Nothing To Do With Porn

No Way Am I Gay.

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Bil Maher starts his new season tonight, and I’m thinking I’m gonna invite a whore over to dinner, then have her blow me, and I’m gonna get really stoned right before she blows me, and then I’m gonna watch my hero Bill rant and rave about all sorts of shit.

I don’t smoke pot much of late. Really, I don’t. I save it now for special occasions.

BJ’s and Bill are two of those occasions…and really, that’s all.

No, wait.

Wilco.

They have a new concert DVD out called “Ashes of American Flags“.

I can’t wait for April 18!

But before I state my Gayness for Wilco and Jeff Tweedy, let me share with you a conversation I just had with an online friend:

[10:45] dlewxxx: It’s like…I get it…you hate kids and love pot…move on
[10:49] billywatson3: nooooo
[10:49] billywatson3: he talks about all sorts of shit
[10:49] dlewxxx: I know….but he always goes there and I fucking hate redundant people

Bill is my main most man, and from what I hear, he adores Black Girls.

Black Whores, to be exact.

This, of course, is nothing more than Whore Hearsay (a friend of mine who’s a whore says she has whore friends that have entertained the entertainer).

Extra Bonus Points for Bill.

Does all this Whorespeak make me come off a little misogynistic?

I think I’d blow Jeff Tweedy, but no way would I swallow.

Cause No Way I’m Gay.

So if you’re wondering what a pornographer does on his Friday, here ya go: shoot a blow bang and a IR POV (I hold the camera) then contemplate the book of piss pics I’m working on and then haul ass to the gym (218 the other day!!) and listen to French Lesson 3 whilst tread milling and then haul ass to Amoeba to see what’s shown up in the used bin and then haul ass home and have my Special Friend swing by where we shall grub and smoke and then I’ll squeal like a little girl cause Bill Maher will ramble about pot, his hatred for little kids and organized religion and our fucking Ex-President.

And our love for The New One.

I’ll squeal about Bill and not what my Special Friend does to me.

And if I say it once, I’ll say it a million times — No Way.

Nothing To Do With Porn

Travis, The Chimp.

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Travis The Chimp

I had a friend in college who had a friend who had a friend who had a spider monkey.

Spider monkeys do not make good pets; this particular one, when pissed, would throw its poo at you. And the walls. And anything else it felt like…until it couldn’t poo anymore.

Then it would scream.

Loudly.

Some animals can’t be pets: turtle may seem harmless enough, but did you know that they actually carry salmonella? Boas (any poisonous snake, really) and scorpions are no bueno. Forget about camels and ostriches, too. Crocs and alligators…oh my! And don’t even think about fucking with a Kinkajou; those cute little furry fucks will shred up the side of your face for no reason whatsoever.

(The preceding list of critters that make bad pets (the the reasons why) can be found here.)

Poor Travis The Chimp!

(By the way, the picture of the chimp putting isn’t Travis; I found it with a Google image search, and I used it here to illustrate today’s blog…and it works quite nicely, I might add).

From CNN: “The friendly guy [Travis] was known to walk around town, sometimes without a leash! He also liked to surf on the Internet and was able to change the TV channel with a remote. Travis watered plants, was able to feed hay to his owner’s horses, ate at a table with the rest of the family and sometimes drank wine from a stemmed glass.

You probably saw Travis, too…cause Coca-Cola and Old Navy hired Travis for their TV ads.

Wonder what Travis’s rate was for that kind of work.

Wonder if Travis ever surfed for porn or watched Katie Morgan’s silly HBO shows while watching TV?

Maybe Travis even stumbled upon Blacks on Blondes! (I’ll ask the owners to do a member search to see if Travis ever joined.)

Anyways, Travis got a little antsy the other day after getting “a haircut that changed her appearance significantly.”

I guess Travis has a vagina to go with her boy name.

So what do you do with a lady chimp that’s pissed about a shitty hair cut?

How about crunch up a Xanax and stir it up in a nice cup o’ tea and hand it to the monkey?

Cause that’s what Travis’s owner did.

Swear.

I guess that would make sense, though, cause I know a lot of ladies who have done the same thing after getting a haircut they didn’t like.

But I guess the Xannie Bar did nothing to alleviate the chimp’s foul mood, cause a little later it ripped someone apart.

Literally.

As in, “Travis jumped on her [the victim] and began biting and mauling her [the victim], causing serious injuries to her face, neck and hands”, and “[the cop who arrived on the scene] said the attack was unprovoked, but described it as ‘brutal and lengthy.'”

The victim isn’t dead…yet.

Of course Travis’s owner didn’t just sit around and watch. He stabbed poor Travis “with a butcher knife and hit him with a shovel.”

Poor Travis?

Fuck yea.

Poor Travis.

By the way, the butcher knife and the shovel treatment didn’t stop Travis.

Not even close.

Somehow, the cops got Travis into the back of the squad car (the report didn’t say how…which would have been the best part of the story to me) but they would up pumping Travis full of bullets after Travis went after them.

Travis’s head is now on its way to a lab to check for rabies, and his body is on its way to another lab for a routine autopsy.

My point to this whole thing?

Well, I guess stick with dogs and cats as pets…and stay away from monkeys.

Especially after a bad haircut.

Super Fun E-mails

Super Fun e-mails: Where Are They Now?

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Gianna Michaels

The Time Traveler writes from February, 2024:

Since you were the primo-smutmaster of the mid 2000’s, I figured you’d appreciate a Where-Are-They-Now Update of a few Manojob gals you probably remember. Enjoy!

GIANNA– After her stint in porn, Gianna settled down. She’s the proud mama of four very healthy kids. All were breast fed.

KELLY WELLS– Still grappling with legal issues, stemming from an ugly incident involving prescription drugs and a neighbor’s lawn mower.

LEENUH RAE– Lives in Hollywood. Once appeared on The Price Is Right. Lost. Works at Starbucks.

BRITTANY ANGEL– Parlayed her XXX dough into a stripclub of her own. Tends bar. Bounces too.

RACHEL MILAN– Last seen pushing a shopping cart filled with used lamps.

KYLIE WILDE– Lost her battle with baldness. Maintains a bitter blog lashing out at pornographers, the Pope and hair products in general.

MARISSA MENDOZA– Nobody knows. Nobody cares.

INDIA SUMMER– Wanted for “mayhem” in North Dakota and Kentucky.

WHITNEY FEARS– Stand-up comic. Plays nosy Jewish bitch in new CBS sitcom.

SCARLETT PAIN– Went back to school. Elementary school teacher. Fucking the principal.

Well Billy, I’m sad to say that the future was not without SOME sadness. THE LOVE TWINS and their trailer-home were thrown by a tornado into a (ironic enough) nearby church.

The church steeple survived.

LOVE TWIN #2 did not.

LOVE TWIN #1 lost her left foot and married an EMT she met in the aftermath.

Gotta close for now, Billy. I’ll keep ya posted on further future developments.

random raves, Shameless Porno Plugs

Super Hero Porn? Bimbofication? Hypno Porn?

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Super Hero Porn

One of the things I’ve learned shooting porn is all the different fetishes that will make a dude launch his load. Before I got into this game, I was so naive. Well, maybe not totally naive, cause I’d walk into a dirty book store to rent some porn, and I knew there were sections for all the different kinds of porno that featured boy-girl sex, like interracial, gang bangs, and swallowing…and then, there was The Gay Section.

I always steered clear of the gay section, cause if I accidentally strolled into it, I’d worry some homo might try and hit on me, so I’d high tail it outta there ASAP — cause No Way Am I Gay.

I know what you’re thinking: uh huh…you “accidentally” got yourself into the gay section, Billy. Admit it. You’re such a fag.

No Way!

So I knew there was straight porn and gay porn, and in the Straight Porn World I knew there was gang bang porn, and barely-legal porn, and interracial porn, and stupid porn — stupid only cause it tried to be like a Real Movie, and I always thought to myself who the fuck wants to watch Jenna Jameson try to act and then blow some things up in the middle of the desert and try to act some more…in between taking loads to her face?

Not me…but some people do. And the more I’m in this game, the more I’ve learned about fetishes: jack off on her pantyhose; clown porn; stick a sound down his pee hole…then do the same to her; turn him into a human toilet; smack her hard and then choke her out!; turn him into an ashtray; watch her blow a horse; cuckold him; make her cry.

I have a friend named Steve Steele. He makes Superhero Porn, among other things. He also “hypnotizes” girls and gets them to do dirty, naughty things whilst under his “spell”; and, if that wasn’t enough for ya, he turns girls into bimbos (“Bimbofication”) by having them take a puff off his pipe…and not a crack pipe (or a pipe you smoke weed with) but a pipe like Hef smokes.

Once they take a puff from his pipe, consider them Bimbofied…and everyone knows you can talk a Bimbo into anything. But you already know this, cause you’ve sweet talked a few into sucking your dick, haven’t you?

Anyways, he’s Bimbofied Lexi Belle, (who was superb in her role as “Bonnie Bunnington”) as well as Natalie Norton.

As “Dr. Mesmer” he plays a “mind control marriage counselor” and “hypnotizes” a “terminally lazy wife” — India Summer.

I’m sure you’d like Dr. Mesmer to counsel your girl, huh?

Some of you might like the fact that you get to buy the movies one-at-a-time instead of making some sort of monthly commitment to his site.

So how ’bout you put some of that in your bong and smoke it?

Lexi Belle Bimbofied

Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, random raves

Ashli Orion. Super Slut!

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Ashli Orion

The first thing I asked Ashli Orion to do was walk through the filthy alley wearing almost nothing at all.

“What if the cops drive by and see us? What if they stop?”

I reminded Miss Orion — my new favorite porn whore — that she’s not naked. There’s nothing illegal about walking through an alley in your panties and a super slutty top. “Just don’t let your boobs hang out,” I said.

“I don’t have any,” she replied.

“If they ask us about the cameras, just tell them we’re making a YouTube movie.”

She asked, “Why?”

“Non-commerce,” The Minion said.

The Minion is my PA, but you know that already.

The Minion comes with me to all the “pick-ups” we shoot. A pick-up is Porn Talk for the first 3 minutes of the dirty movie you skip through. It sets up the action.

But you know that already, too.

I didn’t really worry about the cops driving by; I was worried about the homeless dudes who live at the end of the alley. You can’t see them in the picture, but I knew where they were. But I had The Minion in my corner, along with Ashli, so I wasn’t all that worried. Besides, The Minion has a helluva choke hold that he flexes from time to time at his night job bouncing drunks out of the bar.

Ashli strutted her shit up and down that alley, Whore Style.

Suddenly, I had an idea. “Hey hun, you know you’re eating some ass today.”

Ashli looked at me.

“That’s pretty filthy,” I reminded her…which was a stupid thing to say, cause we all know licking a butt hole is fairly dirty.

“Un huh,” she said.

“Um…how about you strut your stuff over to that dumpster and lick it a little bit?”

Ashli looked at me.

I looked at her.

She looked at the dumpster.

I looked at her.

She looked at me.

“That’s dirty,” she said.

“You’re a dirty girl,” I said. Then I smiled. “But it would kinda make my day if you licked the dumpster.”

“That’s all it would take to make your day?”

“I lead a simple life.”

“Let’s see how I feel when I get there,” she said.

She worked the concrete wall. She leaned up against it and hiked her perfect ass into the air. She turned, leaned her back against that wall, took a long look both ways, and opened her shirt. She played with her nipples. She took another long look both ways down that alley before she pulled her panties to the side and rubbed her pussy.

It was wet.

I could hear it.

She strutted back and forth and made her way to the dumpster.

I looked at The Minion, who was keeping an eye on everything…including Ashli’s show.

She made her way to the dumpster and started to work that, too. She leaned up against it, and showed her ass off to my camera some more. She spread her cheeks wide — those purple panties pulled to the side — and showed her butthole off. She turned and gave the camera a pussy show. She spoke into the camera and called herself all sorts of dirty, filthy names.

And then, on her way to lick some butthole, she made my day.

Ashli Orion

Super Fun E-mails

Super Fun e-Mails: Don’t Be An Asshole!

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Kaiya Lynn handjob movies

Beggleman Pinnefrew writes:

Bill — don’t be an asshole!

I realize you’re a small-businessman with lots of people hanging on you and bugging you all the time.

But you say that Jason Brown was a good, solid employee of yours for several years. A go-to guy you depended on.

So if he wants to talk to you for 5 un-interrupted minutes, you should listen. Even if you know what he’s going to say and it’s all gibberish, you owe it to him as a sign of respect without giving him the goodbye-and-goodluck heave-ho, kicking him out the door.

I read it & it seemed cold and un-necessarily curt. You would be a better person for it – even if it’s Christian BS – at least you’d have a proper end to that relationship and not be a scarred, antisocial freak, which as I understand it is a major potential pitfall of your profession. Try to avoid it.

OK?

——————————————————————-

Mr. Pinnefrew I’d like to first say — great name dude. Bravo.

On to Mr. Jason Brown: I really tried to see your point, and maybe I was an asshole, but there’s a few things I think you didn’t consider. First, Jason’s very erratic behavior effected my small staff. It went beyond my comfort zone. Maybe I didn’t do a good job with the writing to make that appear clear…but, yea, he totally freaked out my bookkeeper.

That put him on thin ice, and it put me in Defense Mode.

There’s a time and a place for everything, too. Don’t you think? I wish Jason would have said something like, “I know you’re about to shoot now, but when you wrap, do you think we could have a few minutes?”

But that’s rational behavior, and it’s seldom seen in my biz.

What is seen a lot in my biz is Crystal Meth.

I do not know Jason’s on meth, but that’s the behavior pattern he’s exhibiting. I knew that when he made his initial “I-Want-To-Show-You-Something” phone call; that, or he was going to try and convert me to his spiritual beliefs.

I have zero tolerance for either agenda, and I’m sorry if that makes me an asshole…but it is what it is.

A lot of the girls in my biz take drugs that make their hearts go pitter-patter as a way to control their weight. A lot more of the girls in mainstream modeling do the same. If it ain’t a habitual coke habit, it’s meth.

Meth is fucking Evil, bro.

Evil incarnate.

But I don’t need to tell you that, do I?

I was gonna spin into a bunch of meth stories — from people who refuse to speak dirctly to you and only have written dialogues on yellow legal pads so the enemy can’t “hear” them with their “devices” to the Russian Mob is “after me” to the KKK is “after me” to homes with the windows lined with empty pizza boxes with tiny holes drilled into them to “leave LA at once cause there’s gonna be riots”…but I won’t.

Instead I’ll respectfully disagree with you, and say that — under slightly different circumstances — I would have engaged Jason in more than 5 minutes of conversation, and I look forward to the day Jason would like to have that conversation in a reasonably friendly place, during a time convenient to both of us.

By the way, if Jason ever makes the decision to jump back in The Porno Game, he’s welcome to my set any day. As long as he leaves the spiritual conversations and paranoid schizophrenic behaviors at the door.

Your pal — Billy

PS: I also took some heat for even blogging this mess in the first place…but I stand by my decision.

PSS: Am I really coming across as “scarred, antisocial freak”?

Current Events, Nothing To Do With Porn

In Memorium: Lux Interior.

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Lux Interior

Lux Interior of The Cramps has died. He was sixty.

I managed to catch the Cramps once, and it was at a show at The Devil House in Tempe, AZ, in the early ’90s — but it could been 1989.

In fact, I think it was.

God damnit the Cramps fucking rocked. I mean that show was insane. I dunno what was better — the Kid In The Wheelchair, or Lux spanking his ball sac whilst on the very top of one of the speaker towers whilst on all fours with his ass propped high in the air whilst wearing nothing but women’s underpants whilst simulating fellatio on his microphone.

I was very nervous for Kid In The Wheelchair cause all the punks held him (still in his chair) high about the crowd, passing him all around that pit. How long until he fell out of his chair?

I was very nervous for Lux, cause that speaker tower was way up there, and it was all wobbly and shit, and I was quite certain at any moment it was going to come crashing down into the very same pit where Kid In The Wheelchair was still being passed around (and still hoisted high) above everyone’s heads.

I was very nervous for Poison Ivy — Lux’s wife and his guitarist — because almost everyone in the front two rows were spitting on her, and she had to catch some sort of illness from all that nasty saliva and phlegm that ended up covering her from head to toe.

I wasn’t very nervous for their drummer, who I thought was Kid Congo Powers, but now I’m not so sure, but he was the dude who always wore that silly Silver Medal around his neck while he bashed away at his kit, and there was absolutely no need to worry about him.

Lux wore pants that were about the lowest cut a dude could get away with without his dick popping out.

Lux had one of the coolest names for a lead singer, ever.

Lux wore creepy white make-up a whole lot.

Lux wore women’s pumps a whole lot, too.

I bet Marilyn Mason wished he was Lux Interior more than once in his life…cause, let’s face it, whatever Marilyn pulled off Lux had already done by 1979.

Lux Interior — once in a lifetime, my friends.

Random Thoughts

Deep Thoughts, by Billy Watson.

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Crazy amputee pic

This morning I jumped out of bed, tossed on a baseball cap, put on my fuzzy slippers, and walked to the coffee shop down the street from my house in my jammies for an iced coffee and a yummy muffin. Whilst standing there in my jammies I wondered — Does everyone in here think I’m The Crazy Dude?

I just bought a round trip ticket to France; I shall walk the streets of Paris in the Spring. This Spring. And practice my French, which shall be interesting, to say the least. My attempts to speak French as I roam those streets, that is…

I go to Prague in May, then there’s a strong possibility I’ll be in Hungary this fall. I’ve always said I would never make a dirty movie outside the Freedoms of my beloved country, but the idea of a Manojob European tour is starting to make me think otherwise; besides, there’s a Porno Agent in Budapest and god damn it her models are so fucking hot I simply can’t believe my eyes.

I didn’t care one bit about the Phoenix Cardinals and their trip to the Superbowl, even though that’s the city I still call home. Right before we got the Cards, Phoenix was hurting for football, and Bidwell knew it. We wanted a team so bad we took the Cards instead of waiting a few more years for a brand new expansion team. The result? Bidwell raised ticket costs something like 5X his first year in Phoenix, and, since then, we’ve had nothing but mediocre players coached by mediocre staff cause Bidwell is such a cheapskate. This year’s Cards weren’t any exception. They just got lucky.

Where the fuck did all the money go? I mean it’s somewhere, right? But the banks don’t have any, the governments are bankrupt, and everyone’s broke. It didn’t get burned up in some sort of bonfire at a Saturday night kegger…so where did it all go?

I’m pretty sure the pic I posted of the one-legged girl with the horse peeking out of a hole in the ground is Photoshopped. Not the leg, but the horse. But who knows. It just made me laugh really hard.

My old pal Jason Brown called me Saturday with a warning: LEAVE LOS ANGELES AT ONCE. I asked him why? “Billy, listen to me,” he said, now whispering. “Due to rampant identity thefts and check frauds, there’s going to be a riot around the half-time during the Superbowl. The electricity in LA will go out, and there will be riots and people will be killed. It will be on a massive scale. You have to get out of LA immediately.” I whispered back, “what happens if nothing happens?” He replied, “then you can call me an idiot.” But he didn’t whisper his reply.

The Phoenix Forum is April 2 – 5. I’ve blogged about it before, but one more time: it’s a conference for perverts like me who own adult websites, and over the course of 3 days we sit through seminars, talk shop, complain about how there’s too much free porn on the web, and sit around a pool and look at drunk porno girls who eventually take off their bikinis and run around like silly rabbits. They shut the hotel down to the general public, and it’s just pervs. I just scored a room! Why am I excited? Last year the rooms sold out in 12 minutes, and I didn’t get one. The Reservation Clerk just told me they’re gonna sell out this year in less than 10 minutes.

Now for a shameless porno plugs: this week at Blacks on Blondes Tatianna Kush gets DP’d by two massive black dongs; The Girl Formerly Known as Faye Valentine is now Faye Reagan and does a superb job blowing a dong at The Dick Suckers; Leenuh Rae sucks and fucks a big dong in a filthy public restroom that has a gloryhole drilled in the stall wall; and finally, newcummer Charlie Lynn jerks a dong at the World Famous Manojob.

That’s a lot of dongs.

With absolutely no dings.