Here's the Skinny on Your Favorite Star, Whatever Happened to Her?

Beaue Marie — Now You See Her, Now You Don’t.

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Beaue Beau Marie

I got a call from David Cruz, one of the more mysterious agents playing the porno game. Don’t mistake “mysterious” for anything more than it is…he’s just a dude I’ve never met, nor has anyone else I know has ever met; Cruz simply calls directors from time to time, asks if they have time to meet a girl, and — if I do — we hang up, and literally an hour or so later, there’s a knock at my door.

Porn Whore!

Beaue Marie was a David Cruz referral.

And when I opened the door my jaw dropped. Kinda funny, huh? I’ve been around a lot of great looking porn whores, but I still get all geek-boy horny when I first meet a hot one. After niceties, I asked her to take off her clothes, so I could take a front and back nude, even though I already new I was gonna book her.

Kinda creepy, huh?

While she stripped, I got a boner.

Kinda creepy, huh?

I dunno if it was her super-hot voice (not enough people pay attention to the sound of a girl’s voice), or her natural, strawberry-blonde hair, bright blue eyes, or the Dali tat that ran down her side.

I don’t recall now, but I think she hadn’t shot a scene up to that point.

“Maybe we should start slow,” I told her. “Wanna give a Manojob?”

She did. Here’s some free handjob movies starring Beaue Marie. Now don’t say I never gave ya nothing. (I think that’s the second time I’ve used a triple negative in a sentence, but I’m not sure. They don’t even exist, but since I tossed “nothing” into that sentence, I’m gonna go ahead and invent the triple negative right now. And thank goodness I’ve got loyal readers turned editors to leave comments every time I fuck up my grammar).

Then came The Dick Suckers; she’s dick sucker #115, to be exact. For her scene I sat Beaue Marie down on the sybian.

She liked the sybian very much.

I case you don’t know what a sybian is…well, it’s a $1200 vibrator that Howard Stern uses on his female guests, and it’s an almost-guaranteed orgasm for whomever sits on it. Well, as long as it’s a girl, I guess.

Anways, after Beaue came a zillion times, I had her blow the stunt cock I hired; I had no idea she’d wind up marrying him a few months later…but I’ll save that later.

I hired another stunt cock drop a second load on Beaue’s pretty face. But here’s something kinda funny I thought you might appreciate: Beaue charged me an extra $50 for her facial. The reason why that’s so funny? Well, sometimes porn whores don’t care if they swallow or take the facial, but most of the time they take the facial over the swallow…and if they’re gonna charge more for anything, it’s the swallow.

Beaue hates facials.

She feels a facial is degrading.

Which is to say Beaue’s never taken a facial before.

Of course I shelled out the extra fiddy!

Fiddy — a bargain to get Beaue’s only facial on film!

And after Beaue Marie’s Fiddy Dollah Degradation, Beaue confessed she had never done a black guy. But by the time we wrapped the second shoot, she felt comfortable enough with me to jump in the white van and head to the dirtiest, filthiest adult book shoppe in porno valley to blow a stranger through a hole in the wall.

Free gloryhole movies starring Beaue Marie.

“That was so exciting!” she said. “I can’t believe how naughty that was!”

Yes mam.

Then she cooed, “I’d be willing to another interracial scene for you.”

Yes mam.

“But only a one-on-one. Nothing crazy…like a gang bang.”

Yes mam.

Free interracial movies starring Beaue Marie.

Right after her Blacks on Blondes scene (one of only 2 IR scenes in existence) I started shooting Cumbang. One by one The Rednecks would show up at my door, and one by one I’d let them in.

One of the last Rednecks to show up had a girl wrapped around him — Beaue Marie.

The Redneck said, “We’re going to Vegas right after this to get married!”

I said, “how long have you two been dating?”

The Redneck said, “who cares!”

Beaue Marie just smiled.

And that was the last time I saw either one of them.

Beaue Beau Marie

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#52) — Carolyn Reese

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Carolyn Reese interview

I Shoot Porn: You were on time today! That’s almost uncanny for porno whores. What’s up with that?

Carolyn Reese: Sometimes I’m a little bit late, but time is money, right? Besides, I don’t want to hold up the whole shoot.

ISP: What did you want to be when you were 10 years old?

CR: When I was 10 — believe it or not I was just talking about that — I always wanted to be in “nudie” magazines.

ISP: How did you know about stroke mags when you were 10?

CR: My sister’s husband had them in the bathroom, right in the rack next to the toilet, and I would spend hours looking at them — Playboy and Hustler. I was a pervert from a young age!

ISP: What did you want to be when you were 20 years old?

CR: A make-up artist.

ISP: Why aren’t you doing that now?

CR: Cause I decided to be in porn. I used to do make-up and hair for mainstream, actually.

ISP: And the porno circus is more alluring than mainstream?

CR: Yes! I can’t have sex on film in mainstream!

ISP: You could have sex whenever you wanted. You’re hot.

CR: Thank you! But I like to do it in front of a camera. I also like to do it for money. I like to feel like a big whore.

ISP: What’s up with that?

CR: I’m an exhibitionist.

ISP: I meant the whore issue.

CR: Um, I’ve always had it. I’m a really sweet, down-to-Earth girl next store, but I like to feel like a dirty slut, cause it gets me off. I’m a lady on the street and a freak in the sheets.

ISP: When did you first charge someone for sex?

CR: Well, it was for the camera, and it was for Voyuer Media. It was with James Deen.

ISP: Girls love James Deen.

CR: I was like, Oh my God! I’ve landed!

ISP: What was so good about it? James Deen? The sex? Fucking on camera?

CR: All of it! The whole thing!

ISP: Did you have a “crazy” sex life before you got into the business?

CR: My boyfriend and I used to go to swinger parties, cause he liked to see me get fucked by big cocks. We used to go to San Bernadino, cause that’s where he found all the swinger parties. I would do a dude while he watched. He didn’t want to fuck. He just liked to watch. He was the same guy that was in ICU and we fucked there.

ISP: Excuse me?

CR: He OD’d on heroin. He winds up in ICU. I was visiting him, and his dick was rock hard.

ISP: How does your dick get hard in ICU after ODing on heroin?

CR: This was a guy who would watch porn in the morning before going off to work, just to relax. So, his dick gets hard, and I just hopped on it.

ISP: Not in the middle of ICU!

CR: Yes! We just went for it.

ISP: What did everyone do?

CR: I don’t know. I didn’t pay attention. We just fucked really quick and then I hopped off him. But his heart monitors went up, that’s for sure.

ISP: No nurses?

CR: No! Usually there’s one per patient, but not this time.

ISP: Do you prefer guys that are circumcised or uncircumcised?

CR: Um…you know what? I’ve had great cocks either way.

ISP: What can’t I book you for?

CR: I’m not doing anal — yet. Interracial. Or gang bangs.

ISP: But you’ve done anal off camera?

CR: Oh yea!

ISP: And black dudes off camera?

CR: I have once. Just cause my boyfriend wanted to watch me get rammed by a big black cock.

ISP: Was it really big and black?

CR: Yes!

ISP: And did you like it?

CR: Yes!

ISP: Then why not shoot for Blacks on Blondes?

CR: I’m not a racist. I just don’t want to get shot out too fast. I like bukakkes too, by the way. They’re so much fun!

ISP: When have you done a bukakke?

CR: I did a mini one for Jules Jordan.

ISP: Define mini.

CR: There was like 5 guys. I guess that’s more of a blow bang.

ISP: Or a cumbang!

CR: I want to do one with a lot of guys. It’s so nasty! I’d feel like such a slut!

ISP: Let’s get all political for just a sec, cause it’s that time of year. Barak or McCain?

CR: You really gonna ask me this one? Actually, I don’t want either of them, but if I had to choose, I’d vote Obama.

ISP: Have you found it difficult to date people who know what you do?

CR: I haven’t really dated anyone while in the business until just recently. He’s in the biz. So far, so good.

ISP: What do you think you’ll be doing when you’re 40?

CR: By then I’m going to have my sober living house open, I will be a writer, and I’ll have, maybe, a couple business. I’m not sure about kids, but if I do, it’ll happen before I’m 40.

ISP: I could start a whole new interview off the sober living house response.

CR: I’m in the program, and I want to give back. It’s a good business and a great way to give back.

ISP: Do you have any words of advice to the young people who are looking to jump into porno?

CR: I would say invest your money wisely and don’t let your boundaries get crossed.

ISP: Do you myspace?

CR: I sure do!

Carolyn Reese interview

Shameless Porno Plugs

Recent Smut In The Can. Oh, and Stan Brakhage.

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Alice White

Lately I’ve been totally unenthusiastic about everything I Shoot Porn-ish. Could it be 600+ entries? Could it be I’m burnt out? Not just on blogging — but pretty much with work and porn and porn whores — both female and male.

I was gonna just pimp some of the scenes I’ve shot lately for various sites, but I think I’ll talk about Stan Brakhage for a second, cause he’s a film maker who made some really fucked up art films, and the reason I bring him up is cause a few weeks ago I bought a Criterion #184 which is nothing but Brakhage, and then I sat down and watched it this weekend — first, alone and under the influence of some particularly strong medicinal marijuana; the second time I was totally sober with a pal who appreciates weird, fucked up art house films, too.

Friday night — whilst stoned out of my gourd — I was so terrified and freaked out and, well, so stoned out of my gourd…I almost wept like a frightened, little girl.

Saturday night — whilst stone cold sober — I was somewhat bored and kinda fascinated and totally understanding as to my Friday night plight.

Brakhage wants to explore “birth, sex, death, and the search for God,” in his movies.

Billy Watson wants to explore absolutely nothing in his movies; instead, he makes movies for the sole purpose of a masturbatory aide for both men and women alike…although he understands 99% of his audience are dudes.

With that said, here we go:

Manojob — Alice White: In an attempt to find some fresh faces for my movies, I placed an ad on Craig’s List in “adult gigs”. I think it paid off, cause Alice White is really a college student behind on cash and she came to both Manojob and The Dick Suckers for some work. She gave herself a great facial for Manojob and swallowed for The Dick Suckers.

Blacks on Blondes — Naomi Cruise: Naomi’s a hot blonde, and she’s a slut for black cock, and today she’s out jumping rope as part of her exercise regimen when Shorty Mac creeps up on her. They talk about her long rope that came in a short package as a feeble metaphorical reference to Shorty himself, who stands about 5’3″ and is packing a ween that’s 8″ long and 8″ thick — just like a 40oz can o’ malt liquor, yo.

Barbie Cummings: Speaking of Shorty Mac, one of the very first times I shot him was with The Always Wonderful Miss Barbie Cummings, who desperately wants to have a black baby. She was so taken back by Shorty’s ween she called Miss Gia Paloma on to set, where they both marveled at it.

Candy Monroe: Recently Candy walked on to set in one of the most wonderfully ridiculous wigs I’ve ever seen on a porno set, which is Candy through and through. As you may (or may not) know, Candy like to humiliate white boys while servicing the black man. “What’s on tap for your cuckold today?” I asked her.

“I’m putting him in a cage and making him talk like a pirate,” she said.

“That’s probably never been done on a porno set before,” I said.

“Then, for the money shot, I’m gonna make him talk like the pirate’s parrot, and I’ll have Byron Long blow a fat load on a cracker, and I’ll make him eat it,” she said.

“That’s probably never been done on a porno set before,” I said.

“We’re gonna have so much fun today!” she shouted.

“I wonder if anyone’s gonna actually like this site,” I replied.

Cumbang — Baby Cakes: In addition to having a great Porno Name, Baby Cakes has one of the nicest all-natural racks I’ve ever seen on any girl — black or white. WOW! Can you imagine her black boyfriend would go on a Snowbunny hunt instead of staying home with her? Of course he gets caught, too, which is why Baby Cakes called me. You know the rest of this story.

Gloryhole — Aurora Snow: I coaxed Aurora into this scene for sure. She didn’t like the fact that she’d have to blow a stranger in a strange place. She worried about the risks involved with such non-sense. Risks that include STD’s and getting busted by the cops. I assured her I’d pay for her prescription of anti-biotics for the former, and up to $100 on the ticket for the latter. That’s all it took!

Eat Some Ass — Christine Michaels: Holy shit do I love Christine Michaels. Total girl next store, which is just about the dumbest, most over-used cliche I can think of right now. She’s got red hair, and yea, the carpet matches the drapes. I’d also like to add I could beat my monkey meat just to the sound of her sweet, sweet voice. I can’t believe I got her to eat some ass.

J.O.M.G. — Brooke Scott: Brooke’s a nerdy bookworm, and she knows the silly saying “boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses” is just that — silly. She’s got wonderful fun bags and a tasty vagina…it tastes a lot like chicken, as a matter of fact. But only the sweetest of white meat chicken, my friend.

Naomi Cruise

Super Fun E-mails

Super Fun E-Mails: “Whipper Billy Watson”.

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The Minion Haley Scott

Freebird Michael Hayes writes:

Do you know Whipper Billy Watson existed? I always figured that he was your favorite wrestler as a kid growing up and that is why you took his name for the business you are in. Only hardcore wrestling fan nerds like myself would even know who Whipper Billy Watson was. Speaking of wrestling, as you probably can figure out, I used to be a huge huge wrestling fan. I was such a wrestling dork back in the 90’s that my friends and I would make road trips to the ECW arena in Philly to catch shows (I live in Florida). If I would have spent half as much of my energy in getting laid, as I did in trying to get to the ECW arena back in the 90’s, then maybe I would have had a chance with a chick like Jenny Reeder. But no, I thought I was cool back in the day. haha right.

My all time favorite wrestlers are the Freebirds, but I don’t remember seeing them in Highlander. Of course the last time I saw Highlander was back when Christy Canyon was the biggest new star in porn and Al Davis was relevant in the football world, so my memory might not be the greatest.

I hate to tell you this Billy, but I usually download porn off of various bootleg websites for free. I do subscribe to Hush Hush because they have a 4 day full access free trial period for $9.95, and every so often I sign up for that, and try to download as many free videos as I can in the four day window. If the BOB sites had that option, I would definitely do that as well. Tell your boss he should consider it.

My favorite site right now is actually the Minion site. And not because I care about seeing that fat assistant of yours bang some chicks. I like actually knowing that if those girls are fucking and sucking that guy, then they sure as shit would get with me. I will never be confused with Brad Pitt or George Clooney but I am definitely 10 times better looking than the Minion, and I know that if Haley Scott is suckin and fuckin the Minion, then there is no doubt in my mind she would get with me in a heartbeat. Does that make sense?

—————————————————-

This weekend, while having dinner with my parents at Canter’s (1/2 a corned beef sandwich and a cup of Matzo Ball soup for all of us, thank you very much Mr. Canter!) my mother made a startling comment.

“My mom used to date a boy named Billy Watson before she got married.”

I just about choked on part of my matzoball, and if you’re a fan of matzoballs, you know this isn’t a very easy thing to do.

Of course I was talking to my folks about that I do for a living.

They know what I do for a living.

They know about gloryholes, and manojobs, and Chelci Fox, dick suckers, and spunkmouths, and ass eating, and interracial gangbangs.

They’ve even heard me exclaim — on more than one occasion — No Way Am I Gay!

But they never knew about Billy Watson, nor my blog. Actually I might have told them about ISP, but I don’t remember now.

My grandmother dated Billy Watson.

How fucked up is that?

I found out about Whipper while on a trip to Wikipedia to see if I was an entry. Talk about ego-tripping whilst surfin’ the net.

Does anyone even say they “surf” the net anymore?

But let me back up: before her starting comment, my mom asked, “so what’s your friend Adrianna Nicole’s real last name? I mean you all have fake names, right?”

Isn’t it funny when your parents ask about your freinds’ last names? You know it’s all part of the pseudo-subversive, fact-finding mission all parents embark upon…so, if I said “it’s Adrianna Finklestein” (it’s not) they’d know I was palling around with a Jew. Not that my parents are anti-Semites, cause they’re not, but you know what I mean.

I said, “yes, we all have fake names, and mine is Billy Watson.”

So now I’m sitting there realizing the fake porno name I chose years ago is the same name of a dude my granny was banging in, like, 1931.

Unless pre-marital sex didn’t go down in 1931 (of course it did, but not like today), or my granny was a prude (how creepy is thinking about your grandparents banging?), or she didn’t find her Billy Watson bangable (how creepy is thinking about your grandparents banging?).

Then, as quickly as I was blown away by this, I was over it. Probably cause I was at Canter’s, and my soup came out a little cold, so I wanted to finish it all up before it got ice cold.

Besides, Fran, our waitress, just dropped the corned beef sandwiches right down in front of us.

Then my dad asked, “how’s your business?”

I said, “Well, dad, it’s getting very difficult. People have no problem stealing intangibles. All these free downloads all over the place are killing the music industry and mine, too. And you know if they’re gonna steal music from their favorite bands, there’s no way they’re paying for porn. Let’s face it, we’re the bad guys. It’s OK to steal from us.”

To which my dad replied: “This matzoball soup is some of the best I’ve ever had! And look how lean this corned beef is! WOW!”

Finally, remember this, Freebird Michael Hayes — beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and it has nothing to do with Haley Scott banging my very good brotha The Minion. You can bang her too! I’ll even give you her agent’s number, cause I’m sure she’s like all porn girls right now and dying for work. Just make sure you have her rate ($1000 for b/g), an AIM test, a model release, some lights (any old lights will do) and a camera when she comes walking into your cheesy porno motel room.

Don’t even sweat it if there’s a tape in the camera or not.

Just make sure your check clears…or, even better, pay her in cash.

The Minion Haley Scott

Nothing To Do With Porn

Everyone Say Hello to Dr. Life.

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Dr. Life

My first contact with Dr. Life came just last week, while I was sitting in an airplane in Austin, Texas. I was on a quick stopover, from Dallas to Phoenix, and I needed a break from the book I was reading — Denis Johnson’s Tree of Smoke. So I grabbed the inflight magazine from the pocket of the back of the chair in front of me, and I started flipping through it.

And somewhere in the middle there stood Dr. Life…bigger than life.

Take a look at him! He’s 67 years old! I mean shit, that motherfucker is buff.

Ripped.

Shredded.

And almost 70!

This must be some sort of Photoshop trick, I thought to myself. So I put my readers back on and took a very close look at Dr. Life’s neck area, looking for some sort of tell-tale sign that this was some sort of hoax.

But it’s not.

Cause I checked it all out.

Dr. Life pimps this deal called “Cenegenics”, and if you’re an older dude wanting to look young again, Dr. Life promises me Cenegenics is the way to go.

What a brilliant marketing concept. Let’s sell medicine to middle-aged suckers so they can be 23 again. That’s never been done before.

But there I was, looking both ways before secretly tearing the ad from the magazine and, all stealthy like, folding…and then placing it into my book as its new bookmark.

And god damn me if I wasn’t on the phone Monday morning to the Cenegenics folks in Las Vegas.

I’m gonna let you in on a little secret, but don’t tell anyone, ok? I used to be a jock. A pretty good one, too. I got all sorts of attention as a school boy, so I had a choice to go to several large universities on an athletic scholarship. I was a pretty good jock, too, in as much as I never really paid attention during class while on my “free ride”, cause coach always told me “C’s get degrees!”, and I thought I was better than almost everyone else I went to school with, and I never had to wait at the bookstore line for my books cause a really nice lady from the athletic department handed them at the bookstore while all the other suckers waited in line for theirs — after actually having to pay for them! — and I parked where ever I wanted and I got my monthly check from the school for my meals and my apartment and, for the most part, pretty much wasted 6 years of a 4 free, four year education.

In the end? A 2.01 GPA from the Liberal Arts College of the #1 ranked “party school” by Playboy Magazine.

Like I said: as a jock, I excelled.

And as a very good jock, I took steroids.

Steroids rule. But don’t go thinking that cause you’re on roids you’re a better athlete. Steroids rule cause they speed up the recovery process of your body while you beat the shit out of it. You can beat the shit out of yourself Monday, and then again Tuesday, and Wednesday, Thursday, then Friday, too. Why take off the weekend? Work out some more! Cause you’re ready to go.

Meanwhile, the dopes that don’t get it have to take a whole bunch of time off cause they’re sore, and they ache, or maybe they got hurt.

Not me!

It’s a lot like running a race, and you’re up against a guy that’s maybe a bit faster than you, but you have to run against him with your legs in shackles.

And since almost everyone’s on ‘roids, it’s not really cheating if everyone’s cheating…right?

Here’s another cool thing about ‘roiding…I never got sick. I dunno if it was just me, but I’d be walking around school during the fall and spring — when it seemed everyone had a cold or the flu.

Not me!

My girlfriend liked them too, cause I’d get raging boners that never went away, and the whole thing about testicular / penis atrophy?

Not me! (OK, roll your eyes and make your jokes now).

And why am I bringing this all up?

Cause Dr. Life pimps “testosterone replacement therapy” as a big part of Cenegenics. That’s a fancy way of saying you’re on roids. Dr. Life also pimps human growth hormone, too — which is some serious shit, and something I never fucked around with…mainly cause all the dudes I knew who did it ended up looking like Andre The Giant.

Wow!

Cenegenics!

I placed a call to Dr. Life, but instead I got one of his lackeys — a Dr. Patel. We had a nice chat. He asked me why I was interested in Cenegenics, and I wanted to say something like duh! Are you kidding me? Who doesn’t wanna look and feel and fuck like they’re 24 again? but instead I tried to sound all serious and told him a bunch of nonsense that pretty much equated to duh! Are you kidding me? Who doesn’t wanna look and feel and fuck like they’re 24 again? — just way fancier.

There’s Cenegenics Institutes all over the US, but none in LA. Which meant I’d have to travel to Vegas for my super intense, super-duper 7 hour physical. A physical that’s gonna cost $2995. Then, Dr. Patel told me there would be a monthly maintenance program as part of Cenegenics, and after some empty rhetoric, he finally threw a number at me: $800 a month.

Ball park.

Like all “ballpark figures”, it’s probably higher — and never lower.

Eight hundred a month for super-duper vitamins and ‘roids.

My brother said, “why don’t you just go buy a Corvette, douche bag? Cause three grand down and eight hundred a month is the same thing.”

Of course he’s right. But still, there’s a small kernel of mid-age crisis swimming around my brain, and I’m always fighting it, and it’s no fun.

No sir, not at all.

Or, as Mr. Horse would say, “No sir, I don’t like it. Not one bit!”

So I’ll just stick to my daily routine — a jog around Silverlake and with my very average, very cheap Costco / Walgreen’s brand vitamins therapy — which currently includes saw palmetto for my prostate and an aspirin and some fish oil for my heart — and I’ll skip the testosterone replacement therapy program, cause, let’s face it, testosterone is probably the root of at least 1/3 of all the Evil in the world.

Besides, what’s cooler than a 45 year old dude running around LA in a brand new red Corvette?

Just do me a favor if you happen to pull up next to me at a red light — call me Billy Life.

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#51) — Ahryan Astyn

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Ahryan Astyn

I Shoot Porn: How did you get your porno name, and how do I pronounce it?

Ahryan Astyn: I had a friend with the name Orion, so I changed it up a little…and you say “Ah” instead of “Orion”. Astyn comes from the car — Astin Martins. In my head, Ahryan Astyn goes together.

ISP: How did you find your way into this crazy biz?

AA: An ex-friend. She was my best friend. She’s in porn. We met through a mutual friend. Actually, I met a few people in the industry, and I got an agent, and here I am.

ISP: Were you a sex worker before porn?

AA: Yea, I was a stripper…but I’d like to say an Independent Contractor…or an Adult Entertainer. How about Exotic Dancer?

ISP: What’s the difference between stripper mentality and porn actress mentality?

AA: For me, it’s not different. It’s not my life. Anyway, strippers are sneaky. Porn girls just let it all out.

ISP: What’s the most money you ever made stripping in one night?

AA: $3500 in two hours from the same customer. He didn’t want me to dance. All he wanted to do was sit and talk. He wanted to know all about me, and why I was a stripper, and how I was too good to be a stripper. The whole time he’d hand me $100 bills.

ISP: Did he ask you to marry him?

AA: He wanted to date me and stuff, but no proposal.

ISP: Who was your first scene with?

AA: Vivid. “Brand New Faces” with Nick Manning.

ISP: Did he holler “DROPPIN’ LOADS BITCHES!” when he blasted?

AA: He was so funny. And he was fun to work with.

Gia The Make-up Artist: What about his balls? Did they bother you? Cause they’re big, saggy, and floppy.

AA: No, his balls didn’t bother me.

Gia The Make-up Artist: When guys would sit with you and talk while you were stripping, but they didn’t want a dance…how did you get paid?

AA: We’d go to the VIP Room. They’d pay to get in, and they’d get a few songs, and then after the songs were over I’d ask them if they wanted to stay.

ISP: Did you ever give your good customers any kind of deals?

AA: The security guards kept count of the songs, so I couldn’t give a deal. But I never tried to cheat them, either.

ISP: Did you ever give a Happy Ending in the Champagne Room?

AA: NOT ONCE! Never, ever, ever did I ever do anything like that.

Gia The Make-up Artist: You sound certain about that.

AA: I didn’t have to! Plus, all these guys wanted was someone to confide in. Unhappy marragies. Cheating on the wife. Wife doesn’t want to have sex anymore. That sort of thing.

ISP: What can’t I book you for?

AA: Interracial. Anal. DP. I’ll only do one guy at a time. I’ll do two girls. I’m just trying to spread it all out. I’m pacing myself. I’m trying to last longer than a year. And it’s all something to look forward to.

ISP: What’s in your fridge right now?

AA: Water, orange juice, yogurt, carrots, milk. Sting cheese. I love string cheese! I hated it when I was a kid, but I love it now. Oh! And Big Sticks in my freezer! I love Big Sticks!

ISP: Big sticks?

AA: You’re never heard of Big Sticks? Ice cream!! I have two boxes of Big Sticks.

ISP: In your private life are you a freak?

AA: This sounds sad, but I have no sex life outside of work. I’m not dating anyone. I’d like to date someone, but I’m not…and, believe it or not, I’m not the kind of girl to just go pick up some random person at a bar.

Gia The Make-up Artist: When you’re in porn, you don’t have sex outside of work!

AA: Yea, I’m getting it at work, so I’m good.

ISP: Would you quit doing boy/girl scenes if you met a dude and he asked you to stop?

AA: No, I wouldn’t. If he was marriage material, I could see how it would bug him, and I might think about, but no. Not for just a boyfriend. He knew what I did getting into the relationship, and if we were together for, like, a year…I would consider it then. I’ve always been more of a one-guy girl than sharing.

ISP: What do you see yourself doing after porn?

AA: A nurse in a children’s hospital. It’s sad and depressing, but if there’s any way I can bring happiness to them, I’d love to.

ISP: You mySpace?

AA: Yea, just search my name to find me.

[I do, and two “Ahryans” come up. I point this out].

AA: What! Someone has stolen my name! That’s so crazy!!

[Here’s the real Ahryan Astyn myspace…and here’s the fake one].

ISP: Um, wow. Imagine that. Someone on the internet that’s full of shit.

Ahryan Astyn

stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Samone Taylor — Cumbanged.

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Samone Taylor

Samone Taylor just called.

She’s pissed.

“I just got off the phone with my friend. He saw me on your site — Cumbang. It’s totally racist!”

“Well,” I said, “before we go any further, you need to know something. That isn’t my site.”

“You don’t own that site?”

“No, I don’t. I’m just a hired gun. An employee. I cast it, and then I shoot it, and then I send it off. From there, it’s out of my hands.”

Samone continued. “Well, all I know is you misrepresented it. If I would have had any idea what was going on, I would never have done it!”

I’d like to interject something here…something to you, The Reader. This isn’t a made up conversation; nor do I exaggerate. Even though it’s now been about 3 hours since it went down, I’m retelling it as it happened.

“I’m confused Samone,” I said. “What did I misrepresent?”

“That site is totally racist!”

“Well, Samone, if you’re talking about the site’s design, that’s something I have nothing to do with. I’m like you here — a hired hand. I’ll say this again…I cast it, and then I shoot it, and then I send it off. After that, I’m all done.”

“You never told me about Confederate flags!”

Are you hearing this? Cause I can’t believe I am. Again, I’m talking to you, Reader. Here’s a girl that’s in a scene blowing a bunch of dudes wearing Confederate Flag tee’s…and she’s telling me I didn’t tell her about a scene in which she appeared, completed, and was compensated in full.

As its star.

And never once did she complain about a thing.

Not before, during, or after her Cumbang.

Not before, during, or after her trip to the gloryhole.

Until now.

Then, it dawned on me. Maybe she was one of the first girls I shot? Before The Producer ordered the shirts? Or maybe she was one of the two girls who decided against shooting the scene unless the male talent removed their shirts.

Cause that’s the way we roll — we (as in The Producer and I) would never fire a girl home cause the Rednecks were flying their flag on their shirts. Instead of sending the girl home without a pay day, we had the dudes take their shirts off. So, if you’re wondering why there’s a few scenes without the Rednecks in their Redneck garb, there you have it.

But neither was the case with Samone Taylor; in addition, before the scene rolled, while each girl and every girl was in the make-up chair, I went over exactly what was about to go down.

“Well there’s a part in your movie where the guys meet and talk about the girl that’s about to blow them. In one of those parts, the white guys call the girl a nigger! I mean, it’s bad enough I’m in porn, but having them call me a nigger?!”

Then, she started to cry.

It’s not the first time a girl has cried to me about starring in a porno I directed.

It is the first time I’ve ever had a black girl say anyone on my set called her a nigger.

Cause it’s never happened.

Never.

As in, not once.

“Samone, no one ever said that. Not to any of the girls, and not to you. A few of the black girls on the site call their black boyfriends “nigger” cause, I guess, he was a cheater and they were pissed, but I defy you to watch any of those scenes and show me where that happened. And you were on my set the entire time that scene was shot. You know the guys talk about the girl before we shoot it. You were there. You could hear it. All they’re doing is going over your story. About your cheating boyfriend. And that you’re here for revenge. That’s it.”

“I didn’t see Confederate Flags anywhere!”

“Samone. They were wearing Confederate Flags tee’s and socks while you blew them.”

“I don’t remember that! You never told me!”

I knew where this conversation was going, which is about the same place all these conversations go when a girl regrets starring in a dirty movie. Here’s how it goes down: Samone was told the same exact thing every single girl who ever walks on to my set is told, which is exactly what’s about to go down. But they don’t care. Not about that. Porn Whores care about The Money, and the problems they’ll solve once they get paid, and beyond that…well, they’ll deal with that once they have to cross that bridge. And we might as well call that bridge either “The Family Bridge” or “The Boyfriend Bridge” cause, in almost all cases, neither the Porn Whore’s family nor her boyfriend knows exactly what it is they’re doing in LA.

Oh, sure, her family thinks she’s working hard waiting tables during the day and “auditioning to be an actress” or “trying to get some modeling work at night” whenever she can…and sure, her boyfriend knows she does some “nude modeling” from time to time to pay the bills (some, or most of which, are his).

I’m not saying this is Samone’s story…but it probably is.

Should I feel bad?

Should I laugh out loud?

Am I going to hell?

Are angels weeping for my soul?

And why am I telling you any of it?

And now, a brief afterward written almost 12 hours after this entry. Samone Taylor just called with an apology. After visiting Cumbang herself, she felt her friend was wrong.

Samone Taylor

Shameless Porno Plugs, stories from porno land (some amusing, some not)

Introducing… Cum Bang!

2 Comments

Osa Lovely

I don’t know what to say.

Honestly, I don’t.

So I guess I’ll just start from the beginning.

I love to chat with the models I work with while they’re in the make-up chair before we walk on set. It’s always interesting to hear what they have to say about whatever it is we’re talking about, and sometimes the conversation gets so good I’ll turn it into a blog interview.

A recurring theme was happening with the black girls I talked to before we jumped in the white van and headed out for their Gloryhole Initiations.

They were upset.

At “Snow Bunnies”.

“Um, what’s a Snow Bunny?” I’d ask.

They’d say, “a white bitch that steals my man!”

I’m serious. Just when I thought I knew all about filthy vernacular, I was wrong: Snow Bunnies steal the Black Man.

And it seemed like that’s all they were ever pissed about. So one day I’m telling The Producer about this phenomenon, and, that course, set his Evil Genius Porno Mind kicking into gear.

“Next time a black girl tells you this, I want you to hire her for a new site!”

Um…OK, I said.

“And I want you to get on the phone and find as many rednecks as you can!”

Um…OK, I said.

“I’m ordering some socks online. They’ll be in your studio tomorrow! Make sure the rednecks wear the socks!”

Um…OK, I said.

“I’m ordering some shirts online. They’ll be in your studio tomorrow! Make sure the rednecks wear them!”

Um…OK, I said.

“Make sure the black girl dedicates her scene to her shitty boyfriend that cheated on her with the Snow Bunny!”

Um…OK, I said.

“Make sure the rednecks refrain from all sexual activities in their double-wide! No sex with their toothless girlfriends! And tell them not to beat off for days before The Event!”

Um…OK, I said.

“And in the end, have the rednecks invite the girls into their Dixie Whore Club!”

By now, you know what I said to The Producer.

And so it came to be: Cum Bang: from the same evil genius mind that invented Blacks on Blondes, Blacks on Boys, Candy Monroe, Spring and Katie Thomas; from the evil genius mind that turned Barbie Cummings into a black cock slut in need of a negro baby…and convinced Ruth Blackwell to actually have one; from the evil genius mind who figured out how to turn gay culture straight with gloryhole and gloryhole-initiations; and the evil genius mind that got wives tagged up worse than a freshly-painted wall in the ghetto — ladies and gents, sit back and relax, cause it’s time for a cum bang.

Osa Lovely

Interview with a Pornstar

Interview with a Porn Star (#50) — Leah Livingston

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Leah Livingston

I Shoot Porn: You’re my 50th interview! What do you think about that?

Leah Livingston: They’re fun, huh?

ISP: My readers love them. Do you love Cher?

LL: Um, some of Cher’s music I like.

ISP: Gypsies Tramps & Thieves?

LL: Huh? I liked her when she sang “I Got You Babe” with Sonny.

ISP: Why is it that gay guys love Cher so much?

LL: I wonder if a gay guy would fuck Cher? I mean it would be like, “I know you’re gay, but would you fuck Cher? I mean would you put it in her ass? Or could you take pussy for one day?”

Gia Paloma, Make-up Artist: I wonder where the guy would cum? Like, would he blow it inside her to make little Cher babies? He wouldn’t cum in her face due to respect. Maybe her tits?

LL: I bet he’d come in her mouth and then Cher would french kiss him.

ISP: You mean snowball him?

LL: Yes!

ISP: Have you ever snowballed a dude before?

LL: Um, no.

Gia: Would you snowball a guy is if he asked?

LL: Um, yea. I would do it if he wanted me to.

Gia: Would you date him afterward? Or would you not date him simply because he wanted you to snowball him?

LL: No, I don’t think I would date him. Mainly because I’d always worry that when he was hanging out with his guy friends all they’d do is snowball each other.

ISP: Gia, have you ever snowballed your dude?

Gia: Yes.

ISP: And you ended up marrying him.

Gia: Yes. In fact, one time he came in my mouth, I spit it on the floor, and then I pulled him by the hair and made him lick it up.

LL: Wow. You’re dirty! Kinky!

ISP: There’s something terribly wrong with Gia Paloma. Anyways, how did you get into porno, Leah?

LL: Um, my friend was stripping with me. Jordana James. It was back in Illinois called PT’s Sports Cabaret. She told me all about it. She took my pictures, sent them to her agency, and two weeks later I was in!

ISP: Your first scene?

LL: Jordana, me, and Tom Byron. Blast Off! We were on the box cover!

ISP: What’s the dumbest thing a director’s asked you to do?

LL: Fuck a guy through a hole.

ISP: You loved our trip out to the gloryhole!

LL: Yea. I thought it was more funny than anything. But it fulfilled a fantasy.

ISP: Are you a naughty girl in real life?

LL: I’m very promiscuous. And one thing I haven’t done that I want to is have sex with a virgin. That way I can fuck him silly and he’ll never look at another girl the same.

ISP: I’m a virgin.

LL: Oh, really?

ISP: I’ve never done it before.

LL: Well then let’s go!

ISP: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

LL: A foursome. Me and one of my best friends and we found two guys at a bar and we took them home and fucked them.

Gia: Do you think your friend would have snowballed one of the dudes if they’d had asked her?

LL: Yes. She’s a very dirty girl.

Gia: Do you think she would have dated him after?

LL: She has a lot more trust in people. She probably would have thought it was an extra special bonding moment…so yea, she would have.

ISP: What can’t I book you for?

LL: Anal.

ISP: How come?

LL: Because my ass is…well, my ass was virgin territory. But just recently I let a guy stick 1/2 his cock in it, and I wanted to cry. I told him to take it out. It hurts. Sex is supposed to be pleasureable.

ISP: When did you first start getting freaky?

LL: I started blowing guys when I was 14. There was one drunken night I ended up giving head to three guys in one night.

Gia: Did you snowball any of them?

LL: Nope. But I did tell each of them it was my first time doing it…all three times.

ISP: Do you go for older guys?

LL: Yea, always have.

ISP: That’s a common porno girl personality trait. Why do you think that’s so?

LL: Cause they’re more mature and know how to fuck.

Gia: My answer is much less sexy. I think it’s all about getting validation from an authoritative figure. It’s all about being wanted by someone in a position of authority. A lot of these girls ever felt like they did well in school, or at home, or wherever.

LL: I agree! I had sex with my boss once, and he was married!

ISP: Do I have a shot, Leah? Cause I know I don’t have a shot with Gia.

Gia: Hell no you don’t. Besides, after having a baby, it would be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

LL: Yes! Billy has a shot.

ISP: So would you say I have a great shot…or a good one. Or hardly any one at all?

LL: I’d say if you asked me to have sex with you right now I would do it.

Gia: Is that cause he’s hot…or cause he’s your boss?

LL: A little of both.

ISP: Gia and Leah, I’m adding $50 bucks to both your checks today for any and all compliments directed my way, and Leah…we need to have a private meeting in my office. I need to go over today’s scene with you. Specifically the correct way to perform The Doggy Position while the camera is rolling.

Leah Livingston