Who Poop Last?
Super Fun E-Mails: “The Perfect Scene.”
Steve writes:
Billy: If you can get her, I’ve just seen a chick who would be terrific for Blacks on Blondes: FAYE VALENTINE (aka Faye Reagan). She’s a gorgeous 19 year old redhead with an awesome body and an unbeatable attitude. I just watched her in a video suck her first black dick, fuck a whole bunch of other guys, and swallow 24 loads of jizz one after the other. She can be a superstar.
I think Faye would be perfect for Blacks on Blondes, but you can’t waste her talent. You need to set up something truly special for her. First off, forget about any one-on-one scenes. They’re boring. For this USDA Prime piece of white meat, you need to throw her to a crew of genuine ghetto niggaz straight outta Folsom. To set up the proper vibe, you’ll need a total of 4 to 6 brothas, among them Wesley Pipes.
To give you an idea of what I have in mind, go back and review Gia Gold’s Blacks on Blondes scene. While Gia isn’t exactly a classic beauty, she had a certain “fuck me,” girl-next-door kind of look going on, which was hot. The fact that she was set up to be a prick cushion for 4 ghetto thugz made things even hotter. After the usual preliminaries, the dudes started a double-vag merry-go-round on the chick. It reached its peak when, with her in cowgirl and with one black horse cock deep in her pussy and another down her throat, one of the brothas grabbed firm hold of Gia’s long hair and plunged his black snake into Gia’s cunt, which was already occupied by his homeboy’s. That was it. Both dudes then proceeded to mercilessly double fuck Gia’s cunt until it was stretched out wider than the opening to the Bat Cave. That chick was totally OWNED. She couldn’t even SCREAM if she wanted to. Whether she liked it or not, she was going along for whatever kind of ride those thugs were going to give her. Suffice it to say, she was condemned to pay reparations for 500 years of racism that day. It was an outstanding scene.
Now just imagine if you could recreate that kind of work with a chick as young, tender, and gorgeous as Faye Valentine. From Faye’s interviews, you can clearly tell that she thinks she’s the shit, and that she believes she’s in total control of every situation. Part of the fun of her being in the kind of interracial gangbang I describe will be in watching her realize (too late) that she’s WRONG. She WON’T be in control. She’ll be nothing more than a fuck toy and a sperm recepticle for a mob of angry black men. To make it work as planned, she’s GOT to be double-vag’ed — repeatedly. In porn, there’s nothing hotter than a chick getting her cunt double stuffed with cock, except of course for a WHITE chick getting her cunt double stuffed with BLACK cock. Double vag her in both reverse cowgirl and cowgirl. While in cowgirl, you should recreate that classic moment from Gia Gold’s scene.
For the finish, you’ve got to make the most of Faye at both ends. First, get one dude to cream pie her missionary. Then, as negro sperm bubbles up from her tender cunt, have the rest of the homies plant their spooge directly into her mouth as she holds it all for the camera. The perfect ending would have her then engage in LOTS of cum play, especially CUM GARGLING. She should then swallow, open her empty mouth for inspection, and say, “I love you daddy. Are you proud of me NOW?” That’s my blueprint for the perfect Blacks on Blondes scene. Please, Please, PLEASE make it happen!
Peace
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Dear Steve — You’re a sick, twisted, perverted fuck who should be ashamed of himself.
What thoughts!
Do you kiss your mother with that mouth of yours, too?
Negroes? Creampies? Girls losing all control? And the daddy comment?
You need professional help, my friend.
Your pal — Billy
PS: I’ll see what I can do to make the scene happen. All very good ideas.
Fangoria Geekboy Behavior
Some of my pals make B movies; specifically, horror movies with what’s now called a “micro-budget.” In real words, this means their movies cost less to make than what you paid for your car.
I appreciate movies, and I really appreciate people who make movies that aren’t porn. Not that I don’t appreciate pornographers…but to me, making dirty movies is kinda the easy way out, specifically when we’re talking about someone who wants to make movies as a career choice.
Does that make any sense?
Anyways, I went to the Fangoria convention in LA last weekend, cause my Movie Makin’ Pals had a booth there, and I wanted to show some love.
While I like the horror genre, I don’t love it…but I’ll watch them from time to time.
Evil Dead, Re-Animator, Robo-Cop (horror?)…and the popular ones, like some of the movies based on Steven King novels, and, most recently, two of the biggest piece of shit movies I’ve ever had the displeasure to sit through: Cloverfield and I Am Legend.
I’ve never been to a convention like this, so I really didn’t know what to expect. It was pretty much what I thought it would be: the booths where people sold their monster movies, and monster books, and monster magazines, and their monster movie promotional stuff, as well as the people there dressed up like monsters and more monsters and zombies and what-not.
And the fucking weirdos.
But what I didn’t know was going down — from a movie I haven’t mentioned yet — is Night of The Living Dead, and its 40th anniversary.
Night of the Living Dead is one of my all-time top 10 films. It ranks 7th, right between Goodfellahs and Blade Runner.
There’s a number of reasons I rank the film so high, some having to do with its merits as a piece of art, and one or two that have nothing to do with fancy reasons at all. I think I was in 9th grade the first time I saw it at a midnight movie, and it’s stayed with me ever since. Anxiety and me don’t mix very well, so whenever I’d have anxiety ridden dreams, there I was…in that farm house in Pennsylvania, trapped inside, the zombies outside. They’d always wind up chasing me, cause somehow or another, I’d find my way out of the house and in the field…with the flesheaters.
There’s been others, too. All the sequels, and 28 Days Later, and that Will Smith hunk of shit I’ve already named, but none of them hold up to The Masterpiece that is Night of The Living Dead.
And guess who was sitting in the largest booth, right in the middle of the Fangoria convention?
The cast from the movie!
Barbara, and the Sheriff who winds up offing the hero, and the little girl who hacked up her mom with a trowel and ate her, and Barbara’s brother, and one of the super creepy zombies who was all over the place during the film, and Romero himself!
It was so grand I walked out to the ATM, got a hundred bucks, and bought stuff from them. They autographed 8×10’s, and talked to me about the movie, and all in all it was a great day. Barbara was the best, and during our conversation, I had to ask her:
“Um, so, I know this is really personal, but what did Romero pay you?”
“Well, nothing. I got shares of the movie, but Romero never had it copy written, so that’s that.”
“So Night of The Living Dead is public domain?!?”
“Yes, it is.”
I kinda wanted to cry. Not tears, but something…like…how does a dumbfuck idiot director not copyright his movie? but Romero was really close-by, and that wouldn’t have been a very smart thing to do.
Instead I told her how fucking smokin’ hot she was in the movie, and how great it was Romero had her brother eat her after he turned into a zombie, and how she’s still super hot now.
After my geekboy starstruck episode with all the people who had filled my nightmares since I was in 9th grade, I walked over to this dude who was selling bootleg copies of Decline of Western Civilization and I snatched one up for 15 smackeroos.
A bargain!
But not as good of a bargain as getting Night of The Living Dead for free, which, if Barbara is correct, is exactly how much all the cable companies pay to air it.
Which is about the same most people pay for any movie these days, thanks to file sharing and the internet.
Maggie’s First Role.
The other day I was laying around with Maggie and reading God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything by a smarty-pants author named Christopher Hitchens.
“Hey Maggie, Mr. Hitchens argues here that if Jesus healed a blind man, why didn’t he just take care of blindness and knock that shit out altogether?”
Maggie looked up at me and said, “You dope. Don’t you know life comes with despair. It’s part of the deal! It’s just the natural order of things. It keeps us all humble. Besides, by that logic, why didn’t Jesus just grant everyone a Mercedes, a 10,000 square foot house with free utilities, and all the yummy biscuits one could eat…as sort of a birthright?”
“Touché!” I said. “You god damn Golden Retrievers are a smart breed. If I woulda asked a Dalmatian that question, who knows what kind of answer I woulda gotten!”
Then Maggie surprised me. “Hey, I want to be in one of your movies.”
“Sorry Maggie. I don’t make those kinds of movies. But if you want, book a plane to Paris. Those kooky French would love to watch a hot blonde lick you in some girl/girl action. Did I tell you about last summer? When I went to Rue Denis, and every single smut shop had a healthy section of bestiality. Women blowing goats, and horses, and doggies, too!”
Maggie said, “Most of your larger breeds — Great Danes, for example — are very well hung.”
“I know! Barbie Cummings wanted me to bring back of bunch of those movies, but they were very expensive, and I chickened out cause of Customs. But yea, Great Danes were all over the place. And Bull Mastiffs.”
Maggie said, “Well, that makes sense. Anyways, I don’t want a sex role! Just give me something small. Like a cameo of some sort.”
I thought about it for a while. Maggie put her head back down to snooze. I read a little more, and then said, “hey, I got Alexa Benson coming in to do a DP for Blacks on Blondes. You feel like working with her?”
Maggie asked, “What do you have in mind?”
“I dunno. How about Alexa is your master, and she’s walking you down the street in a questionable neighborhood, and you guys stumble upon a couple brothas?”
Maggie asked, “What kind of scene is Alexa doing?”
I said, “A DP.”
“DP?” Maggie asked.
“Double penetration,” I explained. “She’ll take a big black dick in her ass and one in her pussy.”
“Both at the same time?” Maggie asked.
“Yes mam!” I said.
“Oh, my!” Maggie said. Then, she growled, and let out a quick bark.
“Don’t get excited, Mags! They’re very popular amongst the members!”
Maggie then asked the inevitable. “How do you get cute girls to do things like that in front of a camera?”
“Money, my friend. Money.”
“I don’t really care about money. Can I get a few biscuits if you cast me?”
“I got one better, Mags. How about some of those beef sticks I get from Trader Joe’s?”
Maggie went berserk. She barked, and then tried to bite her tail. That lead into a furious spin, and then next thing I know she fell to the ground, dizzy and panting excessively. After she calmed down a bit, she looked up at me and asked, “Has Hitchens gone into the role religion played in the ethnic cleansing at Bosnia and Herzegovina?”
“I’m just about there. Now close your eyes and get some rest. We’ll talk about this later.”
Super Fun IM’s!
breveets75 IMs:
I was watching some video where there were two girls laying on top of each other. Basically the dude had two pussys facing him and I thought to myself there is a lot of things I have not done as far as fucking goes. One day maybe all the chicks in porn will settle down and get married, but their husbands will never get the pussy served to him in such delightful ways. They give their all on the web and videos. On Gloryhole I can tell when the girls are giving it all they got, going for the gusto. I think it would be funny if Kool Aid Man busted through the wall of the Gloryhole one time.
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Well, I’m now getting IM’d to death. Every morning when I turn on my lapper, a million pop-up chat windows open, and they’re all dudes looking to get into porn…with the exception of breveets75 and his statement concerning porn girls, their future married life, and the Kool Aid Man.
If you’re a single male, and you’re either in the Los Angeles area, or you can get yourself here, call 818-709-4452. Now, please stop IMing me about getting into porn.
However, you may continue to IM me if you actually have something to say…which breveets75 does.
I don’t think a porn girl has to get married to stop having crazy sex in their private lives. Doesn’t human nature dictate this? Fuck someone more than a handful of times, over, say, 6 months, and that should just about do it.
Fellahs — ain’t New Pussy grand?
Ladies — ain’t New Dick grand?
Gay boys — ain’t New Dick grand?
Lesbos — ain’t New Pussy grand?
Of course there’s so much more to relationships than sex. There soooo much more it would take me an eternity to write all about the great things a relationship has to offer besides sex.
Uh huh.
Look at Sasha Gray! Ready to suck an anonymous dick the The Hole.
I have nothing more to say today, except bring on The Kool Aid Man.
Fuck The Pain Away.
Super Fun E-Mails: “GO BARAK!”
Harold from Zurich, Switzerland, writes:
A long while back I sent you an admiring email about Adrianna Nicole. The upshot was that, particularly in the rubber-gloved manojob scene you did with her, she just looked so utterly slutty and trashy and whatever-y that even to this day I can get wood remembering the scene.
And you replied saying “Great email. Shame you mentioned how she looks older, ’cause otherwise I’d show it to her.”
Well, you posted another update, with another scene. And she’s lost some of the slut-trash edge. (Maybe it’s just that her blonde has less suicide in it. I dunno.) So now she looks like a quietly desperate accounts payable clerk, who has to go to that “classic rock” club because she’s behind the curve on the music scene, and still thinks that Pearl Jam is where it’s at. And she winds up sucking your dick in the parking lot because she won’t take you to her place, and is too afraid to go to yours.
I love those chicks. And Adrianna is their queen.
On a totally different note, I found two new pornwhores to drool over. There’s this chick Whitney Stevens. She’s trash. But (1) I have a cousin named Whitney, also with the big titties; and (2) there’s this one scene where she’s wearing the heels, bent at the waist, and getting pounded. I think it’s the boob-swing, but there’s something there that made me want to shout “handcuff her and do her in the ass!” The clip wasn’t worth saving–too much space for too little joy. But that half a second of
My real new discovery is this tramp called “Bunny de la Cruz.” She’s this short, fat, nasty thing that for whatever reason has just exactly the right shape. The woman is a walking fuck toy. I honestly think that you could put a bill before the U.S. Congress permitting the ownership of women, and drag her in as your primary justification, and it would pass. At least for the next two weeks, until whatever drug du jour kills her or starts giving her that crack-ho diet, she’s this plump little fuck-bunny.
Seriously, Bunny and Adrianna should be for sale on eBay. I couldn’t afford them, but it would give me hope. The American Dream, 21st century edition. (And none of this “private session” / “escort” crap! Not rent – own!)
On an unrelated note, what’s your thought for the election?
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You know, Harold, I’ve never blogged about politics, but I will today.
If Barak Obama isn’t elected to The Presidency, I’m leaving America for good.
I’ll move to Europe and become a wandering soul.
I’ll move to Tibet and become a Monk and think all day.
I’ll move to New Zealand and marry a Māori woman and eat a lot of lamb.
To quote my hero, Bill Maher — Barak Obama has a huge cock that smells like curry. This alone makes him the best choice for President of the United States.
Here’s a quick I Shoot Porn quiz:
When it’s time to deal with The Middle East crisis, which is, quite possibly, the greatest threat to human livelihood over the next 100 years, who are the Arabs most likely gonna listen to:
A) A Woman.
B) An old white guy.
C) Barak Hussein Obama.
D) Billy Watson.
Here’s another quiz:
John McCain is:
A) A Sheep in Wolf’s Clothing
B) A Old White Guy In the Highest Tax Bracket And Loves His Tax Loopholes and Will Suck Corporate Cock All Day Long
C) A War Monger
D) All of the above.
Finally:
Hillary Clinton is:
A) In Reality, Bill
B) Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire!
C) A Liberal Socialist In the Highest Tax Bracket And Loves Her Tax Loopholes and Will Suck Corporate Cock All Day Long
D) Still Kinda Pissed Over Monica
Do I really need to tell you the answers…or do you know them already?
Look, everyone needs to vote Obama, cause it’s time change things up. Let’s make it interesting. A Clinton and/or Bush as Pres or VP goes back to 19 mother fuckin’ 80. Republicans can’t be serious when they vote McCain, and if they are, it’s simply to keep their fucking status quo.
I hate politics.
No…I hate people who stick with their party even when they know it’s not in America’s best interest, and I hate people who stick with their party cause they think they’re always right.
All I’m saying is it’s just time for a change.
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(Not the real) Ron Jeremy follows up this blog with:
read your blog today billy, here are my thoughts:
1. all politicians are lying fuckbags, it comes down to who is the lesser evil
2. i can’t stand shitbags who say “i’m moving to another country if so and so doesn’t win”. Oh, because you don’t get your way your gonna leave? Maybe we should make Billy in charge of electing new press so he stays, sounds democratic doesn’t it?
3. i’m liking barak but don’t be so down on mccain, dude has spent great deal of effort on campaign reform so he is no more a corp cocksucker than the rest, in fact he may be less so. Gotta also give him a pat on the back for not being a “party line guy”, he’s pissed off republicans quite a bit doing what he thinks is right. Also gotta give him props for sticking in captivity with his men for an extra 4 years when he was given chance to leave w/o rest of his comrades, that says a lot.
4. I think we should lock all 3 in cages and poke them with sticks, whoever survives becomes pres.
Is Weezer Serious?
Cowboys and Gay Hustlers?
Intellectuals and Tattooed Tough Guys?
Are they The Village People of the 21st Century?
Do people even care about them anymore?
This record better be good…at least good enough to make the cover appear to be cool.
Interview with a Porn Star (#42) — Beaue Marie
I Shoot Porn: Do you realize that when I abbreviate your name, it’s “BM”, which some people may find somewhat amusing?
Beaue Marie: (Laughing) That’s horrible. It’s the complete opposite of my name!
ISP: So what’s your name mean?
BM: Beautiful Marie. Ever since I was a kid, people called me “Beaue”, so I used it for my porn name.
ISP: Who says poop isn’t beautiful? But speaking of doody, how did you wind up in this filthy, disgusting business?
BM: A sleazeball by the name of David Cruz. He found me on Model Mayhem. Even though it says I don’t do porn, I decided to try it.
ISP: Are you a freak?
BM: Not at all. I’m a sensual person. I was only with four guys before I got into this business.
ISP: No gang bang stories before you got into porn?
BM: No.
ISP: No fucking random strangers at a bus stop?
BM: No.
ISP: So why in the world are you doing porn?
BM: It’s an opportunity to meet new people. And to have lots of safe sex! Everyone’s tested!
ISP: There’s a kernel or freakyness inside your head then, right?
BM: (Laughs) A little bit.
ISP: Where did you grow up?
BM: In Germany. I grew up Garmisch. It’s a ski resort town. My mom was a traveler, and she decided to stay there so I could grow up there and go to school. It was a very laid-back, mellow environment. I’d go to school and then snowboard.
ISP: Can you do any fancy snowboarding tricks?
BM: I can do a frontside 360.
ISP: Is that hard?
BM: A little bit. First time I tried it I ended up fracturing my tail bone. I don’t know what I did. I couldn’t sit on my ass for a couple weeks afterwards. A lot of pain killers.
ISP: Tell me about your very first scene.
BM: It was for IC Porn. I did a B/G scene with some dude. I was pretty nervous, and afterwards, I was like…wow. Did I really just do a scene? Did I really just have sex for money? I felt dirty, and I kinda cried to myself on the flight to LA.
ISP: So you’re flying out to LA to do more porn, and you’re crying to yourself, cause you just got done making porn.
BM: (Laughs…holding hands up to her face) I don’t know what to even say to that, cause it sounds so ridiculous.
ISP: Funny how money will make you do things you don’t really wanna do.
BM: Yea, to an extent. At first I came into this for money, but I actually really enjoy it, and I’m discovering things about myself I didn’t know were in me.
ISP: There’s a kernel or freakyness inside your head then, right? Come on. Admit it.
BM: Most definitely.
ISP: Tell me a fantasy of yours. Something you’ve never done.
BM: I’m really embarrassed…I wanna fill a kiddy pool full of mud and wrestle around in it with a boy, and then fuck him….covered in mud. You can just say I’m not afraid to get dirty!
ISP: You couldn’t look me in the eye when you said that. And you covered your face the whole time.
BM: I’ve never told a soul that in my life. You’re the first person I’ve told that to.
ISP: I won’t tell anyone. I swear.
BM: Lies! I can smell them!
ISP: Really, I won’t. Did I tell you I have a kiddie pool here. And some mud!
BM: Shit! Let’s get to it then!
Presley Maddox got “Stevie Wondered”!
I think I just shot the best BJ I’ve ever shot in my life, and trust me when I say I’ve shot a lot of BJ scenes.
Presley Maddox is resurfacing into Porno Land after a year (give or take) off, and she’s looking better than ever. Sure, she’s the main reason the scene went so well, but I teamed her up with a Sybian, and that, my friends, really made things interesting.
It’s not like I invented Sybian (duh), and I’m sure I’m not the first dude to plop a girl down on a Sybian while she sucked a dick, but goddamnit Presley Maddox and Sybian teamed up to make a Mighty Combo…so much so I decided to blog it.
Gia Paloma even decided to blog it. Gia’s seen a lot of crazy shit in this business, and she’s partaken in even more crazy shit…so to get a reaction out of her on Presley’s BJ scene for TheDickSuckers is saying a lot.
Shit, I like this scene so much it got me back to blogging, even if it’s only for today.
No. I’ll blog more this week. Why wouldn’t I?
Anyways, Presley also showed up at Manojob, and here’s some free Presley Maddox handjob movies, just so you can say you got something for free just by visiting my blog.
Looking at those handjob movies, you may be wondering whose wonderful record collection is in the background of clip #1. Look at all of them! Stored meticulously in their protective sleeves!
They’re somewhat in alphabetical order, too, but that’s going to change soon when I get a little bit of time on my hands.
Oh, wait! I forgot to tell you Sybian made Miss Maddox orgasm so many times it appeared, by the end of our little movie, that she had just finished running a marathon.
And the pop shot? My Lord!
She exclaimed, “I just got Stevie Wondered!” before walking off set, which was more like Presley hobbled off set…like she got off a horse after a day-long ride at a dude ranch.
Do I need to tell you The Money Shot blinded her?
Or that she’s just discovered a new idiom for taking a facial!
And you thought Porn Whores were dumb.
