David Duchovny Loves My Blog.
Well, I can’t really say that. I have no idea if Mr. Duchovny reads I Shoot Porn. But I’m sure you know he’s checked himself into rehab for his “addiction to sex”.
Specifically porn addiction.
Specifically an online porn addiction.
I was never an X-Files fan. Never watched a single episode.
I’m not a Californication fan. Never watched a single episode.
From what I’ve read, he plays an oversexed writer on Californication.
Art imitating life.
Life imitates art.
But wait a sec…porn isn’t art!
Never was, never can be…and the poor saps who continue to fight me on this will never figure it out: if said object (in this case, film) was created with the sole purpose of making a dude take his ween out of his chones and pull it hard til it erupts, then it ain’t art.
But I digress.
I was listening to Howard Stern when I first learned Mr. Duchovny likes to beat his meat to online adult entertainment. I didn’t know his wife — Téa Leoni — nor did I know she was super hot, but that makes sense…on two fronts: gay or straight, successful actors marry hot chicks, and then they learn: no matter how good the pussy is at home (or even how good it looks, cause I’m thinking the hotter a chick looks, the worse she is in the sac), you eventually tire of it, right?
If you don’t believe what I said, just ask Hugh Grant.
Or, if you’re married, just ask yourself.
Oh! And it works both ways, too — no matter how good the dick is, you eventually tire of it, right?
Even Ms. Leoni admits this. In an Elle interview, she says, “Men are like bulls….They gotta get the new cow.” And then she said, in the same interview, “Maybe you’ve got to get the bull after he’s had a lot of cows, so you might just be the last new one.”
Now she knows, the show ain’t over for this Bull. Unless, of course, it’s “OK” for a dude to beat off to porn. Meaning that it’s part of the green light in their relationship. Something like, you can look at porn, but that’s it. No going to strip joints!
I know a couple where it’s “OK” for Dude to get blown (and only blown) — as long as he doesn’t get her phone number.
I know a couple where it’s “OK” for Wifey to fuck — as long as Hubby gets to watch.
I know a couple where Dude keeps new clothes hidden in his trunk, so when he leaves to go out on “Buddy Night”, he’s dressed in a particular outfit his wife (obviously) recognizes, then when he gets to the strip joint, he changes into New Outfit (usually purchased at Target), then enjoys all the $20 lap dances he can afford…and then, before he leaves to return to Wifey, he takes those clothes off and tosses them into Strip Joint Dumpster.
He reasoned with me that Wifey had the ability to “smell” the strippers on him.
I countered with, “then find a Goodwill drop box for those clothes, you fucking dope!”
Isn’t porn is the safest way to cheat on your significant other? This is why my profession is so important in our modern society; porn is doing its part in saving a crumbling institution.
Hence, I am more important that John McCain…but not as much as Barak Obama.
Howard Stern said being addicted to sex is a lot like being addicted to champagne, and I agree.
Artie Lange said something like, “so, in other words, he’s [David Duchovny] just being a dude!”
Exactly.
I heard a rumor that Duchovny was male talent once. In a dirty movie. I Googled this, but after about page 4 I gave up. Nothing in the Rumor Mill about Duchovny as male talent, but if he was in a skin flick, I wonder if David managed to keep wood ok? Was it an anal scene? Maybe a DP! How did Ducovny’s pop shot end up? Was it big and messy? Did he manage to blow it all over Porn Whore’s pretty, pretty face? And what was his stage name?
If he managed to hold wood and deliver a good pop, then he pulled off a great scene…but only if Porn Whore managed to show all of her discomfort, distress, and disdain for that big, messy, face full of X-Filescalifornication cum.
Right?
Super Fun mySpace Messages: “you need to concentrate more on the emotional distress of your employees!”
Oh, the invention that is mySpace!
The greatest social networking device ever invented. Perhaps it even transcends social networking! Maybe it’s almost as good as fire, the wheel, the printing press, and porno…right?
From its Wikipedia article: “MySpace is a popular social networking website offering an interactive, user-submitted network of friends, personal profiles, blogs, groups, photos, music and videos for teenagers and adults internationally. Its headquarters are in Beverly Hills, California, USA, where it shares an office building with its immediate owner, Fox Interactive Media; which is owned by News Corporation, which has its headquarters in New York City. Since June 2006, MySpace has been the most popular social networking site in the United States.”
Wikipedia, please hire an editor!
Anyways, one of the very best things about mySpace is it allows fans immediate contact with their obsessions; people who, in the past, didn’t have immediate access. Oh sure, you could write them a letter, toss a stamp on it, and hope for the best.
From mainstream actors and musicians to wanna-be’s (and everything else in between) mySpace has it all! And it’s created a whole new way for creeps to contact their very favorite porn whores…as well as their very favorite directors.
But you know this already, right?
insterburg myspaces me:
Just spent an hour trying to find and email address so I could reply to some of the stuff you posted on your blog.
I know you must get sick of folks telling you they could do better – but like most pornographers – I think you miss the point of porn.
You’re right about it being ‘jack of stuff’ for sure, but maybe its because you’re in the porn business and pretty jaded you forget what regular guys want to jack off to.
Porn is visual prostitution.
And the fantasy the guys want is the ‘the Virgin whore’ Innocence degraded.
So when you say you were pissed with Jenni Lee trying to avoid a facial – that’s what everyone wants to see. Her emotions – not the facial, which is the same as 10’s of thousands of others.
And why do American pornographers always have the girls naked – that’s crazy, as soon at they take their clothes out they become common whores.
A few porns shoots and they get their emotions under control and you get the plastic, wooden, whore smile. You only get 2 or 3 chances to capture the transition from nice girl to whore – and the pornography business seems to miss it every time, doesn’t even see it as a marketable commodity (as with Jenni Lee)
The girls are just meat in the sandwich to you folks, when to the regular guys they are a vehicle for working out thier fantasies.
I want to know she is reluctant, has to be persuaded. . . .
I don’t want to shove my cock into a face that has obviously done a 1,000 BJ’s, I want someone that is clumsy and awkard and embarrased.
And even if I want the girl to have done a 1,000’s BJ, I want her to look like a expensive whore – not a cheap one I can pick up on a street corner (European Porn has grasped this one)
I suppose its all driven by commercial pressures, but it would really good if you guys concentrated on the emotions involved and not the physical mechanics.
Ok – rant finished.
Oh, if it was that easy, for insterburg’s rants had only just begun:
Message #2, received immediately after the first:
You’re obviously a pretty bright guy. . . .so I’ll tell you something that might help you figure out what is going on inside your head (and something surely is from your posts)
30 years ago, when I was 19, I worked for six months as an Autopsy room technician (needless to say I needed the money) I’d worked as Psychiatric Nurse, was familiar with lots of nasty stuff, corpses, guys eating their own shit, so I was under the illusion that I could handle it.
Well the reality is no more like Quincy that Pretty Woman is like street prostitution.
The first few times I did an autopsy I wept all the way through – with the guys laughing at me (to help me dissassociate from it) with jokes like ‘you’re not putting your heart into it – and throwing one across the table at me.
It’s an extreme experience in both the physical and emotional sense. Ever sliced up a 17 year old girl (and yes when you do react to the nude naked body, and its not somewhere you want go) then gone through her to her parents and explained hospital proceedures and how to register a death.
Every part of you is screaming no, but your cool and pretty much in control of yourself, much like a porn actress or director.
Eventually you get as detached from death and horror as folks in the porn industry do from sex. It took me a good 10 years to recover. I remember once watching a 4 year old kid (I had children about the same age) get run down by a Railway Locomotive, bits and splatter everywhere, and everyone around pukeing, crying, screaming and me thinking ‘whats the big deal here’
It was only during that incident that I realised how damaged I had been. At the time I had thought I was pretty much on top of things, its only when you move away that you realise how ghastly what you are doing is.
And then, right after his #2, I got message #3:
And now I’m beginning to get really boring (I expect the six pack has something to do with it). .. and the Aberlour Single Malt.
Once you’ve managed the emotional control thing – you become a totally different person. It’s similar to a combat experience (I was in the National Guard (TA) during the Falklands).
The Scottish National Memorial sums it up.
“If it be life that waits, I shall live forever unconquered. If death, I shall die at last, strong in my pride and free.”
I’m the kind of guy that once he decided to beat you to death – would do it. I’ve dealt with some seriously dangerous people in my life. I’ve never had much problem communicating my attitude and avoided violence because of that.
I’m not an aggressive person – it revolts me – I am potentially lethal.
Again, all the posturing, the emotions in an aggressive stand off have never done much for me. Why bother? The logical mind comes down to ‘Are you physical threat or are you not’ ‘Am I going to get stressed over you or am I not’
This is garbage. . . . too much drink. . .
Here comes #4 — again, right after #3!
Ok so I am getting really boring now. . . .
In a sense, your problem is that you are like the porn actors you employ both male and female, you’ve managed to switch off from what you are doing.
As a way of coping you’ve reduced it to a mechanical activity.
The turn on for folks outside the porn industry are the emotions – not the sex. I mean, where is the turn on in a cock going into a vagina??
It’s the girls facial expressions that are the turn on.
If you want to be a better pornographer, you need to concentrate more on the emotional distress of your employees. . . . .
The ultimate turn on is of course getting the girl to orgasm under someone that revolts her. . . .
It’s a turn on because she can’t help herself, its the ultimate in femininity.
It’s one of the sad things about modern porn – you never see the red V across a girls chest. . .
——————————————————————————————–
Wow!
That’s some social networking!
I have all sorts of things to say about this, but I think a Porn Whore pal o’ mine summed it up best:
“I am positive that this guy is a potential serial killer. I’m not even remotely joking. This guy is damaged. He wants to see the emotional pain of an 18 year old that doesn’t really want to be there in the first place? Sick FUCK! And I can say that, because I have tiptoed close to that kind of sickness in my own mind and got the fuck out of there when I had the chance. This guy committed to it, bought a condo, and set up shop on Creepy Bay.
I’ll bet this guy hates women, had an overbearing single mother, was never able to get the girl that he wanted….fuck, okay, this is the guy that keeps a woman in a pit in his basement, lowering things to her in a basket: It puts the lotion on it’s skin, or else it gets the hose again!
Hey, Bro! Here’s Your Chance!!!
From The American Bukkake myspace:
Men needed to work with pornstars on Sept 10, 17, 24, Oct 1 at Van Nuys Studio 7053 Valjean Ave., Van Nuys , CA 91406. Call time is 7pm.Pay $75 cash.Ok to wear disguises!!! Requirement:
1) Must be 18 or over
2) 2 ids (One must be a valid government issue photo id such as driver license/state id or US passport).
3) current AIM test (consist of hiv,chlamydia,gonorrhea cost $120).
To obtain one call AIM Healthcare 818-981-5681 or logon to www.aim-med.org. We ONLY accept std test from AIM clinics. Any further questions please call bukkake hotline at 818-709-4452.
Women always welcome to apply.
Well now!
There you have it: phone numbers, contacts…complete information on your chance to become a porn star!
I’m talking dudes, too!
I get so many dumb e-mails from dudes looking to get into porn.
Look down at your foot. Look up at the door: 818-709-4452.
Trust me, there will be producers on set, and if you impress them, there’s a really good chance someone’s gonna ask you for your phone number, and wah lah!
Soon, you’re a porn star. Just remember the old cliche — be careful for what you wish for…
Now, please stop e-mailing me.
Oh, and enjoy the free blowjob movies. Just click on the pic of super-cutie Nicole Ray enjoying a massive facial all over her pretty teen face.
Doesn’t she look happy?
And you thought porn exploits them…
My New Sled. (Or, Niggah Please!)
This niggah gots a Louis Vuitton Oldsmobile with some fucked up shoes on it.
The grille’s a bitch, too. Same goes for the driver’s side front end, yo — but I only dropped $450 for it.
That’s four-fiddy to you, foolio.
The rims and tires are nothin’ but stock, yo.
Cause it ain’t nothin’ but a G Thang, baby.
Interview with a Porn Star (#48) — Charlotte Vale
I Shoot Porn: So what’s your damage?
Charlotte Vale: I don’t do drugs. I drink socially, but that’s about it. And I remember my childhood being very happy.
ISP: What the hell are you doing porn?
CV: I want damage! But the fun kind, I guess.
ISP: Define “fun damage”.
CV: I guess I’m no so much expressing my sexuality through porn as much as exploring it. There are a lot of things I’ve never tried, and a lot of things I find exciting that would be really hard to try in real life.
ISP: What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done without a camera rolling?
CV: I was at a swinger’s party, not expecting to have a great time. I ended up cumming three times, without anyone touching me. That’s pretty crazy to me!
ISP: How did you cum then?
CV: Someone was massaging my legs, but there was no other stimulation. I couldn’t tell you how I came, so I guess an orgasm is more in the mind than physical aspects.
ISP: What did you want to be when you were growing up?
CV: A ballerina. Then I wanted to be an actress. Then I went through a 1/4 life crisis, and my plan changed every few days…everything from Librarian to training seeing eye dogs. I eventually landed in accounting, for about a year.
ISP: An accountant! Wow! That’s exciting!
CV: It was for me! I like details and numbers.
ISP: How many scenes have you shot so far?
CV: Around 7.
ISP: You’re a total newb!
CV: Unless you count the Kink.com stuff. A lot of that isn’t sex.
ISP: What is it?
CV: Being suspended with ropes. Flogged. Clamps. Electric play. Forced orgasms with The Hitachi.
ISP: Hitachis are fucking bad ass.
CV: They are. I’m just scared of becoming dependent on it.
ISP: Name a sex act I can’t hire you for.
CV: Uhhh. Uh. (To herself) — a sex act you can’t hire me for…
ISP: Can I pee in your mouth?
CV: I haven’t done that yet. Maybe. We’d have to negotiate the rate. I won’t do scat!
ISP: Would you do a bukakke? Like a 50 man bukakke?
CV: Um. I’d rather not.
ISP: That means you will some day.
CV: No comment.
ISP: Do you have a myspace?
CV: Yes, but there’s not much going on there yet.
ISP: How come you love to show your tits off? Every time I see you, you’re wearing a very low cut, sexy top.
CV: I think my tits are pretty.
ISP: I do, too.
(Glen the make-up artist chimes in): They’re free agents! They like to go out by themselves!
Glen The Make-up Artist: Do you think not being a blonde, big-boobed pornstar has its advantages?
CV: I do! I think that it’s nice to see somebody who’s 100% natural. If there’s a blonde, big-boobed natural pornstar, I’d find that hot. But I don’t like the concept that to be appealing in porn you have to change yourself in order to fit a certain image. That there’s only one way to have sex…or be beautiful.
ISP: Does pornography exploit women?
CV: I think it can, but that’s up to the particular woman.
ISP: So do you feel exploited by porn?
CV: No, but that was one of my biggest fears going into it. I didn’t want to be a part of an industry that I felt exploited women, but I think if it’s real, and a girl is living a fantasy, and they’re doing it cause they want to be there, and they’re taking advantage of an industry instead of letting it take advantage of them, then it’s not exploitative at all.
ISP: That’s a pretty good answer. How educated are you?
CV: I have a bachelor’s in Theater.
ISP: What the fuck do you do with a bachelor’s in theater? It’s a lot like mine in English.
CV: I know. I wanted to be an actress, and part-way through I decided I didn’t want that as a career.
ISP: But you are an actress! Now let’s jump in the van and head out to the secret gloryhole I just found last week!
CV: As long as you don’t exploit me!
No Way Am I Gay.
I went to Sunset Junction this weekend.
It’s a street fair that happens on Sunset Boulevard near downtown LA.
I got drunk on $7 beers.
I got stoned on Cherry’s medicine.
I ran into my old make-up artist, who is now a make-up artist to the celebs, and makes $3000 a day, but a long time ago he survived his first two years in LA doing make-up for porn whores in my studio.
Then, I danced with a Muscle Boi.
I saw The Germs play (but no Darby Crash…duh); later, I got my picture taken with Pat Smear! We even exchanged some friendly banter!! He was very nice!!! It was the highlight of my day…much more satisfying than my time on the dance floor with Muscle Boi.
My day started with Cherry Poppens swinging by my new pad to walk there with me; it ended with my make-up artist G. and Adrianna Nicole and some yummy chicken tandori and nan.
After dinner, as I was walking home, my head aching from consumption, I stopped to watch Akron, Ohio’s very own The Black Keys (for a song or two) (and they fucking rocked), but too much over-priced beer and smoking dope with Cherry and dancing with Muscle Boi totally wore me out, so I continued the short walk back to my new, little bachelor pad — and my very own bed — where I crashed.
Hard.
Q: Are We Not Men?
Super Fun Message Board Posts: “I got a handie from a stripper!”
I was coming home from a conference for work and passed by some strip clubs so I stopped in since I hadn’t been to one in awhile, the place was very nice inside looked to be recently remodeled, it was around 3pm so it wasn’t busy and the strippers ranged from scary black chicks to young cute white chicks who made the wrong decisions in life. I got talking to one of the cute white one’s and we ended up in the lap dance section which was little individual booths with a curtain, after two song’s she asked if I wanted a hand job for $300, I said I didn’t have that much she countered with $200 and it included the $40 for the two lap dances before the offer and we would be done after 5 songs no matter what, I agreed and she went to work. This was a full cock out hand job not some half assed playing with my cock while talking dirty.
When we finished I started asking some questions about the illegal activity that just took place and she said the owner started to allow it once gas prices started to go up, the house and bouncer each get a 25% cut, no drunks or blacks are allowed to take part, nothing more than a handy and the cops who stop in after their shift get freebie’s. I also asked her if the money I gave her was going to pay for baby formula or go straight to her boyfriend she said neither and that she was going to buy weed with it.
Some Things I Love in My Life, Lately.
Lunchables: My very favorite snack at the moment is super white trash, super dumb…and super yum! They’re so easy! Just peel the plastic top off, and you get your cheese, your meat, and your crackers…in three separate little containers! MMmm-mmm good! I’m actually fond of the Turkey / Cheddar combo, but the only picture I could find was the Ham / Cheddar choice. They’re not perfect, though: your cheddar cheese option is placed in the packaging kinda sideways (in order to make it all fit nicely), so you gotta pull the hunk of pre-sliced cheese out of the package and turn it the right way in order to peel them off. Well, when you do that, they don’t fit into the original packaging anymore, so just make sure wherever you set them down is clean.
Silver Lake: This tidbit of info from the Silver Lake web site: “The Silver Lake area is located just five miles northwest of downtown Los Angeles and just east of Griffith Park. The district gets its name from the Department of Water and Power’s Silver Lake Reservoir, which was named after Herman Silver, a member of Los Angeles’s first Board of Water commissioners. The Department of Water and Power established these reservoirs in the early 1900s as part of the city-wide system of water storage & delivery that today has only 10 open reservoirs remaining.”
The reason I like Silver Lake? It’s exactly 2.1 miles around, which makes for a great power walk with Maggie, and I’m starting to jog it, too…on a daily basis! Well, almost…but I’ve dropped a few LB’s, which means soon, you’ll be able to do your laundry on my wash board abs.
Uh huh.
Bill Maher: He’s a bachelor. He’s not an atheist, but pert near…and he sure does a good job arguing against religion; these two things we have in common. But no one tackles politics better than Bill. I watch his show to death, and the poor women in my life have suffered through Saturday nights in front of HBO and “Real Time”. (No wonder I’m single). I hear he loves black chicks, but I can’t confirm that. I also hear he’s a stone cold freak in the sack, but I can’t confirm that, either. But hey, when you’re friends with porn stars, you wouldn’t believe the shit you hear about celebs and what makes their freak flags fly. I think Bill’s my very favorite dude right now, but No Way Am I Gay.
Big Star Small World: I’ve gushed about Big Star more than once. If you still haven’t figured them out, here’s a quick intro: this kid named Alex Chilton was in a band called “The Box Tops” in the late 60’s, and the reason I refer to him as a kid is cause he was really just a kid. As a teen living in Memphis, Chilton wrote a song called “The Letter”, and it took The Box Tops to #1 in the charts. Then, Big Star…and relative obscurity. Certainly no more #1’s. In its short life, Big Star released three records, and all of them are masterpieces…well, certainly the first two. Flash forward to the late 90’s, and a small record label decided to do a Big Star tribute record, and they got acts like The Gin Blossoms and Matthew Sweet and Wilco to record their favorite Big Star songs. But before they can release it, the label goes belly-up, and the record languished for another decade (or so) until another label licensed the material and released it. Wilco’s version of “Thirteen” might be as good as the original; same goes for Whiskeytown’s cover of “Give Me Another Chance”. I was never a huge fan of The Gin Blossoms — even though we lived in the same neighborhood in Tempe, Arizona — but they fucking nailed “Back of a Car”. Fucking nailed it. If you don’t immediately go to iTunes and grab this, then you’re simply a fag. Which isn’t really a bad thing to be, right? No Way…
Aurora Snow: I think I’ve told you this, but I quit beating my meat to porn about the same time I starting shooting it. Fun, huh? What a way to cure “porn addiction” — just start making it! Not that I was addicted to porn; fuck, I don’t even believe in “porn addiction”. I believe behaviors that take us away from whatever it is that’s making us miserable (like a wife that won’t give it up anymore). Before I continue the digression, the reason I bring this all up is Aurora Snow was one of the last girls I ever pleasured myself to. (Is it OK to end a sentence with “to”?) Anyways, Aurora just spent the last 3 or 4 days in my studio, and she’s simply awesome. We took a trip to a brand new gloryhole, and she did another scene for Blacks on Blondes (the free movies were shot at Dogfart’s secret mansion 6 years ago, when she was still a teen), and she’s the latest update on Manojob, and we shot a couple top-secret projects, too. Aurora’s been in the game for 8 years now — 2 more than me — and she still really likes it.
I like Aurora.
A lot.
Ernest Borgnine: He’s 91 years old. He won an Oscar for Best Actor in 1955 for playing the lead in “Marty”. He just did a book signing at Book Soup, one of my very favorite bookstores. He’s a young, spry, 91 — and he says the way he stays that way is by beating off a whole bunch.
I’m fucking serious.
I Shoot Porn’s brand new look! : My blog is almost 3 years old. I’m closing in on 600 entries. While the writing might be stale at times, there’s no reason for the look to be stale, too. Time for a make over! Lemme know what you think.
