General…or all the above.
I believe one of those ZIP codes [from the sample] was for the U of U, not for BYU.
Those U o fU sleaze balls! The students at BYU would NEVER do such a filthy thing as to jerk to online porn.
The story states: “Idaho and Montana had the lowest subscription rates.” That’s because Idaho and Montana residents are sexually assaulting sheep and mountain goats instead of surfing the net for porn!!!
AWESOME-O.
The non-LDS can’t get any in this state so they have to turn to porn.
For those of you who don’t know, LDS = Latter Day Saints = Mormons. And — DUH! — non-LDS are the only ones jacking to porn…cause the LDS get laid all the time. Between all the wives and nieces and cousins, everyone in the Church is banging!
Boys can’t have sex so they turn to porn to ‘know how to do it’ after they get married. Also they are curious.
Oh yea…it’s so hard to figure out sex. Once they can have sex, that is.
Here’s how tough it is:
1) get boner.
2) stick it in a hole.
Wonder what kind of “curious” are this post was referring to? Perhaps someone’s sitting on the Bi Fence?
It kind of reverts back to the church because the girls won’t do “it” and the boys want to know how to do “it”!
“Kind of reverts back to the Church”. Uh huh. Mormon girls do it, by the way…just not in their V-Jay. I learned this when I dated a Mormon girl in high school. Her hand, as well as two out of three of her holes, were open 24/7.
like Brigham Young said, “We have the best of the best and the worst of the worst.
Huh?
Porn has been around for hundreds of years and it doesn’t hurt a sole.
Maybe Brigham Young was referring to the spellers of Utah.
A man who had 30+ wifes probably isn’t the best person to quote a this time.
Yes, indeed. Brigham was referring to spelling.
late husband loved Playboy, as long as he was looking at porn he didn’t get the real thing.
Didn’t I mention avoidance behavior somewhere in this blog?
the fact that Utah has fat women. Come on, ladies, quit stuffing your faces and start fix yourself up a bit!
I couldn’t end this blog on a better note.
Even if I tried.
Super fun e-Mails: Porn’s Monosyllabic Glory.
Lil’ Miss Molly writes:
If you knew how many times I have tried to comment on your blog you’d laugh (created WordPress account, etc)… but this time it warranted an email. I just wanted to let you know that I am glad to see the term ‘porn whore’ put to bed (no pun intended). It really bugged the crap out of me, not sure why. Also I prefer porn to porno. ‘Porno’ sounds antiquated. ‘Porn’ is more edgy, younger, fresher. ‘Porn’ in all its monosyllabic glory conveys brevity with a hint of elegance. ‘Porno’ feels like shag carpeting and Studio54. Ok, done with rant.
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Lil’ Miss Molly — Every day I wake up to check comments on my blog, and no one ever does. This makes me feel like a failed blogger.
It makes me feel inadequate.
Unloved.
Ignored.
So now I guess I can laugh at myself for not having fixed whatever it is that’s broken and kept your comments from all to read — and making my day.
Porn Priestess.
Porno Priestess.
Porn Priestess — brevity, with a hint of elegance?
Porno Priestess — antiquated?
Porn Priestess.
Porno Priestess.
Porn Priestess: edgy, younger, fresher.
Porno Priestess: shag carpeting and Studio54?
Hmmm…gimme a few blogs using both to make a final decision.
In the meantime, take a look at super cute, super fresh Porn Priestess Mia Lina as she jerks a dick. Mia is Latina! She’s also edgy, younger, and fresher…certainly more so than Porno Priestess Mia Lina?
The Minion
When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.
This blog’s original air date: October 22, 2005.
min·ion:
1. An obsequious follower or dependent; a sycophant.
2. A subordinate official.
3. One who is highly esteemed or favored; a darling.
[French mignon, darling, from Old French mignot, mignon.]
He’s 6’4″ – maybe more.
He weighs 320 pounds – maybe more.
His penis is 4 inches long – maybe less.
And they call him The Minion.
Everything I tell you here is true, so with that being understood, let’s talk about The Minion. When he first got into the porn biz a while back, he was a virgin. Well, that’s not entirely true. Once time he paid a whore to fuck him, but he only got 2 pumps in before it was all over. And now – a year or so later and thanks to the help of Diabolic/Anabolic director Chico Wang – he’s fucked 70 or 80 of the hottest porn stars working today: Courtney Cummz, Luci Thai, Alicia Alighatti, Kat, Chanel Chavez, Sativa Rose, and a shitload more.
You see him here from tonight’s shoot with Alisha Alighatti.
I just left a few hours ago.
I think I’ll tell you how it went down: The Minion starts with a dozen Jumbo Jacks in front of him. He’s nude, with just a towel wrapped around him. He’s laying on Chico’s floor with the burgers. They’re laid out to form a perfect burger pyramid. There’s also a large container of maple syrup, as well as 2 large cans of whipped cream. As he begins to devour the hamburgers, he starts this nutty rant on Italians.
See, Alisha is Italian, so The Minion wants to get her all worked up.
So from bad jokes about Italian food, to why the Italians lost WWII, to Mafia jokes, The Minion covers all bases. He leaves nothing out. All the while shoving Jumbo Jack after Jumbo Jack down his throat…while chugging maple syrup in between.
Does this have you all sexed up yet?
If not, then enter Alisha. She’s maybe 5’5″, 105 pounds; she’s got perfect tits to match her perfect ass, and full lips with bright blue eyes. And she’s pissed from all the Italian jokes. She’s holding a long piece of PVC pipe in her hands. So the first thing she does is whack The Minion across his back.
“Is that all you have, byatch?” The Minion asks.
Alisha cracks him again, way harder this time. He howls. Then, after Alisha squirts him down with whipped cream, she yells a bunch more at him…then shoves more Jumbo Jack down his throat. Repeat a few times. Then they proceed to fuck and suck. The whole time I’m sitting behind the lights, watching this whole deal go down. And I’m pinching my nose and covering my mouth, trying to hold back the laughter.
I wish I could remember some of The Minion’s lines. Most were priceless. He burped a lot, and spit food all over Alisha. All the while I was kinda drunk, and trying to send my little brother and Spring Thomas the shitty video clips I was shooting from my cell phone.
It was that kinda night…
They fuck and suck for about 40 minutes. Well, the actual fuck/suck time was much less. The Minion had a hard time keeping his dick hard. I dunno if it was the large welts on his back from the PVC pipe, or all Alisha’s verbal abuse about how little his dick was…but he did manage to fuck and suck and blow his nut right down her throat.
So what’s the point of tonight’s blog, anyway?
Maybe the real question here is…who’s getting taken advantage of here? The poor Minion, who took some of the most severe and raunchy verbal abuse I’ve ever heard a girl yell? Poor Alisha Alighatti, who – for about 750 clams – had to suck and fuck this beast of a man…then swallow his large, sticky load? Or is it us…the ones who get to witness this car wreck?
You be the judge.
You Tube Tuesdays
Jordan O’Neal and Her Interracial Meltdown.
When I was in junior high, I had a Social Studies teacher who was a total hippy. He’d play records while we were working on whatever it was we were working on that day. One of his records was “The Worst of Jefferson Airplane”, and I’d always wonder why anyone would name anything “The Worst” of…until now.
This blog’s original air date: October 16, 2005.
Jordan O’Neal and I had made the trip the the Gloryhole, and then for Spunkmouth. Both scenes turned out great. So when I booked her for a b/g/g with Spring Thomas, I thought all would go well.
Thought.
It had been about 3 or 4 months since I shot her last. I had found this shitty gloryhole near the airport, and she had no problem sucking a stranger’s dick. Home Slice had a jumbo-sized weiner, too…and it didn’t daunt her at all.
In other words, Jordan’s trip to the gloryhole was off the hook.
Since the gloryhole went so well, booking her for a Spunkmouth scene was a no-brainer. And it was a scene went down when the HIV scare was sweeping porn valley, so it was a condom scene – even though they both had clean tests. Better safe than sorry.
And again, another great scene for Jordan.
Jordan showed up for her Spring Thomas scene in a decent enough mood. I mean there was nothing to tip me off as to what was about to go down. She laid out an outfit or two; I chose the bra and panty set. While she got ready, I went over the scene: she’s going to be converted to a black cock slut by the infamous Spring Thomas. I spelled it out for her very clearly. “Be reluctant at first, and then gradually start to like it.”
Her agent, who’s there with us, had no problem with the scenario.
Jordan had no problem with the scenario.
Agent left and Jordan got ready for work. Something was definitely up as I watched her get naked. She had dropped a bunch of weight since the last time we worked. I noticed it a bit in her street clothes; naked, she was really skinny.
We all know what rapid weight loss usually means in this biz. I don’t know if this was the case with Jordan, but damn…she was so skinny if I would have seen a recent pic of her, I wouldn’t have booked her.
But here she was, and we had a scene to shoot.
5 minutes into work time, male talent is getting his dick sucked, and it’s still soft. Surprised? I wasn’t. I had worked with the guy multiple times, and I knew it was his warm-up time. 2 or 3 more minutes, and he’d be rock solid. Apparently, Jordan didn’t think so. She walked off set, upset.
I followed her a couple seconds later. “What’s wrong?”
“He doesn’t like me,” she said.
I laughed. A nice laugh. Not a you gotta be kidding me this is a porn set and it really doesn’t matter if he likes you or not we’re here to work laugh. “Come on Jordan. He likes you just fine. I’ve worked with this guy a million times. It just takes him a few to warm up. Besides, he’s worked with Spring before, so it’s not like new pussy. Once he gets to you, he’ll be rock solid.”
We walk back in. And male talent knows Jordan’s a bit uptight, but he’s cool. Spring works his dick some more, and Jordan sits down. Jordan watches Spring work male talent up; I fidgit with my camera. About a minute later, Jordan gets back up and walks out. Male talent looks at me. Spring looks at me. I wait a few, then go out to get Jordan.
“Listen. I get paid to fuck. Not fluff.”
“Um, I’m confused Jordan. Who’s asking you to fluff?”
No answer. Because no one was asking her to fluff. And now that she’s talked loud enough for male talent to hear her, I have a potential problem. Male talent has performed for me over and over, so I’m really not that worried.
“Jordan. I need you on set so when he does get hard, we can jump right into the work.”
She follows me back into set. She sees Spring still working him up. And then she turns around and walks out.
I look at Spring, who shrugs at me with a dick in her mouth. Male talent is focusing on Spring. I sigh. I walk back out.
“Jordan, is there a problem here?”
I am polite. I am calm. But I know something’s about to go down.
“I told you. I get paid to fuck. Not fluff.”
“Jordan. I’m not asking you to fluff. Have I asked you to fluff? Have you once sucked his dick yet?”
She looks at me. She looks away. She picks up her soda and takes a sip. And then she says, “You’re making me feel uncomfortable now.”
That’s all I needed to hear. In a biz where people think all we ever do is trick these girls into doing what they do…or force them into doing what they do…even mentioning the word “uncomfortable” means I’m not shooting them.
I pull the plug. Immediately. I walk over to my desk, dial Agent’s number, and tell him to come get his talent. Less than 7 minutes from when we started rolling, the scene is dead. Killed. Which kinda pissed me off, cause it was the first time I’ve ever had to kill a scene.
And when I declare it’s dead, I glance at Jordan. I watch her brain start to work, and she knows I’m serious. I don’t know if it’s because she just lost $900, or it’s the last day of the month and maybe she can’t pay her rent…I mean I don’t know what set her off, but Jordan started to scream.
She yelled and screamed about what an asshole I was. About how the male talent couldn’t get wood. How none of this was her fault. Then she started to yell about how cool Spring is. How cool the male talent is. About how cool she thought I used to be.
I tell her — calmly — she’s not making sense.
She throws her clothes around as she’s dressing, and she’s yelling more psychobabble.
(Psychobabble: is that a word? (After consulting dictionary.com, yes, it is…but I didn’t use it correctly here. Well, not really)).
I call her agent again so he can hear what’s going down, which upset her even more. As she’s making a mad scramble to scoop up all her stuff, she’s either yell — or say anything at all.
Her agent heard every word over the phone as he was en route to my studio.
And by this time all of us just stood there, looking at her. No one said anything…except Jordan.
Psychobabble.
By the time Agent arrived, Jordan’s in her car, driving down the street. Her head is hanging out her window, yelling obscenities — both at me and her agent — and flipping us off. “You stupid motherfuckerrrrrssssssssss!”
And that’s the last time I ever saw her.
I walked in. Male talent looked at me. He shook his head. Spring looked at me. She shook her head. I look at both of them and said, “well, that was certainly interesting.”
What else is there to do but turn a b/g/g into a b/g?
And in no time at all they’re fucking the shit out of each other while I held a camera.
The story of my life…
“You Don’t Own Me”.
An Open Letter to Everyone Who Reads My Blog.
Dear Readers:
Effective immediately, I am no longer referring to the pornographic actresses I work with as “porn whores”.
Honestly, I was never comfortable with that term — even though they are.
Or seem to be.
And I used to refer to them like that — often.
(Brief humorous aside: according to Dictionary.com, a “who’re” is also a contraction of who are: Who’re the people at the next table? (Or, overheard at this year’s AVN Awards Show, “Who’re the whores at the next table?) )
Let’s face it — any use of the word “whore” is misogynistic, and in an effort to be a Truly Nice Guy (and overall Better Person), I’m removing the term “porn whore” from my vocabulary.
My first inclination was to refer to one as a “pornographic priestess”, but that would be ripping off Lennon and McCartney (most likely Lennon and not-so-much McCartney), which is totally bad juju, and even though I’ve never laid claim to The Egg Man, I have often found myself uttering “goo goo gajoob ga goo goo gajoob” — usually after some whacky behavior performed by the aforementioned.
Like it or not, from the onset of this particular blog, I shall refer to pornographic actresses as “Porno Princesses”; the singular shall be “Porno Princess”.
Sincerely yours,
(insert virtual signature here)
William J Watson
Porn Whore
(goo goo goo joob goo goo goo joob goo googoooooooooooojoob)
Untitled.
I’ve been running out of things to say for the last year or so, at least when it comes to my business. Oh, sure…I could spin (yet) another tale of woe, something along the lines of your favorite Pornographic Princess doing something dumb, or silly, or both; broken relationships featuring fair-weather friends, pathological liars, and pill-poppin’ drug-riddled train wrecks; and, of course, all my Homies in the County down in Cell Block 6 (I usually spare the gory blog-o-ramas when it comes to the male talents — cause who really cares about the dudes, right?).
But then I’d start to sound like a broken record, which, I’m afraid, I’ve become.
So, in a last-ditch effort to offer up some original, entertaining BlogStuffs, here’s last night’s dream: I’m in class (again) only this time I’m not the teacher. I’m the student. Usually, I’m the teacher, and I can’t control my class — no matter what consequences I offer up — so I sit there and helplessly watch The Chaos ensue. But this time I’m the student, and Dick Cavett is teaching us something I can’t understand, even though I’m not really sure what his subject is. I can’t understand math, but this wasn’t a math lesson. I don’t know what Dick Cavett was teaching me, but whatever it was, I couldn’t understand.
A Lesson in Life?
And that’s about the time I notice someone stole my fucking Man Purse.
My Murse.
My European Carry-All.
Yea, I have one of those.
Anyways, at first I thought I misplaced it, cause I do that sort of thing all the time, but then I realized someone stole the motherfucker. I walked all over that classroom looking for my Murse while everyone else was working in groups and accomplishing things, and, by the end of our time together (which somehow coincided with my sleep) I was screaming at Mr. Cavett and pleading for my bag and more time to study before his Final Exam.
Which, of course, he denied.
And, like I just told you, his denial was the exact time I woke up.
Maggie was looking at me, and I was looking at her…which meant it was time to start our day.
